The food is nice and chatting away with Seulgi is extremely fun that the trio has forgotten about their mission, their mission to make Irene realize her own feelings. It is only when Seulgi suddenly asks the question that made the trio stopped functioning for a while to just remember about the main purpose of this hangout. The trio goes wide-eye like their lecturer has caught them cheating in an exam, looking at Seulgi and at each other as if Seulgi has just told them a piece of very surprising news. 

     "So Yeri," Seulgi starts off the question and takes a bite of her grilled steak, "are you seeing someone right now?" 

     And that was when the trio started malfunctioning. Seulgi thought that maybe her question sounded a bit too straightforward for someone she has just met so she adds on remarks. 

     "I mean, you're cute, pretty and friendly, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people waiting in line to date you." 

     Still seeing no response from Yeri, who is only now starting to recollect herself and putting herself in action, Seulgi continues to say, "I'm curious to know what kind of person you would date." 

     Yeri hums first in reply, working her brains quickly to think of the perfect thing to answer Seulgi. And while Seulgi and Yeri are busy with their talk, Wendy and Joy start to notice that Irene is gripping her fork hard that her fingers turn white. She isn't eating nor is she playing with the food, her fork is just there poked in three stacks of french fries, looking like she's sending some sort of energy from her fingers to the fries. 

     Irene starts to soften her hold on her fork when she hears Yeri laugh lightly and she slowly puts down the fork on her plate. She is starting to feel nervous and she doesn't know why. When Seulgi asked that question to Yeri earlier on, she somehow felt like her heart just dropped, like it was falling from a skyscraper for no apparent reason, or so she thought. She somehow just hopes for Yeri to not say anything or to just brush off the topic to soothe her rapid beating heart. 

     Why is she even feeling like she is in a competition of some sort, feeling like she has to win something? 

     "Sorry to disappoint you, Seulgi," Yeri takes a sip from her glass of iced-lemon tea and continues, "I'm not dating anyone at the moment." 

     And Irene somehow doesn't like the tone Yeri was using when she was saying that. It sounds as if Yeri was teasing and mocking her, as it Yeri wants something to erupt from inside her. She can't deny that she really wants Yeri to just shut up and to stop talking. 

     "That's surprising," Seulgi says in between chuckles, "you look like someone that would date the hottest girl on campus." 

     The trio cracks up at what was said, because does Seulgi know that she is actually one of the hottest campus girls? They could literally call out names from their classes that have a crush on hot campus girl Kang Seulgi. But of course, those girls (and guys) have never come near Seulgi, because they thought that she is currently dating the quiet girl Irene. It's like when they thought they finally had a chance to talk to Seulgi, Irene would just pop out anywhere, they are just always together, giving no chance to other people to get close to Seulgi. 

     Irene on the other side of the table is just sitting quietly, listening attentively to the exchange between Seulgi and Yeri. She is having her hands together under the table, as if she's praying, praying to God that they would just drop this conversation now and to move on to other topics to talk about instead. 

     And Irene is frustrated at herself for not trying. If she wants them to change the topic so badly, she could be the one to speak out after the four of them exchange laughter but why is she feeling like she might say the wrong thing if she starts to open ? So she just stays quiet, hoping that her prayers are heard by God. 

     But it was like Satan that heard her prayers instead, because Yeri just has to continue with the conversation, saying things that would feel like the breaking point for Irene. 

     "I don't exactly know which hot campus girl you're talking about," Yeri starts off, side-eyeing Irene who is looking like she would flip the table right then and there, "but there is definitely one of them that I would love to date." 

     And Irene just knows exactly who that one person Yeri is referring to. And why is it that she feels uneasy now? 

     "Oooh," Seulgi exclaims and asks curiously, not knowing that there is a raging fire beside her, "who is it?" 

     And when Irene stands up abruptly she gains attention from her friends. She doesn't know what is happening to her, why is she feeling like something from inside her is going to explode soon? It is getting more and more suffocating for her if she continues to just sit and listen to them continuing their conversation, she feels like she needs to get out for some air. 

     Irene tries to smile at her friends, though awkwardly, and she knows that Seulgi is looking at her with worry but she doesn't spare Seulgi any looks. She feels like she would just pull Seulgi out with her from that space if she does. But what would she even do if she really does pull Seulgi out with her? What will she even tell Seulgi? 

     "Uhh," Irene tries to say calmly, swallowing once as she comes up with an excuse, "I'll be going to the restroom for a while." 

     So Irene steps out from her seat, looking from the side of her eyes, she can see that Wendy is trying to get up to go with her but Joy is stopping her. She feels relieved, now is really not the time for a companion to the restroom, she needs some time alone to figure out what is happening to her. She walks and walks and walks to wherever her feet are leading her, wherever she thinks the restroom is located. She doesn't even look back even though she knows her friends still have their eyes on her. 

     Once she confirms the door in front of her leads her to the restroom, she pushes the door open and she walks directly towards the mirror. She supports her weight entirely by her hand that she places at the edge of the sink and she stares at her own reflection. 

     Why is she suddenly seeing a figure, a face so fragile, so vulnerable and looking so lost? 

     Why is she suddenly feeling afraid of losing something she doesn't know what? 

