PART III - (3/3)

Mexico City, CDMX, MEX (1968)

Wheein is taken aback at first, but she feels Soojin's hands on either side of her face and by the time she realizes what is happening, her lips are already moving with hers.

Soojin still has one hand on Wheein's face when the other one slips down to her bare shoulder as she interrupts the kiss to clarify. "I meant just the two of us, later." She runs with her hand over Wheein's arms as she speaks. "The competition ends tomorrow, after that there won’t be anything else stopping us."

Wheein expected to feel something. She hoped she would feel butterflies in her stomach, a chill from the touch, a tingling from the kiss, anything at all, but Wheein felt nothing. It’s totally different from any of the kisses they’d shared previously, not even at the time when their relationship was coming to an end they’d shared such a cold kiss. So now Wheein’s sure.

"I'm sorry, Soojin." The regretful tone in her voice is enough to make Soojin take a step back, but she still clarifies: "I can't do this anymore."

Just for a second Soojin's allows herself to show a genuine shocked look on her face. It suddenly changes into a hurt one but soon turns to an understanding smile. It's not as genuine as she thinks it is, but Wheein can see that she's really trying. 

"I mean, um, I don’t want to-, I’m kind of… I’m really sorry." Wheein tries to make the situation better but doesn't find the right words. 

"Don't worry, Wheein, this one is on me, I should have known better." Soojin nods in understanding and starts to walk away. 

Wheein watches Soojin walk to the door without any reaction, trying to assimilate what's happening. "Good luck!" That's all she manages to say since the other woman's already at the door. 

"You're the one who's going to need luck." Soojin says in a light tone and offers a playful smile. Wheein smiles back and waves as Soojin leaves. 

Once she’s alone, Wheein sits on a bench and takes some time to think about the last few minutes' events. Her chest hurts but she’s sure it’s not because of her feelings for Soojin. She knows it comes from the tension of what just happened in addition to the pressure of the finals creeping over her shoulders; and on top of all of it, she still has the expectation of the answers she wants to get from Hyejin.

Suddenly, it all feels like it’s too much for her to handle and Wheein feels like she’s gonna break. She ponders if this is the feeling Soojin always gets and if that’s why she classifies everything that can make her feel something as a distraction. If it is, Wheein will never judge the athlete again. 

What if she loses the competition because of this? What if she can’t give her best on their match because of the guilt she’s feeling right now? What if she feels she needs to take it easy on Soojin after what just happened? Take it easy? A voice screams in the back of her head. You wouldn't have to take it easy for Soojin to beat you, for God's sake, she will destroy you anyway. At first it sounded like an unknown voice, but now she notices that it’s Moonbyul’s. And she kept going: you barely passed through the last phase and you think you have a chance to beat Soojin? She has even more motivation now, she definitely hates you for fooling around with her when it was convenient to you and then turning her down now that she needs you the most. Wheein eyes are full of tears now. Her best friend wouldn’t lie to her. And you still have to deal with Hyejin today, - and this time it’s Yongsun's voice scolding her - you know that when you start asking questions she will just leave again, right? Why wouldn't she? There's nothing enough to keep her around, you're nothing to each other. She’s right, we aren’t even friends, I guess. You should just drop it and live in the moment while it still lasts. You know it’s gonna end soon and Hyejin is gonna disappear again. It's all a waste of time. You are a waste of time.

With those and many other destructive thoughts haunting her head, Wheein barely manages to get dressed and leaves the locker room towards her dorm. She’s never been so grateful for how close it’s from the arena. Soon later, Wheein falls into her bed watching the white ceiling and trying to think about something else, anything beyond her own confusion, but she can't. She knows she has to get up, she has to get ready, Hyejin will probably arrive soon but she just can't bring herself to do it because her chest burns and her body hurts. She doesn't know how much time has passed but three knocks on the door brings her back to reality. In an automatic motion she stands up and opens the door to find a very smiling Hyejin on the other side, holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands, but the smile falls from her face when she looks at the athlete.

Wheein, who feels as if she’s watching the scene from outside her own body, notices, for the first time, that her breathing is irregular and she has a panic look on her face. She sees words coming out of Hyejin's mouth but can't tell which ones. She believes Hyejin asked if she’s okay but she can’t answer that, she doesn’t even tries. Wheein doesn't know who makes the first move but suddenly she finds herself deep in Hyejin’s arms, crying hard on the other woman's chest and very soon after, Wheein is back in her own bed while Hyejin holds her close and Wheein hides her face in her neck.

