Her Present Days


The Day She Meets Amber & Krystal


In that lively atmosphere, where everyone meets everyone, she suddenly thinks of the exact reason why she's there. After a few stolen glances at both Miyeon and Shuhua, she rises from the cushion and approaches the owner of the house. 

She notices her instantly on the way to the kitchen. 


"Hey, I'm just wondering if I could excuse myself for a while?" she tells Amber, who's chatting closely with her wife. 

Amber put the glass of wine on the cabinet and looks at the young girl. "Yeah, the washroom is right before the stairs, kiddo," 

Krystal frowns a little when she senses the tall figure's hands are fidgeting awkwardly. 


"Uhm, no. I mean I want to smoke, but not in front of your kids," she corrects herself. 

Amber and Krystal quickly understand. 


"Oh, sure. You can have a little time for yourself in the backyard. Use this door," Amber nods calmly and leads her to the door mentioned. The young girl clears and mutters simply with "thanks". 

When her back disappears after the door is closed, Krystal and Amber exchange meaningful stares. 


"She doesn't seem fine to me," Krystal whispers. 

Amber lifts both her eyebrows, before sipping to the wine until its last drop. 

"And why you think she's not okay?" 


"Breathtaking face, yes. Safe and peaceful mind, I don't think so," Krystal replies. She ignores Amber for a while as she walks to the cooking space and opens the fridge. Grabbing a bottle of Korean soju, Krystal uncap it and spins her body around to see Amber. 

"Come on, Amber. I know you have the ability to read people and this one should not be excluded from the list, okay? Go talk to that kid. Maybe smoking is the only excuse she has in order to do something else?" 


Amber sighs. From the kitchen window, she can clearly see the young girl's back, with a vague light from the lampost and the cigarette smoke as her company. 

"I did have the same thinking as yours on the first moment I saw her, Krys. She's like... wondering or lurking for something," Amber mutters in her deep voice. 

Krystal gets a hold of Amber's left hand then. "I believe you've considered her as one of us, Amber. Whatever you think you should do, I'm with you," 

The couple look at each other's eyes lovingly before Amber sighs a smile and nods. 





"Usually, it gets very quiet at night since there's only a few neighbours around," the voice greets her from the back. She exhales the smoke slowly and swallows the gulp inside her dry throat. 


"What a great place for a loving couple and the beautiful children of yours, Amber-sshi," she chuckles. When Amber stands directly at her left side, she tilts up her eyes to the night sky. "I hope we're not a nuisance in your reunion today,"

The older one shoves her hands into her pockets. "Not even, Imme. And please, just speak to me informally, I don't mind," she joins the younger, gazing up to the stars glittering above them. "What do you think of us?" 


Imme finishes the last cigarette and crushes it using her bare hand before putting it into her jacket's pocket. 

"What a wonderful circle. Beautiful girls with beautiful hearts. You have a warm house here, Amber," Imme smiles calmly. 


"Yeah, and I call it home," Amber says. There's silence between them until Imme suddenly asks, 


"Can you explain to me about something, Amber?" 


She takes a few seconds to shift her gaze from the sky to the younger's face. "I will try," 


Gathering all the courage she has, Imme opens out, "Is it always because of destiny or fate that decides who we are in this life?" 


Amber doesn't give answer right away, instead she asks her back, "Well, Imme. Do you believe in destiny or fate?" 


She avoids Amber's stare and glances to the solid ground momentarily. Then, she frowns a bit, "Actually I don't really understand how destiny or fate runs in my life," 

Amber, scanning through Imme's eyes, she tried to clarify, 


"We don't need to understand how destiny or fate works in precise, Imme. Because, we can never figure it out why something happens for a reason since our human minds are very limited..." 

"Destiny is made by Him. Same thing as fate. Only the difference we can distinguish between these two is, when certain events occured. If something ends badly, we call it as a fate decided by Him. And if, we have a great ending of something, we can identify it as a destiny. Love for example, is a destiny," 


"Like you and Krystal," Imme gives out her opinion and makes Amber chuckles. 


"That's my own philosophy, my strange way of understanding things in life, Imme. That could be different from other's view," Amber adds, still trying to enlighten the younger's mind. 


"What about unrequited love? Should we consider it as a destiny too? So we can feel better?" 



Amber's tight forehead becomes wrinkly once she hears it from Imme. 


"Not everything we can call a destiny, kiddo. There are plenty things in this world unidentified. Unrequited love is... for me, not a destiny either fate. It's just a thing happens probably to common people like us. Ordinary to experience someone we love, couldn't able to return the same feeling," she explains using the simplest words she can use.


Her eyes get teary after Amber is finished with her words so she quickly shifts away her face from facing the older woman. 



Somehow, deep down, Amber can understand what's going on at that time. She gently grips Imme's left shoulder then, "You still remember the first girl I've fallen to?" 


Imme immerses into a quick mind-recalling until she remembers. "Minah, right?"


Amber nods, smilling. Again, her eyes fly up the dark sky as she furthers, "She is my first love story and because of her, I learned a lot of life lessons. Never giving up on kind people who care for me, keep on believing that ups and downs are normal and last but not least, to make me have faith on myself that one day I'll find my final and true love,"


"Do you still love her, Amber?" 


