“And the end of the year project will be a cumulative research presentation in groups of three. Each group will be assigned six papers over the course of this semester, and you will be responsible for relating it back to course material, explaining the findings in relation to what we learned in the course, and critiquing the papers,” the professor of Donghae’s third-year ‘The Neurobiology of Learning and Memory' course says. Donghae’s head snaps up. He can’t do a presentation. But this course is mandatory for his degree, so he can’t drop it like he normally does. He turns quickly to Siwon, who is dutifully taking notes beside him, eyes wide. Siwon doesn’t look up, but his hand moves over the table they were sharing and wraps around Donghae’s wrist, rubbing soothing, circular motions on the skin above his pulse point.

Donghae can’t relax even with the comforting touch, but he does settle back in his seat, content that Siwon will help him deal with this problem.

“The groups have been assigned at random, and I have already posted an excel spreadsheet online for you,” the professor continues. “I would recommend you guys meet at least once a week starting this week in order to ensure that you don’t fall behind. Of course, there’s nothing I can do to force you, but I don’t want any complaints right before presentations on lack of participation and rushed work.”

Donghae looks into his lap, taking his phone out and quickly pulling up the university website to see the groups. His chest tightens as he scrolls through the document, and stops when he catches sight of his name.

Beside his name are two others: Hyukjae Lee and Siwon Choi. He smiles down at his phone, unable to believe his luck. He places the phone beside Siwon’s notebook, watching as his friend skims his phone and gives him a wide smile. 

“We’ll talk to the professor afterwards, okay?” Siwon whispers. Donghae nods. He hates having to do that, but he knows it’s necessary. “Don’t worry about it, Donghae, it’ll be okay.” Donghae nods again and picks up his pen, tuning back into the professor’s lecture; the man is now talking about the content overview and what will be covered in the course.

If Siwon is with him on this project, then maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

⸺

Class is dismissed early, as it normally is on the first day when all that is covered in the lecture is the syllabus. Other students are piling out of the classroom, and Donghae is still sitting, waiting for Siwon to finish packing so they can speak to the professor.

Siwon has always been slow about putting his stuff away. For Siwon, everything has to be put away neatly and meticulously. Donghae prefers to just shove everything into his bag and sort it out later. When Siwon is finally finished, Donghae trails behind him as they walk up to the front of the classroom.

The professor looks up when they approach, smiling at them.

“Hello,” he says.

“Hello Dr. Milliken,” Siwon says. “I was just wondering about the group presentation at the end of the term.”

“Ah yes,” the professor says, “what would like to know.”

Siwon gestures at Donghae, who tries very hard not to cry of embarrassment. He hates this so much, he hates that this is necessary, but hopefully, his professor will be understanding.

“My friend, Donghae, is mute,” he says, and Donghae immediately looks away, not wanting to see the professor’s reaction. “So we were wondering if there could be an accommodation. I’m a part of his group and I’m willing to present his part of the project.”

“Of course,” Dr. Milliken says. Donghae can see the man jotting down his name on a pad of paper. “That’s completely fine with me, as long as Donghae is still doing the work, the mark is equal amongst all three group members, so I’ll just keep that in mind. Just let your group member know and I’ll let the TAs know as well.”

“Thank you, professor,” Siwon says and Donghae nods. This had gone as well as expected and Donghae smiles at Siwon as they leave. Siwon responds by draping an arm over his shoulders.

“I told you everything will be fine, Donghae,” Siwon says. “I’ll make sure of it.” 

Donghae sighs, leaning into Siwon’s touch and letting the man lead them down the hall. The other man is warm against him, doing wonders to calm his anxiety.

“Siwon!” a voice from behind them shouts and Donghae jumps. Siwon rubs his arm up and down Donghae’s arm in a soothing gesture as he turns around to face the source of the voice.

Donghae recognizes the boy: Lee Hyukjae, their other group member. It’s hard not to know who Hyukjae is, even for a recluse like Donghae. He’s their third-year representative and very easy to recognize with his royal blue hair and colourful fashion.

“Hyukjae!” Siwon responds, waving at the approaching boy. Donghae is unsurprised that Siwon and Hyukjae know each other, given that Siwon is the student president. He’s even more well known than Lee Hyukjae. Everyone knows Siwon. 

“Did you see, we’re in the same group,” Hyukjae says.

