Chapter Six:

It was later than usual when Hyukjae finally made it back to their room after his dialysis was finished for the day. Thankfully Donghae wasn’t alone. In fact, he had both Yesung and Heechul sitting by his bed and was happily smiling as he listened to what his brother was telling him.

Yesung noticed him first and got to his feet immediately, noting how pale and tired Hyukjae looked. “How did I make it here before you?” he asked playfully. “You told me to meet you here and now the food is getting cold.”

“Sorry,” he tried to breathe, “I got stuck in traffic. I didn’t think it would take quite this long.”

“Hi Hyukjae!” Donghae beamed in his direction as his older brother narrowed his eyes, studying how Yesung was supporting Hyukjae as they made their way to one of the chairs. “Heechul said he found an apartment to rent and talked to the doctor about possibly being able to bring me home soon.”

“That’s great, Donghae!” Hyukjae tried to sound enthusiastic, but the news made him sick inside, and he was sure it showed on his face.

“Well, I was lucky,” Heechul shrugged. “Our cousin just moved into a new place and he hasn’t sold the old one yet. He’s going to let us stay there until Donghae’s recovered enough to stay on his own.”

“What else did the doctor’s say?” Hyukjae asked the other patient. “How are your eyes?”

“The swelling is going down and they didn’t find any sign of bone fragments or blood clots. He said my vision should start getting a little better now. I still can’t really see anything unless they shine a bright light at my eyes. But it’s something.”

“That’s wonderful,” he told him, meaning it, but still sad that it meant Donghae would be leaving him.

“Well, kid, I hate to run so fast, but I have a lot of things to get ready and I need to handle some business tomorrow during the day. But I’ll try and be back tomorrow night and we’ll see how things stand.”

“Okay, Hyung. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

“Always, Hae baby. I told you already, I’ll do anything for you.” He leaned over and gave his brother a quick hug and a kiss on the face. “Love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hyung.”

Heechul froze in place, staring at his brother with a shocked happiness. “Thanks, Hae.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You bet.” Heechul gave Hyukjae a careful once-over, darting a quick glance to Yesung and nodding his head. “Hyukjae, good to see you again.”

“You as well, Hyung. I hope you can get everything handled quickly.”

Yesung brought out the food, which was still nice and warm, dishing it up for the younger men and offering to assist Donghae so that Hyukjae could eat. He wasn’t hungry at all, even for his mother’s cooking, and the smell of the food, normally so appetizing, just made him want to vomit.

“Oh wow, this is so good!” Donghae mumbled around a mouthful of mandu. “Hyukjae, your mom is an amazing cook!”

“Yes, she is,” he smiled weakly, leaning back in his chair, and closing his eyes.

“Are you eating, Hyuk?” Donghae asked, pausing as he was reaching for another dumpling.

“I’m not letting you eat all of it,” he scoffed, limply moving his food around his plate to make it sound like he was eating.

“Better eat fast, I might steal some of yours. This tastes so good.”

“Mother will be pleased to hear it, Donghae,” Yesung stepped into the conversation. “She really wanted to make you two something since the hospital food is probably terrible.”

“I’m not sure it is food,” Donghae shook his head, his unfocused eyes wide with mirth. “And I still can’t see it, so I’m not sure what it’s supposed to be sometimes. But this is wonderful.”

Plopping another dumpling in his mouth, Donghae closed his eyes and chewed contentedly, making Yesung crack a smile, even as he darted worried glances at Hyuk. Though he felt too tired to move and the waves of nausea were high, he still gazed at Donghae, pleased to see him happy. It wasn’t going to last much longer, so he wanted to store up plenty of memories of that beautiful smile while he had the chance.

When Donghae finished eating the portion Yesung had laid out for him, Hyukjae pushed his plate closer, letting his Hyung know to give them to Donghae. His brother-in-law gave him a concerned look, but sighed and asked, “Donghae? There’s a little bit more, would you like it?”

“Sure! I mean, if it’s okay with you, Hyuk.”

“I’ve had plenty,” he replied, “and I can sweet-talk my mom into cooking for me anytime. Go ahead and eat the rest.”

