The four-corner room where I currently am screams elegance and grandiose which was only a small portion of the eith hundred square meter condominium unit. Everywhere I look, I could see green- so so much green money littered everywhere that was used and spent in every square inch of the palatial home. But it was to be expected from someone who's globally well-known, the muse and ambassador of many premium brands and most especially, an international k-pop star.

I scanned my eyes all around the room, from the marble countertops, the spacious two door refrigerator that stood tall and proud in its shiny jet black finish with silver lining on its edges, the cutting-edge appliances that were once used every Friday night to cook something delicious after a long day of work, and the exquisite sherwin williams alabaster that color its walls gave life and warmth inside, making the food taste better and the company livelier.

Once. Everything I see used to keep my heart calm and my mind relaxed, but sadly, it doesn't anymore.

Instead, I could feel the coldness of the granite countertop seep inside my skin to the deepest, darkest part of me, making me shiver and cold- so so cold that I had to clench my fist to keep some warmth from escaping.

The once majestic refrigerator loomed near me, which made me feel that I am being watched and mocked with its beauty and height.

This four cornered wall made me feel that it's closing in on me, making my breathing ragged and my heart erratically beat against my rib cage, wanting to bolt out of it and escape this situation where I'm at.

My eyes settled on the wall, where I could see the color- oh gods. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and kept my eyes from quivering.

This paint color that I so loved much made me queasy and my skin crawl because it reminded of the time we chose that paint from thousands of options. Were we bickered and fought, but came to the decision to choose this muted yellow paint.

It was too long ago. The time where we were still okay.

The past where she was still clueless of how I feel.

The silence was broken when she whispered, "You're not-" she looked at me square in the eyes and sighed,"You're not supposed to, Chaeng..."

I looked down at my trembling hands and held in a breath to stop my tears.

You've held it for how many years already. Don't break down now. Like a mantra , I repeated these inside my head, trying to reign the last bits of sanity and control I have left in my body.

"Do you think I didn't know that?" I looked up, hurt. "Huh?"

"Chaeng..."

"Do you think I didn't know that? Feel it? Hear it? See it?"

Her silence was too much as she remained placid on where she stood. The look in her eyes was the last straw for my walls to break.

The waves of my emotions crashed, shattering every hold I had of myself. "Oh my god, Lisa! I'm not stupid! I know! Everyday for how many ing years, I'm reminded that I can't fall in love with you! That I shouldn't fall inlove with you!"

I in a breath, and with a lower voice, I spoke. "Years, Lisa. Years! I know... I knew that you wouldn't be mine no matter how much I try. So I know that. I really really do and I didn't act on it right? I didn't..."

My heart squeezed when she shook her head and tried to come closer to me, but I stopped her from taking a step further. "I'm just saying this now so that I could move forward too, you know. I just wanted to-"

However, her mind was set. She took a stride and reached for my hand but I flinched. The hurt in her eyes spoke volumes but I stood firm and evaded when she tried to reach for me again.

Don't make me crumble in front of you. Please. My walls are already broken so please don't show me sympathy. Don't, Lisa. Please. No.

"Chaeyoung... you know, I love you, right? I love you."

I smiled at her- at the person I would give my all; at my bestfriend, my soulmate, my band member. My everything.

I sadly smiled at her while taking a step back, creating the distance I needed to breathe. Or maybe I just wanted to get away from her. For once, I didn't want to be near her.

At this moment, I didn't know that I'll even think of wishing to have never met her. 

I wish I never went to that audition and didn't take the elevator at the same time she did so that I would've been spared from the agony of loving someone who couldn't love you back.

Couldn't take it anymore, I begged, "Lisa, please don't. Don't say those words to me now. Do you k-know how much it hurts? Do you have any idea- just... please. Stop." 

I was desperate and I didn't care if I looked pathetic and with my mascara or makeup running down my face. I just wanted to release all the pain and frustration inside me that I have no s anymore.

I was done of being the nice Rosie.

I was done pretending of being okay.

I was done of rooting for her.

I was done of everything that involved Lalisa Manoban.

I was just... done.

"But that's the truth. I do love you, Chaeng. I do."

When I looked at her deep brown eyes, I couldn't hold it back anymore. My tears fell and my sobs echoed in the hollow confines of my heart.

Her eyes screams the truth.

She loves me.

But that gave me no joy. Instead of making my heat soar in the sky, it pummeled in the ground and buried itself six feet deep.

I chuckled bitterly while wiping my tears away. Something bitter rose in my throat- enough to wrench my gut and make me feel sick and when I tried to swallow, it started to make me feel sick.

I realized that the one clogging my throat was the truth. The bitter truth that I was aware of but paid no attention to.

"That's the only love I can receive from you, right? You'd only love me as a friend. As a member. As your sister."

She didn't answer but her eyes gave it away when she averted her gaze.

I wanted to laugh again. I didn't know why but I just want to laugh and pretend that nothing of these ever happened. Brush it aside and disappear from her life with no baggage of unrequited love and probably having to lose my friends.

But I couldn't and I had to face this even it's too difficult and too hard for my already shattered heart.

Instead of laughing like an insane person that my mind so desired, I smiled bitterly. "Then that's love I don't want to receive from you. Please, just take it. Keep it. Forget about it. Throw it away but don't throw it in my face. That would be harsh, Lisa. And I can't take that. I can't."

When I caught sight of glistening tears cascading down her face, I didn't know my heart could break some more.

No. Don't cry for me, Lisa.

For the first time, she didn't mind her own tears and tried to wipe my own first. The small blossoming warmth inside my chest was immediately extinguished with her small whimper so I flicked her hand away and sighed.