Not Like You

Traitor, Hitomi thought as she watched Yuri go gaga over Yena demonstrating how to hold the bowling ball. The older girl’s form looked good, but her previous game’s score was terrible and indicated the girl was a complete blowhard.

“That’s not like you,” Hyewon said out of the blue.

Hitomi looked over at the other girl. “What’s not like me?”

“You’re straightforward and honest to a fault,” Hyewon declared.

“When was I being dishonest?” Hitomi asked hotly.

Hyewon looked over at the other table then looked back at Hitomi pointedly. She didn’t have to say a word and Hitomi knew what she was hinting at.

The older girl’s piercing stare had immediately deflated Hitomi. She sighed and looked over at Minju and Chaewon still chattering away. “What do you know about anything?”

“I know that Chaewon likes that girl and I know that you like Chaewon. It seems to me that you just lied to the both of them,” Hyewon said bluntly and without tact.

“I don’t think either of them should take my feelings into consideration. I don’t want them to tiptoe over each other just because of me. I think they suit each other a lot.”

“How very martyr-like of you.” Hyewon’s voice, though impassive, dripped with sarcasm.

“Look, even if I told them right then, it would have just made everyone awkward around each other. And you’re one to talk. You ignored Yuri since the start of the semester and pretended you didn’t know her. She was seriously depressed you know!” Hitomi bit her lip as she heard Yuri laugh with Yena.

Hyewon rolled her eyes. “I think she’s over it.”

“It still wasn’t right for you to do that.” Hitomi was surprised to see Hyewon smile at her words.

“That’s the girl that’s been fighting me since day one,” Hyewon said with what almost sounded like pride. “While you think you might be doing what’s best for Chaewon and Minju, you definitely don’t think it’s the right thing. You’ve been moody this whole time because of it.”

Hitomi hated to admit it, but Hyewon had seen right through her. “I guess I have been. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Hyewon said. She then looked over at Yuri and Yena. “Looks like my shot is gone. I might have given her a chance after the semester, but we’ll never know now.”

“She probably would have moved on from you anyway,” Hitomi said unhelpfully.

“Thanks, Honda.” Hyewon looked back at Hitomi. “A lot can change in a semester. If you and Chaewon still haven’t hooked up by the end of the semester, maybe I’ll give you a call.”

Hitomi couldn’t tell if Hyewon was joking or not.

Sacrifice

“What is it?” Minju asked as she and Hitomi entered the restroom. She’d been surprised when Hitomi pulled her aside and asked if they could talk.

“I said something to you earlier and I’m afraid wasn’t being honest with you,” Hitomi said.

“That Chaewon is the girl that you like?” Minju asked.

Hitomi’s eyes widened. “You already knew?”

“Not at first. But I noticed you looking over at us a lot while we were talking.” Initially, Minju had thought that Hitomi was looking at her and it flustered her and made her heart flutter. After awhile, she noticed that the other girl’s eyes were squarely on Chaewon.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Hitomi said, bowing. “She told me that she had acted weird around you and I didn’t want to make things between you two even weirder.”

The girl’s eyes were squeezed shut as if expecting a slap. Minju put a hand on Hitomi’s shoulder gently until the shorter girl opened her eyes. “Just like earlier when you told me how much you thought my food pics , it makes me happy to hear you telling me the truth now.”

“You’re not angry?” Hitomi asked.

“I am a little miffed since we talked about openness being a sign of friendship. I thought maybe that you didn’t consider me to be that great a friend.” Minju had been disappointed that Hitomi had lied to her, but she also felt something else. When the girl that Hitomi liked was some nameless figure, Minju had felt like that person might not have been real. To see the girl in the flesh and to be that beautiful to boot, made her feel strangely inadequate.

“Of course not,” Hitomi said with a forceful tone. “Even though we’ve only started talking recently, I feel as if I’ve known you forever. I want us to continue being ‘great’ friends.”

“Complete honesty from now on?” Minju asked while holding up a pinky.

“I swear on it,” Hitomi agreed, completing the pinky swear with Minju.

What is wrong with me? Minju wondered as their hands touched. It was as if electricity shot up her hand and right into her brain. She’d never been so alert and conscious of another person’s hand before. But the moment was brief and when they let go she felt a sudden sense of loss. “Are you going to tell her?”

