“Jaemin-ah, say ‘hyung’.”

“Usha.”

“Not that, say ‘hyung’.”

“Ushi.”

“He said it! He said it!”

“Like hell he did, you idiot!”

“Jaemin-ah, say ‘I love Taewoo hyung more than anyone else’.”

“Usha.”

“See! He said it!”

---

 

 

Seoul Music Awards To Go Ahead

The awards night that celebrates wonderful music each year has been given the all clear after some security concerns. Seoul Police Commissioner, Kin Hansol , has stated that concerns are unwarranted, with the location of the awards night to be held in the magnificent Seoul Plaza Hotel. Not only is the hotel well concealed amidst its thick iron walls, but its circular structure also allowed for extra security to be dispersed.

Despite some upset from fans that the event is only for celebrity attendance, there is great excitement that the televised affair will draw in the cream of the music industry. IU, Sunmi, EXO, Seventeen, Girls Generation, Kim Jongkook—and even a special performance from the musical legend G.O.D—

 

---

Jaemin wiped the glass for what felt like the hundredth time, and set it onto the table. He yearned for the softness of his hoodie and jeans, instead of the crisp, long sleeved white shirt and tight black trousers he had to wear. The waiter uniform even came with a black vest that made him feel like something out an old English movie.

“Han Youngmin,” the head waiter snapped. “How long are you going to take with that bloody glass? Come help me set this table.”

Jaemin adjusted his glasses. “Yes, sir.”

“And fix your expression,” the head waiter, a large man with sweat beading his temples, snapped. “What’s the point of a handsome face if you’re going to look like someone has died?”

“Sorry, sir.” Jaemin hurried to the head waiter’s side and grasped the other side of the tablecloth. “I’m just nervous.”

The Head Waiter sniffed and laid doen the white linen. It stretched over the table without even a crease. “Nervous? What are you nervous about? You’re just a part timer. Serve the meals, smile at celebrities and clear the plates. That’s it.”

Jaemin drew in a deep breath and gazed at the chandelier than hung from the centre of the intricately designed ceiling. The chandelier’s crystals glittered an array of rainbow shimmers. He flicked his gaze to the rest of the surroundings. The hotel’s main hall, a massive, dome shaped room also sparkled. The stage had been decorated with hanging flowers and royal maroon curtains. White topped tables and high backed golden chairs filled the floor. The navy blue carpet had not a speck of dirt and felt soft even under Jaemin’s shoes.

An event hall worthy of even god’s presence.

“You’re right,” Jaemin said quietly. “What exactly am I so nervous about?”

 

---

 

Two days ago

“You want to be a waiter for just one night?” The voice from the phone sounded as indignant as Jaemin had expected.

“Please, Youngmin-ah.” Jaemin sighed. “You’ve worked at that hotel before. If you can just put in a good word for me…And let me wear your old uniform—you know, the one with your name on it—”

“But hyung, why?” Youngmin asked, exasperation clear in his voice. “You’re too busy to even come home. You said you have exams.”

“I know.” Jaemin carded a hand through his hair. Medical school wasn’t easy. Especially as a third year student. “I know. But that’s where the Seoul Music Awards is going to be and it’s just one night.”

There was a paused from the phone before Youngmin spoke again in a knowing tone. “You want to see them.”

Jaemin bit his lip. “I…”

“You should have just gone to their concert.” His younger brother’s voice took on a mocking edge. “Instead you want to scurry about them and serve them food like a rat.”

Jaemin frowned. “Hey. Watch it.”

“What? Are you going to wait until they get their award and then introduce yourself? Say, ‘Hyungs, I’m Jaemin—remember me? The baby you used to change nappies for.”

“Stop it,” Jaemin warned, anger tinging his tone. “I mean it.”

Another pause, then a long sigh. “I’ll speak to my friend. He’ll help you get set up as a waiter…But hyung. Who are they to you? You haven’t seen them since you were a little kid. They haven’t even tried to contact you. You can’t even remember them! Why do you still care?”