Time goes by but Wheein doesn't know how long it’s been. She’d stopped crying a long time ago but hadn't said a single word since Hyejin arrived. Hyejin, on the other hand, just held her tight and told her, over and over again, that everything would be okay, no matter what the problem was. It’s already late when Wheein finally feels comfortable enough to talk. 

"I'm sorry." She finally says, still hiding in the comfort of Hyejin’s shoulder.

"You don't have to apologize."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don’t. And that's final, we’re not having this discussion." Hyejin gets just far enough to look at Wheein's face, who avoids her eyes as much as possible. "We don't need to talk about what happened, Wheein, I just want to know what I can do to help.”

Wheein can’t handle her gaze and turns her back to Hyejin, facing the door without saying another word. Hyejin thinks it’s a sign for her to shut up and leave her alone. She’s about to get out of bed to give the athlete some space when Wheein holds her hand and speaks again. "Stay." Her voice is almost inaudible. "Please, don't leave."

At the sign of that Hyejin returns immediately, hugging Wheein from behind and doing everything possible to pass on some confidence. "I won’t, I'm not going anywhere."

Following some more minutes of silence Wheein notices, laying on the floor, the bouquet of flowers that Hyejin had dropped in the process of holding her. Noting Wheein's line of sight, Hyejin explains. "It's a gift for you. It's silly but I wanted to give something to congratulate you on yesterday's victory, I felt that just words weren't enough.” Wheein stays quiet, just nods her head to let Hyejin know that she’s listening: "I got really tense yesterday, it was quite a game. I saw that even Soojin was rooting for you so I knew you would do well.” The mention of Soojin's name makes her shrink even more and Hyejin doesn’t fail to notice. "So that’s what it is about? Are you worried about facing her in the final?" Wheein doesn’t know how to answer so she doesn’t say anything. It kind of is, but it isn’t just that either. She doesn’t feel like she can explain it right now so she turns around, facing Hyejin for a second, and then sinks her face into her neck again, hiding in there. "Okay, okay, so no more talking today, got it." Hyejin gives up the matter for the time being and starts to Wheein's hair slowly. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll be here when you wake up." 

Needless to say that Wheein falls asleep almost immediately. Earlier she was feeling too distressed to talk and way too anxious to sleep, but once she felt safe in Hyejin's arms, she also felt she could deal with all the bad feelings tomorrow. The smell of vanilla and red roses is the most effective lullaby she could ever ask for.

Hyejin, on the other hand, stays awake for hours thinking about Wheein's situation and wondering how she could help her. What if she has anything to do with it? Something tells her that it can’t all be just the pressure of competition, Wheein is a professional athlete, after all, she’s used to this kind of stuff, right? But even if it’s competition-related, what if Hyejin really is being the distraction that Soojin so readily announced, taking her out of her zone and allowing her to feel like she's not giving her best or something like that? This thought makes her feel selfish. Still, she watches Wheein constantly frown in her sleep and kindly wakes her up for two times when it seems like Wheein’s having a nightmare before finally being able to fall asleep herself, almost at dawn.

When Wheein wakes up the next morning she takes a while to remember everything that happened the night before. Her chest still hurts but not nearly as bad as it did the night before. For a second she even thinks that she had dreamed it all, but reality comes crashing down at her once she opens her eyes and sees that Hyejin’s really there. Her embrace is not as tight as it was on the previous night but it’s still there. She’s still there. 

Taking a look at the clock on the bedside table she notices that it’s almost noon but fortunately, due to the final status, today's competition will take place at the end of the afternoon. Wheein moves away a little bit so she can take a better look at her. For some reason she doesn’t want to admit, she’s really surprised that Hyejin’s still there. Something inside her kept telling her that she would wake up alone, that Hyejin wouldn't be there in the morning and deep down she was really convinced, almost resigned to it. But Hyejin is really here. She stayed, she fulfilled her promise and oh gosh she really is beautiful. And now, unlike the night before, as much as she's not ready to acknowledge it just yet, Wheein’s chest burns with a different kind of feeling this time.

She observes the peaceful expression on her face and wonders what Hyejin might be dreaming about right now. Wheein takes a hand to Hyejin's face and moves some strands of hair that had fallen on her face, tucking them behind her ear and taking all possible precautions not to wake her up. But her efforts are rudely interrupted by several loud knocks on the door, tho. Hyejin moves uncomfortably, still asleep and Wheein takes the opportunity to get out of her arms, getting up quickly and going towards the door. She stops with a hand on the doorknob, looks back to make sure Hyejin’s still asleep - she turns around facing the other side and is pretty quiet now, so Wheein takes it as a yes - and opens the door just a little to see Moonbyul and Yongsun on the other side. She gets out of the room without fully opening the door and closes it behind her, standing on the porch with the other two women.

