The heart is such an interesting organ.

            Whatever you see, whatever you feel, the heart reacts upon it.

            It gets hurt easily, it beats faster, it beats slow.

            Above all, it just keeps…beating. And beating.

            All to keep you alive.

            Whatever you do, whatever you say, the heart is still there.

            Isn’t it amazing?

            When your hazy gaze focuses on the object of your desire, drinking in the sight of their long, silky hair adorning the beautiful facial features you can’t seem to get enough of.

            Your heart just seems to know.

            So, you have to steel your nerve, to hope that she never hears how quickly your heart is beating all because you simply looked at her and she looked at you.

            And what’s worse…

            Her smile.

            Those perfect lips curling back to reveal her white, straight teeth, giggling out of delight because of what happened between the two of you.

            Oh, God…why is she doing this to you?

            And she doesn’t even know it…

            You don’t plan on letting her know at all.

            Just keep smiling at her, take deep breaths, and calm down your heart as soon as you leave.

            That’s all you seem to be doing anyway.

            You were good at it.

**

            There was something odd about ending up in the infirmary many times. Many, many times. It reached the extent to where the school’s primary physician and the part-time nurses knew her well enough.

            Kang Seulgi seemed to have a knack for hurting herself.

            Or other people hurting her.

            Well, it was one of the downfalls for being a positive and determined co-captain of the cheer squad.

            Seulgi hissed through her teeth at the sharp pain concentrated on her right knee. The beginning of her senior year was just a few weeks ago and she started off with a bang. Literally. During a rehearsal meant for the homecoming rally, her knee banged against the polished wood of the gym as an attempt to support one of the flyers on their squad. It wasn’t that she couldn’t catch her, but her other teammate who was supposed to assist in catching the flyer didn’t grip onto her tightly, causing a collision onto mostly Seulgi.

“Ow…” she moaned under her breath, tensing up the muscles in her right leg.

            A frown marred her beautiful features at the sight of the alcohol wipes dabbing against her fresh wound, quickly soaking up the blood. The nurse, whom she became quickly acquainted with because of her one too many frequents here, sympathized with her. If only that lone piece of metal wasn’t lying around to scrape her. Seulgi wouldn’t have been hurt too badly.

            “Hurts, right?” Seulgi glanced up at the kind face with crescent eyes. Tiffany was one of her favorite nurses. She wasn’t too rough on her injuries and she soothed her at other moments with small talk. It was an attempt to get her mind off of the bigger wounds, to which Seulgi appreciated. “You should be more careful.”

Seulgi heaved a sigh.

            Yes, of course.

            Seulgi should always be careful. She was, by far, one of the best cheerleaders on the team, hence her position as co-captain. But risks had to be taken, and with risks came consequences.

            “I know, Tiffany.” Said nurse started to bandage up her knee. “Mistakes happen.”

            “For you it seems like mistakes happen quite a lot.” Tiffany side-eyed her as she packed up the first-aid kit. “You shouldn’t practice for at least two weeks. Give time for your knee to heal before you start doing anything wild again.”

            “Wait, two weeks!?” Seulgi exclaimed. Tiffany stood up from the chair beside the bed Seulgi was sitting on, pattering her way down to the glass shelf to put the kit away. “The rally is in less than two weeks! I have to do the routine with them and then cheer for the football game!”

            “Seulgi,” Tiffany started sternly. She turned around to face the flabbergasted cheerleader sulking on the edge of the bed, freshly bandaged. “If you go out there and perform the routine when you’re not fully healed, you’re risking a bigger injury. Do you understand that?”

            “…I do.”

            “I will let your coach know,” Tiffany said. “And also scold her on letting you get injured so many times.”

The main door to the infirmary slowly pried open for the newcomer to slip in. Seulgi and Tiffany naturally looked over to see who it was. Their reactions – Tiffany brightly grinning; Seulgi averting her gaze.

            “Irene! Came to Seulgi back?”

            And there was the other odd thing. Odder than Seulgi being sent to the infirmary one too many times.

            For someone who wasn’t on the cheerleading team, Irene always seemed to be there when Seulgi got hurt.

            Irene softly smiled and nodded at Tiffany. “I am. The coach has been asking about her.”

            “In that case, let me come with you. I need to speak with this ridiculous coach to make her go easy on Seulgi or at least substitute her out for this upcoming rally.”

Seulgi deflated at Tiffany’s words. She didn’t like the idea of being pulled out of one of the most prominent rallies of the year.

            Tiffany was preparing herself to leave the infirmary unattended for a short while whereas Irene quietly made her way over to Seulgi. She held out her hand.

            “Ready to go, Miss Kang Seulgi?” Irene asked, subtleness of teasing laced in her gentle voice.

Seulgi grabbed onto Irene’s hand for support. But it was only that. Shortly after Seulgi stood up, their hands parted. Seulgi hated how it disappointed her to not hold Irene’s hand anymore even if it was just meant to prop her up from the bed.

