The scent of newly brewed black coffee reaches Yixing before he enters the small break room in the oncology department. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second before he enters. One of the oncology nurses sends him a smile and turns back to get her cup of coffee before she leaves him alone in the room. It’s a lovely morning in October and the weather is extraordinarily good for the season. Yixing sends the city skyline a quick glance before he turns back around to face the coffee brewer and gets himself a cup of coffee. He has outpatients today, but one never showed up and the next called in to reschedule, so his ten minute break has suddenly become a thirty minute break. Yixing will spend some of the time catching up on the endless documentation he’s always behind on, but for now he has enough time to sit down and enjoy his coffee. He has just pulled his phone from his pocket when a text message comes through, and with one finger he touches the app to read the message. What meets him are the words help me from Minseok and Yixing blinks. It’s unlike his friend to be overdramatic, and Yixing immediately texts back to ask what’s wrong. He gets a response a second later that’s just a row of very unhelpful exclamation marks, and he decides to just leave his coffee. Talking with Minseok will be easier in person than over the phone and he still has twenty-five minutes to spare. 

Minseok’s office door is open and papers are spread everywhere, and that’s not like Minseok either, he’s always so tidy. He looks a little distressed as he paces around the office. Yixing knocks on the doorframe and it causes Minseok to abruptly stop and stare at him, only to relax his face when he realises it’s Yixing. 

“Come in,” he says, and Yixing steps inside. He gathers a few papers and puts them to the side so he can sit down in Minseok’s chair. The other doctor closes the door to the office and plops down opposite Yixing. He buries his face in his hands and Yixing feels the same worry he’d felt when he received the text message. 

“What’s the matter?” he asks. Minseok shakes his head before he looks up to meet Yixing’s eyes. 

“Don’t laugh at me.” It sounds both serious and resigned. Yixing can’t imagine any situation in which he would laugh at Minseok, it just doesn’t make sense. Minseok has been through a lot, also more than he has told Yixing and Yixing wouldn’t dream of making fun of whatever it is that has Minseok so stressed out. 

“I won’t, I promise,” he says.

“I met a woman.” 

Minseok stops there and the office goes quiet, the chaotic noise from the ED the only sound. Yixing tilts his head and stares at his friend. 

“I...am assuming it’s not just any woman?” he prompts when Minseok doesn’t continue. 

Minseok sighs and shakes his head. “No, she’s...very special. I think I might be in love with her,” he says, and whatever Yixing might have been expecting, Minseok being in love was not it. For so many years, he hasn’t even looked at another woman, hasn’t talked about love. When he got divorced, Minseok had seemed to give up on love entirely, and even though Yixing hadn’t known the cause of their divorce until six months ago, he does know that his friend has been very withdrawn and isolated for many years. The thought of Minseok being in love slowly but surely lifts the corners of Yixing’s mouth, and Minseok sends him a frown. 

“I told you not to laugh at me,” he says. Yixing shakes his head. 

“I’m not laughing at you, I’m happy for you. Being in love is wonderful,” he says, but Minseok puts his head in his hands again. 

“No,” he whines, and the sound has Yixing pursing his lips to keep from laughing. “I’m thirty-six, Yixing, I’m not supposed to fall in love. I act like I’m eighteen when I’m around her, it’s so embarrassing!” 

Yixing reaches over to put a hand on Minseok’s shoulder and fixes him with a strong gaze when they get eye contact. 

“What do you mean you’re not supposed to fall in love? Love doesn’t simply disappear just because you grow older. Some people fall in love when they’re eighty.” 

Minseok positively pouts at him. 

“But I can’t do it anymore. I’m so out of touch with all this dating business and I...what if I ruin a good friendship because I was stupid enough to fall in love with her?” 

Yixing’s smile softens and he gets up from his chair to place himself next to Minseok on the couch. 

“I’m positive you’re not ruining anything. You’re a great guy Minseok, any woman would be lucky to be your girlfriend. Why don’t you just enjoy being in love?” 

The glare he receives from his friend makes it hard to not snort, but Yixing manages. He promised not to laugh and he isn’t going to break that promise. 

“There’s nothing enjoyable about this,” he mumbles but Yixing knows that’s not true. The look in Minseok’s eyes makes it obvious that Minseok cares very much for her. He asks Minseok to tell him about her, and Minseok’s insecurities from not having dated in years are slowly replaced with happiness as he tells Yixing all about Lee Eunsook and the couple of little dates they’ve had so far, which Yixing thinks are truly adorable. He’s actually met Dr. Lee several times during ICU handovers, and he thinks they must look so cute together. He tells Minseok this and gets a smack on the shoulder and a “I’m not cute, I’m 36!” but Yixing knows that Minseok will never escape from being cute.

