you don't know what to feel the next morning when you saw kai standing alone outside your classroom.
this isn't his normal routine. you know something's off.
he felt your presence and looks up at you, glaring when your eyes met.
you can already smell trouble.
it's not a secret to you how he doesn't like you. he is also very much aware of how you hated his guts. you don't remember how or when it started, but krystal's jerk of a boyfriend had always treated you like a rival. he always gives you those quirky looks whenever you pass by him.
the funny thing about it is you were never classmates. you never joined the same club nor group. you two are just plain schoolmates who are quite popular with other students.
you don't know what his reason for not liking you. but as for you, you hated his arrogance. you still couldn't fathom why some girls in this school is crazy about him.
and what's making it worse is the fact that he and krystal are dating.
you hated him more because of that.
"good morning, kung fu master," said kai, smiling sarcastically, pulling you out of your thoughts.
you wanted to punch his nose right away but you tried to stay as civil as you can.
"well, good morning to you too, showboat."
kai's eye twitched. "what did you just call me?"
"showboat. someone who dribbles all day, goes nowhere, and misses a lot."
"tsk! what's your problem, huh?" he asked, flexing his jaw, walking over to you.
you found his irritation amusing so you chuckled. "what is your problem?"
kai twisted his head, brought his hands to his waist and glared back at you. "why don't we just settle this once and for all, huh?"
you raised an eyebrow at him. "settle what?"
"what? you're playing innocent?" he leaned in closer. "you're lucky i'm not laying a finger on you now because i promised my girlfriend i'll try to stay out of trouble."
that got you even more confused. you hoped he doesn't know of what happened during byulyi's party or the acquaintance party.
you turned your attention to the voice and saw krystal who just came out of the classroom.
she didn't spare you a glance as she walked over to kai and pulled his arm. "let's go. i'm hungry."
kai doesn't look like he wants to leave yet, but krystal keeps pulling him. in the end, he agreed. "all right. all right."
you watch them walk away, not sure how you could stand the sight of krystal's hand reaching out to hold kai's.
you looked up and around, taking three deep breaths.
weren't feelings supposed to be felt by the brain and not by the heart? the heart just pumps blood, right? but why do you feel it aching literally?
you sighed loudly before turning away to enter the room.
maybe suzy is right. maybe staying friends with krystal is a big mistake. because if being close to her means hurting like this, you don't think you could endure it any longer.
days went by and you keep noticing how kai is making an effort to drop krystal off every start of the class and picks her up after. you find it odd because he's not doing that before.
tiffany is just smiling at you from afar, trying not to stir a conflict because suzy is always with you.
you didn't get the chance to talk to krystal again. from being secret friends you're now back to strangers--back to square one, like nothing happened at all.
the pringles boxes kept coming though.
"hey, the class is over." suzy nudged you one day. "aren't you going home yet?"
you were in deep thoughts and didn't realise the students are already leaving. "umm. i was just thinking of what to eat for dinner."
"kai!" shouted jimin out of nowhere. she ran out of the room to greet him.
you regret spending two seconds of your life glancing at that jerk. you unconsciously turned your head to look at krystal and caught her already staring at you. she averted her gaze right away, stood up and walked outside too.
you followed her with your eyes and sighed when she wrapped her arms around his waist.
yeah. perfect. how sweet.
"she really loves him, doesn't she?" asked suzy, looking at them too.
you went back to arranging your books. "i know, suzy. i know. you don't have to tell it to my face."
"oh. i'm sorry." suzy brough a hand to her chest. "i didn't mean to..."
you let out a defeated sigh. "no. i should be the one sorry. you're right. i really can't be friends with her."
you didn't miss how the tip of suzy's lips curved up for a second. "does that mean you're already giving up?" she asked.
you shrugged, still having second thoughts. your eyes went back outside and saw the gang walking away, kai's arm was draped around krystal's shoulders. you another felt pinch in your chest again.
"maybe you're right. i should move on now," you said, shaking your head. "i and krystal are just... just impossible..."
you were silent for few seconds until suzy patted your head. "hey. cheer up. it'll pass by, eventually."
"i just hope i'll get over this as soon as possible."
"you will, you just need distractions."
"like grabbing a movie this saturday?"
you smirked, not sure if that's the solution. but yeah, why not?
"just like the old times?" you said.
suzy smiles at you. "yeah. just like the old times. are you in?"
it's been your hobby to go out and watch movies with suzy before. that could be the reason some people in school are shipping you hard because they always see you go out.
it's just now you realised that you haven't been doing that for a while now. things have declined a bit after the confrontation last time, but you're glad you and suzy are enjoying everything now like how you used to.
the inner voice inside your head is giving those ideas again, the ideas you've thought of abandoning for good.
sometimes you just can't help but wonder: what if you were together for real, would you have been happier?
after the movie and dinner, suzy dragged you to the park to sit on the bench and chat as you watch people pass by.
you can't believe you're having fun. although you've been gloomy lately with what's happening between you and krystal, having company like this makes you forget the sadness for a little while.
"hmm. is someone finally entertaining a suitor now?" you teased, noticing how suzy keeps texting someone on her phone.
"it's my mom," said suzy, putting her phone back inside her bag. "why, are you jealous?"
you chuckled. "more like curious."
suzy scooted closer and held your arm. "how are you feeling now?"
"better," you said. "thanks for inviting me out tonight. i needed this."
suzy hooked her arm through yours and rested her head on your shoulder. "we used to enjoy going out alone, right? just you and me."
you hummed in response, your eyes looking far away. it's kind of cold tonight but suzy's body heat is comforting.
you leaned your head against hers. "i'm sorry."
"for getting distracted these past few weeks. it almost cost us our friendship, right?"
suzy lifted her head and hooked her chin on your shoulder. "well, at least you finally accepted that it's impossible for krystal to like you. after accepting it you'll surely move on."
"i hope so, suzy. i really hope so."
"you surely will..." suzy leaned in and planted a firm kiss on your cheek before resting her head back on your shoulder.
you said nothing after that. you know you're not supposed to say anything in the first place but your mind started scanning yourself for any feelings for suzy. you should be happy she's with you, that she's feeling that way towards you.
you should feel lucky, you thought to yourself, because suzy had turned down a lot of guys in school too. but despite that, you still can't give your full attention to her.
how you wish you can just reprogram your feelings and channel it all to suzy.
your eyes roamed around the area until you spotted a couple in front of the ice cream stand which is like a few meters away from you.
you don't know why they got your attention. maybe it's because of the way the guy had his arm around his girlfriend's shoulder which looked very familiar to you.
you were about to look away when you realised it's not just any other familiar couple. it is really them.
and she is looking at you, her brows knitted.
now you're wondering how long she's been watching. you know you shouldn't care about what she thinks anymore but her looks made you feel that you've done something wrong.
she turned and smiled at her boyfriend when he gave her the ice cream cup. they resumed walking with her arm around his waist and his arm around her shoulders.
you clenched your hand on your thigh, feeling like you wanted to explode now.
after a few seconds, her phone vibrated inside her bag. she excitedly gets it knowing whom the message came from. her lips curved upwards when she saw the message:
'good job!' she typed in, making sure the person beside her won't see it.
she put her phone back inside the bag. knowing that everything's done according to what's been planned, she turned to her friend.
"amber, let's go home now."