            Before any of the feelings could settle any further, Tiffany opened the door and motioned for the two high schoolers to leave first.

            Seulgi would just have to push these feelings down.

            Just like she always did.

**

Seulgi believed it started in kindergarten.

            Irene was one of her pretty classmates. They weren’t good friends, but they knew each other well enough to play around on the school’s mini playground during recess. They knew each other well enough to sit at the same table during pizza parties and mess around. And they knew each other well enough to slightly tease one another when they played inside the classroom on break times, towering ABC building blocks and purposely knocking one over.

            Seulgi thought it started in kindergarten because she didn’t remember gravitating to other children (besides her best friends) other than Irene. Thinking back and reviewing her actions, Seulgi knew that her wanting to be next to someone, her wanting to chat with someone, and her glancing back at someone only meant that she liked them to some degree.

But they weren’t good friends.

            Just friends.

            First grade came, then second, third, fourth. Until eventually it was high school senior year.

No matter what grade they were, they always had their own friend group. Never with each other.

            Sometimes they meshed the two groups together to play a game of kickball during recess or lunch, but that was it.

            Didn’t eat lunch together on the daily, didn’t hang out after school at the mall, didn’t follow each other around on campus.

            That was when Seulgi realized that most, if not all, of her interactions with Irene came with a purpose because of school. All those randomly assigned pairs during projects didn’t miraculously deepen their bond to the level of close or best friends.

            At that time Seulgi didn’t know, so she didn’t mind. It didn’t seem like the greatest loss to her to not have Irene as a best friend.

            And maybe as she thought about it now, it was better that way.

**

It was pure infatuation that very gradually developed into deep affection.

            As shallow as it was, Seulgi liked playing with Irene since kindergarten because she was pretty. Irene is still pretty to this day, so evidently, Seulgi would take whatever chance (that seemed reasonable enough) to play with her.

            But, of course, every child went through their own phase when it came to junior high and high school years. This naturally drew Seulgi and Irene apart from each other because, yes, their friend groups still didn’t really click together.

            And yes, this also meant other relationships that Seulgi saw from a third person’s point of view.

            The new best friends Irene made in the blink of an eye.

            The quick two-week relationship she had with a tall, lanky boy the same age as them when they were only twelve.

            (It probably wasn’t even considered to be a relationship, to be honest. They barely talked.)

The relationships with other boys that only lasted for a few months when they were fourteen and fifteen.

            The seemingly experimental relationship with a girl that lasted for a good five months when they were sixteen.

            And now at seventeen almost eighteen, Irene was in another relationship. Kim Stella. This one lasted a while. A whopping seven months and going. A record for Irene, if you ask her.

            Seulgi knew these pure shallow feelings she had for Irene developed into something more because of the mere sight of her with people she was intimate with.

            It wouldn’t hurt if it didn’t.

            It wouldn’t hurt looking at Irene with her boyfriends and girlfriends and even close friends who could act overly friendly with her.

            But at the time, Seulgi just thought it might be because she was envious. She didn’t really think about relationships a lot. She had been in a few, more with girls than with boys (because Irene indirectly helped Seulgi realize she was more into girls), but they were easily and mutually broken off after a couple months. Then, Seulgi decided, to hell with it. Why waste her time on these people who weren’t close to the intoxicating feelings she had for Irene?

**

            “Seulgi, we’re going to see how you’re doing by the beginning of next week to see where we should place you for the rally,” the coach, Yuri, informed.

            Seulgi pouted. “I really want to be in it, coach.”

            “I know you do, kid, but I don’t want you to get hurt again,” replied Yuri. She crossed her arms, but more so out of defense because a nurse was glaring at her from the side. “It’s just one rally. There are plenty of more rallies later on down the year. Trust me, it’ll be okay to miss this one.”

            “But it’s the homecoming rally,” Seulgi whined. “The first one of the school year!”

            “Seulgi…” a soft voice coming from Seulgi’s side gently fluttered her ears.

            Said cheerleader turned to look at Irene, who had accompanied her all the way back to the gym. Well, Irene had to come back here anyway to assess where the student council should decorate for the rally. She was in the middle of measuring the top part of a door and was conveniently by Seulgi’s side when her injury happened.

            “It’s really going to be okay if you miss this one,” said Irene. “I would rather see you at the other rallies all perfect and healthy than at this one homecoming rally where you can possibly hurt yourself more.”

Seulgi gently breathed out of as a means of calming herself down.

            Fine.

            “Okay,” she conceded.

            “And you…” It was Tiffany this time raising her voice, pointing a finger at coach Yuri. “Monitor your cheerleaders better! She keeps getting hurt. Not just her, I see other cheerleaders coming in every now and then. I know y’all made it to nationals before, but think of their health!”

            Yuri groaned at the incessant and loud voice of Tiffany’s piercing her ears. The nurse continued to talk her ear off, which left Seulgi and Irene to quietly and quickly scamper away from the scolding.

            “You’re okay, right?”

            This was Irene’s fifth time asking today.

