Prologue: A letter from the summer after

Can we, when we meet?

Dear Joohyun,

I'm sorry. I think that I've written that sentence countless times now, how sorry I am. I sent it in about a hundred texts now, none of which are going through. I wrote it in three past letters, none of which have a response. I've even written it in 20 or so drafts which are now all sitting at the bottom of my waste bin. If you were here, you'd get mad at me for wasting so much paper. I think I would welcome your scolding as compared to the silence I'm currently receiving.

Honestly, I should be madder than I am right now. I know I messed up. I should've told you earlier. I shouldn't have ruined our day like that. I don't know why I was so stupid to think that baking you a cake, red velvet, your favorite, would just somehow make up for the fact that I was hiding my move to Canada for college until the week before.

But how could I know you would react like that? I can still see the look on your face, how it all changed in a split second. One moment, you were looking at me like you always do, that soft, gentle look in your eyes. I miss it even now. The next moment, your eyebrows were drawn up in shock. Your mouth formed a perfect o. Your eyes turned to... I can't even describe it. Was that what hatred looked like? Was it just hurt? I don't think I could tell you. I've never seen your face like that before. Sure we've had petty arguments in the past, but nothing like this. Nothing like this...

And I know I messed up, royally. But you didn't have to cut me off entirely, did you? How can I say sorry if I can't even call you anymore. I can't believe how much I still think about you. It's been months now, and I still stew over what to say when I see you again, how much I want to apologize for everything. Will we even see each other again?

Do you still go to that dock? We were there, when I told you. It was our spot. I know I must've ruined it.

I'm sorry. I keep moving onto new topics and then roping back around to these regrets. You know I was always the type to remember things, keep playing them in my head like pushing rewind on a stereo. Of all the things I remember from that day, I remember us making a wish. It was the Saturday after your birthday, and we were on the dock by the lake a few kilometers out of town, a tradition of belated birthdays. You always said it was a lot more special, celebrating on the weekend instead of the day of, saying that on the weekends you wouldn't have any tests to study for.

When we blew out the candles, I asked you what you wished for. You said, "I wish we could be together forever." You looked like you were going to say something more, like you had something important to say. I'm sorry I had to cut you off — explain that your wish couldn't come true. Isn't that the thing about wishes though? You can't say them aloud or they won't come true? Maybe it was just our fate then, to have to split up like this. But I still can't stop thinking about it. What were you going to say?

I never got to tell you my wish, now that I think about it. I wished to see you again, after all of this. Maybe it's better that I didn't tell you. It's a wish that can still come true. So I'll hold onto this wish then, to see you. Even if it's only in my dreams, that would be okay too.

Forever yours,

Seungwan

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
WanAndDg
#1
Chapter 2: I can't remember the reason why I did not read this story despite subscribing...
Anyways, I have to admit I'm scared while reading...please don't hurt me too much author-nim...you are fully in control of my emotions with your stories...
Waiting for updates...
orangebearies #2
subscribed! just a quick question... is this gonna end with angst? i’m not too fond of angst stories.. hahahah!!!! and i’m looking forward to updates of 11:11... and that one shot u were talking about. :)
Puyopuyo #3
Chapter 2: Gosh!
SkyeUwU #4
Chapter 2: I wished for a Christmas present I could cherish for a long, long time and you delivered Blue, as you always do *grins*
Thank you. Until next time,
Gowther75 #5
Chapter 2: another story from you! yey! im really glad that you also posted this on aff, it's easier for me to get notifications here compared to ao3 haha. the plot is so interesting, i can sense angst from this and im willing to take it. thanks for writing <33
BaeMyMuse #6
Chapter 2: That's...bittersweet. Author that was awesome... Is this your Christmas present perhaps? LoL

Waiting for the next chapter! I have an inkling that this is some sort of gift from sandman (since it's Christmas and all lol). Anyway! Thanks for that author! Happy holidays!