-The Time with the Dry Martini-

The Music is loud, too loud for her liking, but she stays- stays rooted in her seat, drinking what could be her fifth glass of dry martini tonight.

She could have gone to the same place and ordered the usual, something light, something the same. Then again, there’s nothing light about what she’s going through now, neither is there anything usual with today. 

The usual would have been Anna sitting next to her, sharing some office stories, drinking Pinot Noir on a bordeaux glass, and tasting those cherry chap lips to end the night. 

But tonight isn’t the same as her previous nights. Tonight she’s at a bar, alone, gulping the last drop of her fifth glass, and barely tasting any cherry chap lips.

She flags the bartender again, and orders her sixth for the night. She knows she should stop at this point, or probably the moment when her self control started blurring, but she doesn’t, not when alcohol is her only way to drown the heartbreak.

“I don’t think you’d want to wake up tomorrow after that.” She barely hears someone say. For a moment, she thinks if it was directed to her, but decides not to bother, she’s got a lot of other things to think about. So she takes the glass and drinks more.

“You’d regret it.” She hears the same voice again, this time clearer and louder. She looks to her side and sees her smiling, far too wide for someone who barely knows her, and far too skittish for her mood.

“I don’t think I care.” She manages to say without sounding harsh, but lets the bitterness slip out of her voice.

The other woman laughs, and takes the initiative to sit next to her, “Next one on me then.”

She knows this move well, so well that she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She has no time for games, she has no time for strangers offering up a 12$ glass of cocktail in exchange for a night of meaningless alcohol-induced self-loathing experience.

She takes another sip and says, “I won’t sleep with you if that’s what you’re hoping for.”

“And here I thought I was only buying you a drink.” the stranger ponders aloud in between laughter, then continues, her tone a little playful, “But would you like me to offer instead or too? I’m not sure if you prefer both.”

She drops her hold on the glass, turns her head to look at the stranger next to her. She didn’t want to acknowledge her presence really, she was fine on her own, enjoying what could have been her seventh round but barely finishes her sixth because the stranger is still beside her, unfazed by her monotonous replies. 

Weirdly enough, the stranger finds her lack of interest somewhat amusing, but she isn’t here to be someone’s entertainment.

She leans her head on her palm, and asks, wearing a disinterested look, “Does it ever work?”

The stranger plops an elbow by the counter and rests her cheeks on her knuckles, mimicking the same position she set herself in, and asks a little too confidently with a smirk, “Did it?” 

parts a little, surprised at how coy this being is despite the obvious disdain she keeps putting up towards her. Conversely though, as much as she hated the unwelcomed appearance of the stranger, she couldn’t help but find her quite attractive. Especially now she gets to see her fully.

She keeps her eyes still, running her gaze at the woman’s features- her mid length silver locks that stands out too much around the sea of blacks and browns, earthy hues shading her deep eyes sparking that unwavering confidence, and the pale-red lips- corners spread a little too wide and a little too smug, all combined with the gentleness of her milky skin, the woman could indeed sway anyone in the room. And maybe if she isn’t busy drowning herself from the heartache, she’d probably be tasting her cherry chap tainted lips instead. 

She shakes her head, the alcohol is starting to get to her. An able body to mend her broken heart for tonight is the last thing that should be on her mind.

“It’s not worth it, you know.” she hears her after what seemed to be a long time of her staring. The woman now wears a knowing look, her smile no longer smug but is tender, “drowning yourself over someone who won’t save you.”

“You know this because?”

She hears her sigh, then takes a quick sip from her glass of bourbon, “Because a woman, on her sixth glass, I presume will be on her seventh, wouldn’t be alone at this hour drowning herself with a depressing drink if it isn’t either their inevitable death coming too soon or a mere heartbreak.” the woman purses her lips, both brows raising, “You’re not dying are you?”

An unwilling giggle escapes her lips, something she didn’t expect she’d be letting the other woman receive, then takes the last drop of her sixth dry martini, “No, but don’t we all die a little in every heartbreak” It was her time to smile impishly, “plus I like it, suits the mood, don’t you think?"

There’s nothing sweet about a heartbreak. And adding equal parts of vermouth onto her drink wouldn’t sweeten any parts of her emotional being. So she takes it dry, rough, a little bitter and salty at the same time, just as she feels now.

“So let me buy you another one then.” the stranger offers again, her lips curling up a little, less assuming and less cheeky. “A toast to that philosophical you just said.”

She knows full well not to engage, to turn around, order her own and let the stranger try as she pleases and fail eventually. But the emphasis on was nice, fits her current situation, and maybe toasting with someone to anything ty tonight wouldn’t be so bad or that a 12$ off of her bill wouldn’t hurt anyone. After all, she made it clear that is out of the option.

So they raise their glasses and toast to all the crap she was blessed today and crappier things that would come in the following days. She is certain there would be a lot, hearts don’t break and mend that easily.

“Here’s to my misery” 

“And to all misfortunes that may come your way.”

The conversation flows easily and endlessly, just as the glasses they keep having. It starts light, humorous, and then moves to a deeper one, topics she hadn’t shared with anyone but openly gives to a stranger she hasn’t gotten the name yet.But that doesn’t matter, they’re just sharing stories over martini and bourbon; they’re not sharing a bed and kisses on unfamiliar territories. Not yet.

“Four years and all I got was we’re done. Through text! ”

“Well that does when you’re looking for a break-up .”

“Not the point, but that’s... well it does.”

“Always the point.”

Then it goes into a playful tone, and she is certain the alcohol is getting into her with the way her hand reaches out to touch the other, brushing lightly her fingers down the stranger’s arm, and how her laugh suddenly becomes contained tucking a few strands behind her ear as she does so. She’s flirting, and the dry martini is taking full control of it.

“You’re really not bad to look at.”

“I think the martini is now talking.”

“You do.”

“Well you’re not bad yourself.”

“And you really have nice skin.”

“You know what’s nicer?”

“What?”

“My lips.”

Thirty minutes of dancing around their words, and light careful touches, they’re out the bar, and thirty more minutes after, her back is up against the wall, and the nameless woman’s lips now pressed against her. They aren’t cherry, she notes, but tastes like cinnamon and burnt oak, a bit strong. Though they aren’t bad. Not at all. She has an affinity for refined spirit. And they're incredibly soft, another thing she finds irresistible.

She knows she had too many drinks, too much to have self control but more than enough to keep moving her hands and roam them, unwillingly , around the warmth that is pinned on her. It feels nice and smooth and smells like vanilla, quite intoxicating for someone already intoxicated by something else. 

The woman's skin is delicate, like the silk fabric she got from Paris a few years ago, and it feels wonderful against her. She always fancied silk fabrics.

They part, now catching their breaths. It should have been her signal to pull away, to stop what would eventually become more than a torrid kiss and tongues fighting for dominance. But she doesn’t stop, doesn’t plan on stopping any moment now. Not when she finds herself shuddering at every touch, not when she anticipates where those lips would leave a mark, and not when she lets the stranger slip her clothes off.

Ten. All it took was ten dry martinis.

And she finds herself sharing a bed with foreign lips marking its territory on every inch of her body. The heartache doesn’t stop still, but the pleasure it gives helps, at least for tonight it lets her forget.

 

 

 

 

-The Time with the Name-

Mina wakes up at the sound of her phone alarm ringing, and unfamiliar walls brightened by the light peeking through the gaps of the windows welcoming her.

