CHAPTER 35

 

The screen above the elevator doors showed that Seung-wan was going to the rooftop, Joohyun was debating herself if she should go after her or if that would annoy Seung-wan even more. What can she do? For the first time she felt like her presence was not welcomed by the blonde.

 

A tap on the shoulder muted her critical thoughts. She turned to see Joy, who had a tiny smile on her lips and a light frown on her face. “Is ok, I will go talk to her. We both need to...ventilate.” Joy´s gaze landed on Yeri. “We will discuss this later, is that alright?”

 

Yeri mentally felt a little out of balance, she is not used to not knowing how Joy feels and it made her afraid of what could happen to their friendship later. It felt like the woman tried to not burst in anger at her but she wasn't sure, so she just limited herself to give a nod, maybe words were not needed in this awkward situation anymore. Joy went to the elevator and pressed the button for the rooftop too. 

 

The three women stayed rooted on the floor without knowing exactly how to proceed now. Joohyun was still watching the close elevator with sad eyes, Yeri turned to face Sunmi. “Are you mad too? Cause I swear I just didn't tell you because of the board and-” But Yeri could not end her sentence when she felt Sunmi giving her a bear hug. 

 

“I´m sorry you have to go through this being so young, but now you don't have to do it alone honey…” Those were the words Sunmi whispered with love in Yeri´s ear. 

 

Something inside of Yeri felt moved, probably because she really needed to hear those kinds of words. She didn't waste any time in returning the hug with force and laying her face on Sunmi´s shoulder, the other woman just squeezed her some more. 

 

When the doors of the elevator opened again Joy was met with a concrete floor in the shape of a rectangle, a black iron fence to avoid anyone from falling and two concrete benches for the employees to sit on while enjoying the supposedly fresh air and the view of the city. Seung-wan was sitting in one of the benches while looking at the distance. It was getting cold. The height of the building doesn't help that, Joy suddenly remembered hearing on the news that a blizzard was coming soon.

 

“Hey buddy, hanging in there?” Joy said kind of awkwardly, she is not good for these kinds of things but she tries her best.

 

Seung-wan turned to look at her, she just gave her a half smile and motioned to Joy that it was ok to sit with her. Joy got closer but instead of sitting, she opted to recline her body against the fence. The wind was blowing quite strong, their hair waving with it and making them both hug themselves to keep some heat.

 

“Nice place to chill yourself.” Joy commented.

 

“Shut up, it was the first place that I could think about. But I don't know what to think to be honest...I feel...I just feel…”

 

“Betrayed? Like an idiot? Like our best friend and your girlfriend were having a party in front of us without inviting us?”

 

Seung-wan chuckled. “Yeah...kinda like that I guess.”

 

Joy exhaled dramatically. “And to think that we always invited Yeri to eat cause she complained about paying her college…”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I am going to demand a raise after this, I deserve it…”

 

“I am sure she will give it to you anyway.”

 

“And what about you?”

 

“About asking for a raise too?”

 

“No, how do you feel?”

 

“Oh...I kind of came here to figure it out…”

 

Joy arched her eyebrow. “...Is it working?...”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Are you even mad?”

 

“...A little, yeah…”

 

“Are you sad?”

 

“...yes…”

 

“Well, that is two emotions, there you go.”

 

“...insecure...I think that is another one…”

 

Joy kept silent for a few moments, the wind was getting a little colder.

 

“Do you...want to break up with her…?”

 

“God no, I really don't want to do that.”

 

“Well, then get your head back and talk it out with her. You two can figure this out, together.”

 

"How can I even talk about how I feel with her if I am not even sure what I am even feeling in the first place?"

 

Joy shrugged, "Maybe that is the point, to figure it out when you talk to her." Another sudden breeze passed between them, Joy looked up and realized it started to snow at this point. The news about the blizzard was probably right. "I am frustrated...not only because I just realized I called the CEO of the company a piece of multiple times but also because she could tell me you know...I would not have seen her any different and that wouldn´t change the fact that we were real friends...I could even help her do her homework or something damn it.”

 

Seung-wan smiled. “Who would know that the younger one turned out to be everyone's boss huh? All this time we were being annoying to the one that practically made our paychecks.”

 

“At least I am glad that it is her and none of those s in the executive board.”

 

“Oh you do have a point there... those guys.”

 

“And those spies, trying to ruin the company of our friend too!”

 

“You are right, them!”

 

“ing asses!”