Thankfully, Yesung was good at talking. Seeing the state Hyukjae was in, he began a conversation with Donghae about different foods he had eaten around the world. Donghae seemed to like travel stories, so he was entertained and didn’t seem to notice that Hyukjae rarely said anything himself. He did take Donghae’s hand once he was finished with the food, and held it tight, glad for the connection. It was a lopsided conversation, led by the older man, with Donghae peppering him with questions and Hyukjae barely offering anything of his own. But Donghae didn’t seem to notice, and the time flew by.

Hyukjae was surprised, then, when Donghae piped up as Yesung announced he would have to leave. “You should take Hyukjae home with you. He needs to get some sleep tonight.”

“No, Donghae, I’m fine now. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself.”

“I insist,” he made a sad pouty face in Hyukjae’s general direction. One he could see himself being a huge er for if they were in a relationship for real. He would be whipped, instantly, if Donghae were his boyfriend. One look from those big brown eyes and Hyuk could see himself agreeing to just about anything. “You’ve been tired, and you didn’t get a good rest last night. Please go home early. I promise I’ll be all right for a few hours.”

“But—”

“Please, Hyukjae?” the pout and the puppy eyes went into overdrive, and Hyuk would have loved to comply, but he really didn’t have anywhere else to go but the other side of the room.

Looking to his brother-in-law, Hyukjae mouthed the word, “Help!”

“He’s right, Hyuk. You can come back in the morning. You should sleep tonight.”

“Hyung!” Hyukjae protested, gesturing toward his bed and shrugging helplessly.

“It’s all right, Hyuk, really. I’ll just turn on the TV or something. I can’t see it, but I can still listen.”

“Yes, but, Hae…”

“I feel bad that I’m wearing you out. You’ve been here every minute with me and you’re neglecting your work and your family and friends.”

“Donghae, I really don’t mind, you know that. I love being with you.”

“I know,” Donghae said softly. “And I love you. But that’s why I want you to rest tonight. Please?”

Yesung’s eyes had gone wide with Donghae’s declaration, and he tilted his head at Hyukjae, who was torn between wanting to protest and wishing his brother-in-law wasn’t present to hear it all.

“I love you, too. That’s why I want to stay.”

“Yesung-hyung? Please make him go home and sleep?”

“Don’t worry, Donghae-a. He’ll come with me.”

How? Hyukjae wanted to shout. The only place he could go was his bed, and there was no way to casually sneak himself into it without Donghae wondering about the noise and realizing he had a roommate.

“Go ahead and say goodnight. I’ll go throw out this garbage and wait in the hall. I’ll see you again soon, Donghae.”

“Goodnight, Hyung. Thank you for visiting me and for bringing the food. Please thank Mrs. Lee for me also.”

“Will do.” Yesung caught Hyukjae’s eye and pointed to the hallway, whispering, “Meet me outside.”

“Donghae,” Hyuk whined. “Do I really have to go?”

“It’s not that I don’t want you here, Hyuk. I’m just worried about you. Please? Just for tonight, will you go home and sleep well?”

“Okay, but… can I at least turn on the TV for you? I don’t like the idea of you here all alone. Maybe the sound from the television can keep you company.”

“All right,” Donghae smiled at him sweetly.

Hyukjae found the remote and the television, then placed the remote in Donghae’s hand. “Here, I’m going to show you where the buttons are.”

Moving Donghae’s finger, he pointed out the buttons to change the channel and adjust the volume, as well as the one to turn it off. When he was satisfied that Donghae wouldn’t wind up blaring static at top volume, he leaned closer and asked, “Can I get my kiss goodnight if I have to leave?”

“That’s the best part,” Donghae grinned, puckering his lips and tilting his head toward Hyukjae.

Perching beside Donghae on the bed, he brought their mouths together gently at first. And their first kiss was soft like a caress, slow and languid. But then Donghae moved a little closer, his good hand finding Hyukjae’s thigh as the tip of his tongue came out to tease at his lips. After that, their actions swiftly became more heated, and Hyuk, despite how gutted he felt both physically and emotionally, felt a deep stir of desire tingling through his body.

Pulling back with a gasp for air, he accused, “How can you tell me you want me to leave and then kiss me like that?”

“You don’t like it?” Donghae asked innocently, blinking his eyes.

“I like it too much,” Hyuk shook his head. “And now I don’t want to go home.”