            Fifty-eighth time overall.

            Seulgi wasn’t counting.

            “Yeah.” Seulgi tightly smiled at her. She walked with a limp since Tiffany wrapped around her knee a lot, not allowing her to bend the joint a great amount. It was bearable, though. She just needed to frequently ice it when she got home. She mentally thanked her past self for buying a reusable ice pack that was waiting for her in the freezer. “Thanks for bringing me to the nurse for, like, the bajillionth time.”

            Irene softly laughed at that. She, too, must have realized that she had taken Seulgi to the infirmary often. The student council was a busy group, always out and about on campus after classes were over. So, naturally, Irene saw a lot of the sports practicing here and there when she was pacing around.

            Seulgi didn’t want to think too much about it. It was kind of strange that Irene was always present. Especially when her own girlfriend was also on a sports team that usually practiced at the same time as the cheerleading team.

            “So, homecoming…” Irene began, trailing off a bit just to assess Seulgi’s initial reaction. When Seulgi simply looked at her as they were walking to the locker room, Irene continued, “You’re going to the dance, right?”

“Who knows?”

            “Who knows? Wait. Does that mean you’re not actually going?” Irene was pleasantly surprised.

            Seulgi smiled at her reaction. “Do you think I always go to the dances or something?”

            “Well, first off, you’re a cheerleader, second, you seem to like to have fun, and third… I don’t know… I just thought someone might have asked you to go with them.”

            “Just because I’m a cheerleader who knows how to have fun, huh. Interesting, Miss Bae Irene.” Seulgi smirked at the sight of Irene turning up her nose at her. “I might go. Depends on my friends. No one asked me yet and I’m not dating anyone, so I might just go with Mino and Yura. You know, the usual crew.”

            “Of course, the ridiculously talented crew who only keep their hobbies to themselves,” retorted Irene. “Seriously, y’all need to enter competitions. Your drawings are so good.”

            “You’ve seen my drawings?”

            “Of course I have!” Irene rolled her eyes. “We’ve known each other for how long now? It would have been more surprising if I haven’t seen a drawing of yours. Not to mention that you also post on Instagram.”

            Seulgi choked up with laughter. “Ah, that’s right. Anyway, I’m assuming you’re going, right? Not because you’re a part of the student council, but also because you’re with Stella.”

“Yeah, but she actually hasn’t asked me yet,” Irene said, which strangely twinged a bit of hope within Seulgi. “I don’t even know if she likes school dances.”

            “What do you mean? I thought you went to prom last year with her.”

            Irene shook her head. “I didn’t. I went with Wendy and Solar instead. It was still fun, though. Now that I think about it, she doesn’t participate in school activities besides track and field.”

            It was interesting to receive a tiny bit more information about Irene’s relationship with Kim Stella. Honestly, if one were to ask Seulgi, the latter would agree that the two looked good together. Did she like them being together? Obviously, no, but who was she to meddle in and say who Irene should be with?

            But the fact that Stella had a lack of school spirit whereas Irene had more of it should be a sign of an increasing distance.

They finally reached the front of Seulgi’s personal locker in the locker room. Athletes of the school each get their own locker at the very back, its size doubling the rest of the lockers meant for students who were taking physical education the first two years of their class requirements.

            “Well, thanks again,” Seulgi said. She soon unlocked the door, prying it open to reveal her belongings and her casual wear since she was still in her cheerleading uniform. Irene still lingered by the side, leaning against the lockers. “Are you going to head out now to Stella?”

            “…Um, yeah. I should.”

            It might have been all those years of knowing Irene, but Seulgi knew when something was troubling the former.

            The corners of Irene’s mouth were forced upwards into a tight-lipped smile. An air of hesitancy that Seulgi could have mistakenly seen because it was only for a split second.

            “I’ll see you around, then,” Irene bid farewell and trudged backwards from Seulgi. And there she was, the lively, teasing Bae Irene the cheerleader grew up to know. “Don’t hurt yourself again or else I’m going to think you’re doing that because you know I’ll be there.”

Seulgi let out a snort and saw Irene’s bright grin before it faded into the lockers.

            “It seems like you’re just waiting for me to get hurt so you can help me,” Seulgi hollered.

            “Whatever, Kang Seulgi!”

**

The moment Seulgi finally realized that she was in love with Irene was the first time she got injured.

            First year of high school.

            Seulgi was starting off as a cheerleader, so it was evident that she wasn’t the best at what she was doing yet and needed a lot of improvement. But she still made it onto the freshman-sophomore team of the cheerleading squad compared to plenty of other girls who couldn’t make it in.

            The varsity team, clearly consisting of the captain, co-captain, and various other skilled cheerleaders, gave Seulgi an important part of a routine. They were practicing for an upcoming local cheerleading competition, and they thought that maybe giving freshman Seulgi the part of executing the running flips across the mat would bring out the potential they saw in her.