“I have told her. But like I said, she doesn’t take what I say seriously,” Hitomi said with a quiet voice.

Oh my god, I love her, Minju had a sudden epiphany as her heart sank at just the sight of Hitomi’s sad eyes. Her mood literally changed with the other girl’s mood. She knew without a doubt that the next words that she would tell the girl would be the most difficult words that she would ever utter. But withholding those words were simply not an option. “Do you think maybe that you yourself haven’t been serious when you told her? I think you are the most sincere person I’ve ever met and I can’t believe anyone would ever doubt what you said if you were serious.”

Revelation

Hitomi relaxed the cool air washed over her face. Minju’s words had made her want to reevaluate how she approached her situation with Chaewon. She needed to leave the bowling alley and think.

“Wait up,” Chaewon said as she rushed out of the bowling alley hurriedly.

Hitomi was surprised to see Chaewon and stopped until the other girl caught up. “What are you doing out here? I thought you were going to stay there and bowl with the others.”

“Ah, I was tired and thought it was time to go home too,” Chaewon said with a blatant lie. The older girl was probably worried about Hitomi walking alone as she usually was.

Hitomi was touched by Chaewon looking out for her, but her happiness was marred by the knowledge that the girl loved someone else. “You don’t have to go home with me. You should go back. This is a good opportunity for you to get closer to Minju.”

“She’s in the same club as me, so it’s not like I won’t have any other chances,” Chaewon said, shrugging.

“What’s wrong?” Hitomi asked, sensing a change in Chaewon’s attitude.

“I get the feeling that she only sees me as a friend.” Although Chaewon looked okay, the way her lips curled made Hitomi think otherwise.

“Well, that’s a good start, isn’t it? Better than when you thought you were completely rejected, isn’t it?” Hitomi asked, pushing her jealousy aside as she looked at Chaewon.

“I guess. Anyway, that’s something for another time,” Chaewon said brightly.

Hitomi smiled. The girl’s ability to be positive and not let the negative things affect her was one of her best points. “Do you really like her that much? I’ve never seen you so serious and patient before.”

“Yeah, I like her,” Chaewon agreed. She looked over at Hitomi. “You don’t usually care that much about my love life. Ooh, is my Hitomi finally getting interested in love? You used to say that you would only marry me when you were younger.”

Even though they’d met when Hitomi was already fifteen, Chaewon still treated her as if she was a literal child. She rarely got snarky with her friend, but the girl’s attitude had rubbed her the wrong way. “Maybe, I am a little interested. What did you think of my friends? Nako and Yuri are both single. And if you think things aren’t going to go anywhere with Minju, what do you think if I asked her out?”

Chaewon stopped in her tracks to look at Hitomi. The girl was so shocked, she couldn’t stop from dropping. “You’re interested in them?”

“Well let’s just say that the more I get to know them, the more I like them. Nako is Japanese like me and super cute. I might have gotten off on the wrong foot with Yuri, but she’s actually really nice. She also seems like the type that would be a really devoted girlfriend. Minju, well you know. She’s really sweet and kind. I could see something happen with any one of them,” Hitomi said. Nothing, she said was a lie with the exception of her last comment. Hitomi couldn’t really be with anyone other than Chaewon.

Confession

“I-I see,” Chaewon said. The girl still stood in one place as if she were stuck in that one spot.

“What is it?” Hitomi asked. She hadn’t expected Chaewon to be so caught off guard by her answer.

“Nothing, sorry,” Chaewon apologized. She had a bewildered look about her as she finally moved to walk in line with Hitomi.

“It’s not nothing. I can see that you’re upset. Come on, tell me,” Hitomi said, shaking her head.

Chaewon bit her lip for awhile, mulling over her words. “You know, last night Yena had suggested that you might start dating someone soon and I overreacted like I did now. Meeting you and spending time with you again like when we first met made me really happy and remember when things were simpler.”

Hitomi had seen Chaewon with a stressed look at times when she wasn’t looking. But as soon as she said ‘hi’, the anxiety seemed to disappear from the girl. Hitomi knew that Chaewon wanted to look like a dependable unnie and didn’t want to look weak to her.