“But you can dream about me,” Donghae offered hopefully. “And now I can dream about you, too.”

Inhaling deeply, Hyukjae let out a heavy breath. “Well, I’m sure I will now.”

“Goodnight, Hyuk. Thank you for always being here for me. Once I’m home we can do this all the time. I won’t be hurt forever.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said, tears burning his eyes. “But I guess it’s just lonely dreams tonight.”

“Not lonely. I’ll be in them, and I won’t leave you.”

“Promise?” Hyukjae asked a bit desperately.

“I love you. When I’m better I’ll make sure you’re never lonely because I’ll be with you all the time.”

“Thanks, Hae. And remember what I said. Whether you remember me or not, I’ll still love you, too.”

Walking out of the room was one of the more agonizing trials of his life, and he was beyond grateful to see Yesung standing there patiently, with a wheelchair at hand.

“What’s this?”

“Have a seat. We’ll go for a walk and give him some time to settle in. Later on, you can sneak back to your bed and actually get some sleep, because you look terrible and I’m sure you need it.”

“You know, Hyung, I gave you a lot of trouble in the beginning, but I’m finally starting to realize what a genuinely nice person you are. Thank you.”

“Hyukjae,” Yesung sighed, “this isn’t good for either of you. And I understand why you’re doing it. Heck, I like Donghae. He seems like a lovely person. But what’s going to happen when he remembers?”

“I don’t know. But his brother, Heechul, he said he would handle it.”

“How? He seems like a bit of a character, but seriously, what could he say to make this better?”

“Heechul doesn’t like Donghae’s real boyfriend.”

“Well, I can’t say I blame him. The man hasn’t been here once to check on him since the day you saw him.”

“I have a feeling there’s something more to it. I think Heechul actively wants the man gone from Donghae’s life. He kind of hinted that he doesn’t mind what I’m doing because it might make his brother forget about that man. If he ever remembers him.”

“And then what? You’re still lying to him. Even if he doesn’t remember the past you supposedly share, you’ve been hiding the fact that you’re in the hospital with a terminal disease.”

“I’m sure he’ll figure that out when I suddenly can’t spend time with him anymore,” Hyukjae murmured dispiritedly. “And his eyesight might return before he leaves anyway, in which case it would be impossible to hide the truth.”

“Hyuk,” Yesung stopped pushing the wheelchair near a bench and sat down to bring their eyes level. “I love you. When I married Sora, I knew that I was getting a package deal and I couldn’t have been happier about it. I want to help you. I’m just not sure how to do that without hurting you more.”

“I know. I love you too, Hyung. And I knew what I was getting into when I started all this. I just didn’t… I didn’t think it would go this far so fast. I didn’t think about how amazing it would feel to hear him say he loves me. He’s so sweet and adorable, so caring, but he’s not even real, Hyung. I made him up. He believes everything I tell him about himself and never questions it. He trusts me, and I hate myself for that. I keep trying to stop myself from falling deeper into the trap, but whenever he smiles at me… I’m just lost.”

“I understand the feeling,” Yesung smiled, patting his arm. “The same thing happens to me whenever your sister smiles at me.”

“Gross,” Hyukjae teased, trying to smile back.

“Listen, maybe… maybe you just tell him that with everything else that happened to him, you didn’t want him to worry about you being sick as well. That you wanted him to recover and were so sure he would get his memories back that you thought he would remember you were sick on his own.”

“Wow, that sounds awful. Get your vision back to find out your perfect boyfriend is going to die.”

“Better than having you suddenly disappear from his life with no reason.”

“And if he gets his vision back and then remembers the truth? I’m what? A crazy patient that played with his head and his emotions for my own fun?”

“You could always tell him the truth.”

“What truth?”

“That you fell in love with him as soon as he started talking.”

“What? I… I didn’t,” Hyukjae shook his head, trying to convince himself that his brother-in-law was wrong. “I’m just saying that to make him feel better.”

“Are you? Is he the only one who feels better?”

Hyukjae felt the onrush of tears but couldn’t gather his reserves to fight off the crushing sensation of loss and loneliness. He started crying, sitting in the wheelchair, too weak to move. Feeling Yesung’s arms go around his shoulders he leaned into the older man’s chest and let it all out.