“I did,” Siwon says. “It’s going to be fun. And this is Donghae, our other group member.”

Hyukjae waves at him before sticking out his hand.

“Hyukjae, nice to meet you,” he says. Donghae nods in acknowledgement before he looks down at the and accepts it, letting Hyukjae shake it and dictate when to let go. Before Hyukjae can begin to question his lack of a verbal response, Donghae pulls out his phone, quickly opening his notes app and typing a quick message.

It’s nice to meet you. I’m Donghae. I don’t talk, so you’ll have to excuse me.

He hands the phone over to Hyukjae, who scans the words before he looks up at Donghae again, smiling softly. 

Donghae searches Hyukjae for any sign of annoyance or disbelief that often comes with the revelation that he is mute. He relaxes when he finds none. He returns Hyukjae's smile with a tentative smile of his own.

“I see,” Hyukjae says. “So then, about the presentation…” Siwon glances at him for permission to talk for him, and when Donghae nods, he begins to explain.

“We already talked to the professor about this, so we’ll just be doing the presenting,” Siwon says. “If you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah, that’s totally fine!" Hyukjae says. “I don’t have any classes after this, so I was wondering if you guys were also free right now to go over some of the details, split the work, that sort of thing. I know we’ll get busier later on in the semester, so it’s best to get as much of it out of the way as possible.”

“We don’t have anything next, so that should be okay, right Donghae?” Siwon answers. When both Siwon and Hyukjae turn to look at him, Donghae nods, gesturing in the direction of his favourite library. It’s the one that most people don’t know about, tucked away in the back of the business building. Quiet and isolated, exactly what Donghae enjoys.

“Ah, yeah, let’s go to the Innis library?” 

“Oh, yeah sure,” Hyukjae says and they begin walking. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to Innis library.”

Siwon smiles.

“That’s what makes it perfect,” he says. They make their way down the stairs of the psychology building and continue across campus. The only downside of Innis library is that it’s right at the edge of campus and most of Donghae’s classes, being a psychology student, are in the center of the campus. It’s a pain to walk the distance, especially in the winter, but it’s worth it for the solitude. 

When they get to the library, they find a table in the back corner and sit down, with Siwon sitting across from Donghae so he can easily see any of his gestures and signs to convey to Hyukjae and Hyukjae sitting beside Donghae.

Donghae pulls out his laptop from his bag and opens up his Google Drive, quickly getting to work setting up a folder with a brainstorming document, an excel calendar to put check-in dates, and a quick google search to find a suitable template for their presentation. When he’s finished he sends the link to the folder to Siwon, who had started chatting idly to Hyukjae about the student university committee.

“Ah, thanks,” Siwon says. “I’ll make us a group chat and we can talk there, yeah? Donghae made us a folder for our work, I’ll just send that over to you.”

Hyukjae pulls out his own laptop and opens the folder.

“Oh, wow,” Hyukjae says. “That was fast, you’re so organized.”

Donghae smiles before turning back to his own laptop. A notification pops up for the group chat Siwon had set up and Donghae clicks on it, quickly typing up a message.

Thank you.

“No problem,” Hyukjae says. “So, the first paper has already been assigned, so maybe we have it read for two weeks from now when lectures have started and then we can discuss it then?”

“Sounds good,” Siwon says as Donghae nods. 

“Perfect! Donghae, maybe you can write up your thoughts on a document so we can discuss them more easily without glossing over any of your input?”

Donghae blinks. He had never met anyone besides Siwon who takes his inability to talk into account. And to go so out of his way to accommodate him… Donghae looks down, afraid his eyes will start welling up against his will.

That sounds good.

Donghae types and looks away again when Hyukjae beams at him.

“Great!” he says. Donghae watches as Hyukjae opens his brainstorming document and pastes the article name and citation onto it. “I think Siwon and I should put our initial thoughts in there too so you can think about them and add your thoughts without being sidelined.”

Donghae nods again, swallowing against the lump in his throat.

I will.

“I’ll put in some deadlines so we don’t fall behind,” Siwon says. They get to work creating a rough outline of the dates they want to get things done. It takes them about an hour, but they finish up with a solid plan for the semester.

“This is the most productive and organized group I’ve ever been in,” Hyukjae says, stretching in his seat as they finish up. 