“Back then, I didn’t care if I was wasting my time learning something that I might never use. I didn’t have to stress about what I was going to do after university. I wasn’t worried if I would ever find someone that would love me as much as I loved them. Whenever I saw you, I could forget about all of my problems. The thought that you might change and date someone scared me a bit made me think about all the other changes that are going on in my life.”

Hitomi turned looked at Chaewon directly. “I think it’s normal to be worried about the future and about what you don’t know. Even I have a lot of worries about the future.”

“Oh, like what kind of worries? Maybe I can help you with them?” Chaewon looked back at Hitomi.

The girl’s smile was warm and inviting. Like a mother gave to their child. “No, I don’t think you can.”

“Well you won’t know unless you try me,” Chaewon said, again with the same doting smile.

Hitomi knew that she had to take some of the blame for not getting through to the girl. Every time she saw Chaewon show any sign of being unable to handle her confessions, she pulled back. “Okay, then, if you really want to know. You can’t help me because it involves you.”

“Me?” Chaewon asked, her voice showing a hint of surprise.

“Chaewon-unnie, I’ve told you many times that I like you. You always laugh and say that you like me back. But I don’t think you’ve ever heard me. I like like you,” Hitomi said with a sigh as she let it out.

“I didn’t know. I mean it. I really didn’t think you meant it that way,” Chaewon gasped, covering with her hand in shock.

“I know you didn’t. I got scared and would back down each time I told you. Hey, I’m not looking for you to answer my feelings or anything. You asked me what I worried about and I feel like I haven’t been completely honest with you about it. Take your time and think about it.” Hitomi turned and walked away from Chaewon. She shivered and trembled, but at the same time felt relief.

Answer

“Is this seat taken?”

Hitomi looked up to see Chaewon standing beside her. “Um, how did you know where I would be?”

Chaewon pulled out the chair and sat down. She seemed to be wrestling with something while she looked at Hitomi. “I followed after you. I didn’t think it was fair to make you wait.”

Hitomi felt dread in her stomach as she looked at her friend. When she had given Chaewon time it was because the feared the answer and wanted to delay the inevitable rejection which would be the end of their friendship. She gulped and looked down at her hands while she waited for Chaewon’s answer.

“Sorry, maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was,” Chaewon said finally after a moment of silence.

“I didn’t want to force you to do anything. These are just my feelings. They’re nothing important. The last thing I wanted to do was to burden you with them,” Hitomi said. “Can we just ignore I even mentioned it and go back to the way things were before?”

“Your feelings are important,” Chaewon said with a ferociousness that made Hitomi look up. She’d never seen the girl angry with her before. Ever.

“I’m sorry,” Hitomi said softly which made Chaewon’s look soften slightly. Suddenly, Hitomi felt herself pulled forward into a tight hug with her face buried into the other girl’s chest.

“I’m so stupid. I’ve hurt you because I’ve been so stupid. What can I say that won’t mess this up?”

Hitomi could hear the strain in Chaewon’s voice. She tried to push herself away but the girl’s grip was strong. She sighed and let herself be hugged by the older girl. “No matter how much the truth will hurt, I want to hear it. The last thing I want is to hear something false because you want to spare my feelings.”

“See? You’re already getting the wrong idea,” Chaewon said with a strangled voice. Finally after a moment, she loosened her grip on Hitomi and let her sit up.

“What do you…” Hitomi started to say before she was once away pulled in towards Chaewon but this time, she found her face pulled towards the other girl’s face. The next thing she knew, their lips were pressed hard against each other. So shocked was she, she couldn’t muster any resistance and allowed her breath to be taken away.

Chaewon let Hitomi go after what felt like a lifetime. Her eyes were glistening as she looked at Hitomi. “I might have been too dumb to see what was right in front of me this whole time, but not anymore. I love you, Honda Hitomi. The thought you not being in my life scared me more than anything in the world.”

“Is this a dream?” Hitomi asked as her eyes widened with disbelief. She must have misheard it. “Ouch!” she cried out as Chaewon reached up to pinch her cheek. Hard.

“This isn’t a lie. This is real. I love you and that’s my answer,” Chaewon said with half laugh, half cry.

Hitomi moved forward and met an eager Chaewon halfway. Though the kiss was only their second, it would be one of many more to come, she was sure.

Author’s Note

I hope you’ve enjoyed all of these cute scenes centered on Hitomi. Happy Ssambbang Day! Let me know what you think!