Jennie’s life as she knew it ended suddenly and completely unexpectedly. The woman she was, was gone. Mother, wife… these identities were taken from her by a rain slicked road on a sudden crash.

 

“Almost there.”

 

Park Chaeyoung was Byeol’s best friend. She looks over at Jennie, her face a mask of sympathy and grief. She had been a great support this past couple of days, helping with the arrangements, Jennie doesn’t think she would’ve been able to do it alone.

 

“Are you ready to see them?”

 

Panic coils in her belly like a snake waiting to strike, she’s going to the funeral of her wife and son, how could she possibly be ready to face her in laws or anybody for that fact?

 

“I don’t know.” She said quietly. “I don’t even believe this is happening yet.”

 

“You’re facing something impossible… something none of us are ever ready for.”

 

The brunette looks out the window, at the rain hitting the glass, drops running against it with the wind, the wet cement of the road, the trees moving with the wind… she fights fresh tears as she imagines her mother in law’s kind face twisted in grief over the loss of her daughter and grandson.

 

“I wish I knew what to say to them.”

 

“No matter what, they’ll understand. You’ve always been like a daughter to them.”

 

Jennie says nothing, she follows a raindrop as it races down the window while Chaeyoung focuses on the road. She wonders what she was thinking about, the loss of her best friend, the loss of her nephew or the young daughter she has waiting for her at home.

 

“No mother should have to bury her son.” Is what she says. The words hang in the air like black smoke as they drive in silence for the rest of the way.

 

Before long the car grinds to a halt. Her stomach squeezing as Chaeyoung climbs out to open her door, she holds an umbrella over her head as she leads her down the cemetery path.

 

“So much rain.” She said, breaking the silence. “It feels appropriate.”

 

Byeol and Gabriel… the lights of her life...gone.

 

They arrive at the funeral gathering, Jennie simply being led on by Chaeyoung as if in a trance. Byeoli’s family is already there. Her mother gives her the warmest smile she can manage.

 

“Jennie! I’m so glad you got here…”

 

Her voice fades as the last word remains unsaid. It feels wrong, somehow, to talk about safe passage through the rain.

 

Jennie scans the crowd. It was full of somber-faced friends and relatives. Jisoo, Byeol’s sister, wipes at her tears, with a handkerchief, but it does nothing to slow the steady flow as she weeps for her sister. Byeol’s father, Hyun-woo, speaks with the priest while her brother, Suho, stands by the open graves in a deep silence.

 

After some time the brunette takes her place at the front of the crowd as the priest clears his throat. A hush falls over those gathered.

 

Jennie once again feels like she’s in a trance, the priest’s words drifting on the wind as he speaks of pain and loss, Jennie finds them comforting, hoping that wherever her two favorite people are that they’ve found peace.

 

Beside her Chaeyoung remains a reassuring presence but she can tell that despite her solid presence, she’s barely keeping it together. Her jaw quivering like a dam ready to burst, so Jennie, without tearing her gaze from the gravestones, reaches out to take her hand. Even in the wind and rain, her fingers are warm as they wrap around Jennie’s and squeeze gently.

 

The brunette doesn’t think she could get through this without her. And she felt thankful to have her close. Her grip kept Jennie tethered like an anchor in a storm.

 

Soon it was all done, and the crowd disperse, everyone going back to their sons, their husbands. Their families. And Jennie? Who will Jennie go home to?

 

“Jennie? Let’s get you back to the car. It’s too cold to stay out here.”

 

The brunette shakes her head. “I’m not ready to go.” She said, sniffling. “You don’t need to wait for me, though.” She doesn’t look at them but can hear whispering all round her.

 

“It’s alright, I’ll get her home safe.”

 

Chaeyoun’s voice cuts through the whispers. No one argues with her. Even now, Park Chaeyoung, is a steady and commanding presence.

 

Hyun-woo’s taps her on the shoulder. “Take care of her.”

 

Chaeyoung nods, and the others head towards their cars.

 

“Take all the time you need, Jen.”

 

Gratitude blooms in her chest, because strangely is what she needed to hear but didn’t know it. She needed someone to reassure her that it was okay to take her time before moving forward.

