Kim Sejeong- Maybe I Am

(If you ever wondered, Death/ Kim Hun is portrayed by Na Inwoo)

The halls were empty and the usually bright light of the heavens was now dimmer than it has ever been. Sitting at his desk was Death. He was stiff and he couldn't believe that Hwanung attacked him with a piece of his past. He stood there, looking at the door towards the afterlife, and wondered if he did the right thing by becoming the head of the department. He was weak emotionally compared to his predecessors who wouldn't bat an eye if a soul cried. Respect came after a long struggle against the deities and his own emotions. Death is supposed to be impartial, cold to souls and never empathies with the pity story of a dead person. Of course, there was pressure coming from every side and if something happened such as a soul falling when it should have gone to heaven and the other way around, he had to solve it. He was blamed if a reaper rebelled or made a mistake, no matter how little or how relevant it was for the afterlife. Fei believed herself to be a slave and the scapegoat of the afterlife but she had Hades there to take her side. What did Death have?

"Nothing." He said out loud. "I have nothing."

He closed his eyes and let this sad reality settle in. He was alone and he was lonely but these were such humane elements that he tried to ignore. And yet he was given a piece of memory and there didn't seem to be any reason to not fully uncover his life. He didn't want to know who he was or why he died before because it really didn't make a difference. Well, now it did. He wanted to have his memories at least.

Death looked down at an old registry and gave a shakey breath. He only patted it and the book opened to his name. A wave of energy struck him, pushing him back and all those memories flooded him.

He saw everything, every moment of his life. And then he reached his darkest memory.

"Fei! What-what's going on?" Kim Hun asked seeing the foreigner be escorted to the palace like she was a criminal. "What's going on? Why are they taking her? Did something happen?"

He asked around but nobody could give him a trusted answer. They all called her a sorceress or a shaman or a spy and so on. He knew the truth since she was the person to hold his hand and sing to him to calm him down. She took his pain away and saved his life so he knew that Fei was not a bad person.

"Oi, Kim Hun! I saw your mother with a palace guard just a few minutes ago! Did you cause trouble again?" A neighbour asked him while swiping his front yard.

Hun frowned and first checked to see if his mother was indeed absent. Then he saw a note and a little pouch near their little shrine for his father. He could feel something bad was approaching, there was this tight knot in his stomach and he was sure it will get worse.

The note was actually a letter where his mother was called as a witness to the foreigner's treachery. Hun narrowed his eyes at the contents, at how she was encouraged to lie and overreact or else she was going to end the same way as her husband.

"Your son will be exiled and everything will be done to have him rot." He read the line twice, feeling incredibly angry with his mother. He didn't have to check the pouch because he was sure it was full of money. "Mom..."

He waited patiently for her to return and when she did, she looked like she has seen death in the eyes. At the sight of her son she moved to embrace him.

"What did you do, mother?" He started in a broken voice.

"I had to, my son. Or else they were going to kill both of us. It was an easy choice." She replied still hugging him tightly, caressing his hair in a motherly way.

"She was the one to heal me. She stood by my side the whole night and made sure I was going to live."

"Shh, it's over now. She's gone now."

Hun pushed his mother away and grabbed her by her shoulders tightly.

"What do you mean?"

"They killed her. She's dead. The king's men killed the sorceress."

"Are you-mother that woman was not bad. She helped everyone who asked for aid and she saved me! How could you lie to them?! She saved your son and she didn't even ask for something in return!"

"What did you want me to do? Refuse and die?"

"Have you no pride?!" The son shouted angrily at his mom. Realizing that he was too angry and hurt to control himself, he left.

The memories scattered one over the other until he arrived at his last moment. It was only five months after Fei's death and he couldn't believe how fast she was forgotten. All those lives she saved and made better were now living as if she wasn't there to begin with. It was so disappointing.

Since Hun wasn't a strong man physically, he wanted to take the exam and become a worker at the palace. He wanted to find out who wrote that letter but most of all, he wanted to look the king in the eye as he, the person who apparently had a soft spot for Fei, caused her demise.

He was on his way to the palace when he saw four bandits push a man around. Hun had to check twice to make sure that he was seeing right and that the man was indeed innocent. He gasped when he saw this poor soul fall and inhale the dirt and dust on the ground. Hun searched for something to use as a weapon and saw some leftover wood pieces lying near a street store. He grabbed them and interfered right when the bandit wanted to stab the victim.