“That’s all Donghae, trust me,” Siwon says. “I’d never do this myself.” 

Donghae flushes.

“I just like to keep things in order, you know I hate when things get out of control,” he signs at Siwon, who laughs. 

“Yes, I know, Donghae,” he says. Donghae glances at Hyukjae, hoping the other boy isn’t offended he’s signing in his presence and being left out of the conversation. 

“Donghae was just saying it’s nothing more than habit,” Siwon says, filling Hyukjae in when he sees Donghae fussing. 

“It’s a good habit to have,” Hyukjae says before checking his phone. “Well, I’m going to get lunch, you want to join me? Unless you’re busy.”

Donghae considers the offer. Normally, he would just go back home for lunch, given that he doesn’t live far from campus and he purposely schedules time for lunch. If not, he packs a lunch to eat in a corner somewhere. But Hyukjae looks hopeful, and he knows that Siwon is also friends with Hyukjae. Siwon also wouldn’t go to lunch with Hyukjae if Donghae chooses not to go, out of some misplaced sense of loyalty.

“Yes,” he signs at Siwon. “Let’s go.”

“I recognize that sign,” Hyukjae says, startling Donghae. “From when I worked at a children’s rehab hospital. That’s a yes, right?”

Donghae nods in confirmation.

“I’ll go too,” Siwon says. Hyukjae’s answering smiling at their agreement to go to lunch is bright and genuine. Donghae is starting to understand just why Hyukjae is so popular around campus if he’s so agreeable and nice to everyone.

They head to the student center, where the largest of the campus cafeterias are located. There’s a line, as there always is around lunchtime, so they go to the end, with Siwon in front of him and Hyukjae behind him. As they wait, Donghae pulls out a notebook, as it’s easier for people to read quickly when it’s written in large text on a piece of paper rather than on a notes app on a phone.

He muses at the menu.

“I’m getting pizza if you want some,” Siwon mutters to him as he decides. “So you can get something else.” Donghae nods, quickly deciding on the fish and chips. He scribbles down the order and when they get to the cashier, he shows the notebook to the man at the counter.

The man frowns at him and looks at Donghae in a way that he’s unfortunately acquainted with. The kind of look that tells Donghae he’s strange and annoying for writing out his order. The kind of look that makes Donghae want to jump into a hole and never emerge because it’s a piercing kind of look, the kind that is against everything he wants with his mutism, which is to stay in the background. Invisible.

"You could have just told me your order," the cashier says as he rolls his eyes.

"Or you could just read it and keep your comments to yourself," Hyukjae snaps from behind Donghae, causing Donghae to jump. “Assuming you can read in the first place.”

The cashier has the decency to look ashamed. But when he apologizes it’s clear he’s talking to Hyukjae and not Donghae. Donghae wouldn’t really mind—he doesn’t want any more attention on him as it is, but clearly, Hyukjae isn’t happy, because he frowns.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to,” he says. To Donghae’s surprise, the cashier actually turns to him and apologizes.

Donghae nods. All he really wants to do is pay. 

So he shoves his credit card at the cashier, watches as the man rings it up, before quickly making his escape. He gives his receipt to Siwon to pick up his food and finds the most secluded corner of the cafeteria. When he sits down, he puts his head in his hands, running through the breathing exercises his therapist has taught him to calm his anxiety.

He takes controlled, deep breaths, ensuring that he’s holding it for several seconds before slowly letting it out. It takes a little while, but his heart rate does eventually slow down into something that is more controlled than the jackrabbit pace it had been moments earlier.

“Donghae,” he hears Siwon say. Donghae runs his hand through his hair and looks up at Siwon, offering the man a wan smile. Siwon’s forehead is knitted with worry as he slides Donghae’s lunch towards him. 

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” Donghae signs. Siwon’s face relaxes, but not completely.

“If you say so,” Siwon says. He sits down across from Donghae and offers Donghae a slice of his pizza. Donghae takes it, cuts a section of it for himself before returning it to Siwon. Siwon, in turn, takes a piece of his fish and some of his fries.

Donghae’s about to take a bite of the pizza when Hyukjae approaches, looking uncertain.

“Can I still sit with you guys?”

Donghae nods, unsure as to why Hyukjae is asking.