She remembers drinking too much, remembers kissing too deep, and remembers sharing too many alcohol induced wants and needs to a still nameless being. 

The stranger is sleeping, basking under the sunlight filtered through the sheer curtains. Body barely covered by the white duvet, silver locks swept to one side, her pearly white skin glowing, and still attractive. For a quick second, she gapes, wondering if it would have been in a different situation, she would probably have snuggled closer around those toned arms. 

But the situation isn’t different and the woman remains nameless. It doesn’t matter though, one night wouldn’t change anything. Her heart is still broken and the pain is still aching. They wouldn’t see each other anyway. Putting a name would only mean remembering another mistake. 

So she slips off under the sheets, grabs her clothes spread around the room, and takes her careful steps out to the door.

Self-loathing experience, she remembers not looking to be in one, yet she is treading one now- out of a hotel room belonging to someone she doesn’t know and still wearing the same clothes as last night.

She shakes her head and tries to wave this embarrassing situation but the pulse throbs hard through her temples. One thing the stranger got right, she does regret taking the sixth glass.

 

-x-

 

Two agonizing hours later, Mina finds herself walking through the office corridors, her head still reeling in pain, now regretting her decision of drowning a little more than she can handle.

“You okay? You look awful.” She hears a familiar voice asking, the volume at the right amount but to her feels like someone shouted in her ears. She flinches, looking up to see her friend, Yuri, painting a worried face. “What happened?”

She remembers not telling anyone about the breakup. The less someone knows, the less she would hear about it. The lesser she hears, the lesser it would feel real. And leaving it unsaid, makes the reality of it a little bit tolerable. 

They’ve only broken up yesterday, there’s still room to work it out. Brandishing it around wouldn’t help her case anyway, so she replies with a half hearted smile, “Yeah. Just had too many to drink.”

“Well try to get your act together, our meeting starts in five minutes and I heard someone new will be joining us today.” the voice is loud, at least to her, and the cringe appears as soon as it reverberates through her ears, shaking her already pounding head.

She waves a hand dismissing her friend, the only thing she could do properly right now. The other girl scurries away to her desk and out of her sight. It didn’t take her much effort to do so, her friend is always out and about when work comes to play.

Five minutes. At least she got enough time to get a cup of coffee and fix herself together. Maybe not completely, but decent enough to present herself in a room full of manager and professional co-workers.

 

-x-

 

Coffee helped. Mina convinces herself that it did as she sits by the meeting room packed with people too lively and too noisy for her well-being. The voices going around her are deafening. She couldn’t make a clear sentence, or even a word from all the noises going back and forth. 

She should have called for a leave this morning. It would have been a great idea not to deal with these unwanted noises especially at the height of her hangover. But staying home would only remind her what’s missing. And between the noise and reminder of what is gone, she’d rather handle the former.

So she sits quietly at the far end of the table, and tries her hardest to keep an appropriate face up. The expression holds well, at least for another couple of minutes it does. Because as soon as their Manager enters and everybody stands, a sudden shade of gray hues shines behind the crowd of browns and blacks.

She doesn’t react much and keeps herself intact. Sure, that shade of gray doesn’t come often but it also doesn’t mean the world is small enough to have that exact shade she has gotten familiar with last night standing beneath the swarm of common tones.

Everyone sits a second later, their eyes meeting in an instant. And the world has indeed gotten smaller.

Everything familiar finally falls on her, the eyes, the upturn brow and the knowing smile. She tenses, her eyes now boring into the ten dry martini regret’ in front of her.

Her manager calls her out, asking why she was still standing. Mina doesn’t respond, she doesn’t even hear anything. She is far too focused on looking at the same stranger whose knowing smile turned into a smirk. Her manager calls her out again, the voice still doesn’t register but the pull on her sleeve catches her attention. 

She looks to her side and sees Yuri tugging her down. Then it clicks. It takes another second for her knees to cooperate and bend as she finally sits down. She turns away, reddened cheeks hiding behind her notes. She isn’t embarrassed, She’s mortified.

Her manager starts, and she tries really hard to listen; tries not to mind the stranger’s piercing gaze or that internal laugh she’s sure the stranger would love to do vocally about now. 

Mentions of new project, six months deadline, enlisting the help of a contractual employee’s expertise and then a name.

“I’m Yoo Jeongyeon.” the stranger finally introduces, eyes still tied on her. “Looking forward to working with you.”

Mina doesn’t like to assume but does anyway- thinks that the introduction was meant only for her with Jeongyeon barely looking at anyone but her. The nameless mistake now has a name, and will be around for more than an alcohol induced evening. 

One reason why she shouldn’t be doing one night stands.

 

-x-

 

The clock ticks at exactly seven in the evening, and the busy floor starts to empty one by one, group by group, leaving her, a couple of people in her team and the new contractor.

They haven’t seen each other after the meeting and Mina is beyond thankful for that. She knows she’ll be facing her soon, and she’ll probably be ready by then. But for now she isn’t, not when the memory of last night is still fresh and the marks on her body haven't healed. 

“Hey you still up for tonight?” Rose, another female friend slash co-worker, asks as she peers over her desk.

“Yeah, let me just fix my things.”

“Good.” Rose smiles, then adds “I’ll ask the new comer too.”

Mina panics, quickly grabbing her things on her desks, and runs after Rose. “Hey, hey, hey…”

She managed to keep herself away from the contractor; managed to move in a different direction whenever she spotted the contractor, and even managed to end the work day without uttering a single word to the contractor. 

Mina didn’t spend the entire day dodging only for it to end up drinking on the same round table with the person she kept avoiding. No, she won’t let Rose ruin all her hard work.

She reaches her friend just in time before the contractor replies an answer. “No, no. Rose, I don’t think she’s free.”

Jeongyeon and Rose look at her wondering, the former smiling a little at her sudden arrival.

“I mean she might be busy.” she adds, keeping her face only to Rose. “We shouldn’t insist.”

She hears the contractor chuckle for the first time today and the sound petrifies her a little. 

“I’d love to join, Rose.” Jeongyeon says a little too sweetly, her smile widening as she drops her gaze at Mina. “If that’s okay with you?”

The tease on Jeongyeon’s tone did not pass her nor did the way Jeongyeon raised her eyebrow just a tiny bit up. And Mina hates it, hates that she couldn’t do anything about it but to let it go and to hope that Rose could catch her drift.

But Rose was never really good at taking a hint. 

So when she tries to give Rose a signal, slight head shake and mouthing her disapproval, her friend only smiles, replying quite happily much to her dismay “Of course it’s okay with her! We’d love it if you could join!”

 

-x-

 

The get together is a nice distraction despite the newcomer’s presence. It keeps her away from thinking about Anna- just about anything Anna and their break up. She is enjoying herself, and as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she is enjoying Jeongyeon’s on-point replies.

Jeongyeon doesn’t talk much, she notices, but listens very well. The newcomer engages when she needs to, and admittedly, were quite hilarious. One of the things she found attractive about the other woman.

But even a good distraction doesn't last long, especially on someone who’s broken and yearning.

 

‘Anna, can we talk?’

Sent 10:00AM

 

‘I miss you.’

Sent 11:00AM

 

Ten hours has passed since her last message, but Anna never replied. She would have sent a dozen more but she didn’t want to sound desperate even though she undoubtedly already is.

“Trouble in paradise?” She hears Yuri’s voice asking. Mina shuts her phone and looks up only to find all eyes on her.