When twenty minutes of talking have passed, Yixing has to interrupt to let Minseok know that he has patients in five minutes. Minseok understands, mumbles something about how he has to go back to managing emergency department in chaos instead of private life chaos, and then thanks Yixing for coming down. 

Out in the hallway Yixing watches as patients and personnel almost trip over each other and he catches sight of a small woman he knows very well, a visible baby bump swelling beneath her baggy scrubs. As she walks past him, focused on the tablet in her hands, Yixing reaches out to tap her shoulder and she turns around in a flash. Songmi smiles at him and Yixing reaches to push a stray hair behind her ear. 

“Remember to take it easy, baby,” he tells her and Songmi rolls her eyes with a smile. 

“Yes, dear. I’ll see you later.” 

With those words, she turns back around and hurries down to continue the task at hand and Yixing stares at her until he gets eye contact with Minseok, who taps his empty wrist to remind him of the time before he disappears into a room to see a patient. Instead of waiting for the elevators, Yixing decides to take the stairs to the ninth floor. When he finally gets there, he’s a minute late and his coffee is cold. 

Yixing doesn’t get another chance for coffee during the rest of the morning before lunch. His patients are all scheduled back to back and many of them have a lot of questions regarding their treatment plans. There are chemotherapy side effects that cause concern and radiation therapy burns that need new topical treatments and as he works through his list of outpatients to see he finds that he doesn’t have time to think about anything else. 

He has just closed the door behind Mrs. Kwon and her sister when his pager starts beeping from his pocket. Yixing isn’t usually the oncologist called to emergencies when he has his outpatient days and the first thought that strikes his mind is that they’re calling him because of Songmi. His mouth feels dry and time seems to freeze for a couple of seconds until the pager starts up again, beeping with a new reminder that he’s needed in the ED and he’s needed now. 

Yixing jogs to the emergency staircase and as he flies down the nine set of stairs he keeps trying to keep panicked thoughts of Songmi miscarrying at bay. She’s past the first trimester and the risk has lessened dramatically, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. They have only just started telling people they’re expecting. They can’t be losing their first child, not after everything they went through in spring.

He finds the emergency department just as chaotic as it had been a couple of hours earlier, but his wife is nowhere to be seen and his heart stutters in his chest.

“Where’s Songmi?” he asks the head nurse. Aecha sends him a kind smile as she updates her computer screen. She points towards the long hallway. 

“In room 18, she’s treating a head wound. Do you want me to call her for you?” she asks and Yixing’s shoulders sag. He hadn’t realised he was so tense until he relaxed. He shakes his head. 

“No, it’s okay. What did you page me here for?” Embarrassment crawls up his neck and Yixing exhales deeply to keep the colour off his cheeks. He should’ve known better than to panic like this when the scenario was so unlikely to begin with. 

“Dr. Kim wanted your assessment on a patient with spinal cord compression with cancer,” she tells him and stands up to lean over the desk and point in the opposite direction. “They’re in room 2.” She sends him a smile as she sits down again and Yixing bows his head in thanks before he walks towards the room indicated to him. 

Inside he finds a woman in her forties on the exam bed and Minseok standing in the corner, staring at a computer screen with images of what must be the woman’s emergency MRI. He doesn’t look up until he hears the door close behind Yixing. 

“Yixing!” he greets and then turns to the patient. “This is Dr. Zhang.” 

Yixing sends Minseok a smile and turns his full attention to the patient as he introduces himself. The woman, Park Jihyun, has stage three cancer and has been undergoing radiation therapy in a hospital in Daegu. She was visiting her daughter in Seoul when her legs suddenly buckled under her and she became paralysed. She isn’t in great pain at the moment but it’ll undoubtedly come back when the painkillers wear off. 

It doesn’t take long for Yixing to read the radiologist's description of the images and the cord compression looks serious. It’s no doubt a metastasis of her cancer. 

“What do you suggest? You want me to call a general surgeon as well?” Minseok asks and Yixing shakes his head. Surgery isn’t going to do much for her cancer and they risk spreading it even further if they don’t get the entire tumour. 

“No, I think emergency radiation is the best course. Did you give dexamethasone?” 

Minseok looks almost affronted when Yixing turns to get his answer, and Yixing sends him a soft smile, hoping for forgiveness. He didn’t mean to insinuate that Minseok doesn’t know his job. Forgiveness is given with a smile.

“I want to transfer her to oncology so we can get her emergency radiation. We’ll continue with the dexamethasone to reduce edema.” He turns back to Jihyun to explain the situation to her. “What we’re going to do is we’ll get you to oncology and get you admitted there. When you’re settled in a room, I expect in no less than thirty minutes, we’ll get you radiated and that’s hopefully going to shrink the tumour to a size where it will no longer compress your spinal cord. In the meantime I’ll call your oncologist in Daegu and ask them for your medical journal so we can continue your normal treatment plan while you’re admitted here with us. Is that okay with you?”  