     Why does she feel like her insides are shaking like she has lost something that is very precious to her? 

     Why does she suddenly feel so weak, so miserable, so... painful? 

     Irene pounds her fist on her chest as tears start swelling up in her eyes, hoping to pound away those weights that are choking her and blocking her ways to breathe. 

     "What the hell is wrong with me!" Irene cries out silently as she continues to pound on her chest. Warm droplets of tears are starting to fall on her fist and that makes her feel really terrible. 

     "Why on earth am I feeling like this?!" Irene screams out with anger filled in her heart. The frustration and the anger that comes within from the confusion of not knowing what the  is messing with her heart, her thoughts and her feelings. She breathes heavily as she tries to stop crying because crying has made her feel more pain than it comforts her. 

     She takes deep breaths to control her cries as she's trying to sort out her thoughts amidst the chaos that is happening inside her mind, "Why the am I feeling like I'm," 

     And she stops mumbling midway, still trying to collect her thoughts together. She takes deeper breaths and the once blurry thoughts are becoming a little bit more clear as she repeats, "Like I'm...?"

     She puts the question to herself as she uses the littlest strength left in her to wipe off the tears in her eyes and she slowly lifts her head up staring at the reflection of her own face in the mirror, looking more miserable than ever. And she repeats herself again, saying and asking each word slowly as if trying to understand what the words mean. 

     It is only becoming clearer than ever, and she is very afraid to even admit it, scared that everything will go back to square one if it is true. 

     "Why the am I feeling like I'm," Irene stops for a while, thinking it all through once more to make sure it comes from her heart, "...losing Seulgi?" 

     Irene stares deeper into her own reflection upon the realization of what she has just said. She tries to search for whatever the emotion that is being reflected in her eyes, but why is she only seeing the longing and the yearning for a certain someone she should not have feelings for in the first place? 

     She feels like every single organ in her body is betraying her, except for the small little voice in her head that is trying to make its presence known to its owner. 

     "N-no...NO!" Irene shouts out the little voice from her head, trying to block away all the other messy feelings that are in her heart. Irene shouts it out loud, so loud that her voice is actually ringing in her own ears. She is shouting as if to tell her heart that whatever feeling it is trying to feel is not true. And it is so painful to her when she shouts because, though she intends to shout with her whole heart, the heart is not siding with her, it is just torturing and the cry she was holding in is let out once again. 

     Irene hates that her heart is beating louder than the echo of her own voice. It is as if the heart is fighting for its own little rights to tell the owner that it is not wrong to feel and wanting something more from her best friend. 

     Irene hates that her shouting actually sounded fragile, after trying to understand and grasp in the situation that she put herself into. And it was so fragile that even as loud as she wants the voice from her head to be, the sound of her beating heart fights it. 

     Irene hates that she looks so very stupid right now, standing in front of the mirror. Swollen eyes, red nose, trembling lips, tears running down her cheeks. She feels like she doesn't even have any strengths left in her to even keep her head up to stare at herself anymore. She looks frail and she doesn't like it, because it is not like her to be that weak. 

     Fighting with her strength long enough, Irene decides to just give up. She lets out a deep sigh as she bows her head in defeat. She decides she will not fight it anymore if it is only the little voice in her head siding with her. This fight will be too exhausting for her if she tries to let the voice win when she herself knows that her heart is where the truth is. 

     A tough battle, but she is letting the heart win. She has to.

     Irene again gains the littlest energy left in her to lift her head up to stare at her own reflection in the mirror. Her body is still shaking from the intense silent cry she had, and her heart is beating rapidly from the strenuous fight she had earlier on with the little voice in the head. 

     Irene opens the water tap and she starts to splash some water onto her face, washing away the worries, the confusions, the fragility, and also to break down the wall she once put up between herself and Seulgi. Those were a few good, big splashes on her face, the collars of her shirt had gotten wet as well. She closes the water tap, shaking her hand removing excess water droplets from her hands. She tears the paper towel from the wall and with her still shaky hands, she pats dry her face. 

     She lets out a deep sigh again, albeit shaky, but she knows it is a sigh of a renewed version of herself. She decides to throw away the coward version of herself, the coward that was once afraid of admitting that she has feelings for her best friend. She looks in the mirror and she fixes her hair, trying to smile as bright as she can to reduce the obvious swell on her eyelids. She can't let her friends see the swollen eyes after she steps out from the restroom after this. 

     And she now thinks that she looks pretty. 

     Confident, determined, y and ready to love. 

     She couldn't believe that it really takes her to be jealous to actually realize that what she thought was mere admiration and care for her best friend meant something more. She finally walks out of the restroom, hoping that Yeri has not properly confessed her feelings to Seulgi yet. Because now, she wants to be the one that wins this between her and Yeri. 

     And also because now, she is ready to fight. 

     The fight for her love, 

     and Seulgi's. 

Author's note:

So there it is, Irene has finally admitted to her feelings. I initially wanted this next update to be a flashback chapter, but then decided not to because I feel like it will ruin the flow of the story. So I think I'll just do the flashback chapter next update. 

As always, thank you to those newly subscribed, thank you to those of you that have left comments. I appreciate them. 

See y'all next update! Have a lovely week ahead :D