Hun only hit one bandit and drew the others.

"Hey! You, guy, just run out of here!" Hun shouted at the man but he seemed to barely hear him. "Come on, man! Get up! Run!"

He didn't which really frustrated Hun. Since he was tall and imposing, anyone would have guessed that Hun was a good fighter. Well, he wasn't. He had the spirit but he was not good with conflicts in general. But he had a good heart and would never leave someone die in a dark alley.

He ran to this victim and used all his inner power not to get hurt in the process. The bandits drew out their knives and one was incredibly close to stabbing him. Hun's eyes widened and made quick work to help the man on his feet and get him out of there.

"Just leave me die. I am trash." The man slurred. He smelled of alcohol but his clothes were not of a peasant.

"Come on, lord or whatever you are. Just keep those feet moving." Hun said trying to not lose his balance since this drunkard was all over the place.

"I said leave me die!" The drunkard shouted and pushed Hun away. "I don't deserve to be alive. Now go, shush, shush."

Hun rolled his eyes and grabbed this person like a sack of potatoes. They both almost fell but Hun was feeling the adrenaline kicking up again when he heard the bandits behind.

In the end, he took this odd person somewhere near the square, where they hid behind a stall.

"Where is your house? I'll take you there."

The drunkard pointed at the way towards the palace.

"Ah, you work there?"

The drunkard nodded and slipped with his head on Hun's shoulder.

"I dunwanna go home." He muttered with a pout like a child. Hun felt like he should have left this man on the streets and just go home.

But he didn't. Hun took this man home with him. The next morning this odd character was gone and Hun wondered if they will ever meet again.

It was during a particularly happy night with his friends when he went to a kisaeng house. It was very late when he left and he was tipsy. They came from the shadows in an unexpected way and stabbed Hun right through his heart. They were so vile that they kept stabbing him until his body was a bloody mess.

When Death came back to his senses, his eyes were sore from crying. Fei saved him and in exchange his mother signed her death penalty. He felt like he was about to vomit so he got up quickly. However, his body couldn't move at all so he fell on his face. There was no way he could feel pain but he was suffocating and there was so much fear in his heart. The illusion of his wounds was very strong. He crawled to the centre of his wide office with tears going down his face. It was a messy appearance. That was when he heard it: the chaos of Tartarus. Death gave a chilling scream and it was hard to say if it was sad or angry. Maybe it was both.

When Dohyun left, Fei remained by herself. She closed down the library from the moment she brought Minjae back and he was still sleeping in her apartment. Fei was downstairs staring at the arrow with so much anger rushing through her. How could Hwanung react so violently when it wasn't even her fault. But like usually, he blamed her for everything and even dared raise his hand at her. Nobody would have had such courage to even lie a finger on her in the past. She was Fei, the nymph that reached towards the gods and they responded. She was the one nymph that fought for her freedom and for a life where she could be whoever she wanted to be, do whatever she wanted to do and not be restrained by time. And now she was the scapegoat of the afterlife.

The anger and sorrow were too much. They just kept coming until Fei couldn't take it anymore and erupted. The curtains were drawn and the door was locked. Nobody was in the library so she let it all out. She screamed so loud that the whole country could have heard if it wasn't for the magic surrounding the building. It was so raw, so full of emotions. Her crystal eye shone brightly while the other one darkened until it looked like an angry ocean. The cut alongside her left eye seemed to be bleeding too. The waves of her scream destroyed everything in its path: the glass box containing the arrow broke, the sofas and chairs were pushed away from her and the books flied everywhere while the shelves either fell backwards or simply crashed on the floor. It really was a pitiful sight.

By the time Dohyun arrived at Ethos to check on her, he could vaguely feel that something was wrong. Maybe it was instinct or maybe it was something more that he couldn't explain, but he had this great urge to see her and see how she was coping up with what happened mere hours ago. He knew it was bad when he saw the curtains drawn. He rushed to the door but it was locked. He didn't have a key but the door opened by itself in the weirdest way. He entered and placed his backpack near the coffee machine (which had a chair stuck into it).

"Fei!" He called her out but it looked like she was being consumed by her feelings. "Fei! Snap out of it!" He tried again but he didn't get an answer.

She had her hands covering her face so he wasn't sure if she was crying or not. Everything around her was floating or falling, it reminded Dohyun of a horror movie he once saw. No matter how much he called out, she either ignored him or didn't hear him.

Then, as if something struck him, he called out again.