“Ah, no. Anna’s just… busy that’s all.” She manages to say convincingly, placing her phone back into her bag. 

Worry plays on her emotion, fretting internally whether Jeongyeon would mention the little detail she neglected to tell her friends but did so last night between her drunken confession and martini-laced flirting.

She eyes Jeongyeon, almost pleadingly, and the other smiles softly in return and drinks another bottle of beer. The newcomer doesn’t say anything, takes the hint better than Rose could ever will, and she is glad at least someone in her team is. 

Rose turns to Jeongyeon, finger pointing at Mina, “She’s in a relationship by the way. Anna’s her girlfriend.”

Jeongyeon nods, taking a quick look at her then back at Rose, “I see.”

“Are you in a relationship, Jeongyeon? With a boy or a girl? I don’t mean to sound rude" Rose continues to ask, leaning a little closer to Jeongyeon.

The question draws a good amount of anxiousness within her. Mina already regrets sleeping with the newcomer. But she might not handle it well if she slept with someone already involved. She isn’t one to ruin a relationship- never pegs to be one, but if she unknowingly did, she needs to start rethinking her life choices.

“It's fine. I like girls, Rose.” Jeongyeon admits proudly, a dainty smile decorating her face, then adds, “But no. No relationship. I’m not one to commit.”

Mina exhales, louder than she expected, catching everyone’s attention. The attention though doesn’t result in any questioning, instead focuses them back to the newcomer.

“But, you do have a type right?” Rose adds.

“What’s your type?” Yuri turns to quiz and frankly, quite too interested in knowing. 

She should have caught onto it earlier based on how Yuri kept mentioning Jeongyeon’s name in every conversation they had or the way she kept asking where the newcomer is. Yuri made it obvious, and she’s still making it obvious.

Jeongyeon looks at Rose then at Yuri then settles her gaze at her. Their eyes meet, and the smile on Jeongyeon’s face softening at contact. 

“Someone who takes their martini dry.”

 

-x-

 

Another thing Mina manages to know about the newcomer is that, skin aside, she’s incredibly smooth with words. The way she manages to say them without any hint of embarrassment or anything close but just natural and confidently y. 

Like the way she managed to snuck herself into accompanying her home. Mina refused, kept telling Rose she can walk home by herself despite the late hour, yet Jeongyeon slides into the conversation, as fluid as the water. But unlike the substance, the newcomer resists any shear force or simply her mere drastic refusal.

“No, it’s okay Rose. It’ll be out of your way. I can walk on my own”

“Mark wouldn’t mind, he’ll be here in 10minutes. But why isn’t Anna picking you up?”

“She’s busy and… I can go home on my own.”

“Let me take her home. I’m also going that way.”

“That’s a great idea, Jeongyeon!”

“No! Rose I-!” 

“You know for a pretty face, you’re quite stubborn aren’t you?”

“What?”

“You. You’re quite stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn.”

“You don’t know yourself very well then.”

“And you know me?”

“I know women.”

“Are you two…. having a lover’s quarrel?”

“Rose we’re not-!”

“She’s whiney isn’t she, Rose?”

“She is, Jeongyeon.”

“Aren’t you coming?!”

So they stand, side by side, striding the empty street barely lighted by the side lamp posts.

Mina doesn’t say anything, doesn’t have anything to say to begin with. Being alone with Jeongyeon is far different than being at a table around friends. Alone by themselves is awkward and nerve-wrecking. 

But Jeongyeon, just like the time she first met her, prefers to speak her mind out. “You don’t make it easy huh?”

Mina looks at Jeongyeon as she scoffs. The sound prompts her to roll her eyes and reply in mild contempt, “I believe I made it too easy for you, Jeongyeon.”

Jeongyeon laughs lightly, finding humor out of Mina’s utter displeasure. 

“It’s not going to happen.” Mina says shortly thereafter.

“Hm?” 

“Us, having . Again.”

"Oh.” Jeongyeon mouths a surprise reaction for just a split second before letting out an amused chuckle. “Too bad, I mean for you.” the newcomer adds pointing a finger at her then smiles cockily, “I’m pretty exceptional.”

Mina grimaces at the smugness that rubs off on Jeongyeon's words and that self assured grin doesn't make it any better. She huffs, bantering back "yet not memorable."

Jeongyeon laughs again, and quips "The last night 'you' would surely disagree.. multiple times." putting emphasis on the last words.

Mina remembers finding Jeongyeon's confidence y, even attractive, but there's nothing y about the newcomer's narcissism.

 

 

-The Time with Mina's truth-

One month . It has been about a month since Mina last heard from Anna and a month since she has last seen her girlfriend. Anna never replies, never answers her calls and never even tried to meet her when she was sick a week after their breakup.

Her messages don't stop, nor do her calls. She tries and tries, hoping at some point Anna would respond regardless if it’s not out of something she is hoping for but out of annoyance. At least she gets to hear her voice or read her message and feel some form of emotion from her ex,.

But one month passed and still nothing. And the reality of their breakup now slowly coming to her.

It also doesn’t help that Yuri and Rose keep asking about it. It also doesn’t help that the newcomer is at every nightly get together they have since then. It also doesn’t help that it is always the newcomer’s face and voice she gets to see and hear every night.

“You’re still texting her?”

“What is it to you?”

“Nothing really. Just wondering how long you plan tormenting yourself.”

“You think this is torture?”

“Isn’t it?”

“Can you be more cynical?”

“Can you be more naive?”

 

...

 

“If you’re just gonna ridicule me again, please feel free to stop walking me home.”

“I’m not. But how long will you pretend that everything is okay?”

“It’s nobody’s business how I handle it. Neither is it yours.”

“I’m guessing she hasn’t replied.”

“Does my misery bring you joy, Jeongyeon?”

“A little. You’ve been a pain in the in the office.”

“Ugh. You’re hopeless.”

 

...

 

“Don’t you get tired?”

“Don’t you? With the questioning and all.”

“There’s a limit to all of that, you know.”

“That is?”

“If it breaks you apart.”

“And what do you know about love, Jeongyeon?”

“Enough to know it shouldn’t be that hard.”

 

...

 

“You know it’s her who pursued me before.”

“Who?”

“Anna. She pursued me. I never looked at her before but she was persistent.”

“And being persistent now means she might look at you?”

“Well yes. Being persistent keeps things afloat.”

“There’s a difference though…”

“What?”

“It wasn’t broken when she pursued you.”

As much as Mina hates to admit it, everything Jeongyeon said made a point. Though, she's not one to say it out in the open, especially to someone who is brazen enough to think she knows it all. 

But as much as she doesn't like the way Jeongyeon says things with conviction, she has grown to like her company. 

Somewhere down the line, Mina has gotten accustomed to having Jeongyeon around every night. Like an unwanted décor in your living room but you keep it there, doesn’t do much good but it stays there and when it’s gone, it suddenly feels empty, like something is missing. And Jeongyeon’s presence slowly molds into one, fits exactly the empty spot by her side every single night they walk the street.

Maybe the reason why the get-together tonight feels different. Mina doesn’t say anything, but Rose and Yuri could tell that she’s waiting on someone who apparently isn’t coming. The emptiness in the metaphorical living room suddenly weighing heavily on her.

“She can’t make it.” 

“Who?” Mina asks, feigning a clueless reaction.

“You’re not really good at hiding it, Mina” Yuri muses, eyes rolling, adding, “Jeongyeon. She can’t make it tonight.”