"What are you guys doing here?" Wheein whispers, looking anxiously and fixing her hair with nervous hands.

"What do you mean by what are we doing here? We're always here." Yongsun says, raising an eyebrow. 

"Sure, sure, but right now, what do you want?" She keeps her voice low. Moonbyul and Yongsun share a look like they’re talking without words - Wheein hates when they do that. 

"It's game day, Wheein, we always come to see you before your matches." Moonbyul answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. "What's going on? Why are we talking out he- OH!!!" The realization hits her before she can finish. “HYEJIN IS INSIDE, HUH?" She says as she goes towards the window and tries to take a look, but the curtains are closed.

"AH!” Yongsun lets out a cry of surprise. "Holy , did you guys finally work everything out? WHEEIN, DID YOU FINALLY GOT SOME???"

"SHHHHHH!” Wheein shushes and guides them by their arms to the corner of the porch, the furthest possible place from the window. "Damn, shut up, you'll wake her up!" 

"Is she still sleeping? Looks like it was a good night, then." Yongsun teases. 

"No, no, it's nothing like that." She gestures to emphasize her words. 

"Oh man, I said I was hoping for her to keep you company but I didn't think you'd really have the guts." Moonbyul says patting her on the shoulder.

"Guys!” Wheein raises her voice to conquer their silence. "Listen, can we talk about this later?" The both of them finally seem to notice Wheein's expression. Wheein sits in the middle of a two-seater sofa by the corner and Moonbyul and Yongsun squeeze in there as well, one on each side. 

"You look… you look like you cried." Moonbyul sadly notices. 

"Hey, what happened? What did she do?" Yongsun asks, frowning.

"It's not her fault, she actually helped me." She notices her friends' questioning glances and takes a deep breath to clarify. "I kind of had an anxiety episode yesterday."

"Why?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine now." She assures. "I can explain everything to you guys later, okay? Now I have to go back in, apologize to Hyejin and yet, I have to prepare for the final. It's only in a few hours." 

"Oh, Wheein, I'm really sorry." 

"Are you sure you don't need anything? We can help."

"No, I'm sure. Just be there for me later, I'll need it."

After a few more reassurances that Wheein’s okay, Moonbyul and Yongsun leave the village and Wheein returns to her room hoping to find Hyejin still sleeping. But, before going in, Wheein remembers the words she had heard inside her own head when she was in the locker room the night before: the accusations, insults and harsh criticism coming from her best friend’s voices. She can't accept that even for a second she actually believed that any of them would say those horrible things to her. They would never do that, they love her just as much as she loves them and seeing them now actually lifted Wheein’s spirit up, gave her more courage to follow the day.

When she finally opens the door, however, unlike she expected, Hyejin’s sitting in the middle of the bed over her own legs, her hands are over her knees and her hair looking too neat for someone who has just woken up. The bed had been made, the bouquet that was once on the floor had been placed on top of the dresser and the whole place seems much more organized. Wheein enters slowly, slightly embarrassed. 

"Sorry. I tried to keep them quiet but they’re impossible." 

"Don't worry about it."

"Did you hear anything?"

"Almost nothing."

"The ‘almost’ is what frightens me." Hyejin only smiles in response. She’s giving Wheein a chance to talk, but her eyes fall at the newly placed bouquet on the dresser.

"Thanks for that."

"Don't need to thank me, you've earned it."

"For that ty win?" The concerns about her last performance took over once again. 

"It wasn't ty, it’s a victory. You're in the final."

"Barely." 

"You are, Wheein. Is that why you're so nervous?" Hyejin tries.

"That's... part of the problem." Wheein feels her breathing start to get irregular again and walks around the room pretending to pack some things so Hyejin won't notice. 

"Wanna tell me the rest?" 

"Not now." Her heart is beating so fast that it almost hurts. Hyejin gets out of bed and goes towards Wheein, who had just picked up her uniform in a drawer. Hyejin takes the uniform out of Wheein's hands, places it on the bed and takes Wheein's right hand for herself, holding it between her own hands and placing it on her chest.