Jaemin let his head drop onto the pillow and stared at the bedroom’s ceiling. What were those five men to him? Hyungs? Parent figures? They’d probably forgotten all about him. He’d just been a way for them to make money and get fame. Thrown away once they were done.

But still. Flickers of words, the faintest of memories—

“Jaemin-ah, hyung loves you so much.”

“Jaemin-ah, you have to grow up happy and healthy. You won’t let hyung down, right?”

“Jaemin-ah, my little darling boy.”

“It’s pathetic,” Youngmin said, not unkindly. “Hyung you’re being pathetic.”

Jaemin allowed himself a bitter smile. “I know, you brat. I just…I just miss them.” Pathetic. Completely pathetic. “I’ll see them just once.”

“And then?”

“Then, I’ll forget all about them.” Jaemin nodded to himself. “I’ll forget all about them and move with my life.”

 

---

 

The hotel staff moved around each other like ants. Each certain of their own job and able to do it without getting into the trail of another worker. Jaemin found that three years of medical school, of moving out of doctors and nurses’ way in hospitals, and of blending in with the walls to avoid an interrogation from the consultants, actually helped for once. He had stacked the champagne glasses, decorated the tables with fresh roses and dusted the chairs in the hotel’s lobby without getting in anyone’s way. By the late afternoon, he was feeling rather proud of himself.

But his pride was soured by nerves. In just a few hours, he was about to come face to face with the five men who’d haunted his thoughts throughout his childhood, his teenage years, his early university days. In just a few hours, he’d see then and—

What if they recognised him?

Worse.

What if they didn’t?

Jaemin shook his head and continued with vacuuming the lobby. It teemed with staff, but admidst the throng of bodies, he could see the hotel’s gardens. Beautiful was the only word that came to Jaemin’s mind. The grass looked like green silk, the flowers, a variety of colours and species, dazzled from the bushes. Trees, laden with healthy green leaves and fruits drooped over the iron walls that encircled the building.

It was as Jaemin stared into the garden that he noticed the man across the lobby. Even without his gold, flashing watch, and tailored Armani suit, the man would have stuck out. Chiselled features, high cheekbones and a stride that screamed of control and power. Jaemin stared as the man whispered something to one of the security guards. The guard, his face stern and impassive, nodded and walked away. The man watched the guard go with a slow smirk. He spun on his heel to do a full circle of the lobby, before catching Jaemin’s gaze.

. Jaemin wrenched his gaze back to the carpet and pretended to struggle with vacuuming the corner. His heart pounded as he ducked his head and fiddled with the vacuum. That man’s eyes. Those eyes that had stared directly at him. They’d been cold. Ice cold. Dead.

By the time, Jaemin dared to sneak another peek, the man was gone.

But the guard never came back.

---

“Hey guys, look! It’s that student. Han Jaemin. You know that kid who used to be on that baby variety show.”

“Get out of my way.”

“What? Didn’t your hyungs teach you manners?”

"I said, get out of my way. I need to get to assembly.”

“Did you hear about what happened to your Wang-umma. That freak tried to kill himself yesterday. What a loser—ah!”

The punch had felt good. Even later on, sitting in the principal’s office, nursing his bruised knuckles while his parents yelled at him, it was all he could think. The punch had felt bloody good.

---

Jaemin was surprised to find that most of the worked had hidden themselves in the kitchens when the celebrities began trickling in. Apparently, celebrities visited the hotel so often that the appeal of seeing them in person had worn off. But there was still a fair number of waiters who, like him, hovered by the hotel’s entrance.

Reporters swarmed the lobby to grab pictures, while the celebrities entered on the red carpet. Through the glass walls, Jaemin could see the limousines pulling up and the celebrities getting out to be greeted by flashing cameras. How they could stand there and grin with their white teeth, Jaemin couldn’t understand. He hated cameras. Hated them.

“Jaemin-ah, can you sing a g.o.d song for us?”

