“S-sorry.” I managed to muttered. “I-I shouldn’t l-let you see me like-e this-s” I said as I tried to calm myself down.
I felt Lay-hyung went by my side and handed me some water.

“No, I’m sorry that you went through all of those without us knowing.” He said, I looked up at him and although he was smiling sadly, I can see the glimpse of tears in his eyes. I looked around and saw the rest of the members trying to wiped their tears as well.

May it be the alcohol that I’ve consumed already acting or suddenly I have felt a heavy weight lifted up, I started laughing. Everyone turned to me, confused as to why I am laughing.

“Why?” I heard Chanyeol asked but little by little he started to laugh with me too. Baekhyun followed as well until all of us were laughing our asses off. We had a good couple of minutes laugh before the silliness left our body.

“S-sorry.” I said, wiping the tears not from pain, but this time from laughter. “And thank you, for not giving up on me. For not pushing me to tell you this, and for patiently waiting.” I sincerely told them with a smile.

“We have been through a lot together D.O.-ya. As what we are always shouting in our every greetings, ‘We are one’. We are family here.” Suho-hyung said.

“I just don’t want to burden you guys more. Also, I’m not sure how to handle it first. I want to talk about it but I also don’t want to. What just that after all these years, I still can’t bring myself to move forward. I saw myself change so much because of these. I admit, I became to afraid of being myself in front of everyone in public, I put my walls up – way too much. I’m just afraid that another wrong move and I would again lose someone close to me.” I sighed after that.

“Until one day, I woke up trying to figure out the person who I am when I look at the mirror. I become so afraid that I don’t know who I am anymore.” I continued as I turned to them and give them a sad smile.

“I cannot tell you anything to make you feel better, as I know you have been battling your inner demons, and that is a hard battle. But what I can say is that, it is okay not to be okay. You can do that around us. Please don’t close yourself up to us again.” Chanyeol said as he smile a little to me. Everyone else nodded their head in agreement.

“Thank you.” I sincerely said.

*

“D.O.-yaaaa” I heard my name being called.