"Take deep breaths with me, just follow my lead." Wheein follows Hyejin's instructions keeping her eyes closed. She copies the other woman's breathing, feeling her chest rising and falling, feeling Hyejin's heartbeat under her touch until her own breath starts to set.

Little by little she feels her heart rate go down, mimicking Hyejin's. Her chest hurts less and she feels like she can breathe regularly again. Only then Wheein opens her eyes and faces Hyejin's attentive look over her. They stare at each other for a few seconds, still matching their breaths, and at that moment Wheein feel like it’s the most intimate act they’ve shared so far. It’s pure, sweet and caring. It feels… safe? She doesn’t know how to explain.

"Thank you." Wheein says as her hand is still on Hyejin's chest. "And I'm sorry about yesterday."

"You don't need to thank me, let alone apologize."

"But I feel like I do."

"But you don't, trust me." Hyejin puts their hands down but they're still connected. "I'm sorry that you have to go through this, I just want to know how I can help."

"You really have helped already." The words come out before Wheein can think. Hyejin looks at her with so much tenderness that for a second Wheein thinks that she’s going to kiss her, but she just picks Wheein’s uniform and gives it back to her before she goes back to bed. 

"I'll stay here with you until the game, okay?" She sits in the same position as she was before but the expression on her face is now indecipherable. 

"Of course." Wheein says before going to the bathroom to take a shower so she can try to relax. She lets the running water try to calm her heart but she knows that nothing will be as effective as Hyejin's, voice, touch and presence. When she comes back to the room Hyejin’s at the same place, but now she has a newspaper from the day before in her hands, which was previously thrown at the table.

"There's a picture of you in here and everything." She says. "You really beat the favorite, huh? This is amazing." Wheein pretends not to know where Hyejin’s going with this. 

"You seemed very apprehensive yesterday." Wheein remembers.

"What?" She takes her eyes off the paper for the first time since Wheein came back. 

"At the match yesterday. You looked really worried when I spotted you in the bleachers." She looks straight at Hyejin so she can see if she lies. 

"Oh, I was. I didn't think you were going to lose, but you looked lost for a second there and it scared the out of me." She says and Wheein thinks it's kind of cute. 

"I was just nervous but…” She answers, looking away. “I’m glad you were there. Seeing you calmed me down."

"That's really good to hear.” Hyejin says, clearly relieved. “For a minute I thought I was part of the problem. I could see Soojin putting an arrow through my head right there at the spot, it was very scary." She tries and gets a brief laugh out of Wheein, but, once again, the mention of Soojin reminds her of the events of the previous night. "Am I?" Hyejin promptly asks, seeing the change in Wheein’s expression.

"What?" She doesn't understand the question as her thoughts went back to Soojin.

"Part of the problem. It’s Soojin, right? Or have I been getting in your way? Distraction you from your goal?" Hyejin cuts straight to the point. 

"No, not really." Wheein says after pondering for a few seconds and deciding to sugarcoat the truth a little, but not lying, nevertheless. "You're a welcome distraction and you’re not pushing me away from my goal, I swear." 

"So what happened yesterday?"

"A panic attack? Anxiety? I don't know." Wheein struggles. "I haven't had one of those in a long time, it was all just… a lot. Too much to handle at once, I guess." 

"I can't help but think that if I wasn't here you'd be more focused on the game. I really think I should have waited."

"What I think…” Wheein says as she sits next to Hyejin in bed. "Is that if you hadn't been here I probably would have had one of those a long time ago. You help me, Hyejin, yesterday is the proof: if you hadn't been here I would have just collapsed all night until Byul and Yong got here in the morning, so I'm really grateful to have you with me these days.” They look into each other’s eyes for a while until Hyejin can't hold herself any longer and gives Wheein a long-awaited breathtaking kiss. Wheein's hands travel to Hyejin's waist while she carefully holds Wheein's face, getting more and more energetic by the second. They wish it lasted longer but they’re really trying not to cross a line here, so they finally separate their lips, resting their foreheads together and panting with their eyes closed. "But we still have a lot to talk about. I need some answers, Hyejin."

"I know." Hyejin steals peck. "Tomorrow, I promise."

And with that promise they put an end to matter for the time being. A couple of hours later Wheein says goodbye to Hyejin and joins her coach along with the rest of her team who are there to support her. She tries her best to stay calm but it seems time began to pass painfully slowly after she left Hyejin's side. She’s very aware of everything that happens around her: alll of the voices, all of the conversations, all of the noise. It's all very, very loud and she wonders if she will be able to put an end to it soon.