A crowed of a hundred eyes stared at him with hunger. An unfamiliar face gave him a fake smile while still continuing the interview.

“Jaemin-ah, who’s your favourite hyung?”

He stood frozen. Speechless. And the cameras kept clicking and clicking and clicking—

Excited cheering broke him out of his trance. Jaemin peered over the shoulder of the girl in front of him to see that Running Man’s Jong-kook had just arrived. And then another cheer, when Seventeen arrived, all thirteen of them looking dapper in their glittering suits. Jaemin grinned as the girls before him squealed. He didn’t pay much attention to the kpop scene but he did like Seventeen, with their theatre like dances and boyish humour. Their leader, Seungcheol, clapped his hands and the group instantly organised themselves into two rows and posed for the cameras.

Must be nice, Jaemin thought as he watched them enter the lobby. To be a part of something, to feel like you belonged.

“Jaemin-ah, you have to put your hand in too. You’re the sixth member, got it? Let’s cheer in 3-2-1- fighting!”

“Are you all being paid to just stand around!”

Damn. Jaemin winced as he and a few other guilty looking waiters turned to face the head waiter. The man’s round face shone with sweat and a vein throbbed in his temple.

“Get back to work!” The head waiter yelled. “All of you!”

Jaemin bowed in tandem with the other waiters and made towards the kitchen, but the head waiter caught his arm.

“Not you,” the head waiter growled. “You serve the celebrities juice as they enter.”

Alarm pulsed in Jaemin. “I really think that someone with better hand eye coordination should—”

“Don’t you dare try to palm off your jobs!” The head waiter’s meaty finger jabbed into Jaemin’s chest. “Get to it.”

With a gloomy sigh, Jaemin accepted the tray of apple juiced glasses.

“Yes, sir.”

---

“Jamin-ah, you need to have this vaccine okay? But don’t worry, hyung will be right there with you.”

“Hey, Jaemin-ah, the injection actually really hurts, haha!”

“Taewoo, you little—”

---

Serving the singers wasn’t as scary as Jaemin had expected. They mostly ignored him as they crowded in the entrance hall, preferring to chat to each other instead. Jaemin managed to get a clap on the back from Seventeen’s Mingyu and a grin from the maknae Dino. He even had his cheek pinched by Hello Counselor’s Yeongja. It made him blush, but why she was at a music awards show did baffle him.

Cheers from hotel staff and clamour from reported kept going on and off with each new celebrity arrival. Jaemin blocked out all of the noise and focused on holding the tray of glasses without tripping over his feet.

After an almighty cheer echoed around the entrance hall, Jaemin decided to find a way to escape. His glasses were askew and though a breeze blew in through the open doors, his shirt clung to his back with sweat. Having so many people in the room meant heat.

Jaemin was just about to head towards the kitchens, when he saw the man. It was the same man from the afternoon—the one with cold, dead eyes that didn’t match the chiselled contours of his face. He had his hands behind him and was surveying the room with the air of someone in charge. Every so often, a celebrity would say something to him and he’d nod his head with a  joke that’d make the celebrity laugh.

A talk man with hulking biceps approached Dead Eyes and murmured something into his ear. The smile on Dead Eyes’s face stretched into a sinister grin.

For the second time that day, Dead Eyes locked gazes with him. Jaemin yelped and lurched away, accidentally bumping into EXO’s Kai and tripping over Hyuna’s feet. He went sprawling forward, the tray slipping out of his hands and clattering to the floor, glasses of juice spraying everywhere.

There were a few screams as ladies rushed to shield their dresses and the crowd of celebrities startled away to give him a wide berth. Jaeming pushed himself onto his knees, his face flushed warm and stomach twisting as if snakes crawled within.

Idiot. Jaemin wished the ground would swallow him whole. You bloody idiot.

“My suit!” A warm, chocolatey voice yelled. “My suit! Hyung, stop laughing!”

Jaemin’s gut plummeted with horror. He kept his gaze lowered to the velvet carpet even as laughter rang out before him and Kim Taewoo continued to yell.