"Ophelia!" He shouted not knowing what came over him.

It was odd and Fei reacted immediately. There were many factors why she looked up, her eyes sore. The most shocking thing was how Dohyun's voice grew in loudness and got lower. Both his eyes looked like her crystal orb given by Ares.

"That's your name, isn't it? Ophelia." He added surprising her even more.

"How-How do you know that?" She asked in a soft voice.

Dohyun's whole demeanour returned to normal, as did his eyes. He sighed heavily and ran to her side. He caressed her face softly and hugged her. They probably stood like that for a long time, or maybe for just a few minutes. Who knew? Dohyun's cologne calmed Fei down while the human wondered what came over him earlier. It genuinely felt like he wasn't in control of his actions for a moment.

It was only after a long time that she came back to her usual self. Dohyun still had her in his arms but they were leaning against a rolled over sofa. She noticed the arrow was on the floor between the broken shards. She picked it up and stood there, thinking about her past.

"So your name isn't Fei?" He finally asked.

"Fei is an abbreviation. One of the huntresses called me that because I was being feisty. I was flattered so I started to introduce myself as Fei from then on. But yes, the name under which I was created is Ophelia, daughter of Demeter. She made me so I guess she is indeed my mother in theory." She explained and looked up at Dohyun. "Only the gods remember my real name. Nobody else knows about it since it happened so very long ago. Not even Icarus or Horace."

"Then how come it came to me? What exactly is happening to me?" Dohyun asked but didn't sound that worried. He was curious but not afraid. In many ways he knew it was what it connected him to Fei.

"A god. I thought about it thoroughly and I am pretty sure that whatever Hikaru is doing, it also affects you. There is something in the depth of your soul that drew the attention of an ancient god." Or even worse, a titan. Of course, she couldn't tell him that. It wasn't even for sure. "I don't have many answers but I assure you, very few deities can stand their ground and get slapped by Hwanung and not flinch."

"I did flinch. It hurt really badly but I didn't want to look weak in front of you. I couldn't stand seeing how no one interfered."

Fei looked down at the arrow and smiled. Dohyun raised an eyebrow and out of jealousy (most probably) grabbed the arrow from her hands and broke it in two. Her eyes widened but she didn't feel resentment. It was almost like something inside her was cut and her heart became lighter.

"Smiling at a piece of the past right in front of your boyfriend. Really..." he said with a grumpy expression. "I'm going to force you to forget that puny king."

Fei laughed. She couldn't help it since he was suddenly showing sides of him that were so cute in her vision.

"I rarely think of him nowadays." She admitted, her eyes glistening like two little stars. "You are the only person naive enough to get between me and Hwanung during a conflict. How could I think about someone else?"

"Why didn't you say something? Why did Death froze anyway?"

"Because Hwanung triggered a long forgotten memory." She explained with a troubled sigh. "Kim Hun. Death's name is Kim Hun. One night his mother came searching for me, begging me to save her son who caught some sort of disease. She was ready to kneel if she needed to. I stood by Hun's side the whole night and tended to him using usual herbs. I took some of his pain and he recovered."

"So you saved his life?"

"Any doctor could have done it. But she believed him to be on the brink of death because of his state. The same mother knelt at the king's feet and lied that I used shamanic rituals and whatnot in order to bring her son back from the dead." Fei added.

"What?!" Dohyun exclaimed his eyes widening. "What the hell? Why aren't you making his undead life a torture then?"

"Because he doesn't remember. Once you accept to work as a reaper, all your memories are erased. You become a number. And Hun really worked up his way to the position of Death. But he used to be softer before. He could barely convince souls to move on and go into the afterlife. It wasn't his fault anyway. He was killed by a thief just a few months later."

"Karma." Dohyun mumbled but got a light hit in response. "So when Hwanung mentioned Lee Hyang, Kim Hun remembered something?"

"Yes. There is more to it and it has to do with the missing registry and the problems in the afterlife."

"Why is he so afraid? What if some spirits return? It's not like they are going to possess someone and go around like that...right?"

"No. Not all spirits are allowed to return by just modifying the registry numbers. What Death is afraid of is not that but something more powerful. Something that can destroy the world as we know it. All of it." Fei said with a frown.

Lee Dohyun kept silent for a while, thinking about everything that has happened, including his little outburst. When he got home he really needed to shower with cold water because he was feeling like he was on fire. It was very intense.

"Do you want to go on a short trip?" He asked out of nowhere.