"Pardon me?" 


"Don't get me wrong... I know you're married now. But, is there any feeling left for the first girl you loved?"


Her brain tells her to say 'nope', but Amber realizes there's no use to hide the truth. She glances at Imme and gives a little nod. 


"First love is still very powerful to me, Imme. I can't run from being sad when sometimes the past memory comes to me, or haunting me no matter how much I try to make it perished. I know it very well when it strikes me deep to the heart and I can't help but to feel, upset," 



Imme inhales the cold air into her lungs and releases it, unintentionally making it loud until it reaches Amber's ears. 


"I'm sorry for that noise," Imme awkwardly apologizes. 


Amber chuckles, "It's fine, kiddo," 


The tall girl asks her again then, 

"You said, there in the diary that there's always someone might hear you out when you want to share about things. Your cousin, if I'm not mistaken. He is your loyal listener, right? Where did you go when he's not around and nowhere to be found?" 



Amber thinks, the real question has delivered out of Imme, finally. All the questions previously, are probably just the non-directional from her real intention.


She proudly replies to her without any doubt, 

"I wrote it down, kiddo. When I have a thought that nobody could be trusted, or nobody could understand me, I expressed almost everything I felt through writing. Maybe there's no answers to my questions, but still, writing did help me a lot to get through it," 

Imme stares at Amber, nodding her head. 

"I have to say you're a talented writer, why don't you publish it? I think many people will enjoy it as much as me," 


Amber taps Imme's arm, "I didnt write for other's pleasure, just to be honest with you,"

"If you want to publish it, maybe you can, I give you my consent. Only with more editing on the names and linguistic features. But my story doesn't really has such a great ending, right?


"Well... its a cliffhanger and many stories have endings like that," Imme projects her thought clearly. 


"You want to know how to make it complete?" Amber asks Imme and earns a head-shake later on. 


"Continue it with your own story, Imme. There must be million of precious thoughts inside your head and also many colourful feelings there inside your heart. Give a try," 


The young Imme sinks into a deep silence while Amber patiently waits for her to say something back. 

She snorts out, "But I'm not a writer. I was born to lead a company," 


Hearing that, making Amber let out a small chuckle. 

"You don't have to be a writer, in order to write beautiful things that happen around you, kiddo. Even writing something can't change who you are, but maybe, can help you to live the life you want. Some story is written before it really happens. And that's why I wrote everything in my diary, Imme. I hope for a miracle though sometimes it seems not possible,"

Still in hesitatation, Imme questions her again, 

"But, things are quite different to me, than your point of view, Amber," 


"Alright, then tell me what's the difference, from your point of view?" 



She pauses, before answering to Amber's question, 

"Krystal loves you back. And I think Minah also loved you, but she can't admit it," 


Amber hummed, "Agree with you," 


Imme, her eyes are teary as she clarifies, 

"I don't know how to start writing because I got hurt everytime I remember my first love,"

Amber blinks slowly and replies, 

"Exactly what I felt too when I mentioned Minah in my diary," 


"Not the same as you, Amber. At least you moved on and you know, she's happy or having a good life ahead. But I can't even say a thing about her," 



Amber stares straight into Imme's eyes, wondering why. "May I know the reason, you said that you can't say anything about her?" 


Imme gulped and mutters back, 



"Because she's gone. She's not alive anymore, and I don't know if she's happy or in a good state," 



Amber is taken aback. Her calm expression gradually changes and she is definitely out of words. Her level of sympathy immediately rises as Imme finishes with, 


"And she's dead because of me. I am the reason why she killed herself," 


I'm not sure on how to explore the new characters in the next chapters, but I'm willing to try. 


Imme here is the OC or "the original character" that I created. You maybe want to imagine her as a boyish girl, age around 25-26, with height around 1.72cm to 1.75 cm ( well to sum it up, she is almost like any androgynous model exists okay?), look tough outside but actually soft inside and her main feature is "she has the most saddest and beautiful eyes" that people might seen. 

There's a few similarities that I share with this OC and I continue to write because I want to be more productive instead of sleeping during my free time. Covid19 seems not going to end very soon and I hate it very much. 

I miss my job as a site officer but I know, my destiny isn't really in this field. But don't worry, I work diligently as part timer in 24 hours grocery store near my aunt's house and helping her restaurant to deliver food in our neighbourhood. 

My brother Hen, of course, is the happiest person in our house since his school required online classes rather than operating it manually. He has been with his ipad 24/7 since last year and either me or my aunt can say a thing haha coz he's sensitive XD. My aunt suggested that I should home-tutored him since he is special but I think he's doing great like other kids around his age :) 


Ignore my boring life. And let's get back to the story haha. 

Imme's story is a bit difficult than my previous fanfics since this character is not familiar with you. I want to dedicate this story to the late Jonghyun, Sulli and Hara. I will try to be very sensitive in writing this one because it involves serious depression and life trauma. 

The events or any characters are fictional, and if there's any relation to someone's death or tragedy, or similar incidents in reality, I have to clarify that it is highly coincidence. 

I have to rate this story as M because of possible mental health triggers and sensitivity. 


Thank you, again. 


See you soon... 

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