Not like this, Jaemin prayed. I can’t meet them like this.

But it was too late. A rough hand jerked Jaemin to his feet and Jaemin found himself face to face with the head waiter. If the man was angry before, he was apoplectic now. With his face a blistering red and his neck corded. Jaemin half thought that the head waiter was about to have a heart attack.

“You imbecile! You moron! Can’t you do a single thing right?”

Jaemin hurriedly bowed, murmuring ‘sorry’ again and again. The other celebrities had continued to chat to each other.

“What’s the point in apologising to me?” the Head Waiter yelled. “Do you know whose suit you’ve just stained? Kim Taewoo! The Kim Taewoo!”

“Hey, bro,” an American voice said with a chuckle. “It’s okay. Taewoo, stop making a fuss.”

“I spent a fortune on the suit, hyung! And you two, stop laughing!”

These voices were familiar. So familiar that Jaemin could cry at how close to him they were, but instead, he could only stare at his shoes and wish he’d never signed up to this nightmare.

“Apologise!” the head waiter roared.

Jaemin cradled the tray to his chest and slowly raised his head. His breath shuttered as he took in the five men before him. They looked the same. They looked exactly the same.

Joon hyung, the leader with tanned skin and cropped hair. Kye-sang, with his daft smile as he chortled with Danny, who’d gained some chubbiness in his cheeks and confidence in his eyes. Taewoo, the maknae, was still the tallest and largest, with a new beard and a spreading brown stain on his white blazer front.

And—Jaemin’s throat tightened—Hoyoung, with that same soft smile and kind eyes. He looked the same, exactly the same, and Jaemin had to fight the urge to step forward with his arms raised for a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Jaemin choked out and took a deep bow. “I’m really sorry.”

“How’s that going to help my suit,” Taewoo grumbled as he dabbed a napkin at the stain.

Kye-sang swatted the back of Taewoo’s head. “You can’t even notice it, you dolt! Calm down.”

Taewoo pouted and flicked a resentful glare at Jaemin. “Fine.”

“Sorry,” Jaemin whispered, lowering his gaze. What had he expected? For them to recognise him and pull him into a hug? Maybe mention him while performing on stage? Get him to sit at their table during the awards’ dinner.

“It’s okay, man,” Joonhyung said with a kind smile. “ happens, you know?”

“Jaemin-ah, say appa. Say appa.”

The head waiter half dragged Jemin out of the hall, while celebrities casted him dirty looks. Seventeen’s Seungkwan sent him a pitying smile and a ‘fighting’ pose as the head waiter pulled Jaemin into the corridors.

“What was that?” the head waiter snapped.

Jaemin opened his mouth to apologise again, before remembering Dead Eyes.

“Sir, I think I saw someone suspicious.”

The head waiter scowled. “Suspicious? Right. You need to acknowledge your mistake, young man! Instead of looking for excuses!”

“But sir!”

“That’s enough from you! Get to the main hall and help prepare for dinner!”

“But—”

“Now! Move it!”

Jaemin sighed. “Yes, sir.”

 

---

 

“Jaemin-ah,” his mother murmured. “What’s the matter?”

A two year old Jaemin stared at the g.o.d poster.

“Hyung will come soon,” his mother said. She always said that.

But it’d been so long. Jaemin couldn’t remember how long. But it’d been so so long.

He missed them.

 

---

Once all the celebrities were seated in the main hall, the awards ceremony began. Yoo Jae-suk was the MC, and he was greeted with a raucous cheer that would rival any kpop idol. The main hall was shrouded in dim lighting, and its lack of windows and sparse doors made Jaemin feel claustrophobic as he served TWICE their drinks.

They hadn’t recognised him. Jaemin heaved a sigh, prompting a surprised glance from Sana. They hadn’t even suspected.

Don’t be pathetic, Jaemin scolded himself. Idiot.