“She's on a date.” Rose turns to say something after munching on a piece of chicken wing. “Someone from the Ad dep asked her out.”

“Oh.” The statement catches her by surprise and tries hard to mask that little disappointment that comes out of her voice. “That’s too bad for you then Yuri.”

Yuri laughs at the comment, “It’s purely platonic now.”

“Really?” Rose questions teasingly, one brow arched up.

“Well I wouldn’t kick her in bed if it comes to that.” both share a loud laugh catching the attention of people in nearby tables but both are too intoxicated to mind.

Rose then turns to her, and asks “And you? What’s the deal with you and Anna?”

“We’re okay, Rose.”

“Come on. You can’t keep hiding it from us. You’ve been looking at your phone countless times and that forlorn reaction every time you do doesn’t seem like you are okay.” 

“I-..”

“What’s wrong?” Yuri questions, worry evident in her voice.

Mina hesitates, almost nearing on telling them, but doesn’t say anything a second later. She keeps it to herself just as she had for the past month and drinks the bottle of beer in front of her instead. Rose and Yuri don't say anything and let’s her- for once understanding that the absence of words bears something deeper than they could dig.

Mina doesn’t cry, finding tears as a sign of weakness, as a sign of defeat and she’s not ready to give up.. not just yet. But it hurts, and she feels piece by piece, bit by bit of herself breaking apart. So she cradles a bottle after another, holding onto the only thing that could numb her out as she screams silently behind the guarded façade she has built.

 

-x-

 

“Hello?”

“Jeongyeon?” Rose asks hesitantly through the phone. “It’s me Rose.”

“Hey, what’s up? I’m in the middle of my date-...”

“It’s Mina.” The mention of her name is enough for Jeongyeon to stop; her happy demeanor changes to a serious one. “She’s drunk.”

“Where are you?”

“We’re at the same place.” Rose replies, “I didn’t know who to call. But I feel like it shouldn’t be Anna, and I know you’re on a date..”

“It’s okay. I’m glad it’s me you called. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Can you take care of her before I get there?”

“Yeah. And…”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

 

-x-

 

Less than half an hour when Jeongyeon finally arrives at the same place, scanning impatiently through the crowded bar. She sees Rose and Yuri from afar, and that drunken girl indulging in another round of beer.

"How many?"

"Fifteenth. I tried to stop her but-” 

Jeongyeon waves a hand, smiling at the two. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of this.”

Rose looks at Jeongyeon, hesitating, but steps aside and let’s Jeongyeon handle the situation. Rose has been with her friend in countless drinking sessions but this is the first time she has gotten this drunk and this worse.

Jeongyeon bends, takes the bottle away from the girl’s hand and tries to pick her up. Mina swats Jeongyeon’s hands instinctively, fighting back and throwing a punch across the taller girl’s chest. The newcomer flinches at the contact but lets the balled up fist hit her, fully understanding where the anger is rooted. It takes a few punches more before Jeongyeon manages to grab both arms, pull her up over her shoulder and carry Mina out of the bar and into her car.

 

-x-

 

Carrying Mina again to her apartment is easy, Jeongyeon notes, she’s light, probably eating less since her breakup, but somehow Mina manages to make it a difficult task. She keeps wriggling herself out from Jeongyeon’s arm and keeps throwing light punches onto the taller girl’s back.

Jeongyeon doesn’t fight back, doesn’t say anything whenever the girl screams or hits her. Instead keeps her composure intact with full intent of bringing  Mina safely into her apartment.

Jeongyeon remembers Yuri’s direction: fourth floor, 4B, security code 0324, and without much trouble, she is inside the girl’s apartment making her way to the bedroom.

“You really need to stop drinking.” Jeongyeon mutters as she gently drops the girl onto her bed.

Mina hiccups as she tries to slam her fist again onto the taller girl, “Shut up!”

Jeongyeon easily catches her hand, “You…" then sighs, frowning as she continues. “Just rest. You’ve done enough damage today.”

“I never asked” she hiccups “for your help.”

“Okay.”

“If you’re so angry” hiccups “then why are you here?!”

Jeongyeon stares at Mina, sees anger mixed with the tired expression painting the pretty face. The newcomer smiles a little, turning her back as she utters, “You’re really daft at times..”

Mina yawns, the sound a bit faint, soft enough for Jeongyeon not to hear as she continues, “I like you. It's as simple as that. And when you like someone, proximity is a good thing regardless of how they feel about you or don’t”

The confession isn’t something Jeongyeon planned on telling, especially when Mina is at her most vulnerable state. 

Jeongyeon finally turns around, hoping to get more than a beating out of the other girl. After all, Jeongyeon has it in her good confidence that her rough charms don't really register well into the other girl's unusual romantic palate.

But then she sees Mina, peacefully asleep, her snore filling the quiet atmosphere, and Jeongyeon finds herself laughing softly instead.

She walks closer, pulls the cover over Mina’s body and smiles, running her fingers along the other girl’s hair as she takes a seat on an empty space on the bed.

Jeongyeon should be with her date tonight. They could be kissing, and they'd probably be in bed right about now doing God knows what, yet she is here staring at some cheap fluorescent stars stuck on Mina’s bedroom ceiling- doing practically nothing with her...

But as she listens to Mina's steady breathing, feeling the warmth of her body next to hers, Jeongyeon thinks it's fine. That it is better. At least for tonight she gets to be with someone she cares about.

 

-x-

 

The sun’s rays peeking through her window sill and the smell of fried eggs wakes her up. 

Last night's events are vague on Mina, but there are a few things she remembers; she remembers hitting someone, remembers being carried, and remembers that familiar scent of lavender with a tinge of vanilla soothing her through the night. 

Mina hears another sizzle and she sits upright at the sound, faint smell of lavender still dancing around her room. She stands and walks out of her room, disregarding the ache throbbing through her temples. 

"You're awake." She finally sees her, standing behind the kitchen counter with a pan in one hand. "I cooked breakfast with what's left in your fridge. You really need to buy food."

"What are you-... Why are you still here?"

Jeongyeon doesn’t answer, but passes a glass and a medicine to the other woman instead. “Take this. Helps with the hangover.”

Mina would have declined, in normal situations she would have, but the pain is becoming intolerable. And she knows being stubborn wouldn’t make it any better. So she takes them and drinks it, earning a soft smile from the taller girl.

"Why are you still here?" Mina asks again as she sits by the dining table, eyes casted on Jeongyeon.

"You have an odd way of showing your gratitude." Jeongyeon jokes, chuckling as she makes her way out of the kitchen and into the dining, placing the plate of eggs and bacon onto the table. 

"Say 'thank you Jeongyeon'. Go on." The taller girl teases, one arm on table, chin resting on palm, as she throws a challenging gaze at the other girl.

Mina squints, on edge in wiping that arrogant smirk off of Jeongyeon’s face and launch herself into a barrage of retorts, but the headache is enough trouble as it is. And bickering early in the morning wouldn’t lessen the aching feeling by any bit. So she shrugs the arrogance, and let out a muffled groan as her response.

The sound of Jeongyeon’s boisterous laughter fills the room a second later. Mina doesn’t say anything and just lets her as she munches on the egg and bacon.

Then they are silent, enjoying the stillness of the morning as they eat their food. Jeongyeon doesn’t mention last night or how Mina acted beyond reason. Those little details, Jeongyeon thinks, don’t have a place for today. Today is a new day. A plate of egg and bacon won’t do much, Jeongyeon knows, but she’s hoping it’s enough to clear the bitter taste left in Mina’s tongue.