“I just wanted to fall in love, Hyung. Just once. To have that kind of storybook romance with the cute meeting and the happy, romantic dates. I wanted to know what it would feel like. But I think I’m falling in love for real. And I don’t even know if the real Donghae is the same person. Maybe he’ll hate me when he finds out what I did.”

“I don’t think he’s like that.”

“I’m so tired, Hyung. I’m getting worse. The doctor ran more tests today, but I already know what they’re going to say. I can feel it. I know my body; I’ve been living with this condition for twenty years.”

“Hyuk… really?” Yesung asked, a pained expression on his face. “Do they know? Your parents? Sora?”

“I didn’t say anything yet. But I know. I know what the tests results will say.”

“Damn it,” Yesung shook his head. “Why does this have to be so difficult. Why couldn’t one of us be a match? I would happily give you my kidney if only it would work. There has to be someone out there…”

“Well, I’d rather not have someone die for it to happen,” Hyuk voiced out, a feeling he’d had for a long time now. If it came to that, if the donor were someone who passed in an accident, he would still have the operation. He would do it for his family, even though he worried about the guilt that would linger afterward. “But at this point I’ll do what I have to in order to stay alive.”

“Please do,” Yesung nodded, lifting his hand to gently wipe away Hyuk’s tears. “We all love you so much. Even when you are a royal pain in the .”

Giving the older man the smile he was angling for, Hyukjae tilted their heads together briefly. “Thanks for being here, Hyung.”

“Of course. Now come on. It’s time to get you to bed. Let’s go see if he’s asleep yet. If not, we’ll just sneak you in as quietly as possible.”

Luck was on their side. Donghae’s eyes were closed, and the television was still on, the volume just loud enough to cover the scuffling of their feet as Yesung escorted him back to his bed. Whether Donghae was asleep or not, it was impossible to tell. But once Hyukjae slid under the covers, his eyelids drooped immediately. Yesung ruffled his hair tenderly, tucked the blanket around him, and tiptoed out. Turning his head, Hyukjae gazed at the beautiful man in the bed across from him. He hoped Donghae’s wish came true. Nothing would be better than a sweet dream of them together.

Between the solid night’s sleep and the extra hour of dialysis the previous day, Hyukjae felt better when he woke up in the morning. This time he was awake before Donghae, and when he tried going to the bathroom, he was able to urinate something. Not much, but something. He still felt weak and had a mild headache. He knew he had to force himself to eat and drink this morning or everything would get worse.

Dragging out his laptop he checked over his emails and social media while waiting for Donghae to wake up. His heart was heavy with guilt and fear about what might happen in the future. But every time he gazed over at the face of the sleeping man, the only thing he could think about was how beautiful he was. How happy they both were when they talked. The relationship might be pretend, but Hyukjae knew Yesung was right. He was falling in love with Donghae. He would be the most wonderful boyfriend, Hyukjae could tell by their interactions. Donghae was thoughtful, grateful, and tried so hard to think happy thoughts and make sure the people around him were happy and taken care of. No matter who he had been before the amnesia, or what he may have done, there was no way to disguise his true nature. Hopefully if he did remember his past, these days together, free from any former concepts of who he was supposed to be, Donghae would remain happy. Well, at least once he got over what Hyukjae had done to him and cut loose the arrogant jerk he was dating in real life.

There was a sudden, deep intake of breath from the other bed and Donghae began to stir. Setting the laptop down on his bed, Hyukjae grabbed his sweatshirt and walked over to the chair next to the other bed.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Mmm… Hyuk,” Donghae murmured, blinking his eyes a few times before frowning.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” came the sleepy response. “Did you sleep well?”

“I feel much more rested today,” Hyukjae answered, not completely a lie. “And to make up for yesterday, when I got up, I came straight here so I could be the first person you heard when you woke up.”

“I’m glad,” he replied, but there was still a hint of a frown on his face and he seemed a bit disoriented.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” Donghae sighed. “Just feeling confused. “When I’m dreaming it’s so hard to know what’s real and what isn’t.”

“How so?” Hyukjae asked cautiously.

“You know how you have dreams sometimes that seem so real, and there’s just enough normal stuff in them that you believe the not-normal things might actually be happening?”

