I’m in love with Kim Hyunjin.

Loving Hyunjin had always seemed to have been a maybe to Heejin. In her mind, but never out loud. Until now.

“That I love her,” Heejin looks at the photograph in her hand. “I love Hyunjin.”

The air in the room stills as the realization starts to settle. Gowon’s head was hanging low as she nodded while Yves’ jaw was held ajar as she looked between the other Ravenclaws.

“I guess that really does change some things then, huh?" Yves breaks the overhanging silence first. "But I mean, the question of who to choose is still the same, isn't it?"

“How so?" Gowon asks.

"Well, just because she loves her doesn't mean she should try to get back together with her. So, it's still down to whether or not she wants to take that next step with Chaeyoung and get over Hyunjin in the process."

"I'm not saying that she should immediately try and get back together with her either. What I'm trying to say is that right now," Gowon looks at Heejin. "Your feelings for Hyunjin are too strong despite your complications with her and I think it would be unfair to Chaeyoung to get in a relationship without sorting it out beforehand. So, I'm suggesting you should at least talk to Hyunjin first and sort out your feelings about her first instead of going straight into a relationship with Chaeyoung. And after that, who you decide to pursue or not pursue a relationship with should be undeniably doubtless."

Yves whistles, "Well , Heej, guess I got to side with Park on this one now."

“Just like that?” Heejin asks in disbelief at Yves’ switchup.

“Just like that.”

"So talk to Hyunjin?" Heejin looks between her friends.

"Explain your side but just as important!" Gowon stresses. "Let her explain hers."

"It might be complete bull."

"It might not be."

Heejin sighs as she places the photo on her desk, knowing what she'll have to do next.

----- | Hyunjin: The Next Morning | -----

“Ah yes, another day, another sulky Hyunnie,” Choerry pokes Hyunjin’s cheek as she sits down next to her in the Great Hall.

“I’m not being sulky!” Hyunjin defends, waving off Choerry’s finger.

“Yeah, tell that to the scowl on your face,” the Hufflepuff laughs. “So, what’s the plan for today? Do you want me to make Heejin jealous again?”

“You do realize I never even asked you to do that in the first place?”

“Ah well, you know me. Physical touch is my love language so it’s not my fault if Heejin just so happens to be around when I act on it,” Choerry latches onto Hyunjin’s arm as if to prove her point when just then, Hyunjin catches onto a small commotion near the entrance of the Hall. Soon enough, she understands the reason for it.

“Okay, you so did that on purpose this time,” Hyunjin deadpans when she notices that Heejin’s arrival had caused the stir-up.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Choerry teases and Hyunjin just goes back to focusing on food. She’s also aware that she should be shrugging the girl off her arm, but the Slytherin knew well enough by now that Choerry would simply latch onto it again anyways so doing so would be pointless.

She’s taking a bite into her food when she feels Choerry give a quick squeeze to her bicep, but Hyunjin ignores it. When she feels it for the second time, she looks at the girl, “What is it?”

Choerry says nothing, instead giving a smile and nodding her head towards something in front of them. Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrow at the action, yet she still looks in the direction that Choerry was indicating.

Crap.

Hyunjin decides to look back down to her food instantly, however, that doesn’t stop the person in front of her from speaking.

“We need to talk.”

It was only four words, but they demanded attention.

Hyunjin lightly scoffs, “Funny hearing that from you.”

Heejin rolls her eyes, “I’m serious, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin observes her ex-... whatever as she tries to read what Heejin is trying to play at. Then, Hyunjin puts down her silverware and clasps her hands together, “Fine. Then, I’m sure whatever you need to say can be said here and now, yes?”

“Not really,” Heejin crosses her arms and Hyunjin notices her glance at Choerry.

“Then, I don’t really have the time. I’ve got a jam-packed schedule,” Hyunjin smirks.

“Hyunjin,” the Ravenclaw says a bit more impatiently.

“Jeon.”

