Shuhua stared at Soojin, who refused to meet her eyes. Both of them had calmed down and moved to Shuhua’s room, so that they could finally talk about things. They settled to sit on the floor, Soojin moving to the far corner of the room to secure herself in a safe bubble. Shuhua respected it, and sat on the opposite side, back against the white wall. 

“So you feel the same way?” Shuhua quietly asked after deciding the silence was growing too big. Soojin’s eyes looked up from her fiddling fingers in slight surprise from the sudden question. “I kissed you, didn’t I?” Soojin responded. 

Shuhua couldn’t help the tiny smile that appeared on her lips, “yeah, you did.” Her eyes were filled with so much love that Soojin had to look away, before she melted into a puddle. Her cheeks were growing hot and rosy. 

“But I want to hear you say it again. So I know I wasn’t dreaming.” Shuhua said, hoping her voice didn’t sound too desperate, but at the same time not caring if it did. Her feelings for Seo Soojin were so raw that Shuhua didn’t care that it made her seem weak. However others may perceive it. 

Soojin met her eyes again, and Shuhua looked pleading. The younger girl’s gaze was longing, and she felt a tug at her heart. Sometimes Soojin wondered if Shuhua’s feelings were stronger than hers, or maybe it seemed that way because she wasn’t as good at expressing or understanding them like Shuhua did. 

“How you feel for me, I feel the same.” Soojin said, and she wondered why she was so scared to admit that to herself when it came out so easily. Shuhua’s lips widened into a smile that Soojin felt like she hadn’t seen in a long while. The feeling of seeing Shuhua’s smile was equivalent to taking her first breath after submerging from beneath strong tides, like seeing Shuhua smile, was the very thing keeping her from drowning. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.” Soojin continued, apologizing once again. Shuhua moved to crawl closer towards the older girl, careful to not cross any boundaries by reading the latter’s expression as she inched towards her. She stopped right in front of Soojin, close enough to take Soojin’s hand to hold. 

“No, don’t apologize. If that’s how much time you needed, then so be it. I was not going to rush you, otherwise. You know that.” Shuhua was always so patient with her, in anything Soojin did, really. 

Soojin’s silence made Shuhua’s head tilt, eyebrows raised, and analyze her love to come up with words to ease her anxiety. “I know you’re still scared, Soojin. That’s okay. This… what we have… not many will understand… and I know that’s what you’re scared about, and I understand it.” 

Soojin only kept her silence and listened to her speak. “I’m not asking you to tell the world, or any of that sort. All I wanted was for you to be honest with me, and to allow me to see you for who you truly felt you were.” Shuhua raised their tangled hands up to her lips, placing a soft kiss onto the back of Soojin’s hand, where her tattoo was inked. 

“It’s okay, if you’re not fully ready to be with me in front of anyone… or if you’re not ready to be with me at all. I’m even okay with just keeping this between us if that’s what makes you comfortable. As long as we communicate with each other… and as long as I have you in any way or in every way, I’m okay with going at your pace.” Shuhua placed a thread of kisses to the inside of Soojin’s palm. If it were up to Shuhua, she would have no problem telling the world, but of course, there were many other consequences that came with that decision. 

“That’s not fair to you.” Soojin shook her head, taking her hand back, and placing it on her lap. Soojin hated how much Shuhua was giving herself to her without the same effort from Soojin that she was not ready to give. 

“I don’t care.” Shuhua responded quickly. 

Soojin looked at her in disbelief, “I care! I care about you.” It seems that they were both blinded by their own feelings that they couldn’t understand each other with how they wanted to handle it, and move forward. 

“I told you... I’ll wait. I can wait.” 

Soojin depleted, shaking her head, “Shuhua…” eyes pleading, begging, for Shuhua to understand where she’s coming from. 

“No. No, don’t look at me like that.” Shuhua covered her face in frustration. Every time they had talked about feelings and Soojin gave her that look. A look that does not assure Shuhua of anything, and in the end is the start of a bad ending. 

“Shuhua, this—,” Shuhua shook her head, jumping up to her feet, causing Soojin to flinch in surprise, not being able to finish her sentence. Shuhua tilted her head to the ceiling, concealing her tears, hand on her forehead in frustration. 

“We can’t just…. not try, Soojin. We need to try, please..” Shuhua knelt down in front of Soojin, pulling her close, and connecting their foreheads. “Please,” it left her lips like a chant, over and over again. Shuhua cradled Soojin’s face between her hands, eyes closed. 

Soojin pulled away slightly to look into Shuhua’s eyes, the younger girl only opening them when Shuhua felt Soojin’s thumb caress her cheek. 

Soojin leaned in, placing a kiss on Shuhua’s lips, short and chaste, before nuzzling their noses together. Both of their eyes closed, taking in each other’s warmth and presence. “Okay,” Soojin whispered, pulling Shuhua even closer, placing another chaste kiss on her lips, and whispering her agreement over and over again after every soft touch of their lips. 

_

When Hui apologized the other day in the hall and asked if they could still be friends, Soojin didn’t know whether to decline the offer, or lie and give him the assurance of friendship, knowing that they’ll rarely see each other anyway. In the end, Soojin had given him the benefit of the doubt, and took up his offer, not thinking much of it. 

She didn’t expect him to constantly text her as if their friendship had escalated within that one conversation. It’s not like Shuhua peered at her phone often, but Soojin knew that if she knew about it, knowing how possessive the younger girl was, she would definitely have something to say about it. So Soojin doesn’t mention it. It wasn’t important anyway. 

“Okay, that take was good. Can we redo the last part though? I feel like the emotions you’re relaying when you sing the lyrics aren’t exaggerated enough. When you’re singing it, maybe think of someone that makes you happy if that helps.” Hui said, looking at the screen that showed Soojin scribbling notes onto the lyric sheet on the stand. 

Soojin doesn’t realize how quickly Shuhua had come to mind at the request of having to think of someone who makes her happy. Once the backtrack started to play in her ears, she sang the lyrics with as much emotion she could convey, a certain Taiwanese girl embedded into her mind. 

“Good! That was perfect!” Hui cheered, throwing a thumbs up towards Soojin from the other side of the recording studio. Soojin smiled shyly at the compliment, before taking off her headphones and placing it on the music sheet stand. 

When she entered the studio, where Hui and the tech worker were waiting, the senior singer had prompted to give her a high five. “Are you sure you’re not dating anyone? I feel like you conveyed those lyrics too easily to not be.” Hui teasingly smiled at her.

Soojin gave him a look, “Hui…” 

The boy raised his hand in defense, “I thought we were trying to be friends? Friends tell each other about their love life? Right?” He wasn’t wrong, but Soojin knows his motive wasn’t right. 

“Okay, then you tell me about your love life.” Soojin diverted the topic to be about him, and who knows if that was the right deci