“I guess.”

“It’s kind of like that. And then I wake up here and I’m still blind, and… it messes me up a bit.”

“I’m sorry, Hae. But you’re awake. And this is real if that helps any.”

“It does,” he finally smiled. “Hearing your voice helps.”

“I’m glad.”

“Hyukjae? Do you think you could help me to the bathroom today instead of the orderly?”

“I… sure, if you want me to.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I just need to pee and maybe try to brush my teeth. I’m not really dizzy anymore or anything, I only need someone to guide me. And the orderly is weird.”

“Weird how?”

“He just talks a lot. Explains everything I’m doing as if I was a baby and not a guy who lost his memory. I mean, I still know how to pee. I didn’t forget that.”

“I understand,” Hyukjae chuckled, remembering a few nurses, and especially doctors, who thought they had to explain his condition to him in detail even though he was the one who had been living with, and managing it, for years. “What about the monitor?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll have to tell the nurse we’re going so she can take that off for a few minutes.”

It was Nurse Kim on duty, Hyukjae’s personal favorite, and she smiled fondly when Donghae turned down the offer of an orderly, saying Hyukjae would help him.

“Are you all right with that, dear?” she asked Hyuk.

“It’ll be fine,” he answered.

She still lingered in the room, waiting, but Donghae was surprisingly steady on his feet, and with Hyukjae holding his arm, they made it to the bathroom without any trouble. He located the toilet and Hyuk had a moment of panic wondering how Donghae would aim properly without being able to see. But the younger man simply turned around and sat down, his hospital gown, which was loose and tied on, pulled up around his hips.

Hyukjae averted his eyes, not wanting to ogle the man since technically they were still strangers and hadn’t seen one another , despite the stories Hyukjae had told that would indicate otherwise. When he heard the tinkle of liquid and Donghae’s relieved sigh, he knew everything was going all right.

“I wish I had something to wear other than this gown. That’s another reason I didn’t want some stranger in here with me. I can’t really hide anything.”

“I… ah…” Hyukjae was thinking fast, wondering how to make the offer without it seeming weird or too coincidental. “I brought some extra clothes with me. I was going to offer them, but you never said anything, so I figured maybe the hospital clothes were more comfortable.”

“You… you brought me clothes?”

Hyukjae actually had a few sets of clothing he was keeping here at the hospital. Since he didn’t do anything but lay around and he didn’t sweat or get dirty, he usually wore the same thing for a few days before sending it home to be washed.

“Nothing fancy. Just a t-shirt and some sweats. If you want them.”

“Oh my gosh! I would love it! I’m so tired of wearing this gown. And sometimes it gets really cold, even with the nice blanket they give me. Hyukjae, you’re the best!”

Letting out a fond laugh, he smiled at the other man’s enthusiasm and asked, “Do you want me to go get them now? So you can change in here?”

“Please? I would appreciate it so much, Hyuk.”

“Okay. Wait there, I’ll be right back.”

Nurse Kim glanced up when he emerged alone and Hyuk told her, “I’m loaning him one of my outfits, if that’s all right. He’s sick of the hospital clothes.”

“Of course, it’s all right,” she grinned. “Usually family members bring something, but with him…”

“Well, his brother’s been dealing with a lot trying to get ready to bring him home. I’m sure it slipped his mind.”

He knocked once and reentered the bathroom, surprised to see Donghae was already standing at the sink and brushing his teeth.

“Look at you! You don’t even need help.”

“I just felt around until I found everything,” Donghae shrugged shyly. “When we were in here yesterday, I made sure to ask where everything was.”

When he finished with his teeth, Hyukjae made Donghae sit back down and handed over the sweatpants, making sure he knew which side was the front. Then he turned away once more, careful not to look as Donghae pulled them on.

“Shirt please?”

Smiling at Donghae’s cuteness, Hyuk spun around only to freeze in place. Donghae had the sweatpants on, but nothing else. His gown was untied and hanging from his fingers. He was gorgeous. Even with the bruise across his muscled chest, the man seemed sculpted by an artist. He had well-defined, but proportionally pleasing biceps and shoulders, a nice chest, and a slim waist. He worked out. A lot. And his skin was such a beautiful tan all over, which meant it was his natural tone and not just something that came from time spent in the sun.