A few seconds of tense staring pass when, to Hyunjin’s surprise and confusion, Heejin leaves her sight. To be honest, she thought Heejin would at least put up more of a fight considering how stubborn she knows the girl to be. But maybe she didn’t know Heejin as well as she thought.

“Hm, that was- what the hell?!” 

Turns out, Heejin had walked to the other side of the table to go and grab Hyunjin out of her seat.

“Sorry, this’ll just be a sec,” Heejin sarcastically says to Choerry with a fake smile as she detaches Hyunjin from her. Not wanting to make a scene, Hyunjin reluctantly leaves her seat and allows Heejin to drag her out of the Great Hall by the arm.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” Hyunjin asks as soon as they reach the staircase, prompting Heejin to let go of her arm.

“Where do you think?” Heejin answers and it doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to know where they are heading.

She groans loudly, “But that’s so many flights of stairs.”

“Hyunjin… please, just- please,” Heejin’s voice suddenly sounded near-desperate and that shuts Hyunjin up.

As soon as they enter inside, Hyunjin immediately wants to turn around. She’s a smart girl and realistically, she should not even be giving Heejin the time of day when all she has done is hurt her. She has given Heejin countless opportunities to help fix what they had broken and a part of her has become tired of waiting.

And yet, she stays. Or at least for now.

“We need to talk,” Heejin starts out.

“About what, exactly?” Hyunjin questions.

“Us.”

Hyunjin laughs out loud in disbelief, “Oh! So, now you want to talk about us. Who would have thought?”

“Look, do you want to have this conversation or not?” Heejin huffs out.

“Are you sure that you even want this conversation right now?” Hyunjin asks skeptically. As much as she had wanted this talk to happen, the possibility of this going nowhere just as it had in the past worries her. She’s not sure how many more arguments she could take with Heejin anymore. It hurts her every time.

“Well, I dragged you up here for a reason, didn’t I?”

Hyunjin gives the Ravenclaw a once over and then crosses her arms, “So, how do you want to do this then?”

Heejin seems to freeze in thought before clearing , “Um... We can sit on the couch first?”

Hyunjin only nods in response and waits for Heejin to speak again. She does not want to be the one to initiate things this time around considering that she has always been the one to do so in the past.

“Okay,” Heejin drags out, unable to make eye contact with Hyunjin as she continues. “I guess we should start about that night… the night I left.”

Hyunjin’s heart pangs at the reminder of when her world felt like it was all crashing down on her. She remembers how her mind had been racing, questions of wondering what went wrong. She had trouble sleeping that night for the first time in a while as the desire for answers had been eating away at her. And she tried her best to ignore that need after the fact. To ignore the way her chest ached at the sight of Heejin after the fact. But some forces are too hard to brush aside.

Hyunjin gulps, now realizing that she’ll finally have answers. She does her best to prepare herself for what Heejin was about to say, but she knows it will be futile. She won’t know how she will react until she hears it.

“Do you know why I left?” Heejin looks at her this time.

“You left because you thought I already got what I wanted out of our deal,” Hyunjin answers, then tacks on. “And you thought I was using you even after we started dating.”

“But it isn’t a ‘thought,’ Hyunjin. It’s a fact,” Heejin clarifies.

“Those aren’t facts, Heejin. Do you want to know some facts?” Hyunjin asks Heejin, but starts to answer herself before the Ravenclaw had the chance to say anything.

“Fact- our relationship was created based on a façade. Fact- along the way I ended up liking you more than I thought I would have. Fact- I started… I started falling for you when I was in the infirmary and woke up to you in the bed next to mine. Fact- you inevitably became more important to me than whatever the hell my dad or anyone else for that matter thinks of me.”

“Fact- you said you'd get to know Choerry,” Heejin cuts in sharply.

“What?” Hyunjin says in bewilderment. Here was now another instance of Heejin mentioning Choerry and the relevance of her is still completely lost on Hyunjin. Granted, Hyunjin has been hanging out with her now, but this is about the past, not the present. “What are you talking about?”

“I heard it, Hyunjin,” Heejin explains. “I heard you.”

