Chapter 9

Night had fallen and the moon was shining bright blue in its entire splendor, protecting the four men who were sitting comfortably around the campfire. Lost in their thoughts of all that had happened just a few hours ago, they gazed at the flames that gave them a comforting warmth. They knew that this idyllic atmosphere would not last forever, but for this brief moment they wanted to enjoy it, and forget all the horrors that this world had to offer. Because for that moment the world was quiet, nothing but the crackling fire could be heard, which made them fall into a cozy trance.

Key rested his head on Jinkis shoulder, and he felt as if that was exactly where he needed to be, at Jinkis side. The elder knew this undeniable truth too, they didn't have to say it out loud, they didn't have to ask it of the other, it was just a pure certainty, for everyone to observe, for no one to deny.

Taemin looked at the two of them full of affection, full of longing. He was happy for them that they had found in each other the person who not only loved them unconditionally, but could give hope and confidence no matter how dark the hour might seem.

He sighed deeply, and couldn't help but realize that his feelings for Kai had been erased. He wondered if those feelings were ever real, because what he felt for Kai was so different from what he saw when he looked at Key and Jinki. He hadn't had to think about him once in the last few days, hadn't missed him or sought his closeness. It was almost as if a burden had fallen from his shoulder, but only almost. For a heavier burden was making its way into his heart.

He had to laugh bitterly for a moment at himself and what he thought was a ridiculous wish. For he wished nothing more than that his feelings for Kai had remained. No matter how many times Kai had rejected him, made him feel small or disregarded him and stood him up. Taemin had learned to deal with this pain, he had lived with it for the last few years, and he survived with it. He was strong enough for that.

But the thought that he would never be able to see Minho again in a couple of weeks drove a deep emptiness into his consciousness that he knew he could never live with.

What he felt for Minho was something he could never have put into words. The word love, he knew, was not enough to describe what he felt when Minho smiled at him. The word affection could not show the urgency with which he wanted to cling to him in his life. The word devotion did not even begin to describe how much he looked up to him, because he never gave up when times got hard. No words in the world could even come close to describing how deeply he had taken this man into his heart. But that was all right with him, because he didn't want to find those words.

He knew that once he spoke them, he would never be able to take them back.

Once they were said, they were part of reali