“Hyukjae?”

“What? Oh, sorry, here, let me help you.”

“Were you admiring me?” Donghae grinned widely, eyes scrunched up into crescents, as he held his arms out so that Hyukjae could put the sleeves over the correct hand.

“A bit,” Hyukjae admitted.

“Do I look good?”

“Very.” Hyukjae got the t-shirt over Donghae’s head, but when the other man reached for the hem to pull it down over his body, Hyuk said, “Allow me.”

Hooking the material with his fingers, he slowly eased the shirt down over Donghae’s body, letting his hands glide along the soft skin from his pectorals to his hips.

Hyukjae was breathing hard when he stopped, letting his hands rest on Donghae’s sides. But when he finally glanced up, it was to see a deeply yearning expression on the other man’s face. Donghae was staring blankly in Hyuk’s direction, his lips parted as he breathed in and out slowly and carefully.

“You’re really beautiful,” Hyukjae told him earnestly.

Rolling his head, unable to speak, Donghae swallowed heavily and his lips.

“Can I hold you for a minute?” Hyukjae asked gently, not wanting to make any move unless he knew he had permission. When Donghae nodded silently, he moved closer, sliding his arms around to Donghae’s back and pressing their chests together.

Almost immediately, Donghae lifted his own arms, trapping Hyukjae against him so that he could tuck his face in the space between head and shoulder.

“You feel so nice,” the younger man whispered into his ear.

“You, too. I’ve been waiting a while to do this properly.”

“Mmmm…” Donghae hummed softly, rubbing his cheek against Hyukjae’s. “This is much better than the last hug.”

Hyukjae didn’t say anything, simply stood there, absorbing the heat from Donghae’s body, trying to imprint the feel of him so that he could bring the memory back when he was lonely later.

But Donghae wasn’t content with the chaste hug. He pressed tighter, their lower bodies coming into contact. And as amazing as that felt, Hyukjae had to pull back. “Don’t.”

“Hyuk,” Donghae gave a needy whine.

“Not here. Not right now.”

“But Hyukjae, you don’t know how much of a temptation you are.”

“You’re equally as tempting, I promise, but Nurse Kim is still waiting outside.”

“Then stop making me want you so much,” Donghae complained, squeezing him tight once again. “I love you, Hyukjae.”

“I love you, too, Hae. But we have to wait.”

“I hate waiting,” Donghae pouted, dropping his arms and leaning back against the sink with his lower lip jutting out like a child.

“Good things come to those who wait, right?” Hyuk leaned over and pecked at the fat lip, causing Donghae to gasp and it back into his mouth. He kissed him again, tenderly, twice more. Then he had to stop himself before the temptation became too hard to withstand.

“Are you my good thing?”

“Maybe. I hope so. I know you’re mine.”

“I’d like to be yours,” Donghae told him sincerely.

“Good thing I’m your boyfriend, then,” Hyuk attempted teasingly.

Donghae smiled, his expression a bit melancholy, and lifted a hand to Hyukjae’s cheek. His lips parted, as if he were about to say something important, but at that moment there was a knock on the door.

“Boys? Is everything all right in there?”

“Yes, Nurse Kim,” Hyukjae blurted out quickly. “See? We almost got caught.”

Donghae’s smile relaxed and grew brighter. “Time for breakfast, right?”

“Yes, it is. Let’s go eat something. Here, let me help you with the sweatshirt so you can be nice and cozy.”

After eating, the two of them sat and talked some more. Safer topics, nothing that touched on what might have transpired between them in the bathroom. And if sometimes Donghae’s face seemed to go blank for a few minutes, gazing sightlessly in Hyuk’s direction, he would always snap back shortly after with more smiles and questions about the silliest, most random things.

It was enough to make Hyukjae forget his worries momentarily. And when they had eaten lunch and it was time for Hyukjae to head off to dialysis, he was tired, but floating on a cloud of love for the sweet, handsome man.

“I’ll see you when you get back, Hyuk.”

“I hope so,” Hyukjae grinned. “Even if I’m just a blob, it would be an improvement.”

“You’re too skinny to be a blob. You need to eat more so I can hug you tight without worrying about breaking you.”

