Han All- We Can't Go Back

(special appearance by Kim Shin. I will try to involve more supernatural beings/deities in the story)

Fei ran out of the museum and on the street. She couldn't believe how much she had restrained herself in order to break down like that. Maybe having Dohyun around really wasn't helping, it was a constant reminder of her happy times with Hyang.

She tried to wipe her tear away but it was as if her body was doing whatever it wanted. She stopped and looked around for a bench or some place to sit but instead she swore she saw Lee Hyang across the street. Cars were passing between them and yet she could see him perfectly. He smiled sadly and he seemed to take something from his robes. Unconsciously, Fei put her hand inside her coat's pocket and she felt the soft fabric of a handkerchief. She took it out and saw the pattern on it, the two nightingales on the same branch, looking at each other. When she rose her sight, Hyang's form was gone. It broke her heart.

In the end, Fei settled for a nearby park. It was very small and she could hear the traffic and the people but it didn't matter. Her whole attention was on the hankie that she was holding tightly in her hands, as if her life once depended on it. She brought it closer and smelled it, memories invading her mind.

Learning a new language was always hard, especially the writing rules. Fei had already learned more than enough for a lifetime and yet it was never enough. Eastern languages were nothing like western languages, where the alphabet was more or less the same. Even the hieroglyphs were easier to memorize after a few months in Egypt.

"I don't understand why you can't just read these out loud so that I can write them in Greek." She mumbled feeling tired and annoyed. She had ink all over her hands and face and her hair was sticking in all directions.

"Where would be the fun in that?" He replied with a snicker.

Fei threw him a glare but it only seemed to amuse him.

"Are you torturing me for taking your precious reading space? Or maybe for eavesdropping during your meetings?"

"What meetings, I am only the crown prince for now. They don't respect my choices nor do they agree with my plans without questioning them."

"Doesn't really look like that to me. They have everything planned, even your future queen."

"And concubine." He added knowing Fei did not understand that concept.

"I travelled a lot and had seen more than your imagination can create and yet I don't think I ever saw a king being allowed, moreover chosen, a concubine."

"I can have more, if that is my desire." He commented.

Fei rolled her eyes and placed her tools down. She was tired and had only one chapter translated. At that time a eunuch came in with a tray full of Hyang's favourites.

"Crown Prince, it is time for lunch." He announced before he sat near the door.

Hyang took a piece of fish and a bit of rice in the spoon and turned to Fei expectantly.

"Say ah," he said careful not to spill over her papers.

Fei stared at him in confusion. She saw the eunuch's surprise expression from the corner of her eye and was sure that the whole palace will find out about it until dinner.

"Come on, ah," Hyang repeated and she opened . She almost spilled when he patted her cheek as if she was a baby.

"I can eat by myself." She said pushing his hand away from her face.

"Here," he said and carefully placed a handkerchief in her hand.

The same hankie was in her hand now and it looked a bit worn out. Years passed over it no matter how much Fei preserved it with magic. Lee Hyang's smell was still on it, though.

"You're crying by yourself again?"

Fei knew that voice. How could she not when he used to call her several times a day in order to find the exact date of his lover's reincarnation.

"You just have incredible timing." Fei said looking up at the handsome goblin. He chuckled and sat next to her.

"Is Hwanung bullying you again?" He asked with a sigh as he sat next to her.

"When does he not? But it's not him this time." She said and leaned back. "Why did we have to fall in love with humans, Kim Shin?"

Kim Shin, the famous goblin that could open a door on one side of the world and easily arrive in the other. She heard of him only after she regenerated and eventually sentenced to never lie. He was a lot nicer than she imagined considering her image of goblins was the usual ugly little fellows, short in stature and always cranky. Those goblins were actually working for the underworld. But Kim Shin was not that, he was everything but ugly and his heart was in the right place.

"It's not like we didn't have a choice. Why do you think I am waiting for Eun Tak?"

"Because you are a loner and she was the only one who actually made you feel like your life matters," Fei answered turning to him. "At least you know she will return. That doesn't apply to me."

"Is that why you are sniffing that handkerchief like a creep?" He asked visibly judging her odd behaviour.

"Why are we even here? I feel like I died for nothing and rely to find the same fate." Fei replied hearing only what she wanted to hear.