The main hall was shrouded with sim lights. After appetisers, it was time for performances. Jaemin lounged by the hall’s rear and watched as g.o.d took the stage. Dressed in their old black suits, they performed Road. It was Jaemin’s favourite song, and he couldn’t help clapping along with the crowd.

Cool, Jaemin thought with a grin. Hyungs you’re cool.

As he watched, Kye-sang waved at IU and the other members laughed and mimicked him. A ridiculous sense of jealousy flared within Jaemin.

They’d been his once. Jaemin bit the inside of his cheek. They’d once been his only.

Not any longer though. Not since he turned two. Maybe not even before.

Now, g.o.d were the legends, and he was just Jaemin. He might be grown now, but his reach had been longer when his arms were short and chubby.

With that thought in mind and lump in his throat, Jaemin left before the song ended.

---

 

“No, Jaemin-ah, they’re busy people! You can’t disturb them!”

“But I want to see them again!”

“Jaemin-ah, g.o.d disbanded last year. You can’t expect them to come see you together again.”

“But I miss them.”

“They’re not coming, Jaemin-ah. Now, go check if your brother’s ready for a bath.”

 

---

It was just Jaemin’s luck that he was assigned g.o.d for dinner. He had a sneaking suspicion that the Head Waiter was behind it - maybe as a way to make him apologise again so that the hotel didn’t end up with a complaint from Kim Taewoo.

Jaemin’s hands shook as he carried the dinner tray to g.o.d’s table. He didn’t dare raise his head to meet their eyes.

“I’ve got your dinner,” Jaemin stuttered as he arrived at the table.

“Ah.” A soft voice that reminded Jaemin of sunshine and a light breeze spoke. “Thank you!”

Jaemin snuck a side glance as he distributed the plates of food, and his heart did an odd jump to see Ho young grinning at him brightly.

Damn, Jaemin thought with some amusement. The man really was a smiling angel.

A flicker of a memory, vague and hazy, like a dream of a dream burst to the front of Jaemin’s mind. A young blond haired man whose smile radiated from ear to ear, whose arms felt strong and secure, whose gentle words brought comfort and warmth and pure joy.

“Hey, bro. What about my soup?”

Joonhyung’s question made Jaemin started. He quickly removed the soup from the tray and placed it before Joonhyung, splashing the frothy mixture onto the white tablecloth in the process.

“Easy, man,” Joonhyung laughed. A carefree laugh that would have made Jaemin smile if he didn’t feel like melting into the floor.

“Sorry,” Jaemin muttered.

“Ah!” Taewoo, sat in the middle of Kye-sang and Danny gasped. “You’re the one who stained my suit! That shirt cost five hundred pounds!”

Jaemin raised an eyebrow, mild annoyance welling within him. “I said I was sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t take back the hurt you’ve cause.” Taewoo pronounced with a dramatic hand on his chest.

Jaemin fought the urge to glare. No wonder he hadn’t liked the man as a baby. Bastard bumped his head against the ceiling.

“Yah!” Danny chuckled and tugged at Taewoo’s ear. “Stop teasing the poor kid.”

Taewoo’s mock anger melted into a sheepish grin. “It really was an expensive suit, hyung.”

“Taewoo-ah,” Kye-sang declared, clasping Taewoo’s shoulders, “It was never about the suit. It was about you. It’s always been about you.”

The table broke into loud guffaws and Jaemin ducked his head to hide his smile. It was nice to see them like this. Happy. Together. He tried to leave discretely but Taewoo hurled the attention back onto him.

“What did you think of our performance?” Taewoo asked, preening as he slicked back his hair.

Jaemin shrugged. “It was okay.”

Taewoo spluttered. “Okay?”

“Acceptable,” Jaemin said. “I liked Seventeen’s stage better.”

A part of Jaemin wondered why he was saying this. Why was he deliberately risking things by insulting the men he’d missed so much. But it was fun. To tease them like this.

“You little brat.” Taewoo pointed a finger and made to get up, but a laughing Kye-sang and Danny jerked him back into his seat. “Get here you.”