“Didn’t know you cook, Jeongyeon”

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

“Is this how you get the girls? Through breakfast.”

Jeongyeon chuckles, “Oh no. I don’t stay long enough to cook them one.”

“You don’t deny being an .”

“Says someone who left me the morning after having .”

Mina cringes at the reminder but quickly shoots back, “You’re staying at a hotel. You don’t have a kitchen.” 

“Would you then?” Jeongyeon teases with a lopsided smile, hope glimmering behind those dark brown orbs. “If there was one?”

She looks at Jeongyeon then smiles, hint of playfulness on her voice “I never denied being an .” 

Jeongyeon bursts out laughing, and the girl soon joins her.

Jeongyeon finds it quite interesting. Actually, she finds Mina interesting. It’s not that often she gets to meet someone who can handle all the teasing and be that good at giving a comeback, wittily at that. 

And Jeongyeon knows she shouldn’t, but every time she spends her time with Mina and gets to learn something new, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to like Mina a bit more than she should.

Breakfast soon ends with Mina cleaning up the plates and Jeongyeon helping out with washing the dishes. Fifteen minutes later, Jeongyeon is by the hallway grabbing her keys by the console table. Mina follows behind her. 

Jeongyeon stops by the door, hand around the door knob as she peers over her shoulder, “By the way, I’ll pick you up later. Let’s get you some food.”

“I don’t need babysitting.” Mina quickly spats, pout forming on her face

“Apparently you do.” Jeongyeon answers back with a straight face, adding “You owe Yuri and Rose that much.”

The girl huffs, rolling her eyes, then grumbles “Fine, but let’s meet by the café two blocks from here.”

“Iced coffee sounds nice.”

“I’m not buying.”

Jeongyeon chuckles, turning herself around to face the door. She doesn’t leave yet and Mina wonders what is stopping Jeongyeon.

“Hey Mina” Jeongyeon utters, gently calling the other girl’s name by the end. Her back still facing the other girl, hand still around the knob.

The gentleness in Jeongyeon’s voice catches Mina’s attention. The girl’s brows arch up, murmuring a soft “Hm?”

“Start choosing yourself more.”

The way Jeongyeon says it without any hint of judgement, just plain utter concern, takes Mina by surprise. She isn’t used to this, not used to Jeongyeon reigning seriousness over their conversation. And she doesn’t know how to handle it.

“I know it’s your business. But..” Jeongyeon sighs, gripping onto the knob a little tighter as she turns it around. “But you need to start choosing yourself now.”

 

-x-

 

Three hours since they parted, and ten minutes since Mina started waiting, sitting by the corner near the window of a quaint cafe in the neighborhood, a hot cup of chamomile tea in hand. She isn’t keen on meeting Jeongyeon on a weekend when she could be resting in the comforts of her home.

But Mina also knows that she does owe Yuri and Rose that much to comply. And despite hating the idea of spending her only free day with Jeongyeon, if it means paying back all the troubles she caused her two friends then so be it.

So Mina sits there quietly, albeit barely patiently, for Jeongyeon who by now is twelve minutes late. The tea has gone warm, and her calm demeanor is slowly cracking as another set of people enter the cafe and none sporting those silver strands.

It takes another five minutes when Mina finally catches a glimpse of that familiar shade surfacing through the sea of blacks.

Jeongyeon is wearing a loose fitted black shirt over ripped jeans folded just above her ankles paired with white sneakers. Her hair is tied in a ponytail, a few loose strands tucked behind her ears and gold rim glasses. Mina doesn’t remember Jeongyeon wearing one, but finds those rounded spectacles alarmingly attractive on her.

“Sorry to be late. I couldn’t find a place to park.” The apologetic look on Jeongyeon’s face doesn’t suit her, nor the timid smile that forms on her lips. 

“You’re actually quite early for tomorrow.” She kids, her tone exuding sarcasm. 

Mina wanted to say something different, leaning more on disdain. She hates waiting. She doesn’t like her precious time being spent on something as unproductive as waiting. But as she looked at Jeongyeon, she couldn’t help but throw a joke instead. After all, Jeongyeon looks quite, just quite , dashing in her most casual self.

Jeongyeon laughs, a bit heartily, circling an arm over her, “You’re in a good mood.”

Mina lifts the arm around her and places it back on Jeongyeon’s side, “Can we please just go?”

“Alright alright.” Jeongyeon dismisses with a smile, “I forgot. I need to use the restroom. Can you wait for me outside?”

Jeongyeon doesn’t wait for Mina to respond; she turns around and walks away. Leaving Mina grimacing at how assuming her officemate is.

Mina would have left, with Jeongyeon wasting another more of her precious time, but she is already here, have already wasted her time waiting and have accepted that a lot more would be wasted as she steps out of the cafe and waits by the side for Jeongyeon.

Mina doesn’t see her yet, but she hears that voice calling her name out all of a sudden, softly, but clear enough for her heart to break once more. 

It takes her another second to turn around, and another more to keep herself from reaching out and hold her.

“Anna..” Mina manages to say, tears barely holding on. 

Then she notices another person next to her, and her heart breaks a little more when her eyes fall on the intertwined hands.

Jeongyeon sees it as soon as she walks out of the café. Recognizes the change in Mina’s behavior; how she stands there with knees barely holding up, how her hands grips onto the side barely noticeable but shaking, that listless eyes that used to spark with joy, and that weak smile she tries to put up. Jeongyeon knows that despite the tears aren’t running, Mina is crying behind that façade.

Jeongyeon walks closer, taking Mina’s hand in hers, barely looking at the other girl causing the pain. 

“Let’s go.” she says it tenderly, gently pulling Mina away, and out to where it is safe. 

Jeongyeon knows it’s not her business, Mina made that clear, knows it’s not her decision to drag Mina out there. But Jeongyeon doesn't care for now, doesn't care if Mina would let her anger out on her. She can take it, she’ll deal with it. Because she would rather have Mina hate her than have her falling apart.

“Don’t look back, Mina.”

 

-x-

 

The drive is awfully quiet. Neither speaks. Jeongyeon doesn’t try to make small talks and Mina is, Mina is deep in her own thoughts. Jeongyeon wants to ask but doesn’t, wants to say something but doesn’t, wants to lighten the burden but doesn’t know how to.

It is ridiculous really, for Jeongyeon to care this much. She shouldn’t be this involved over someone’s emotional state when they have only known each other for more than a month. But Jeongyeon also recognizes she likes the girl too much not to care; recognizes that in every conversation they shared at night lead her to care more than she should.

Jeongyeon cares a lot about Mina, even if Mina doesn’t notice it.

 

-x-

 

“Where are we?” Mina finally speaks, asking Jeongyeon who just walks past her and into a run-down shop by the road.

Mina follows her inside and the familiar smell of home welcomes her.

“Aunty, two bowls please.” Jeongyeon raises a hand, gesturing over her and Mina. She still doesn’t answer Mina and let the question float.

Jeongyeon takes a seat by the far right end, and Mina sits across her. The hot bowls arrive shortly, with the old lady placing one on each prompting Mina to ask once again “Why are we here?”

“Eat Mina.” Jeongyeon simply says, breaking the chopsticks in two. “Please.”