 

“Chae, could you...stay with me?” She asks her. “I just need some time to say goodbye.” Her voice cracks as she grapples with the last remaining threads of her composure.

 

“Of course, anything you need.”

 

Tomorrow will be her first day without Byeol and that’s when her composure breaks, and Jennie feels her grief like a knife twisting in her chest. Strong arms encircle her, keeping her upright as her legs buckle.

 

“How? How am I supposed to go on living without them?” She croaks.

 

“One day at a time, Jen. Just take this one day at a time.”

 

Rains weeps down as the umbrella falls to the floor, Chaeyoung simply holds her as she weeps into her chest.

 

“Thank you for staying with me.”

 

“Whatever you need, Jennie.” Chaeyoung promises. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Jennie doesn’t know how much time passes, it feels like an eternity before she’s able to hold herself up and return with Chae to the car.

 

Goodbye, my loves.

 

-----------------------

5 Years Later

 

Haunted by her loss, Jennie fled her town to try and make a new life for herself in the city. She’s been running ever since. But something told her it was time to go back home and so she packs her things up and drives back to Shadow Creek.

 

After a three hour drive, the familiar sight of the Gwon’s beautiful Gerogian house greets her as she pulls into the driveway. No more putting things off. It was time to see her in-laws, she just hope they can forgive her for staying away this long.

 

She crosses the driver each step getting heavier as she takes them. It’s the first time in five years she’s been here alone, last time Byeol was at her side. The Gwons sent her invitations every Christmas since she left. For five christmases, and she’s ignored them all.

 

She admits she let her grief isolate her and she regrets pushing them away. The Gwons have always been there for her. She should’ve let them help her through her loss. She should have been there for them. She remembers how many times they tried to reach out to her after the funeral, and a wave of guilt overcomes her.

 

She takes a deep breath and shakes her head, she shouldn’t dwell in the past. If things can’t be what they were, maybe she can start over.

 

“Jennie! You are here!” Her mother in-law looks at her surprised after opening the door. Thankfully she doesn’t mention Jennie’s radio silence but rather puts her arms around her and hugs her tight.

 

“Let her get her boots off.” Hyun-woo jokes, appearing in the doorway smiling.

 

They then usher her inside, and to Jennie it felt like coming home. The front hall was decorated with garlands, and the scent of gingerbread wafts from the kitchen.

 

“You still have the nicest Christmas decorations I’ve ever seen, Eun Ae.” Jennie says looking around.

 

“Wait until you see the pie!”

 

“You better not touch that pie, Hyun-woo. You’re supposed to be watching your diet!”

 

Hyun-woo blinks. “But I made it.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure one piece won’t hurt him.” Jennie comes in her defense. “Isn’t Christmas the one time of year we can indulge.”

 

“Fine. Just one.” Mrs. Gwon warns.

 

“My hero!” Hyun-woo beams at Jennie as Eun Ae leads them both into the kitchen.

 

The smell of warm pie and hot coco makes Jennie feel right at home and she wonders just how she managed to stay away for so long.

 

All of a sudden there’s a sound of thunder as four legs make their way to the kitchen.

 

“Bark!”

 

“Oh when did you get a dog!” Jennie asked getting down to greet the dog happily.

 

“It was Jisoo’s idea. We didn’t want a dog, but she twisted our arm.”

 

As if on cue Jisoo’s voice drifts from the front hall as the dog wiggles excitedly.

 

“Is that Jennie?” She calls out.

 

“We are all in the kitchen, Jisoo!” Her mom answered. “Dalgom came to say hello!”

 

“I read about dogs and how beneficial they are, especially when people are sick.” Says Jisoo as she walks into the kitchen ruffling her dog’s ear.

 

“You are a very cute dog aren’t you Dalgom.” Jennie cues as the ball of floof flops onto her side so Jennie could rub her tummy.

 

All of a sudden instead of a dog’s barreling into her legs was a little girl, Evelyn. Chaeyoung’s daughter.

 

“Auntie Jennie!” The girl jumps up and down. “It’s me, Evie!”

 

“Evie!” Jennie greets with a big smile. “You’ve grown so much! You’re so much bigger than last year’s Christmas card!”

 

“It 's true!” The girl proudly said. “I’m growing up! I’m going to be as tall as mommy!”