“I don’t break easy,” he promised, giving Donghae a quick kiss on the cheek. “Don’t get into too much trouble while I’m gone, okay?”

“No guarantees,” Donghae smiled cheekily. “Maybe I’ll sneak out and take a tour of the place. Nobody would notice, right?”

With his happy laughter ringing in Hyukjae’s ears, he headed off to treatment in a hopeful mood.

Doctor Park had scheduled him for the extra hour again today, hoping to curtail his worsening condition before things became dire. The enthusiasm to return to Donghae helped with his overwhelming exhaustion as he was being wheeled back to the room. The entire time he’d been sitting there, blood being drained from one arm, filtered through the machine, then pumped back in cleaned of the toxins and wastes his kidneys could no longer remove, he had contemplated telling Donghae the truth.

The younger man’s sight was coming back, albeit slowly. Memories or not, it would soon be impossible to hide the truth about Hyukjae’s condition. He thought Donghae could handle it now. In fact, he had a feeling that Donghae would insist on switching their roles and becoming the one taking care of Hyukjae, not the other way around. And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Heck, maybe Donghae had a kidney that was a match. No, that would be pretty miraculous. Not to mention he was probably going to remember the truth and wouldn’t want to have anything to do with Hyukjae, definitely not enough to donate a kidney after barely recovering from a near-fatal accident.

Pushing away the negatives, he instead tried to think of some topics for conversation that evening. He didn’t know if any of his family members, or Donghae’s brother, would come to visit, so he wanted to have a plan to entertain the other man. Anything to see him smile.

Upon entering their shared room, however, he saw that Donghae’s bed was empty. They must have taken him for some more testing. No matter. Hyukjae was more than willing to rest until the other man returned. He dozed off for a little while but roused at the sound of the orderly bringing in dinner. Glancing to Donghae’s bed, he saw that it was still empty.

“Where’s my roommate? Lee Donghae?”

“I don’t know,” the orderly shrugged.

“Did you bring him dinner?”

“They only gave me one for you.”

“Did someone take him for testing though? He’s been gone a while. Nothing happened to him, did it?” Hyukjae asked with growing concern. Donghae had seemed fine earlier, but anything could happen with a brain injury. Maybe he’d had a clot or a seizure.

“I can go ask at the nursing station if you like.”

“Would you, please?”

Hyukjae shoved away the food, too ill from dialysis as well as ill at ease, to think about eating. And when the orderly came back, the news was even worse than he feared.

“They said he was discharged.”

“What?”

“Sorry, that’s all I know.”

The orderly went about his business, but Hyukjae was panicking. Discharged? Had Heechul come to take him home? But why wouldn’t they have waited for Hyukjae to come back? Surely Donghae would have asked his brother to wait! Unless this was Heechul’s grand plan to explain everything. Sneak Donghae out and once they were alone making up some crazy story. Would he do that? It seemed unusually blunt and cruel after the way he had begged Hyuk to take care of his younger brother, even going along with the whole mad scheme.

Pushing himself out of bed, Hyuk swayed for a moment, the lingering effects of his treatment making him very weak. But he had to know more. When had this happened? Was Donghae well enough to leave the hospital already? Had Doctor Park signed off on all this?

Why hadn’t anyone told Hyukjae?

He made his way to the nurses’ station, ignoring their shocked expressions.

“Hyukjae!” Nurse Kang scrambled over to him. “What are you doing up on your feet? You should be resting!”

“Where’s Donghae? Lee Donghae? My roommate? Was he released? When did he leave?”

“Lee Donghae?” another nurse glanced up with a bored expression. “He left a few hours ago.”

“With who? Who signed him out of the hospital?”

“He said he was his boyfriend,” she shrugged. “Handsome fellow. He had all the proper paperwork.”

Boyfriend? His boyfriend? The from day one? The man who talked about Donghae like he was a burden? But why? How? Donghae must have been so confused. So frightened!

“He… how did he…” Hyukjae tried to ask, but his head was spinning and suddenly his entire body felt boneless. Spots started to form in front of his eyes, and he heard a shout of concern from one of the women near him. Then he felt himself falling and everything went dark.

When Hyukjae opened his eyes again he felt disoriented. Maybe he had been dreaming. Losing Donghae was certainly a nightmare. Laughing at his own fears, he struggled to open his eyes, wondering who was holding his hand.