Jaemin resisted the urge to stick out his out his tongue and backed away to return to the kitchens. Echoes of g.o.d’s laughter rang out behind him. Pain creased his cheeks and it was only once Jaemin reached the kitchens did he realised it was because of how hard he was smiling.

---

“Jaemin-ah, why are you like this? You’ve got everything, sweetheart. Friends, university, and your family is right here.”

“I don’t know, mum…It-it just feels like I’m missing something.”

---

 

By the time it got to dessert, most of the staff had left, leaving only the younger part timers to handle the final dishes and clearing up. Jaemin paused by the main hall’s door, unable to decide. Should he go inside and speak to them again? Should he just go help in the kitchens?

He’d promised Youngmin that he’d leave g.o.d after tonight. Never concern himself about them again. But the idea of leaving, never to see their faces again…it hurt.

Go introduce yourself, a voice within Jaemin said. Tell them who you are. Ask them why they never tried to find you. Tell them they better take you out for a drink and give you a hug and—

A flicker of movement further down the corridor caught Jaemin’s eye. It was the Dead Eyes man speaking into a radio. He looked happy. Happy in a way that sent chills down Jaemin’s spine. Further down the corridor, men were assembling. Strange men, some who looked foreign with blonde hair and square jaws. They were dressed all in black and carried something heavy and dark that glinted under the lights—

Jaemin stopped breathing. Guns. They were carrying guns.

His legs rooted to the spot. Panic cast a tight band around his chest and his knees threatened to knuckle. What did he do? What did he do—

The guards!

Jaemin spun around and stifled a scream. How he’d not noticed before was beyond him. But there—at the foyer’s entrance, were scattered bodies stained with red.

Help, Jaemin wanted to scream. Help.

Five faces came to his mind, and he surged through the main hall’s doors. Ignoring the surprised yelps of the waiters hovering around, Jaemin started running. He dashed past Seventeen’s table, where they were cheering Monsta-X accepting an award on stage, almost knocked into AKMU’s Su-hyun, and banged his shin against Hyuna’s chair before he finally reached the table.

“You have to get out of here!” Jaemin clutched the table’s edge and breathed hard. His heart wouldn’t stop hammering. “Please. There’re men with guns. They’re coming. You all have to go! Now! Hurry!”

Five pairs of confused eyes peered at him.

“What do you mean?” Kye-sang frowned.

“You have to go,” Jaemin babbled. He grabbed Hoyoung’s sleeve and pulled, forcing the man to half stagger out of his seat. “You have to—”

“Let go of him!” Taewoo was suddenly on Jaemin’s right. He yanked Jaemin’s hand off Hoyoung, the same protectiveness Jaemin felt reflected in his eyes.

“But—”

Taewoo shoved him and Jaemin staggered into a security guard’s arms. Firm hand gripped his shoulders and began hauling him away.

“No!” Jaemin struggled against the grip. He felt like he was about to throw up. “The men with guns are coming! You have to go!”

Hoyoung stepped forward with a concerned frown. “Maybe we should—”

“Just take him away,” Taewoo said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“For god’s sake,” Jaemin bellowed. “Listen to me, you bloody moron!”

Taewoo’s eyes bulged. “What did you call me, you brat!”

“There’re men with guns coming here now!” Jaemin twisted out of the guard’s grip and waved his hands as he spun around. “Go! You all have to run!”

Celebrities had gone quiet, transfixed by the spectacle he was making of himself. Jaemin opened his mouth to yell at them again—can’t they see the approaching danger? Did they not have any sense of self-preservation?

BANG

Blood splattered across Jaemin, tainting his shirt and the left side of his face. The guard blinked once, twice, then fell face first. Red bloomed out of the centre of his shirt like a flower.

There was exactly one second of silence.

And then the screaming began.

 

I really hope you enjoyed reading! Please, please comment your thoughts - it really fuels me to keep writing and post chapters quickly.

Thank you for reading!!!