The way Jeongyeon’s tone changes from direct to pleading catches Mina off guard. She doesn’t say anything back but grabs the chopsticks, complying with Jeongyeon’s request.

“Their ramen makes it better.” 

“Hm?”

“Their food. I go here when everything feels suffocating.” Jeongyeon adds, looking up to meet Mina’s questioning gaze. “It makes me feel a little better.”

Mina finally gets it, finally understanding what Jeongyeon is trying to do but is too repressed to admit. The little things Jeongyeon did the past month that she was too preoccupied to see. Little things that seemed so trivial at that time but now realizing how those small things made the days a little tolerable.

Mina smiles, far from what she usually gives out to Jeongyeon, and Jeongyeon could see it, how it radiates differently this time. Mina then realizes at that moment she owes this person in front of her more than she would like to admit.

She opens and lets it out. “Anna’s the first person I’ve been with. So everything I experienced first was all with her.”

Jeongyeon listens.

“Not the . Not that.” Mina laughs lightly. “But the emotional side of everything. I never felt that with anyone else but her. And I let myself drown in those feelings. You know how you lose yourself over someone because they make you feel like you’re the world to them until you aren’t anymore.”

Jeongyeon lets her eyes rest on Mina, without a word, searching for that broken soul beneath the guarded eyes.

Mina purses her lips, eyes turning away from the other girl, her expression falling slowly “Then you’re alone, and the more you try to stay afloat, it just swallows you up no matter how hard you try.” 

“I am lost, Jeongyeon.” Mina finally looks up, her eyes b with tears Mina’s too scared to let it fall. “I don’t know who I am without Anna.”

Jeongyeon feels her heart breaking a little. The look doesn’t suit Mina, or that crack on her voice as she said those words. Jeongyeon could have said something back, but she opts not to. Her words won’t fill the void Anna left behind. She isn’t enough.

Jeongyeon casts her eyes down, muttering a soft, “Eat Mina. It’ll get cold.”

 

-x-

 

Mina’s heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, exhausting, taking a part of her little by little, appetite, sleep, and rational thinking. It stays in her, keeps her awake crying, and then leaves her empty. And in quiet moments, suffocates her, like a slow painful death. If there are days that it doesn’t, the uncertainty still remains. And it terrifies her. 

Jeongyeon understands heartbreak. Understands everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Understands that Mina is handling it the best way she knows how to. And even if Jeongyeon doesn’t agree with it, she also understands that Mina is still clinging onto the hope of being with Anna again even if it breaks her apart.

But Jeongyeon also understands there’s a limit to everything. And as she hears Mina let out another sigh, low and disheartened, she finally has enough.

She pulls the car over by the view point, and steps out the car.

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get out.”

Mina steps out, still taken aback by the sudden change in Jeongyeon’s mood, and follows her to the front of the car.

“Now scream or cry or hit me or anything, just let it out” Jeongyeon orders with a tired face. 

“I-..”

Jeongyeon quickly cuts her off, letting out an exasperated sigh as she speaks, “For God’s sake Mina, you can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep fixing what is already broken when it’s just you doing the work.”

The words hit Mina like countless tiny stones thrown at her. It doesn’t hurt all at once, but it stings, and it gets the point across. Jeongyeon has spoken the truth, something Mina has known for a while but too scared to accept.

Jeongyeon’s face softens, her voice toning down as she adds, “You were someone before Anna. You still are, Mina. Don’t let this define who you are.”

Mina watches Jeongyeon take a step back and rests her body against the car hood. Mina stares at Jeongyeon for a while then to the open view looking out at the city below them. 

Mina’s heartbreak comes in waves, and the feeling is a cycle. She has been through all of it. And Jeongyeon is here, giving her a chance to break the pattern.

Maybe that is what Mina needed.

She screams once, then another, and another, letting all those bottled emotions out. Her heart doesn’t heal yet, it doesn’t get to be that quick, but the weight feels a bit lighter.

Mina then rests her body next to Jeongyeon, her voice a little bright “Isn’t this a little cliché?”

Jeongyeon finally let out a chuckle, the same kind she lets out when they’re kidding around, “Well life has tons of it.”

“I feel like I’ve watched this somewhere.”

“That’s one crappy movie.” 

They share a laugh like they used to and let it consume the stillness around them. Laughter dies down, and they let the quiet surrounding embrace them. It isn’t awkward but is peaceful, something Mina hasn’t felt in a while, as they watch sun sets out in the horizon, yellow and red lights spreading slowly onto the landscape

“Want to know something?”

Mina doesn’t look at her but keeps her gaze out at the city skyline.

"I think there are a lot of things that may surprise you just yet. I mean, just because something good ends doesn't mean something better won't begin. And believe me there will be something out there better for you... "

Mina looks at her this time.

“It doesn’t have to mean someone. You can be better on your own Mina, and it can complete you. I’m not telling you how to live your life. I’m just telling you that you deserve to be happy. You can be happy if you let yourself be. Because you deserve more than this, more than what you are getting right now.” 

Mina lets out a genuine smile, head leaning against Jeongyeon’s shoulder. The tears she’s been holding back finally falls altogether. Mina doesn’t try to stop it, and Jeongyeon hears it, letting the tears seep through her shirt.

“It’ll get better.” 

The sentiment is short, but bears much. Enough for Mina to look ahead and feel a little certain for all tomorrows.

"Thank you, Jeongyeon."

 

 

-The Time with the Repeat-

In the following months, Mina’s attitude changed. Yuri and Rose noticed it. Jeongyeon did too. How Mina started enjoying more now, by friends, by Jeongyeon, and by her own. How Mina began learning a few things, how Mina went back to writing something she neglected when Anna came around, how Mina finally brought back a dog that Anna was never fond of. 

How everything suddenly became all about her. 

Jeongyeon was there to witness all of that, was there all the way when Mina took a couple of steps ahead then stumbled a few back. It wasn’t easy for Mina, and Jeongyeon understood that it never will be, but reminded Mina to enjoy the progress; to give herself a break when it hurts.

And they did enjoy the progress, growing closer over the months, building a friendship they never expected to have. 

Jeongyeon found it funny how her days and nights became a habit of looking at her phone anticipating Mina’s messages. And Mina didn’t seem to think that she did it too, but she did, unconsciously looking through her phone, watching those three dots play for seconds then smile when a message pops-up.

Mina didn’t want to acknowledge it, how she grew attracted to Jeongyeon over the months, not the physical aspect, not that Jeongyeon wasn’t pretty, she’s breathtaking. But it was more on how Jeongyeon managed to keep Mina calm, how she managed to make Mina laugh, how Jeongyeon remembered the little things Mina said in passing, and how Jeongyeon managed to build this place for Mina where it was safe and warm.

No matter how much it all was, Mina wasn’t ready yet. She is still isn’t ready.

So when Yuri mentioned yesterday that Jeongyeon has another date today, she couldn't help that dismay spark a little in her. Despite wanting Jeongyeon to spend the weekend with her, she congratulated her friend instead.

And now Mina is left alone spending the afternoon by herself, learning from a youtube video on how to bake a cake.

Three knocks echoes throughout her apartment, and Mina stops from spreading the icing, wondering if Jeongyeon decided to cut her date short. She drops the spatula and unties her apron. Another knock echoes again, nothing loud but seeping with urgency.

Mina reaches the door, expecting Jeongyeon’s smug smile to welcome her, but falls short when someone else is standing behind the door.

“Mina.”