“Hyuk?”

That was Sora’s voice. When had his sister gotten here?

“Mom, he’s waking up. Hyukkie, can you hear me?”

She sounded scared, and Hyukjae didn’t like to hear that tone in his sister’s voice. She was always so bold and cheerful, never letting worry get her down. She was Hyukjae’s biggest cheerleader, so the idea that she was this concerned made him scared as well.

“Sweetie? It’s mom. Can you open your eyes?”

He did so, squinting a bit. And seeing his mother and sister’s faces was a mistake. They were terrified. Something bad had happened.

“What…?”

“Honey, you collapsed. You’ve been unconscious for almost two days.”

“No,” he frowned, trying to recall the last thing he remembered. “Donghae…?”

“Don’t worry about him right now. You have to take care of yourself. Hyuk, why didn’t you tell us you were getting worse?” Sora was on the verge of tears and she and their mother were clinging tightly to his hands.

“I… I didn’t…”

“We were so worried when the hospital called,” his mother told him gently. “They had to give you emergency dialysis and intravenous fluids. Doctor Park has been checking on you nearly every hour.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, feeling his eyes start to water. “I didn’t know it was that bad. The doctor sent me in for some testing and put me on extra dialysis, but…”

“There is some good news,” Sora told him. “You’ve been moved to the top of the transplant waiting list. Because of that, they think they may have found a donor for you. They’re comparing all our tests now to see if one of us can donate. And it’s a chain like you wanted.”

“That’s great,” he nodded, still crying. “But Sora… Donghae’s gone.”

“I know, Hyuk. Nurse Kim told me. But I’m sure his brother will take good care of him.”

“He didn’t leave with his brother, noona. It was that man who took him. His real boyfriend.”

“What? How?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “But I was so scared for him. I think that’s why I passed out.”

Sora and his mother exchanged a look, then his sister said, “It was a lot more than that, kid. You were in bad shape. You still are. But once they clear all the testing and get you stabilized, maybe this will finally be over.”

He should have been excited, or at least happy, but all he could think about was Donghae. Alone with that bully of a man, not remembering anything, thinking Hyukjae was his boyfriend and having everything he knew turned upside down. And he still couldn’t see, either. Nodding at his family, he kept all those thoughts bottled up. They might have gone along with his scheme, but in reality, the only person they were concerned with was Hyukjae, and he owed it to them to do his best.

Yesung arrived after a time, and he offered to take their mother home so she could rest, while Sora stayed with Hyukjae as long as possible. Their father would be home in less than two days and the entire family would take turns with him from now on.

“Noona?” he called out that evening.

“Yeah, Hyuk? What is it?”

“I love him. Donghae. I know it was supposed to be fun, and it was, but I fell in love with him for real. And I’m scared, noona. I’m scared for him. I don’t want him to be hurt. And he’s going to find out the truth now and it won’t be in a nice way. He’s going to hate me.”

“I don’t think he’ll hate you, Hyuk.”

“I know I said I was willing to take the backlash when it all ended, but I didn’t think it would be like this,” he started crying helplessly. “He’s just gone, and I’ll never see him again.”

A moment later, Sora had crawled into his bed and was pulling him into her arms, resting his head on her shoulder as he cried.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. Donghae is a sweet guy, he really is. But you have to believe that what he felt for you wasn’t all an illusion. He really liked you, Hyuk. Whether he remembers or not, what he felt for you these last days, that was genuine. I could tell.”

“You think so?” he wanted to believe it. Even if he never saw Donghae again, he wanted to believe that their brief romance was real.

“I really do.”

He was still crying, couldn’t seem to stop himself, but his sister’s embrace, the calm words of comfort, kept him from losing it completely. He had to think positive thoughts. He had to get better. Maybe then he would still have a hope of making his fantasy a reality.

He had asked for one last chance at romance, and he had gotten what he asked for. Closing his eyes and snuggling against his big sister, Hyukjae remembered Donghae’s smile, the way he’d told Hyukjae he loved him. It would have to be enough for now. Donghae had loved him, even if it was only for a few days. Smiling sadly, he let Sora’s gentle touch lull him to sleep.