 

 

Joy and Seung-wan continued to scream curses in the air, glad to know no one could hear them in there, the air and snow were still moving and carrying the sound of their words too, showing how cold it was getting by showing them their own breath. They figure by their own screams that they were not really mad at Yeri, the poor woman had her hands tied all this time after all. They were stressed by the whole situation and frustrated for not being able to help their young friend, they could just imagine now how much stuff she had going around with having a whole company on her shoulders…

 

 

After probably half an hour, both of the women were out of breath and feeling cold, they decided it was enough and decided to go back inside of the elevator. 

 

“That was fun.” Seung-wan said with a raspy voice, the snow started to increase when they decided to leave the rooftop.

 

Joy smirked. “Good thing we still have to work or we could still be up there screaming with a blizzard coming.”

 

“A blizzard?!”

 

“You didn't know? That explains why you chose the roof then.”

 

“I didn't...Oh great, I don't even have a coat…”

 

“Pff, idiot.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

The elevator doors opened on Joy´s floor. The taller woman patted Seung-wan on her shoulder before stepping out. “Good luck.”

 

Seung-wan just nodded, she knew what Joy meant. She still has to figure out how she feels with Joohyun and the whole situation...

 

About two hours later…

 

The working hours were over and Joohyun turned off her computer. A little headache started, she massaged her temple the best she could. Since she didn't have the heart to go to the roof all she could do was go back to her desk and keep working. She was sure that Seung-wan probably hated her and that they would not probably see each other too soon. To say she was sad was an understatement, the least she ever wanted was to make her blonde feel bad. The least she wanted was to Seung-wan to feel bad and on top of that spend the night alone in her big apartment…

 

She took a pocket mirror from her bag to do a quick check on her face, especifically to her eyes. 

 

I don't think it's obvious that I cried while working, right? My eyes are not so red anymore...ah, who cares? Is not like she wants to see me for the rest of the day anyway…

 

Joohyun took a deep breath to calm her thoughts a little bit, she put the mirror back inside her bag, took her stuff and got up from her chair. Exited the cubicle and walked towards the elevator doors. To her big surprise, right in front of the elevator, the woman inside her brain and heart was standing there, her hands in her pockets and softly pressing her lips together, as if trying to say something and trying not to say anything at the same time.

 

“Wannie…”

 

“I will give you a ride to your house…” Seung-wan simply answered with her raspy voice, the blonde didn't want to see her in the eyes but she still did it for a second and she noticed the brunette´s eyes were a little red.

 

Seung-wan was feeling a lot of different things but there was a word to describe perfectly how she felt right now. Awkwardness. And to make things worse, it was something that Joohyun didn´t took so well either. 

 

“Oh...you don't have to if you don't want to, it is ok really.”

 

“No...I mean, I-I will give you a ride to your house. C´mon.” Seung-wan turned to press the elevator button, while Joohyun watched her with a tight heart.

 

You didn't say “our home” now…

 

Both of them went inside the elevator, out of it and then inside of Seung-wan´s car, all without a single word to each other. Just silence in between.

 

When they got out of the parking lot, the snow was heavier, the roads and the buildings of Seoul were turning white. It was still doable to drive in these conditions, but Joohyun was sure the weather would get worse in a matter of time, at least it was not so dark yet or she would be really worried. However, she remembered that Seung-wan implied that she will just drop her home and will not stay like they usually do since they first date, that was something to worry about. Joohyun tried to think of what to say but the awkward air was still heavy, Seung-wan had not even the radio and Joohyun knew how much she likes to sing along to the songs. This silence was eating her up. Well, also the cold, since she can't really deal with cold, Joohyun hugged herself, she didn't have a coat after all.

 

After what felt like an eternity to Joohyun, they finally arrived at her house. Seung-wan doesn't turn off the car and is just waiting for Joohyun to leave now, “Be careful, it could be slippery.”

 

Again, Joohyun´s heart felt tight. Seung-wan was not even saying goodbye or saying if they would see each other the next day. This wasn't right, not only because of what she felt but a bad hunch was also suddenly present in her brain now. With a quick hand, Joohyun grabbed the car keys to turn off the motor and put the keys in her pocket.

 

“You should at least drink something warm before leaving.” Joohyun didn't give her time to reply and instead opened the door to go inside the house.

 

Once inside, she went directly to heat some water to make tea. The entrance door was left open and the brunette was afraid the blonde would just get angrier at her, but to her surprise, Seung-wan entered the house and closed after her. 

 

“Thank you, I will have one cup and I will go, ok?” Seung-wan said with softness. Even if she was mad, she didn't want to sound like that.