Of course, Seulgi was excited to be given the part. A little too excited. She was damn nervous. Seulgi had done plenty of cartwheels across the grass and flips on trampolines before. But running cartwheels, twirls in mid-air, back springs, and whatnot? Heck no.

            But this was what being a cheerleader was about.

Seulgi attempted at shaking off the nerves tingling in her hands. They were currently practicing in the gym with the mats laid out on the ground. Some members of the student council were roaming on the other side of the gym to assess where they should put decorations for their upcoming rally meant to increase the students’ spirits during midterm season.

            “Let’s go, Seulgi! You can do this!” called out the captain Victoria.

            Seulgi took a deep breath.

            Shook her hands a few more times.

            Settled in as much as she could.

            And off she went.

            Seulgi ran and ran and executed perfect cartwheels that smoothly transitioned into back springs. Now, all she had to do was twirl in mid-air and land perfectly on her feet with no signs of imbalance. Nearing the end of the other side of the mat, Seulgi just finished the last of the back spring and hopped backwards to spin. However, she lost her footing when she straightened out, tumbling over her own two feet before landing hard at the edge of the mat, her elbow busting against the hard ground of the gym.

Numerous gasps echoed throughout the high ceilings until a few cheerleaders rushed over from the other end.

            “Are you okay?”

            With furrowed brows and gritted teeth, Seulgi looked up to find one of the prettiest girls in her life.

            Wait a minute.

            That was Bae Irene.

            Right.

            Of course, she was the prettiest girl in Seulgi’s life.

            “Y-Yeah…” Seulgi muttered. As she tried to get up, though, she hissed, “Ow!”

            “We should take you to the nurse,” Irene said, placing her hands around Seulgi’s shoulders and the forearm of her injured arm.

            “I’m fine, it’s nothing big.”

            “Seulgi! Are you okay!?” Victoria and a couple others finally reach the two. She had the biggest eyes right now, obviously concerned that one of her precious freshmen cheerleaders hurt herself. “We need to take you to the nurse.”

            “I can take her,” Irene offered. “You guys can keep practicing.”

            Victoria continued to look worried, lips lining into a deep frown. “I can’t trouble you with that. I’ll take her to the nurse.”

“It’s no trouble. We just finished up here and I was about to head home. I can take Seulgi,” Irene continued to persist, smiling warmly at the cheerleading captain.

With a heavy sigh, Victoria finally nodded. “Okay, thank you. Please take care of her.”

Seulgi and Irene paced out onto campus in silence. The latter was still holding onto Seulgi’s forearm, worried that the cheerleader might make a rash action and hurt herself even more.

“I can walk myself from here, Irene,” said Seulgi. “Thank you.”

Irene shook her head. “I’ll at least walk you to the nurse’s office. My locker is by there anyway.”

Seulgi glanced down at the other girl. Irene hadn’t changed much. Still elegant, poised, and above all, kind. Irene was always so kind to her. How in the world was Irene the perfect package to Seulgi?

“I didn’t think you’d become one of the cheerleaders,” Irene mentioned.

            “Well, the other sports didn’t really interest me.”

            “Cheerleading did?”

            “Not so much the entire aspect of cheering, but it has some dancing. It is as much a sport as any other.”

            Irene vigorously nodded. “Of course it is! Seeing you guys flipping around, throwing people in the air and catching them. Wah, I don’t think I could ever.”

Seulgi chuckled to herself, picturing the sight of Bae Irene in a cheerleading uniform scampering about and trying to catch a cheerleader with her arms. Actually, Irene might have been a flyer instead if she did join the team.

They reached the front of the infirmary, and Irene held open the door for Seulgi.

            “Thank you for walking me here, Irene,” said Seulgi. She smiled warmly at Irene. Irene gazed into her crescent eyes for a good few moments before her own smile spread across her lips. Pretty. “It was nice seeing you again.”

            “It was nice seeing you, too. Seems like we can’t get rid of each other, huh?” Irene joked.

            “Seems like it. At least I know a familiar face around here.”

            Irene’s gaze fluttered down onto the floor before it came back up, shyly landing on the windows adorning one side of the hallway they were in.

            “It’s comforting,” she softly muttered. Then, the wandering gaze returned to Seulgi, feeling as though she was staring into her soul. “I’ll see you around, Seulgi.”

Seulgi only nodded. She couldn’t find herself looking at Irene any longer, willing her eyes to peer into the infirmary instead. Irene finally left after Seulgi walked inside.

            “Hello. Anything I can help you with?”

            It was the physician sitting at his desk examining Seulgi from head to toe. From the sight of her holding her elbow, he already seemed to know what the problem would potentially be.

            “Just my elbow hurting.”

            And maybe help her figure out how to calm down this rapidly beating heart against her chest.

**

            Seulgi sat at the couch in her living room and mindlessly flipped through channels. Her injured leg was propped up on the coffee table in front of her, a cooling ice pack draped over her bruised knee. A few moments later, there were soft knocks rapping against her front door.

            Seulgi looked over her shoulder and shouted, “Come in!”

