"She must hate me so much that's why she killed my baby... No not baby but babies. She abandoned two babies' lives and even planned to hide it from me. I wish I wish..... I wish she could know I would want them. This is too much. I don't think I can ever understand her. Godddddd.....  But I know I don't have right to get angry. First we accidentally made it because of drunkenness and second because of being by me. Yeah, so she doesn't want it. She hates me, she hates my babies."

Rap Monster continued crying with the sadness of losing his babies not one but two. He wants to blame Sooah but he knows he doesn't have right to do that. Because he forced her that's why she hates him and that's why she ended his babies' life.

The heartbroken father held the last baby scan, crying to lure himself to sleep in this saddest night.

-----///-----

NEXT DAY 

Rap Monster tried to make up his feeling and except the reality that Sooah has a huge hatred toward him. He made a decision. 

He went to wait for her at dining table. 

Sooah finally came but with very pale and sick condition. Rap Monster gave order to everyone to leave the dining room, leaving only Sooah with him.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked like nothing happened, like he isn't upset with her at all. His tone was bold and his facial expression was firm. 

"I'm feeling a bit better now." Sooah replied. 

Then she coughed. 

"Drink some water!" Rap Monster said but still with firm expression. He didn't walk to her place or showed his care which he would do in the past anymore. 

Sooah grabbed a glass of water to drink. The cough started went down. 

"I'm sorry!" Rap Monster suddenly apologized. 

Sooah frowned, looking at him. She didn't get what he apologized for. 

"What... what are you apologizing for?" she stuttered, asking him.

Rap Monster tried to hold his tears before answered her. 

"You fell into sickness because of aborting my baby. I'm sorry. I made you in this state. I'm sorry I made you pregnant my babies twice. You must be so hard and hurt." he said. 

Sooah was like a bullet attacked her chest. His apology could kill her. She started dropping her tears while looking at him guiltily for making him think this way. 

Rap Monster still tried his best not to cry even she is crying.

"Please rest well to be healthy back! I will provide everything you need. And you don't have to feel bad for killing my babies. I mean I deserved it. I forced you. You never wanted our babies or me... Let's say I received my sin and let's forget everything, just everything between us." he added. 

Sooah cried louder and harder. She touched on her chest as she felt so painful because of his words.

"By the way, I have a good news for you. You're graduating in two months, right? So after you graduate, I will give you freedom. You can leave my house after 2 months. You can go to live wherever you want. You will not see me anymore. You won't see someone you hate like hell anymore. Just bear for only 2 months. I'm done speaking. I'm gonna go to work now." Rap Monster coldly finished his speech, grabbed his working bag then left Sooah crying alone.

Sooah received continuing pain. The way he told her to leave his house after 2 months hurt her so much. Now she can feel that aborting his babies attacked his mental so much.

"Namjoon-shi, I'm sorry. You must hate me so much now. You don't deserve any of this but me, I deserve all the pain alone. I'm really sorry." -Sooah-

-----

From that day, Rap Monster sees Sooah less. He tries to ignore her as he thinks she would be fine by not seeing him often. He only focuses on his company and mafia world. 

Sooah got better with her physical but her mental is not fine. She feels so sorry for Rap Monster but she dares to talk to him first as she thinks he must still feel bad for seeing her. 

Even the breakfast and lunch, they don't have it together anymore... Correction : Rap Monster doesn't come to join Sooah anymore. 

Sooah cries everyday. She often cries at dining table too but refuses to share her pain to her both servants. 

.....

"Ouch, ouch... My stomach... Help..." One mid night, Sooah woke up in pain because of her stomachache which caused by her tumor. It was too hurt that she couldn't even walk.

"Hik hik it's so hurt." she cried in pain alone on bed. 

She struggled to crawl from bed to get her medicine. She finally managed to get her medicine and took it at once. The pain started to go down but Sooah still kept crying as she felt so lonely and scared of her disease. 

"What if I don't make it?" she was on the floor, laying her back on the desk, crying loudly with the fear she has. 

That moment, Rap Monster was passing by her room. He stopped by as he could hear noisy voice like crying. He wanted to get in to see her but he decided not to. He continued walking to his room. 

Sooah suddenly heard his footsteps. As she hasn't seen him a few days, she wanted to see him. She struggled to stand up and walked to the door. She opened the door and saw Rap Monster was closing his door almost completely. 

"Namjoon-shi!!!"

She called him. She called him with all power she has. She thought he could definitely hear her but he didn't turn back. He just closed his door and never opened it again to see her. 

Sooah was waiting for him to come out but he didn't. She lost her balance. She cried next to the door while holding her sick stomach. 

"He must hate me so much." -Sooah-

Now the pain to be ignored by the man she loves is bigger than the stomach pain she has. 

.....

Yes, Rap Monster did hear Sooah was calling him but he didn't want to turn back. He still feels hurt with the loss of his babies whenever he sees her. Of course, he doesn't hate her but seeing her making him feel he is the reason that made Sooah killed innocent lives. So ignoring her is the best for him and her too. 

-----///-----

Now, not seeing each other in many days in a row has become a new habit to them. 

Rap Monster always leaves early in the morning and comes back home very late and some nights, he never comes back. He just goes to pub or casino for the whole night. Because this way will help him to move on from Sooah and his baby death for a while. 

Sooah always waits for him until she falls asleep. Waiting for him is a must she has committed to herself. Even just hearing his footstep is enough for her. 

One of the awful parts of her life is her tumor started hurt her so often although she takes pill, it doesn't help her much. She often goes to see doctor. Doctor always says the same thing that she has to wait a little more to see the development of tumor before doing operation because getting operation is a big decision. It would cause her infertility. 

Everyday, Sooah is living like dying half way already. She feels lonely more and more day by day. She tries to be strong but it's not easy as she doesn't have anybody to cheer her up at all. There is no night she doesn't cry. 

.....

One night, Sooah wanted to make experiment on Rap Monster. She went to sleep on a sofa on living room to wait for him. 

Rap Monster finally came. Sooah pretended like she is sleeping. Rap Monster went to her. He checked her temperature by touching her forehead. He relieved that it's normal. He was about to lift her to carry to her room but then he paused.

"Wonwoo, carry Sooah to her room!" he gave order to Wonwoo to carry her instead then he went upstairs to his room first. 

Sooah who was just pretending like she is sleeping soon dropping her tears to hear Rap Monster gave order to other man to carry her for the first time. 

"Now I know you hate me so much." she talked in her mind. 

Wonwoo carried Sooah to her room and put her lie down on her bed. 

"I know you're not sleeping." Wonwoo caught Sooah's pretending. 

Sooah opened her eyes after got caught. 

"Why would you do that?" he asked. 

Sooah