“I’m so sorry, I should have butted in on something that wasn’t really my business,” Hyukjae says immediately after sitting down. Donghae can see the guilt written all over Hyukjae’s face as he speaks. “He just pissed me off with his attitude and you looked so uncomfortable.”

Donghae waves off Hyukjae’s apology.

It’s okay. Thank you.

“I really didn’t mean to interfere on your behalf,” Hyukjae continues even after reading the message.

“Tell him I understand,” Donghae signs to Siwon, because it’s much faster than typing. “He meant well so I’m not offended or anything.”

“Hyukjae, it’s fine,” Siwon says. “You meant well, just don’t do it again and you’ll be fine.”

Hyukjae’s eyes drift to Donghae, who nods.

It’s okay. Really.

Hyukjae does relax at his note, but only minutely. Donghae opts to ignore it, and Siwon takes Donghae’s cue to neatly swoop in and change the subject. Siwon and Hyukjae begin discussing the details of some popular show that Donghae has never watched, so he tunes them out, his thoughts drifting to his schedule, trying to recall his remaining courses for the rest of the day.

“What about you?” he hears Hyukjae ask him and he looks over, head tilted in question. “Did you watch ‘The Queen’s Gambit’?”

Donghae shakes his head.

“I see,” Hyukjae says. “Then what shows have you been enjoying recently?” 

Donghae purses his lips. He can’t really remember the last show he’s watched. He’s always been more of a book kind of guy, where he can go at his own pace and connect with the characters far more than in a TV show. He likes reading about the thoughts of characters, deconstructing their motivations and emotions.

He shakes his head and makes the sign for a book, which is recognizable even for someone who doesn’t know American Sign Language.

“Oh, you like reading more, that’s fun,” Hyukjae says. “Any recommendations?”

Donghae blinks, he had expected his response to end the conversation, as it normally does. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.

What genres do you like?

“Hmm,” Hyukjae says. “I don’t read much, but I like thrillers. Or fantasy.” Donghae brightens; those are the genres he enjoys reading as well.

Fantasy: Mistborn
Thriller: Silence of the Lambs if you haven’t read it

“Message that to me?” Hyukjae asks and Donghae obliges, sending the two titles to Hyukjae for future reference.

“Perfect,” Hyukjae says when he receives the message. “I’ve got to go, I have a meeting, but I’ll catch up with you guys later, okay!” He departs with a wave, which both Siwon and Donghae return.

"We have class as well," Siwon says. Donghae checks his phone and feels a surge of dread building in his chest. They’re probably going to be slightly late, which is Donghae’s worst fear. He hates having to walk into a lecture hall when everyone has already taken a seat—having people’s attention on him because he’s late… it’s enough for Donghae’s palms to get sweaty and heart to begin racing at the thought. 

“We won’t be late if we run,” Siwon says. “Come on, Donghae.”

And so they run. And they do make it on time, early enough that they get a seat in the back of the class, exactly as Donghae prefers.

As they sit down, Siwon leans over. 

“I need to go to a student council meeting after this as well, so I won’t be able to go to the next class,” Siwon says. Given that it’s the first day of school and all lectures are just going over the syllabus anyway, Donghae refrains from scolding Siwon for ditching. 

I’ll be okay.

Siwon smiles.

“You’re sure?”

Donghae rolls his eyes and Siwon laughs, draping his arm on Donghae’s shoulder.

“If you say so.”

⸺

And Donghae does manage just fine for the rest of the day. Thankfully, no other class has any sort of presentation; two of his classes have several essays, which Donghae isn’t too big of a fan of, but it’s nothing that is deal-breaking for him. When he gets him at the end of the day, Donghae changes into his fluffiest pyjamas and goes to his desk, opening up the photography tutorial course he had been slowly but steadily making his way through over the summer.

He’s almost done, and he’s looking forward to when it starts snowing (which here in Canada is around mid-November) so he can take some pretty landscape photos for his mom.

It serves as a good distraction from a rather eventful day. 

He’s already finished skimming through several photos and finished labelling his notebooks for the semester when he hears Siwon return. He pauses when he hears the front door slam and turns when he hears Siwon knock lightly on the frame of Donghae’s open door.

"Hey," Siwon says softly as he walks in, making his way over to Donghae's desk. He bends down, burying his head into Donghae's hair and leaving a featherlight kiss on the top of Donghae's head. Whe