 

Chaeyoung is a single parent. She raised Evie all on her own after her wife left her and judging by the girls smiling face, she’s done a great job.

 

If Evie was there, then Chaeyoung should too. And there she was walking into the kitchen.

 

The sight of her knocked the wind out of the brunette.

 

“Good to see you, Jennie.”

 

Her soft voice is as warm and comfortingly familiar as hot chocolate. The last time she saw her was at the funeral. She saved her repeatedly in the month following Byeol’s and Gabriel’s death. She was her rock.

 

Nerves jump in her belly as she locks eyes with her from across the room. Her face was uncertain, like she’s not sure what Jennie’s reaction will be. What’s with the look? Does she think Jennie doesn’t want to see her?

 

Jennie’s fingers itch to reach out to her, to embrace her, to show her how wrong she is, she missed her.

 

The brunette steps forward so Chaeyoung can gather her into a tight embrace. And boy was it every bit as reassuring as it had been since that day.

 

“I’m so damn happy you came home for Christmas.” The words are whispered against her hair, raw with emotion. “I thought we lost you, Jen. I thought…”

 

“That seeing you would bring back too many hard memories?”

 

Chaeyoung shrugs.

 

Jennie sighs. “I’m not saying it doesn’t. But that’s on me, Chae. Not you.” As she stares up at her warm eyes, she’s stuck by how different it felt to stand before her now.

 

“Jen?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Can I sleep in here with you tonight? Byeol always let me climb in with her when I was feeling…” She was going to say bad, but Chaeyoung thinks there’s really not a word to describe what she felt right now.

 

Jennie slept on Byeol’s side of the bed, Chaeyoung climbed onto hers. it was silent, and they had been in the same space since the accident and it was okay. Her presence even in the quiet was comforting.

 

She pulls back after realizing she’s held her a little too long. Maybe she missed her more than she thought.

 

Chaeyoung doesn’t seem to have noticed, and her hands hold Jennie’s arms as she takes in the sight of her.

 

“How’s it fair that you haven’t aged a day?”

 

“I could say the same for you.”

 

Chaeyoung smiles, and it feels as if Jennie only saw her a few days ago. All the time and distance melts away.

 

Eunae gets the hot coco into mugs and into everybody’s hand. Jennie smiled when the woman put extra marshmallows on hers.

 

“What do we say, bug?” Chae tells her daughter.

 

“Thank you, Eun Ae!”

 

“You’re very welcome, Evie.”

 

Everyone in the kitchen smiles fondly as both mom and daughter shake their fist excitedly after taking a zip of their hot coco, but with a coco mustache left above their lips.

 

“This is great, Eunae. I think the things that come out of this kitchen are my favorite part of the holidays.” Chaeyoung said after cleaning up .

 

“What’s your favorite thing about Christmas, Auntie Jennie?” Evie asks while her mother cleans her up.

 

“Me?” Jennie pretends to think about it for a second. “I’m going to have to go with family, I’ve had to spend some of my Christmases alone. It’ll be nice to be with my family again.”

 

“We’re so happy to have you back.” Eunae says.

 

“I couldn’t agree more.” Chaeyoung pipes in, looping her arm around Jennie’s shoulders in a warm side-hug.

 

The brunette finds herself leaning into the comfort of her embrace.

 

“Me neither. It’s so good to be home.”

 

“Does that mean you’ll be here every holiday?” Evie asks, curiously.

 

“Of course it does.” Chaeyoung answers for her. “Auntie Jennie knew she couldn’t stay away forever.”

 

Jennie looks between Chaeyoung and Evie, she couldn’t bring herself to tell her the truth, and that was that she was only here for the holidays, not moving back. She doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to be back permanently. It was too painful.

 

“Of course, Evie! I’ve missed out on too many Gwon family holidays!”

 

Later Chaeyoung and Jennie find themselves on the porch. They had so much catching up to do and Jennie knows so much has happened to the blonde in the last five years, but one question burns in Jennie’s mind. But she doesn’t know if she should ask her.

 

As Jennie stares up into her eyes, she remembers the steadfast friend that was always by her side through her hardest times. More than anything she wants to go back to how things were. She wants to trust her but she wants to know if Chaeyoung knew Byeol was cheating on her?