[A/N: Huhuhuhu.. I can now say that I'm obsessed with EXO. I have never shipped a whole boy group like EXO. My OT12. Se Hun is my ultimate bias, but Lu Han comes very close. Well, darn it, I like every single one of them. Alright, alright.. Heehee, to everyone who's supporting this fic, I am grateful to bits. I wake up and read your comments and my day magically becomes a whole lot better. So thank you very much. Hugs, everyone!]

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>>> LU HAN'S POV<<<

I thought about it a lot. My insomnia's getting out of hand. I get it, I can't sleep properly because I have insomnia, but these two months… 

It's tough, knowing that I've let go of something I never really had.

Something?

I meant someone.

I can't even mention her name. Uttering it will just drive me nuts. For the nights I can't sleep, I just know that it's more than insomnia.

Drifting away to unconscious has become even harder with the thought of her still hanging.

My body is shielded in angst. Where's her soft voice that put me to sleep? I ache with longing. I chose this path for a reason.

But.. ignoring her…. I felt bad about it. It's like I've left a part of myself.

I long for her brother's kinds coupled with her own hostility.

Yes, her hostility. 

Every little thing about her…

the softness of her hair, her citrus scent, the tiny mole on her hand, ugh.. everything. 

I would lie on my bed and close my eyes.. close my eyes… close my eyes…

You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart from things you don't want to feel.

….

The thing is, I've let go of her.

I've let go of Chae Rin because a failure like me doesn't deserve someone like her.

All my life, I've been the biggest disappointment. I've never done anything right.

On the other hand, there's Chae Rin- hardworking, driven, compassionate.

She's the person my parents have always wanted me to be.

I've been with other girls. None of them made me want to turn back from my old ways. None of them changed me.