Jihyun agrees, so Yixing turns to go. Just as he’s about to exit the room he’s forced to step aside as a young woman, no more than nineteen years old, comes flying in, tears in her eyes. 

“Mom!” she cries and hurries towards Jihyun on the bed. She bursts into tears when her mother embraces her. 

“It’ll be alright, child,” Jihyun says gently. Yixing watches the sick mother comfort her daughter and he’s reminded of all the parents he’s treated thus far, parents who survived and won the battle against a relentless disease, and those who didn’t. Those who left families and loved ones behind, some even before there were memories formed, like Oh Eunji and her baby Seunggi. He watches a nineteen-year-old girl scared in the presence of a mother who is suddenly the vulnerable one, and he’s fixated on the emotional scene before him, unable to break away as his own emotions rage behind his distant eyes. 

He sees himself at sixteen, standing stiff next to a hospital bed where his father is lying, still and pale as a ghost. His mother hugs him with tears streaming down her cheeks, praying to non-existent gods that they would spare him, but Yixing knows better. He knows just by looking that his father is dead, even if the machinery says otherwise. 

A , they tell them, a catastrophic one that has permanently destroyed his brain function. They could keep him alive and comatose on a respirator for years, but his mother has never been stupid. This is the moment to say goodbye. Yixing doesn’t cry. He can’t comprehend that this is the last moment he’ll ever have with his father. He’s scared of death but he doesn’t say it out loud. He must be strong for his mother. 

The memory is only broken when a hand gently but firmly pushes him from the room and closes the door behind them. 

“I’ll arrange the transfer to oncology. Yixing, are you okay?” Minseok asks and pulls him into a corner. Yixing blinks, focuses his attention back on the task at hand. Minseok looks worried and it strikes Yixing as a look he’d rather not have directed at him again. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He waves his hand to wave the emotion away and sends Minseok a smile. “It’s nothing.” Minseok looks at him with such a soft gaze that it catches Yixing a little off guard.

“If you need someone to talk to, just let me know,” he says and Yixing nods. Minseok pats his shoulder before he turns around to address the nurse who has just called for him and Yixing stands alone in the emergency department and shakes his head to rid himself of memories. 

He’s distracted all the way back to oncology and isn't really aware of his surroundings until he finds himself standing, confused, in front of a reception desk that definitely isn’t his. The unfamiliar receptionist sends him a kind smile and the sign on the desk let’s him know that he’s at the cardiology department.

“Can I help you?” she asks.

Yixing drags himself to his senses, piecing together how he must have gotten here.

“No, I’m sorry. I got off on the wrong floor.” 

Waiting for the elevator for the last two floors is a waste of time and he’s probably going to be late, so he turns to find the stairwell entrance and finds himself almost bumping into the star of the cardiothoracic team, dressed in navy surgical scrubs. Joonmyun stops him with a hand on his arm.

“Where are you heading?” he asks. Yixing points a finger towards the ceiling to indicate that he’s going up. “You seem out of it,” Joonmyun continues, and Yixing finds his way to a smile.

“I haven’t had lunch yet, I’m just a little hungry.” 

It’s not until the excuse leaves his lips that Yixing realises that it’s actually true. He spent his lunch break in the ED and there’s only a few minutes left before his next outpatient. He has a pack of crackers in his office, it’ll have to do. Joonmyun frowns, but it’s one of concern, and Yixing chuckles. “I will eat in my office, don’t worry,” he says and turns to leave Joonmyun behind.

He never gets to eat the crackers, though, because the first of his patients has already arrived and Yixing’s afternoon schedule is tight. He works his way through cancer diagnoses and prognoses and delivers promising results to most of his patients. His mood slowly lifts as he’s not with the severe reality of his specialty and as time passes by, excitement slowly takes over as he counts the hours to his own appointment with another doctor, one that will bring good news. Hopefully. Yixing pushes thoughts of bad results out of his mind and everything gets a little easier. He manages to find time to check up on Jihyun and is pleased to find that the emergency radiation therapy has worked to shrink the tumour enough so that it’s no longer compressing her spinal cord. She will regain the use of her legs. 

Yixing has just hung his doctor’s coat on his chair and pulled his denim jacket on when his phone rings. The name that pops up has a smile form on his lips. They told Yixing’s mother about their appointment today and she’s been texting him for the last couple of days. She keeps worrying about not being there, but Yixing reassures her it’s okay, she doesn’t have to be present for every little thing. The plan is for her to come and stay for a few weeks after the baby is born, his mother promising over and over that she will come and take care of the home while they rest and bond with the baby. Yixing is so grateful, having a mother present who knows what she’s doing with a newborn baby is going to be so reassuring. She continues talking as he makes his way down the stairs towards ground level.