            Almost immediately the front door burst open and appeared her two best friends, Mino and Yura. Seulgi couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the sight of the rowdiness trotting through the living room after they took off their shoes at the foyer.

            Yura halted in her tracks at the sight of the ice pack on Seulgi’s knee. “Again?” she drawled. “What’s wrong with you?”

Mino plopped down next to Seulgi and placed a brown paper bag on the cheerleader’s lap.

            “She’s clumsy, that’s what,” Mino teased with a snicker.

            Seulgi elbowed Mino on the side. “Shut up.”

            Yura took the seat on the other side of Seulgi and helped with taking out their takeout Thai food from the bag.

            “Have y’all gotten your homecoming tickets yet?” Yura asked.

“I wasn’t even thinking about going,” replied Mino.

            “Aw, c’mon, we have to! It’s the last homecoming dance we will ever go to,” Yura said.

            Mino only shrugged. “Honestly, I’m okay with not going. Prom’s where it’s at.”

“We can just go to both,” suggested Seulgi. “Anyone got asked out?”

            Yura started to giggle. “I did!”

            “What, who!?” Both Mino and Seulgi exclaimed.

            From what they knew, Yura wasn’t interested in anyone on campus. She always moaned and groaned about the guys not being attractive enough for her.

            “It’s this guy…in college.”

            “Oh, my God, you’re taking an older guy?” Seulgi gasped. She turned to Mino. “Isn’t that, like, not allowed?”

            “No, you can! He’s young still, trust!” Yura whipped out her phone and turn on Instagram. Immediately, she opened up her homecoming date’s profile page. “He just started his first year in college, so he’s only one year older. His name’s Jonghyun.”

“A very suave looking dude,” commented Mino.

            Yura snatched her phone away from Mino’s approaching grasp. “Well, he’s mine. Find your own suave looking dude.”

            Mino scoffed. He threw his arms back against the couch, which naturally allowed Seulgi to slump back and rest her head against his toned shoulder.

            “Nah, I’m gonna find the hottest chick on campus and ask her out instead.” There was that annoying smirk resting on his lips. He thought it was confidence; the others just think it was straight up arrogance.

            “Jokes on you, they're most likely taken,” Yura shot back.

            “Nuh uh,” Mino argued. “C’mon, you’re telling me that Joy, Chaeyeon, Naeun, Krystal, Seolhyun, and Irene are all taken?”

            Yura laughed out loud. She shifted onto the couch to sit at the edge, facing both Seulgi and Mino. Seulgi wasn’t allowing herself to enter this banter between her two friends. They were always like this anyway, and she didn’t have any energy left in her to expend. Mino raised a brow at the sight of Yura holding out each finger to explain the situation of all the girls he had listed.

            “Joy’s dating Wendy, Chaeyeon’s dating Jisoo, Naeun’s dating Jaehyun, Krystal’s dating Kai, Seolhyun’s dating Jiho, and Irene’s dating Stella. Literally all of them are taken, bro.”

            Mino threw his head back and groaned, leaving the two girls to giggle. He then turned his head to look at Seulgi, who was still resting on his shoulder.

            “Looks like we’re going together, Seul.”

            “Okay, so I expect a big poster with the greatest pun, a bouquet of sunflowers, and a bucket of fried chicken. Deal?” Seulgi joked.

            “How about I just ask you out to the dance as a friend right now, get you the sunflowers on your birthday, and buy fried chicken after the dance so we can all eat it together?”

            Seulgi rolled her eyes. “So uncool. But okay.”

“But damn…” Minho clicked his tongue. He decided to finally start eating his portion of Thai food that he and Yura bought on the way to Seulgi’s. “They’re seriously all taken? Even Irene?”

            An uncomfortable lump formed in Seulgi’s throat at the mere mention of her long-time crush’s name. Yura, shoving full of pad thai, nodded rigorously.

            “She’s been dating that Kim Stella girl for a while now,” said Yura. “I think since, like, last semester of junior year.”

“That’s wild. Her relationships usually don’t last long.”

            “Right? I wonder what’s up. She looks like the type to get bored easily,” commented Yura. Then, she started giggling as if she thought of something hilarious. “Stella must be pretty bomb if she’s staying with her.”

            Seulgi finally swallowed that lump.

            “What do you mean…?”

Yura raised a brow at Seulgi, who hadn’t touched her food yet. “You know… Irene’s gotta stay happy. Even in bed.”

            “Let’s!” Seulgi raised her voice. “Stop talking about this.”

            “What, it’s probably true.”

“I don’t care about Irene and Stella right now. Can we just eat and watch TV, please?” asked Seulgi.

            Mino and Yura silently agreed with Seulgi’s request. When Seulgi moved forward to grab her takeout box, the two friends exchanged a worried glance behind her, wondering why Seulgi seemed so pent up about the conversation they had about Irene and Stella’s relationship. Yura usually talked like this when they hung out and Seulgi would stay quiet and very seldom chime in. So, it was strange for the two.