Heard? Hyunjin goes deep into thought. From what she can recall, she doesn't remember talking to any students about Choerry. 

Who could I have possibly talked to about-

In an instant, Hyunjin’s eyes widen as she recalls the conversation she had with her dad moments before Heejin had left. It was a talk that she tossed to the back of her mind considering how ridiculous her father’s words were and had given it little thought after the fact. But now, everything that had happened following that night suddenly began to make sense causing panic to start settling in Hyunjin’s gut. 

She could only begin to imagine how her own words must have sounded to Heejin.

“Heejin, let me explain,” Hyunjin rushes out, unsure if Heejin's strong-willed nature would even give her a chance. If she was in Heejin’s shoes, she probably wouldn’t have given herself a chance either.

“Well, that’s why we are here, aren’t we?” Heejin says, her expression hard to read.

Hyunjin momentarily sits stunned at Heejin’s response, but soon regains her composure, “Okay so, looking back at this now I know this might sound like complete and utter bull, but I only said it so my dad would drop the subject. Knowing him, he wouldn’t let the whole Choerry thing go if I didn’t agree to it."

“Even if that’s true, you should have never agreed in the first place.”

“You’re completely right. I should have defended us more. I should have defended you more,” Hyunjin admits. "But I was an idiot and I didn't do that. Instead, I took the easy route because I didn't want to cause drama again within my family. For some stupid reason, I thought the best thing for both my family and for us was to just comply with what my dad was asking of me so he would never bring it up again and we’d move on from it. I was tired of all the fighting. Tired of always being angry with him. I just wanted it to end after all these years. And you know how strained my relationship with him was, so can’t you understand where I was coming from at the time?”

Hyunjin catches her breath after speaking so urgently as she nervously waits for Heejin’s response. It felt like an eternity of silence. 

“I… I actually understand,” Heejin reveals unexpectedly sooner than Hyunjin had thought. Even the Ravenclaw herself seemed surprised at her reaction. “I can see why you would think that way.”

Hyunjin feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. She finally knew why Heejin had left her so suddenly that night and thankfully, Heejin allowed to listen and accepted her reason as to why she did what she did. 

“But were you ever going to tell me about that conversation with your dad, at least?” Heejin asks next, as if she had a whole list of questions prepared in her head already.

The Slytherin pauses as she takes a moment to think back, “To be honest, no. I didn’t see the point because I was never going to act on it anyways.”

Heejin laughs incredulously as she gets up to walk around, “You do realize that seeing you with Choerry the first day back from break isn’t exactly supporting that statement?”

“Well, we’re not together anymore so does it really matter now?” Hyunjin says back and the air becomes thick for the nth time that day. 

Heejin paces around the room and Hyunjin can only watch in silence, both of them trying to collect their thoughts again. The Slytherin contemplates leaving the room as she gets the sense that this talk will once again end in pointless suffering on both ends, but Heejin speaks up again.

“You really weren’t going to tell me?”

“I really didn’t see the point,” Hyunjin reiterates as she stands up in place to match their eye level. “I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal since I lied to him.”

“But it is a big deal, Hyunjin!” Heejin stops pacing to face her. “I would have been under the illusion that your dad actually liked me when little do I know that my muggle-side irks him. And what if your dad talked to Choerry’s and then she knew about it? For all we know, I probably would have found out about you and your father’s little agreement through her.”

Hyunjin blinks a few times. Heejin was somewhat on the dot about the Choerry situation. The only reason why Choerry was seen with her the first day after break was because Mr. Kim had talked to Mr. Choi the night before, thus subsequently telling the news to the Hufflepuff.

Heejin smirks with a bitter chuckle, “My god, she was right.”

“What- who?”

“Gowon. She said we at communication,” Heejin laughs to herself in irony. “And here you are, proving her right.”