Months of progress suddenly goes to waste when she hears her name flow out of her lips, her voice gentle, yearning in an earnest plea. Somehow Mina feels helpless once more.

“Anna…”

 

-x-

 

Jeongyeon admits that Mina rarely calls her. Since they met, Mina only called her once, demanding to return the DVD she borrowed. So it only surprised her when Mina suddenly called her a few hours ago asking if they could meet.

And Jeongyeon happily agrees.

“Hey..” Mina finally greets her, taking a sit on an empty chair in front. Jeongyeon doesn’t think much of it but notices the difference in Mina’s tone.

Jeongyeon doesn’t ask, and let’s Mina speak as she adjusts from her chair. “Sorry for calling you out so late.”

“I also wanted to eat. I ordered our food already. You don’t mind do you?”

“No, not at all.”

Mina doesn’t know how to start, doesn’t really know where to start. She knows Jeongyeon could tell there is something different about her. How she suddenly lacked words to say when there had been a lot in the past months. How she suddenly couldn't keep her eyes on Jeongyeon afraid the other girl could see through because Jeongyeon could.

Mina wishes Jeongyeon would just ask. But Jeongyeon doesn’t.

The food arrives, and desperation to tell crawling in her. 

Mina looks into Jeongyeon, gathering all her courage not to look away as she speaks, “Anna wants to get back together.”

Jeongyeon feels her heart drop, and tries her best not to show Mina the look of dismay eager to get out, “Do you want to?”

Jeongyeon doesn’t look when she asks her, doesn’t look when Mina doesn’t answer. Instead, she laughs, a bitter taste in her tongue lingering. “You already did.”

Jeongyeon looks up to meet Mina’s gaze who turns away the second it hits her.

“Say Mina, why did you call me?”

Mina looks at her again, barely holding the gaze as she opens to answer but a sigh comes out instead.

“Why did you call me?” Jeongyeon asks again, the bitter taste remains. “You could’ve called Yuri or Rose… But you called me. Why is that?”

“I don’t know” is all Mina could say. She doesn’t know why it is Jeongyeon who she called, why it is always Jeongyeon on her mind, and why it is always Jeongyeon’s words she wants to hear the most.

“And you wonder why you get treated that way.” Jeongyeon scoffs, letting her ire out. “Value yourself a little more, Mina.”

“What do you know about loving someone, Jeongyeon?” Mina suddenly fights back, the resentment in her voice unexpected, “You sleep with random women and you think you know how relationships work?”

Mina never meant to say it but she has and it was too late to take it all back.

“I never thought you think so highly of me.” Jeongyeon chuckles briefly, masking the disappointment that settles in her. She finally stands up, fixing the folds on her shirt, and drops a 50$ bill on the table. “This is on me.”

Jeongyeon stops just beside Mina. 

Mina doesn’t look, but keeps her eyes ahead. Her pride above everything else.

Jeongyeon stares at Mina, all her anger subsiding as she speaks one last time,

“Stop accepting the love you don’t deserve, Mina.” 

 

-x-

 

Weeks travel fast and then it is the fifth month. Mina and Jeongyeon haven’t talked since that night. Jeongyeon doesn’t meet her gaze anymore, nor does she join the late night gathering despite Yuri and Rose’s plea. 

And Mina tries not to let it affect her, tries not to let a frown build on her face when Jeongyeon doesn’t look at her anymore, or tries not let her heart break whenever she sees Jeongyeon walking past her without a word, treating her like she never existed.

The change is obvious. Yuri asks, Rose does too but neither presses her about it. Suddenly understanding as soon as she mentions Anna and her are back together.

Anna . Mina thinks she should be happy. She is happy, right? This is what she wanted but why does Mina feel like a part of her still feels empty and another part has changed.

But Mina still tries to work on their relationship and likes to think Anna is trying too. Right?

“Mina,” She hears Anna call her out from the living room. “When are we going to put the dog up for adoption?”

Mina walks out of the bedroom and sees Anna by the couch, her hair up in a bun wearing nothing but a loose shirt. Anna still glows under the rays peeking through the window. And Mina remembers this as her everything, where her life revolves around but somewhere, somehow, as she looks into Anna then at the dog, it doesn’t feel like it anymore

“Have you read it?” Mina suddenly asks out of the blue, taking a few steps closer to where Anna could see her. “The one I gave you three days ago. The one I wrote. Have you read it?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“It’s great.”

“No.” Mina laughs a little, “What do you think about it? The ending?”

Anna doesn’t answer but stares at Mina. And it only took Mina a second to realize that nothing has changed. Anna is Anna, and as much as she likes to dismiss the thought, Anna’s lack of interest in anything she does only proves her otherwise.

They never had anything in common. Mina noticed this after the butterflies in their stomach died down and she found herself scared of Anna losing interest when she had already fallen deep. 

Mina dropped everything of who she was to fit everything Anna wanted her to be. She doesn’t put the blame on Anna. It was her own choice for letting it go as it had.

Mina has held onto the memory of them tightly, the part where they shared kisses under the rain, the part where Anna’s embraces felt like home, the part where promises of tomorrow felt like everything. Maybe it was also the reason she found it difficult to just let go.

It’s her fault for thinking that if she tries hard enough, she could still have that. But Anna isn’t trying anymore, not even then and no matter how hard she tries now, nothing would change. And Mina needs to forgive herself for trying, for thinking differently.

It takes two to make it work, but only one to disrupt it.

“Anna.” Mina looks at her, heart and mind finally at the same place. “I don’t think this is going to work anymore.”

 

 

 

-The Time with Jeongyeon's truths-

Sixth month approaches and Mina's hair is shorter. Yuri doesn’t ask but tells her it looks good, Rose does too. Mina doesn’t know how many days it has been since she broke things off with Anna, but she is well aware of how many days it has been since she last talked to Jeongyeon.

Jeongyeon. Mina notices that she hasn’t seen her today, not around the halls, common spaces and not even during the meeting. 

And the absence forces Mina to ask “Where is Jeongyeon?”

“You didn’t hear?” Yuri asks back, wondering.

“Hear what?”

Yuri leans closer, her voice a little soft as if what she is about to tell is a secret, “Today is her wife’s death anniversary.”

The revelation takes her by surprise, voicing a little louder than she is planning to “Wife?”

Yuri quickly puts a finger up her lips, and shushes her “Yes Mina, wife. I heard she died three years ago.”

Out of nowhere, it dawns on her. Everything she had said back then, all the stupid things she told Jeongyeon to be, and how incredibly insensitive she was.

The guilt feels heavy all of a sudden.

 

-x-

 

Mina doesn’t know what she was doing when she left the office in a hurry. All she knows is that she wanted to see her, tell her how stupid she was and how Jeongyeon is anything but what she told her to be. 

Jeongyeon realizes that she has been spending the last years the same way she had been doing after her wife died. It hurts a little less every year, but pain is still there surfacing every year on the same day. But Jeongyeon also realizes that the pain bears differently this time.

Mina stands by the door, has been standing a few minutes now hesitating whether to knock or to leave. But Mina wants to see Jeongyeon, wants her apology to get across, wants to help Jeongyeon rise up from this ordeal just as Jeongyeon had done for her.

So she let her knuckles hit the wooden door, knocking four times as she bites her lower lip in anticipation.

Jeongyeon doesn’t remember calling room service, and doesn't remember ordering something from the bar. But Jeongyeon still stands up, walks to the door and swings it open.