**

“Today’s the last day to presale for homecoming tickets everyone. Make sure to stop by the ticket booth during lunch or after school to purchase your tickets! At the door price will raise by $5. You know you can save that for a cup of coffee with your boo thang, right!?”

“Hey Seul, let’s go together after classes to get the tickets.”

            Seulgi looked up from her locker to Mino, who was leaning coolly against a closed one next to Seulgi’s.

            “Sure thing,” she said. “Do you think you can pay for them? I can Venmo you later or something.”

            “Yeah, yeah.” Mino waved it off and shoved his hands into his pockets, scouring out their surroundings.

            It was a ten-minute passing period from one class to the next class. Seulgi and Mino usually spent this time together, considering how they just came out of the same classroom a minute ago. Seulgi was rummaging around in her locker to get a workbook for her next class while Mino waited.

“Hey look, people are asking people out right now,” Mino pointed out.

            Seulgi, hand still in the locker, turned to look over her shoulder to see a tall, lanky sophomore holding a teddy bear and standing to a long butcher paper held up by his two friends. The poster stated, “I hope this is not unbearable, but… homecoming?” The other boy who was being asked squealed out of delight and yelled a high-pitched “yes!” in the middle of campus, engulfing the boy in an embrace. And, of course, the obligatory photo afterwards to commemorate this moment.

            “So, where’s mine?” Seulgi joked.

            Mino rolled his eyes. “In your dreams.”

            “Aw c’mon, I’m going to be your date. The least you can do is ask me out with some sunflowers,” Seulgi pouted and shut her locker closed.

            Mino didn’t say anything in return, only trailed after Seulgi to pass through the many students in the hallway trying to get to their classes.

At the other end of the hallway, Irene was spotted with ease. It was as if everything around them was a blur. Irene looked so clear, so perfect, like the world and the deity above wanted Seulgi to focus on Irene and only Irene. The way her long, silky hair cascaded over her shoulders in perfect waves; the soft, clear complexion of her skin; and the round, dark brown eyes, almost ebony like, were enough to put Seulgi in a trance.

            She hadn’t noticed, but her pace was slowing down when Irene was coming closer.

            And then, Seulgi came to a complete stop.

            Not because of Irene.

            But because of the tall, athletic girl next to her who had an arm draped around Irene’s shoulders. So casually. So coolly. Like… Like she was her girlfriend.

            Because that was exactly what she was.

            Mino bumped into her back and suddenly everyone else’s faces became clear again. Seulgi turned back around to look up at Mino, who raised an eyebrow at her.

            “Why’d you stop?” he asked.

            Seulgi cleared and shook her head, both to Mino and to herself as a means of shaking away her thoughts. When Irene and Stella came closer, the former locked gazes with Seulgi. She raised a hand to wave at her and smiled warmly, to which Seulgi felt obligated to return. Except her lips felt a little more forced.

            Irene continued to look over her shoulder at Seulgi until Mino pushed the cheerleader and threw an arm around her, dragging her forward.

            “C’mon, you’re stalling in the middle of the hallway.”

            Seulgi veered her eyes to look straight ahead. Don’t think about anything. Don’t focus on anything. Just walk away.

            That was what she trained herself to do.

            Though…she wasn’t perfect at ignoring the ache in her chest.

            Everyone taught her the signs of love and the glorious feelings that would come with it.

            But no one taught her how to heal from heartache. Not even a heartache intentionally caused by the other.

            No one explained to her why such a heartache existed.

**

            The next day was a Friday, which marked one week until the homecoming pep rally and one week and a day until the homecoming dance.

            Seulgi’s knee was slightly better, but she still walked with a limp and a brace so as to not irritate it any further and prevent a speedy recovery. At this rate, she felt as though she truly might not be able to participate in cheerleading next week, which upset her, but she finally came to terms with it in the end.

            During lunch period, Seulgi opted to change up the routine and head off campus instead of going to the cafeteria. Mino was busy with a painting for his advanced art class whereas Yura’s new boyfriend, Jonghyun, visited her to take her out to eat.

            Campus security wasn’t too strict about the students and their whereabouts. As long as they had their student ID card to get off and on campus, it wasn’t a big of a deal. Today, Seulgi decided to hang out at the front of the administration building and allow the sun to soak her face.

            “Seulgi?”

            Said cheerleader had just literally stretched out her legs with her hands palming the cemented bench behind her, head tilted up and eyes closed. She quickly opened her eyes to the dangerously close voice, realizing that it was the one and only Bae Irene standing at the end of the bench with butcher posters underneath one of her arms.

            Once Irene realized it really was Seulgi, she started to giggle. “What are you doing out here? Sunbathing?”

            “Getting some vitamin D is good, you know,” Seulgi retorted, but she ended up giggling as well. “I just thought to sit out here for a bit.”

“I see,” said Irene. “How is your knee?”

            Seulgi lifted up her injured leg and moved it around a bit. “It’s better. Not good enough to be reinstated into practices yet, but I’ll get there eventually.”

