It hurts, messing up your own friendship just because of your stupid feeling.

 

**********

 

Growing up together, Yubin and Yoohyeon were inseparable. They’ve known each other since they were 7, having been born in the same year, a few months different. They live in the same neighborhood, attending the same school, even college. 

 

They are now graduating college, working 2 different jobs, but still living near to each other. Nothing ever changes between the two childhood friends, or so they think? But surely something changed. Feelings bloomed.

 

As they grew up, Yubin started to develop feelings towards her tall friend. She starts to want more from their friendship. She longs for more attention, touches, times. Yubin starts to think that whatever Yoohyeon did, it’s adorable, the way she talks, the way she clumsily trips, the way she is so bad at cooking that she burnt an egg. 

 

Not sure how it started, but Yubin will randomly confess to Yoohyeon, only to be rejected of course. “You are my friend, of course I love you too.” Yoohyeon would say when Yubin told her she loved her. But that is not what she meant. So she starts to show it, that the love she has for the taller girl is different. 

 

But for Yoohyeon, she doesn't want to mess up what they have. She feels burdened by the attention, by the confession that Yubin randomly blurts out. She wants nothing more than a friend. She thinks of Yubin more like a sister than a lover, and she could never imagine her as one.

 

“I love you too, but this is not it. You are crazy Yubin. It’s freaking 3 in the morning! You can’t just show up like this.” 

 

Yoohyeon almost yelled at Yubin one day when Yubin randomly showed up in front of her apartment door 3 in the morning. What’s worse is Yubin showed up drunk. Yubin just smiles dumbly at her, saying that she missed her, that she wants to see her before she sleeps. Yubin told her that she is so stressed out nowadays and she feels like she needs to see Yoohyeon.

 

Yoohyeon got so frustrated, she is done being polite. She feels like Yubin really won’t go away without a fight, she can’t be reasoned with. She’s told her not only once, twice, but hundreds times. That they will never be more than friends. 

 

“I just want to see you before I head home… he…” Yubin said drunkenly and smiled.

 

“Yubin…” Yoohyeon pinched her nose bridge, frustrated and sleepy.

 

“Yoohyeon… I love you…” Yubin’s hands tried to reach out, but Yoohyeon took a step back, avoiding the touch.

 

“Yubin… Haven’t I made it obvious and clear? We can’t. I can never see you more than a friend, let alone a lover. Do you really want me to spell it out for you, one by one?! Get that inside your head out.” 

 

“But, Yoohyeon…”

 

“Is it so hard to understand that I never think of you more than a friend? You just make things awkward!”

 

“But… I…”

 

“You wish we could be like what we used to be before, but no! I could not! You asked for it, you are making things awkward. We could not be what we used to be anymore.” 

 

“I am… sorry”

 

“Leave! Leave, Yubin.” 

 

Yoohyeon closed the door in front of her. ‘I messed up.’ Yubin thought. It can’t be fixed anymore, it’s over. Whatever it is that they had, everything washed down the drain. And the two changed from childhood friends to plain strangers over night. 

 

**********

 

Yubin stares out the cafe window, watching as who was once her best friend walks passed by, smiling so brightly, hand holding on to someone who she assumes is her partner. Her heart clenched, it hurt, but she asked for it. It’s over.