“Hey..”

Jeongyeon finally meets her gaze for the first time in months, the sound of her voice penetrating her ears, soothing the pain that has built up today.

 

-x-

 

Mina lets the cup of tea warm her nervous hands. She has been cradling the same tea Jeongyeon prepared for her minutes ago when the other girl led her inside.

They haven’t said anything, and it puts Mina a bit on the edge.

“I-..” She tries to start but stops when she meets Jeongyeon’s gaze.

“I’m guessing you heard.”

“I’m sorry…” Mina finally says, casting her eyes down on the tea. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Of course you did.” Jeongyeon lets out a breathy laugh, “You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t know.” Mina seconds.

“And that’s okay. That doesn’t change the fact that I did sleep around.”

Mina wants to ask, wants to look at Jeongyeon straight in the eyes and ask what happened. But Mina doesn’t have the courage to do so. 

Jeongyeon could see through her, and knows that Mina’s been aching to ask, but doesn’t. So she speaks up instead. “She died three years ago. Car accident. I didn’t know she was out that night. You would think that someone who doesn’t drive would be less likely to die in a car accident.”

Mina doesn’t say anything but listens.

“She was with someone that night. My wife was cheating on me and I was too distracted to notice. I’ve spent years wondering why, not really getting an answer, and then blamed myself through that. How I wasn’t enough. That if I could have been more like she wanted me to be then things might have turned out differently.”

Mina feels her heart weighing heavily. She wants to move closer, reach out and hug her. Tell Jeongyeon none of these was her fault. But Mina stays seated, looking through those eyes to see the scar that hasn’t healed. Not fully yet.

“Then I saw you at the bar. You have that same look I had and I couldn’t let myself leave you be. I was so caught up in fixing you that had forgotten my own. I wanted you to see your worth and not let someone trash it around just as my wife had. But you were right, when you said what you said.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You were, Mina. What do I know about love when mine was far twisted? I’ve been spending years seeking an answer but I finally understood that it wasn’t what I needed but forgiveness. To forgive her, to forgive myself.”

“Have you?”

“Slowly. Makes it easy to sleep at night.”

“You should Jeongyeon.” Mina turns to talk. “You deserve that. I’m not here to tell you who to blame or not to. It’s just that there are things we can’t control, and we can’t let ourselves get stranded by it. You’re a good person, a great one I’ve come to know. And you owe yourself a life outside all of this guilt.” 

Jeongyeon doesn’t say anything and neither does Mina, but the look in each other’s eyes are enough for them to understand something beyond words ever could.

 

 

 

 

-The Time with the Goodbyes-

The project ends with a celebration, with them meeting the target and securing the largest client the company ever had. 

But Mina hardly celebrates, knowing full well that in a couple of days, Jeongyeon would be leaving for home, six thousand miles away from where she is. And Mina isn’t ready just yet.

Jeongyeon isn’t ready as well. But this isn’t her home, hasn’t been in a while despite how being around Mina makes it feel just that. 

So she lets the remaining days be all about Mina. And it probably is a mistake on her part to make it just that when she’ll be missing the other girl more after this.

But Jeongyeon doesn’t mind

Mina doesn’t mind too if it gets her to spend a little more time with Jeongyeon.

And they spend the days with each other. Walking around park with Mina’s dog, dragging Jeongyeon to see the penguins she keeps telling her about, going over Mina’s first story and how Mina could use a little fluff in there, letting Jeongyeon eat the cake she had baked confidence in Mina as she says the name in French, then settling at the sofa watching 80s film with Mina commenting how romantic it was when Lloyd Dobler holds a boombox outside the girl’s window. 

They spend the next day just like that, around each other, and Jeongyeon hopes, as she looks at Mina sleeping against her shoulders, that time would stand still, just for now, just long enough to remember what happiness looks like.

But time doesn’t stop, and the day Mina dreaded arrives.

And they're outside, stand in front of the Hotel, with Rose hailing a cab for Jeongyeon on the side.

Yuri is the first to say her goodbye, hugging Jeongyeon around and joking how Jeongyeon missed her opportunity with her. “Sorry it didn’t work out for us.” Jeongyeon laughs, her breath ruffling Yuri's hair as she tightens the embrace.

The cab arrives.

And it is now Rose's turn to bid her farewell, wrapping her arm around the taller girl as she does so. Jeongyeon succumbs to the embrace, letting her cheek rest on the side of Rose’s head. They part, with Rose muttering her sincere “Thank you for everything.”

And then it is Mina.

Jeongyeon faces her, and Mina inches in closer, close enough for Jeongyeon to pull her into a tight hug. 

Jeongyeon loves Mina. But she doesn’t say it. The scar is deep and still healing. And she loves Mina a little more than she should have to let her deal with it. Mina deserves more than she could offer right now. So she doesn’t say the words, doesn’t keep promises she’s still uncertain she could keep. She hugs her tighter and let her feelings across instead.

Mina loves Jeongyeon. But she doesn’t say it too. She’s still broken, still fixing herself up. And she loves Jeongyeon more than she ever could possibly love someone to let herself say it when she’s not ready. So she doesn’t say it, doesn’t let herself say it. Jeongyeon deserves more than a broken soul. She’ll heal, not yet, but surely someday. She buries herself closer, letting her unspoken words be felt.

Soon they pull away, the warmth still burning through their skin.

Jeongyeon smiles one last time, gripping Mina’s hand a little tighter.

 

-x-

 

Weeks have passed since Jeongyeon left.

They barely talked, not being able to meet each other’s free time. They sent messages though, stories to tell that slowly shortened to how are you then to good night.

They were busy, and both understood that, didn't demand anything to each other but just to be happy.

Weeks then turned into months.

And Mina had spent those days cleaning up her apartment. Remnants of Anna tucked away in some boxes.

She met with Anna to hand those boxes out a day after. The feeling of not feeling anything as she sees her again surprised her. There wasn't any yearning nor wanting. Her heart didn’t break. Even when Anna told her she met someone and she was in love. She was happy, truly genuinely happy for Anna. And then she wonders when it started, where she was able to finally let it go.

Mina spent another day painting her apartment, color representing her anew. That suffocating feeling no longer there.

Then today arrives and a package on her front door.

She picks it up and walks back in, the dog following behind her. She sees the address then a name, and wonders for a while what Jeongyeon had sent her. She cuts through the tape and pulls the flap open.

She remembers mentioning it to Jeongyeon in one of their many conversations about how she wanted to have her own book. And here she is looking at the hard bound with her story title imprinted in the middle and her name etched in gold lining at the bottom. She takes it out and runs her hand over the cover, smiling wider as she did so. She flips it open, brushing her thumb through the pages, then stops at the last page.

Mina doesn’t remember writing the last lines. But she remembers Jeongyeon’s comment, and understands now, understands it well. How Jeongyeon is taking the first move.

 

But as she looked right into her eyes down to her lips, those reasons seemed so trivial. And the only thing that seemed important was practically the only one thing running through her mind… that she was finally ready.

 

Mina gently places the book on the table and grabs her phone.

It’s 6:00PM. Seventeen hours ahead. Too late for a call.

But Mina still dials, still hopes that she’s awake. The phone rings, and rings, and rings. Her conviction falters in every sound.

Then it picks, a familiar voice answering, "Hello?"

Mina feels her heart melting at the sound, realizes then that she is complete to take the call. 

"Hey, Jeongyeon."

 

-...and the beginning-