            “Yeah… It’s too bad I won’t be able to see you perform next week, then, huh.”

Seulgi raised a brow at her and smirked. “Is it me or do you really want to see me in the rally?”

Irene’s mouth opened and closed rapidly. The girl looked at lost for words and how bold Seulgi came off.

            “You’re ridiculous,” Irene countered with her own smirk. “Why would I ever want to see the co-captain always perform like it’s the last time she’d ever perform?”

“Hm.” Seulgi straightened out her body. She took a closer look at Irene, who was squinting from the sun and also slightly chewing on her bottom lip. “Why do you know that?”

Irene ended up crossing her arms and tossing a glare off to the side. Seulgi noticed the other girl usually did so when things didn’t go her way – in games, during arguments, or when she was simply not having a good time. Seulgi, of course, knew it was because Irene dug herself a hole she couldn’t get out of.

            “Shut up,” Irene muttered. “You obviously know why, so don’t make me say it.”

            It was cute.

            How flustered Irene could get. The light pink dusting her cheeks, the tiny pout her lips would form, the creases on her eyebrows. How could someone make looking annoyed so adorable?

“Anyway, what are you doing out here?” Seulgi asked, eyes darting down to the posters still tucked underneath Irene’s arm.

            “Oh.” As if she forgot what she initially came out here for, Irene smoothly took out the posters and faced the front to the cheerleader. “These are posters for the homecoming rally and game. I was just putting them up around campus.”

            “Do you need help?”

            Irene raised a brow. “With your knee like that?”

            “Oh, c’mon.” Seulgi rolled her eyes as if she already knew what Irene was going to say. “Don’t let me slow you down. I’ll just help with holding the posters and you can go off and tape them up.”

            “Alright… I suppose you can help.”

Seulgi noticed how Irene slowed down the pace of her walking speed to match up with the injured cheerleader. Irene didn’t have to – Seulgi expected to only be holding the posters and Irene could waltz off back and forth to get all the posters up before lunch period ended. However, Irene decided to stick by Seulgi’s side, and it might also be because they were making small yet comfortable talk.

            “Have you been asked yet?” Seulgi questioned out of curiosity.

            Feeding herself more potential heartache.

            Seulgi was so brilliant.

Irene was in the middle of taping an upper corner of a poster, standing on her tiptoes. “No, I haven’t.”

“Do you…plan on asking…her?”

            Seulgi focused her eyes on Irene’s expression to study her reaction. She stood back down on her feet, but only to rip a piece of tape around the roll that was adorning her arm. One corner of Irene’s lips tugged upwards out of amusement.

            “No,” Irene simply replied. “I’m not going to make her go if she doesn’t want to go.”

“I see.”

            “Well, what about…you?” Irene turned back around after rolling the piece of tape into a square, the adhesive on the outside. She was taping up the other upper corner now. “Are you, um, going to go with Mino and Yura like you said?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think we’re going to go as a group.”

            “Oh. Why not?”

            “Yura’s got a new boy toy and I’m stuck with Mino.”

            Irene had to let out a laugh. “So…you’re going with Mino, then?”

“Yup,” Seulgi said with a pop. “Looks like it.”

“You two would look good together.”

            “Huh?”

            “I-I mean, when you will take pics and all, you know?” Irene cleared and started to walk away after running her hands across the poster to make sure it stayed up. “Not as, uh, as uh – boyfriend and girlfriend, or anything like that.”

Seulgi didn’t respond for some time. She was thinking about how Irene was running , a nervous habit. The latter was probably nervous that she accidentally slipped out some words and didn’t expect the reaction she’d get.

            Irene, on the other hand, was most likely repeating her own words in her head.

            “You’re not together…are you?” Irene mumbled. She came to a halt at an empty spot on a wall, turning to look at Seulgi, who was holding a few more posters for her. “Um…you also don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Seulgi was going to answer truthfully, but something about a meek and shy Irene seemed so fun to tease.

            “Why do you want to know?” she asked instead. “Do you like him? Are you going to collect all the Minho’s?”

            “Hey!” Irene reacted naturally and quickly, hitting Seulgi on the arm.

            When Seulgi hissed from the sharp pain forming around her bicep, Irene’s frustration quickly faltered.

            “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hit you!” Irene stepped closer to Seulgi and held her hand over Seulgi’s where she hit her, wanting to soothe the pain. “Are you okay?”

“Damn Irene, I got an injured knee already. Are you really trying to make me not be a cheerleader again?” Seulgi jested, rubbing her arm with Irene’s soft hand still over hers.

            She was really trying not to think about it, but all she could see and feel was Irene. The pain was there, yet it wasn’t as strong as this intoxicating feeling wrapping around her head all due to her long-time crush right in front of her, only mere inches away.

            Irene was so close.

            So, so close.

            Closer than she had ever been before in all these twelve years of knowing each other.