"To be honest, I never expected to find my bride." He said growing melancholic.

"You were a sulky little loser, I remember." She said with a nod. Kim Shin narrowed his eyes at her and chose to ignore her words.

"But she found me and I didn't feel as I expected. I wasn't happy, instead I was afraid. I was so ready to die but when that moment approached, I was scared of dying. And after meeting her I became afraid of her dying." He added.

"You won't have to wait for long. I assure you." She said knowing she had processed Eun Tak's application as soon as it came.

"Maybe it is better that Lee Hyang won't return. You can find someone better, someone who will sacrifice for you not watch as you die by the hands of his men." Kim Shin advised and patted her head softly.

The Goblin was not as old as the nymph but he was like an older brother for her and they both knew she had a soft spot for him.

"I actually met someone who reminds me a lot of the past. He looks just like him, too."

"Isn't that even weirder? I can only imagine what goes through your head when you look at him.”

"But he isn't Hyang. He's just a look alike. Dohyun is probably the better version, the one who doesn’t have to obey to customs and family ties."

"If you only see him as a look alike, you'll never know who he really is. There must be more to him than his face."

Fei chuckled as she realized he was right.

"How come you always know what to say but I am the older one?"

"Will this help Eun Tak move up the reincarnation waiting list?" He asked with a glint in his eyes.

Fei laughed it off.

Dohyun did search for Fei but he couldn't find her anywhere. He stopped by the library but she wasn't there and as soon as Minjae came to him, Dohyun ran out. He didn't need that raven to nag and start stalking him again. Instead, he went home and fell on his bed with a long and loud moan. It started so beautifully and he ended up making Fei cry again. It was such a terrible sight, he felt his heart break only at the memory. But then he remembered the portrait of the late Munjong. He opened his phone and searched for an app where he could add a traditional look. With that done he gasped. It looked exactly like the painting and it was really freaky.

Even when brushing his teeth he couldn't help but stare at his face. It was so odd and unsettling. But she said that he was not Hyang's reincarnation so how was it possible? Did he maybe have Munjong's blood running through his veins? He had a lot of questions.

Fei arrived at the library just in time for her night job. Minjae raised an eyebrow as he followed her through the back door into her "little office". She turned her laptop on and logged into the system before she checked the registry.

"People seem to die a lot more during winter, hm?" She commented knowing Minjae was the persistent type.

"Dohyun came by a few hours ago."

"Really,"

"He seemed to be on alert."

"Really,"

"You saw it, didn't you? And I am pretty sure he did too because he looked spooked."

Fei sighed and placed the registry back before she looked at her emails.

"I went for a walk and met Kim Shin. We had a little chat and then he bought me banana milk and then I came home." She said as if it was nothing.

Minjae rolled his eyes at the goblin. Yet another lonely deity who fell in love with a human.

"I guess you attract the same type of people as you."

"That includes you too then. Should I expect romance to bloom between you and that woman?" She said turning to him with a poker face. He pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I have work. Go home."

He didn't want to leave but one subtle glance from her and he knew it was best to let her alone.

Fei could barely concentrate but there was not much work, to her luck. Or maybe it was for different reasons, like Christmas which was the Winter Conference for deities and whatnot. She could already feel her eye twitch as she remembered how she had to meet not only Hwanung but a lot more annoying people.

By the end of the night Minjae wasn’t sure if she was doing her work or she was on auto-pilot, only typing to appear she was working but actually not doing anything. He wanted to take a peek but Hikaru was not in just yet and somebody had to be there for the clients. It just so happened that Dohyun entered the front door as soon as Minjae opened the library.

“Is she in her apartment?” He asked, searching everywhere for her.

“She’s still in the back, working. Why…?” The raven asked already knowing.

Dohyun shocked Minjae by literally pushing his phone into his face.

“We look the same! Isn’t that-“

“Weird? Odd? Supernatural? A pain in the ? Yes to all of the above.” Minjae replied pushing both the phone and the human aside so that a client could come and pay.

“Well then, I see you’re busy. I’ll go,” Dohyun said but to Minjae’s surprise the human did not leave the building, he actually walked right past him and into the back room.