When the games finally begins, Wheein has never been so happy to be the first one to compete as she’s today. She’s sure she would go mad if she had to sit there and watch each of the other categories compete before hers. Her name echoes throughout the arena and Wheein takes a one final deep breath before heading to her designated lane. She sees the rampage taking over the place, she knows that there are people screaming in every direction but she doesn't hear any of that. She successfully blocks out the world around her and can’t be happier about it. Soojin’s already on her side of the lane when she arrives. Wheein offers a weak smile and receives a confident nod in return.

"We’re fine, Wheein." She sees the words come out of Soojin's mouth and pays more attention to hear her properly. “I know how you're like, don't let what happened yesterday get in your way, okay? We’re good."

It doesn’t surprise Wheein the fact that Soojin knows exactly what she’s thinking, she was always a good listener and very attentive to Wheein's feelings and problems. She could have used it against Wheein but it isn’t who Soojin is. She really is one of the good ones and Wheein couldn't be more grateful for her words now.

"I won't hold back, so I don’t want you to either." She finishes and Wheein nods in agreement. She also mouths a ‘thank you’ and is finally able to let out a genuine smile to her competitor, to her friend. 

At first, it’s a really tense but very balanced match. Soojin starts the series shooting three arrows, all reaching the 10 point mark and Wheein, right after, reaches the same score. Every time Soojin plays, Wheein makes exactly the same score soon after. Even when the other athlete doesn’t do so well, Wheein's performance is almost the same, it’s as if she’s copying Soojin moves. 

Once they reach the break, Soojin leaves the bench she’s sitting among her crew and gives Wheein a pointed look before heading towards the locker room, meaning she wants Wheein to follow her. Against all logic she chooses to follow Soojin, receiving an incredulous look from her coach which Wheein ignores as she passes by. 

"What are you doing? Soojin presses as soon as the door closes behind them. 

"Competing?"

"Wheein, I just hit two sevens and right after you just did the same. You don't miss like that, you never get less than eight, everybody knows that." She looks really distressed. 

"And neither do you! Why are you holding back?" Wheein fires automatically, without even thinking. 

"I'm not!" Soojin almost screams, venting. "I'm ing nervous, Wheein, that's why I’m missing. Since the beginning of the competition I've been barely passing! I just won by two, three, four points, hell, I almost didn't qualify for the knockout stages."

"I… I thought you were holding on to eliminate the best ones first, just like you told me when we were training." Wheein’s stutters, choosing her words carefully to hide her shock.

"Well, I wasn't. It's just... I'm not as good as I used to be." She painfully admits. "These are my last games as an Olympic athlete, I'm retiring." Wheein doesn't believe it at first but it does make sense. Looking back now, the signs were there. It’s Soojin's third Olympics and although she's not old, everyone knows that Olympic athletes' careers don't tend to last that long. It even makes sense Soojin's obsession with classifying everything else as a distraction to be taken away from her life, including Wheein herself. "I'm not telling you this for you to feel sorry for me, I'm saying it because if I'm going down, I don't want to get something out of pity, it would be humiliating. So you get your together and do your best out there if you have at least some respect for me and everything we had."

Soojin gets out of the locker room leaving a confused Wheein behind. Although Soojin’s right, Wheein was also sincere when she said she wasn't holding back, she was just too anxious to perform better. She only now realized she was really aiming for the same score as Soojin just to make sure she would have at least the same points as her, instead of trying to score more and risk making a mistake. She believed that if she stayed too far behind in the score she wouldn't be able to recover, so she was just playing it safe. But she knows she needs to change her strategy now, and she will. After all, even though Soojin doesn’t know, these are also Wheein's only and last Olympic games. She can’t remain a public person for long, - no reasonable immortal would, it’s too risky -  she’s already made up her mind about it. With all of this in mind Wheein returns to her lane right at the end of the break, determined to change her strategy and give her best to win this match. She's come way too far just to give up now.

After that the competition gets much more interesting with both Soojin and Wheein constantly changing in the lead. The score gets so tight that it’s only decided in the last series, where Soojin hits two 9s and a 10. Wheein needs to get three 9s to win but the first arrow of her series hits 8 points mark. That’s when the overwhelming pressure hits again: she feels her chest hurt and her lungs start to shut down, getting harder and harder to breathe. C’mon, Wheein, not know. She’s trying to convince herself that it’s now happening when the sound of the supporters’ screams breaks through the invisible barrier she’d so successfully created just an hour ago.

She thinks about seeking for her friends' support in the crowd one more time but she has already picked up her ne