            “I’m so sorry,” Irene continued to apologize, pouting so adorably. She really tried to move Seulgi’s hand away so she could assess Seulgi’s pain herself, if it was any indication by how much tighter her grip had gotten. “It’s a natural reaction for me…”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Seulgi said.

            She dropped her own hand, but before Irene could actually touch her, she took a step back and increased the distance.

            “C’mon, let’s go put up the rest of these posters.”

Irene nodded in the end and took one of the posters to tape it up on the wall behind her. As she was taping it up, Seulgi simply stared at her, taking note of everything physical that was Bae Irene. Her mind didn’t focus on anything else. The pain on her arm had dissipated already, and all she could really think about was the feel of Irene’s soft hand on her own and how close she was earlier. The whiff of the good-smelling shampoo she used, permeating through her nose. The worried look she had only for her.

Seulgi closed her eyes and heaved a sigh.

            Maybe offering to help Irene wasn’t a good idea after all.

“Boo!”

            Seulgi jolted in her rooted position at the alarmingly close and hoarse voice right in her ear. Irene was spooked and even jumped in her spot as well, hastily turning around to see a tall figure towering over Seulgi.

            The cheerleader turned around and shoved Mino, who was laughing heartily with his hands behind him.

            “What the heck, Mino!?” Seulgi groaned out of annoyance.

Mino started to calm down from his hearty laughter and looked at Seulgi with a tilted head. He didn’t seem to notice Irene behind her.

            “What are you doing out here?” he asked. “Did you have lunch yet?”

            Seulgi shook her head. “No. I was going to eat after school instead.”

            “Ah, I see.” Mino nodded. “Well…I have a little surprise for you.”

            Seulgi was puzzled and only continued to stare back at Mino as a sign for her best friend to continue. Mino pulled his hands back around to his front to reveal what he was hiding, grinning at the sight of Seulgi’s face brightening and her eyes widening.

            “Oh, my God, Mino!” she exclaimed. “W-What in the world, you really did this for me!?”

Mino heeded to Seulgi’s requests (albeit joke requests) these past few days. In his hands were a bouquet of sunflowers and a painting portrait of the two together. Seulgi remembered what that portrait resembled. Mino, Seulgi, and Yura had an impromptu photoshoot in front of an artistic graffiti in a subway tunnel over the summer. Yura had taken a picture of Mino and Seulgi, the two of them posing coolly, which was the result of the painting that also had the words “Let’s go to homecoming” sketched across the top.

“It’s our senior year, so I thought you should be able to have something to remember this homecoming dance by,” explained Mino. “I hope you like it.”

            “I like it so much! Thank you, Mino.”

            Seulgi wasn’t one to hug her best friends, especially not cool and indifferent Mino and Yura. However, she couldn’t help herself. This was one of the best surprise gifts she had ever received, and she never expected Mino to go out of his way to put his artistic abilities to use and paint a portrait of the two of them together. So, she moved forward and tightly embraced Mino’s larger frame.

            Mino raised his eyebrows but decided to hug Seulgi back, chuckling deeply.

            “Wow, so affectionate,” he said. “I’ll let you have this one.”

             “Congrats.”

            Seulgi broke off the embrace immediately at the sound of Irene’s soft voice fluttering her ears. Irene had been a witness to the entire scene. A small smile was spreading across her face, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“See, you do paint very well. Why don’t you enter any competitions?”

            Seulgi saw through it.

            Irene looked uneasy for some reason. If she didn’t like the main topic at hand, she would try to divert it to something else.

            Mino shrugged. “Thanks. It’s just a hobby, though. Anyway, y’all putting some posters up? Do you need help?”

            “Oh, yes! I really need your help putting it up there. Please, use your tall height for me.”

            A chuckle rumbled from Mino’s throat. “Will do.”

Seulgi remained in her position with the sunflower bouquet and portrait added to her mix. Her best friend and her long-time crush talking to each other and helping one another. It was a sight to see. Like it was so natural. Like one of them was meant to be her significant other. Like Irene.

This was what Seulgi envisioned. Had she been in a relationship with Irene, she would imagine her friendships with both Mino and Yura. Mino, being the massively taller one, would probably be the one to tease Irene about her short stature. He already did that enough for Seulgi and Yura, so Seulgi would think it’d be much worse for Irene. And Yura would most likely gossip about a lot of things with Irene given if the latter was into drama and related topics.

            But it was probably too good to be true.

            Irene was still in a committed relationship, and she was here. Waiting, but not really. Waiting for an opening, but also waiting for devastation.

            Irene was out of her league.

            Always had been.

            But…Seulgi decided she would come to terms with it.

            Maybe Irene wasn’t meant to be with her.

            Twelve years and going, and none of those years seemed right to initiate something more.

It’s okay.

But it’s not.

            Yes, it is.

            It’s not.

“I’m okay,” Seulgi muttered under her breath. Mino and Irene didn’t hear her, still putting up the last of the rolled tape onto the wall. “I’ll be okay.”

Nothing that she couldn’t handle before.

 

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Part two will come up shortly, I promise! And it'll get better, I promise!

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