He didn’t know what he expected but it was definitely not that. The back room was just a little office, incredibly little and it actually looked more like an entry hall to a small house. To the left was a bookcase and in front of it was a desk and a laptop. Fei was dressed in the same clothes as yesterday and she seemed to look into the distance while barely touching the buttons.

“Are you alright?” He asked approaching her.

Fei glanced at him and for a moment she probably thought he was Minjae because she didn’t react at all. When she realized it was him, she suddenly closed her laptop.

“I’m not alright. I’m actually very, very far from alright.”

“You just ran away yesterday. I was worried when I came by and you weren’t here, I didn’t know where else to search so I just went home.” He explained himself feeling guilty for some reason.

“You saw it, didn’t you? It was impossible not to after all.”

“Why did you accept to come with me if you knew it will only bring you bad memories of him?”

“Because it didn’t. It brought back good memories. But you don’t have to worry, I’m a big girl.” She replied as she stretched. It really was a long night.

Then Dohyun noticed something else, something that he knew could either mesmerize him or scare him or both at the same time.

“What’s behind that door?” He asked pointing at the old wood door that seemed to lead to another side of the library.

“The afterlife. Wanna check it out?” She asked with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Come on, you’ll be fine.”

Fei got up and waited for a wary Dohyun to follow her. The door looked ancient and it seemed even bigger now that he was standing so close to it. Fei opened it and Dohyun closed his eyes, freezing in his spot. When he didn’t really hear anything, he peeked with one eye and gasped.

“What is this?” He asked as he walked in. He had the same reaction as when he first entered Ethos. Everything was amazing, every piece of furniture was old and the people working inside that hallway were…

“Goblins. Real, ancient ones. They do the paperwork for each and every soul that enters the afterlife.”

“Wow!” he exclaimed as he saw rows and rows of souls, some going through the light and some being dragged into the darkness, but most of them were just standing there and waiting for their turn. Age, , nationality, race, rich or poor it did not matter. The goblins couldn’t care less who these people were when they were alive, only death mattered.

“If they do the paperwork, that means they don’t ever take a break?” Dohyun asked seeing how bored they looked.

“They work in shifts but they don’t really eat and rarely sleep. When goblins don’t have a job, they tend to mess with humans so it’s better to keep them busy.”

“They don’t look like the ones in Lord of the Rings…” Dohyun said somewhat disappointed.

“Of course not. Each culture has its own view over the afterlife and the underworld and there are many legends that have roots in true beings and events. Just because they have different names doesn’t mean it’s not the same actual deity. Besides, when people believe in something, it usually becomes real.” Fei explained as she led Dohyun around.

“Like the gods.”

“Yeah…and when people lose their belief, it vanishes. Like the ancients gods.”

“So they died?”

“Not quite. It’s a bit more complicated than that. I don’t where they go and what happens to them. “she answered with a shrug.

“If you die, you vanish as well?” Dohyun asked looking deeply into her eyes.

“No. I’m immortal so I’m not going to die anytime soon. But a normal nymph…when she dies, she dies. That’s it. The soul goes back into nature and she becomes a tree or a flower or a bird and so on.” She wanted to change the subject so she pulled him closer to an open door. “Through this door you get to Heaven. And through that one-“she said pointing at the black door across the hallway, “-you get to Hell or, in a more positive way, the underworld. Hades rules most of it."

“I don’t hear anything…?” Dohyun asked when he realized it was still very silent.

“Come closer,” she said but didn’t expect him to glue himself to her. “Everyone hears something different. Heaven reminds you of the happiest moment of your life, be it an actual memory or a smell, a sound, a feeling…” she stopped as she looked at Dohyun. His face was literally the best memory of her life, she didn’t even have to try.

“I hear it…laughter. It sounds really beautiful,” he said smiling at the sound only he could hear.

Fei smiled softly and grabbed his arm, pulling him slowly to the other side. She cracked the door open and Dohyun closed his eyes. He was confused by what he heard…it was the heavy breathing of someone. If that person was dying or was in pain, he wasn’t sure, but it made him tear up.

“What do you see?” he asked seeing how she looked like she was numb.

It was so ironic that the same face could be both her heaven and hell.

“Your eyes, watching me as the arrow pierced my heart.”