Hyunjin scoffs at the accusation and then, something dawns on her, “As if you were any better. Maybe instead of putting all the blame on me, why didn’t you tell me that you overheard me and my dad the night you left? Even if I wanted to tell you about that conversation right after it happened, I wouldn’t even have had the chance considering how quickly you left and how you barely let me have a word in. So, why give me on not telling you about the conversation right away when you probably would have never given me the opportunity to do so in the first place?! I mean, look how long it took to even have this current conversation!”

The Ravenclaw is taken aback for a moment, pausing to figure out how to respond and Hyunjin can't help but feel a little proud of that.

"Well- It's not like you deserved the chance for me to hear you out after what I heard!"

"But what you heard, you were never supposed to hear!"

"But I did, Hyunjin,” Heejin wavers and the air seems to still. “I did and it hurt like hell hearing you agree to that. And I get why you did it now, I do, okay? But it still ing hurt."

Hyunjin winces as she hears the pain in Heejin’s voice. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as her head hangs low–it was suddenly difficult to meet the Ravenclaw's eyes. It was like taking a bullet to the heart seeing and knowing that someone she held so dearly close was suffering because of her.

“So then, what now?” Hyunjin asks as she sorrowfully raises her head. “Is there even a point in me saying that I’m sorry? Because, I am sorry, Heejin. I am so ing sorry for all of it and you can brush all of that off if you want but… just know that I really cared for you, Heejin. I lo- I liked you more than what words could describe and I- I don’t know what to think or do when I'm around you anymore."

Heejin doesn't say anything and honestly, Hyunjin can't tell if the silence is good or bad even with her near slip-up. On one hand, it means she may not hear Heejin say something that will make her heart drop. But on the other hand, it might just mean Heejin has had enough and given up on her.

And Hyunjin can’t help but think that maybe she deserves to be.

The Slytherin pinches the bridge of her nose and squeezes her eyes shut as she lets out a ragged breath. Then, she opens her eyes and catches Heejin’s unreadable gaze, "Well then, I um- I think it’s clear to the both of us now that we’re just not good for each other. We’ve… We've hurt each other enough, don’t you think?”

----- | Heejin | -----

"And then she just left?"

Heejin nods her head at Yves after recounting what had happened that morning as the three best friends sat on her bed in a circle.

"And you didn't say anything back?" Gowon adds.

"I mean, at that point, I just couldn't think properly. I was processing so many things at once and I blanked," Heejin reveals. "Going into it, there were a lot of things I expected to happen. I expected the confusion, the fighting and the… the hurt. I expected some clarity and maybe even a possibility of understanding."

"But I didn't expect-," Heejin fiddles with her fingers and her shoulders fall. "I didn't expect for her to…”

Neither Yves nor Gowon say a thing, instead letting Heejin take her time to speak her mind. Honestly, Heejin was not sure if she wanted to finish her sentence because a part of it simply felt wrong to say considering everything that has happened. Not to mention that it was actually something that only occurred to her after she saw Hyunjin leave the room.

She debates on holding it in, but remembers that it may not do her any good in the long run to suppress such things again.

“I didn’t expect her to walk out on us ,” Heejin confesses. “Before I could even fully realize it myself, I found that there was always something deep down that made me think that we’d be okay because it’s us. It was me and Hyunjin–that despite our flaws and mistakes, it would still be me and her until the end because we would always find our way back to each other. But this time, it looks like we took a wrong turn.”

Yves and Gowon begin to rub her back in comfort.

"And shouldn't I be okay with that?" Heejin leans into her hand. "I mean, our conversation just led from one fight to another and frustration kept piling on, so maybe she was smart to leave first."

"So then… it's over?" Gowon asks tentatively.

"I don't know," Heejin buries her head into her hands.

"Do you want it to be?”

A/N: At last, everything has been cleared up... but at what cost?

Now, one question really remains: Has Heejin given up on Hyunjin just as the Hyunjin thinks?

Thanks a million for the continued support! I read every comment and I appreciate each and everyone that you leave--it keeps me motivated in writing more than you may think. See ya in the next chap, my lovelys <3

- S (rv_twice5 on twitter)