“I know māmā,” Yixing says into his phone with a smile. He has just arrived at the entrance to the ED to collect Songmi for their appointment. “I have to go, but I promise to call you back tonight to let you know the gender,” he tells her and she finally agrees to hang up. Songmi stands in front of him when he finally hangs up and her smile has his heart skip a beat and he leans down to press a quick kiss to her lips. His hand gently runs over her stomach and she chuckles at him while she reaches down to link their fingers. She waves goodbye to a few coworkers as they leave to take the elevators back up to obstetrics on the third floor. 

The obstetrics ward is full of soft colours and lovely couches, and it looks homely in a way the ED and oncology doesn’t. The receptionist sends them both a bright smile. 

“Hi! How can I help you?” she says and Songmi presses a little closer to Yixing. It’s not the first time either of them are on the floor but the appointment today is special. 

“We have an appointment with Dr. Kim,” Yixing tells the receptionist who taps on her keyboard. He sneaks his arm around Songmi’s waist and she sends him another smile. They’re told there will be a few minutes wait but to take a seat. They choose a soft-looking couch, and Songmi turns to him and rests her hand on her stomach. 

“Wanna bet about the gender?” she asks. 

“Sure. I think it’s a girl,” Yixing says, and she snorts. 

“I’m so winning this bet, I’m sure it’s a boy!” 

Yixing pouts at her and she laughs. 

“How can you be so sure? I want a baby girl that looks exactly like her mother,” he whispers to her and Songmi shakes her head fondly.

“Nope, it’s a little boy who looks just like his father.” 

“You can’t know that,” Yixing argues, but they’re interrupted when a doctor calls towards them. Jongdae is trying hard to keep his laughter in and Yixing sends him an apologetic smile. It’s hard to be professional when he’s not here as a doctor. 

“Goodness, you’ve gotten big, Songmi! Are you sure you’re not hiding two in there?” Jongdae asks with a smile as he closes the door behind them. 

Songmi laughs, but Yixing stops in his tracks for a second as he stares blankly at Jongdae. What is he talking about? They’ve already had scans, they can’t be having twins. Songmi jokes back that she’s just eating well enough for two, and Yixing shakes it off as his wife climbs onto the exam bed. 

He sits down next to the exam bed with a relieved exhale and then looks at Jongdae who’s still having fun with Songmi, teasing her that she won’t be able to fit through the door next time she comes to see him. Yixing loves the familiarity of being here with Jongdae. He has full trust in the other doctor’s abilities to make sure their baby sees the world safely and the casual laughter between them makes it all so much more enjoyable. 

Preparing for the scan doesn’t take long and the casual banter between all three of them makes time pass really fast. The ultrasound probe is placed on her stomach and Songmi complains about the cold gel with mirth in her voice. Jongdae sends her an apologetic chuckle, then quiets down as he moves the probe over Songmi’s abdomen and watches the screen. His brows furrow and Yixing leans over to look at the screen too. Though he did learn a little ultrasound as a medical student, he has forgotten most of it and he’s not skilled at looking at obstetric ultrasounds. Jongdae moves the probe a little to the right and then back to the left and then he presses a button on the ultrasound machine to freeze the image. 

“So,” Yixing prompts, because Jongdae’s expression is unreadable and he can’t be left in the dark much longer. 

“You’re having twins,” Jongdae says, completely matter-of-fact, like his words aren’t just blowing Yixing’s whole world out of the water. Songmi’s jaw drops and Yixing feels like he might faint. He has to grab onto her hand to ground himself. 

“You’re kidding,” Songmi says and bursts into laughter, but Jongdae’s facial expression doesn’t change. There’s no mischief shining in his eyes anymore. He’s dead serious, and Songmi’s giggles fade. “You’re...not kidding?”

“Nope,” Jongdae says, and now he’s smiling. “Congratulations.”

“We can’t be,” Yixing tries to argue, but his voice falters in the knowledge that Jongdae is the obstetrician around here, not him. Jongdae unfreezes the image on the ultrasound machine and moves the probe around again. 

“There are definitely two in there. Two little boys, it seems.” Jongdae’s smile grows wider and Yixing pales even more as Songmi shakes her head. 

“Are you sure? I mean, there has only been one in there for the last three months. How does a twin just suddenly appear?” she says and reaches over to pat Yixing’s cheek to bring a little colour back in it. Yixing is still stuck on the idea that they’re having two boys. Two boys! He remembers their playful fight about the baby’s gender and realises that Songmi was doubly right.

“Well, one of them must have been hiding behind the other. I’m not a magician, but there are definitely two babies. Look, I’ll show you.” 

He pulls the screen towards them and finds a spot on her stomach where he freezes the picture and puts the probe down. He points with a finger and circles one grey blob. “That’s baby A,” he says and then circles another grey blob right next to it. “And that’s baby B.