 

“Ok…”

 

Joohyun left the car keys on top of the table and invited Seung-wan to sit while the water was ready. Since they would probably not talk anyway, the brunette quickly went for a change of clothes to black pants and a white long sleeve that seemed much warmer than their office suit.

 

After the tea was ready they both sat in silence to drink. Joohyun tried to not panic while overthinking what to say. Seung-wan didn't want to confront her feelings yet and decided to shut up instead, the tea was indeed warming her up, she should at least be grateful for that.

 

 

“Thanks for the tea.” The cup was now empty, it was time to go. Seung-wan´s hand moved to grab her keys when suddenly Joohyun´s hand was on top of hers.

 

“Don´t go.”

 

Seung-wan knew those words meant more than just leaving the house, it hurt a little to realize how she made Joohyun feel too. But these were things that she didn't want to talk about now, she doesn't want to confront whatever she is feeling, she is just not ready yet and she might feel more confused if she stays the night.

 

“I don't think I should stay tonight, I don't think I can…” Seung-wan took the keys, leaving Joohyun´s hand alone on the table.

 

The blonde standed up and started walking towards the door. She doesn't know how but in mere seconds Joohyun was already in front of the door, blocking her. 

 

“Joohyun-”

 

“Seung-wan, is too dangerous outside, I meant it. You shouldn't drive.”

 

“I don´t care, I can't stay.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me, now move please.”

 

“No.”

 

“Joohyun.”

 

“No.”

 

“Can you please just move? I want to go.”

 

“There is a freaking snow storm outside, you have to be out of your mind!”

 

“Well, I kinda am! I am indeed not thinking well and I feel like driving, now move!”

 

“JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MAD AT ME DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO STOP CARING ABOUT YOU! THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FOR ONCE AND STAY HERE INSTEAD OF GOING TO A ING CAR ACCIDENT FOR GOD´S SAKE!”

 

“...”

 

“BE ANGRY AT ME, NOT TO YOURSELF! WHAT PART OF TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF YOU DON'T GET?! THINK ABOUT YOUR SAFETY DAMN IT!”

 

“...”

 

“WHY ARE YOU NOT SAYING ANYTHING?!”

 

“...I...think….this is the first time that I have ever heard you scream. Is the first time you scream at me, Joohyun.”

 

“THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME, PLEASE STAY!”

 

Seung-wan shut up again. Her eyes wide open and about to open but she had nothing to say. Joohyun was crying, with a determined look that showed that she will indeed not move but her eyes were betraying her by letting out all those tears. Seung-wan´s heart felt tight now, this was not something she wanted to see, especially because it was her fault. After all, she perfectly knows Joohyun is right, no one with a sane mind would try to drive in these conditions, especially at night.

 

Seung-wan nodded and grabbed Joohyun´s palm. She gave her the car keys so the brunette could relax a little bit and so lightly, passed her knuckles on Joohyun´s cheeks to clear some tears.

 

“Ok...I will stay…please don't cry anymore…”

 

Seung-wan didn´t know what else to do, she made her cry after all. Was she allowed to hug her? To sleep in the same bed?

 

Joohyun was overthinking again while getting calm and cleaning the rest of her tears. Was it ok to sleep together? Were they allowed to cuddle like always? She took a moment to breathe properly again.

 

“Your clothes are in the backpack you left here...you can go change if you want…”

 

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

 

Seung-wan went to the bathroom for quite a while, she changed and brushed her teeth but her brain was still numb over what to do.

 

When she got out, the bed was already undone and Joohyun was awkwardly standing in front of it. “Mmm if you don't feel...comfortable, I can sleep on the couch, it wouldn't be a problem for me…”

 

“Wait, no. This is your place, if someone is sleeping on the couch it should be me.”

 

“Is that...what you want?”

 

“...”

 

“Seung-wan?”

 

“Not really…”

 

Joohyun gave her a little smile when hearing that. “We can share the bed then…”

 

They both nodded and went to each side to lay there and turn off the lights, they were back to back. Joohyun was not surprised but she still felt weird, her brain tried to overthink once again but she got sleepy fast, it was a hell of a day after all. She was half asleep when she felt Seung-wan´s arms around her and the blonde´s body pressed against her back.

 

“....Wannie?”

 

“Don´t get me wrong, I am still feeling...whatever, but that doesn't mean we have to spend the night feeling cold. There is a blizzard outside after all…”

 

Now, Joohyun´s heart didn't feel as tight anymore.

 

“It's ok, I understand. Good night.”

 

“Good night.”

 

Joohyun caressed one of Seung-wan´s hands until they fell asleep.