Seungwan storms across the playground, her feet kicking up mulch behind her as she charged towards Joohyun sitting on one of the big kid's swings. “Joohyun!” She bellowed at the older girl before colliding with the full force of a tiny six-year-old. 

 

“Wannie!” Joohyun whined.

 

“Mommy said I can play with you all weekend!” Seungwan flashed her biggest smile.

 

Joohyuns small smile falters, she doesn’t really get a lot about the things grown-ups do but she’s heard her mommy and daddy talk about how Wannies parents have been fighting and aren’t happy. They said that her parents were thinking about a thing called “dee-force” but she doesn’t want to ask in case it's something really bad. Joohyun has also decided that this is, in fact, related to Wannies' increased time spent at her house and not the Sons. Her brows furrow, “Really?”

 

“Ya! We can color, watch movies, play on your really cool playset, eat candy…” Seungwan carries on with her long list of must-include sleepover activities. Seungwan is bouncing everywhere, her hands swinging to motion her various ideas, and Joohyun can just think about keeping Wannie happy and safe because that is her job--her grown-up job. Joohyun grabs Seungwan’s hand and leads her to where her mommy was talking to one of her classmates mommy. 

 

“Mommy! Mrs. Son said Seungwan can spend the whole weekend!” Joohyun declares walking up.

 

"Really?"

 

"Yes! I promise, right Wannie?" Seungwan nods.

 

"Okay, why don't you go help her get her stuff in the car while I finish talking to Jennie's mom."

 

Joohyun bows to Mrs. Kim and skips away with Seungwan still in tow. "This will be the best weekend ever," she assures Seungwan because if Seungwan is happy, she is happy. 

 

Fifth grade is cool. Joohyun gets to go to different classes for different subjects like middle schoolers do. She tells Seungwan all about her different teachers and how she has different classmates for each subject, and Seungwan hangs onto her every word. She listens carefully to every detail Joohyun shares about multiplying decimals, how she has to write whole papers for history or the cool books she reads at home. Fifth grade also gets to share the second floor with the fourth graders but feels like a different world from Seungwan who only switches teachers for art or P.E. 

 

"Hyunnie, I don't understand this math problem," Seungwan whines. She climbs over the table to see what Joohyun is working on while she waits for the older girl to give her attention and help. "What are you working on Hyunnie?" 

 

"I'm filling in different elements from the periodic table," Joohyuns answers without taking her eyes off her homework.

 

"Will I have to do this too?"

 

"Yup." 

 

"That looks difficult." 

 

"You'll be fine, Wannie. You're super smart." 

 

Seungwan's cheeks feel hot. "Thank you." 

 

Joohyun fills in a few more boxes, some that Seungwan recognizes like Neon and Potassium. "What don't you understand?" 

 

Seungwan returns to her seat, "We have to make a graph using points but my teacher is teaching us how to do it with fractions but on this one-" Seungwan points to the bonus question, "she wants us to solve a fraction and simplify." 

 

Joohyun looks over the problem, "well you have the right fraction… what's the problem?"

 

"I forgot how to put the fraction in the graph…" 

 

Joohyun hums, "this is just a bonus question though."

 

"Ya! But I want to get it!" 

 

"Okay!" Joohyun stares at the fraction in silence. 

 

"Hyunnie?"

 

"I don't want to give you the answer Wannie."

 

"B- but-"

 

"Did your teacher teach you how to?" 

 

"Yes! She said one of the numbers is x, and the other is y and I can't remember which."

 

Joohyun hums, "I like to remember one as up and the other as over. My teacher called it 'rise over run'."

 

"Rise over run?" Seungwan looks at Joohyun with furrowed brows.

 

"Yup!" 

 

"Like, rise is up?"

 

"Mhmm."

 

Seungwan concentrates on the problem. "I get it!" She declares, scaring Joohyun. "Rise is up which is the Y so run must be the over which is the X! So then the four is up and seven is over?" 

 

"Exactly!" 

 

Seungwan hugs Joohyun and then counts the squares, four up and seven over before sticking a big dot on the paper and drawing a not-so-straight line through it. "There."

 

"See, you're super smart Wannie!" 

 

Seventh grade is the worst. Teachers don't seem to care, her classmates don't seem to care, and Joohyun is in high school and often busy with homework. And her parents? Her dad is on business trips more than he is home. Her mom is always working, leaving Seungwan alone with her sister. When she's home she's tired or still working and never pays attention to Seungwan or her sister. Seungwan hates it. If they're both home? It's tense, they fight, and things are unhappy. Seungwan hates that the most, more than having no one around to love her. She spends as much time as she can with her sister, but she's in high school and busier than Joohyun so Seungwan spends more time at the Baes who treat her like family even if Joohyun is busy. 

 

Seungwan waits in front of the high school entrance for Joohyun to walk out. Most of the students have left, picked up, or walked home on their own. She knows Joohyun likes to talk to her teachers after before she collects her books and leaves. It takes fifteen minutes almost on the door every time but Seungwan doesn't mind waiting. 

 

As expected, Joohyun walks through the gates looking tired. Her eyes light up when she spots Seungwan and she walks a little faster. Seungwan skips over and collects Joohyun into a hug, "Hyun! You look tired." 

 

"I feel tired." 

 

Seungwan snorts, "you don't say."

 

Joohyun slaps Seungwan. "Shush, I had a paper due today and I spent almost all night reviewing it." 

 

Seungwan grabs Joohyun’s hand and begins walking. "You need to take care of yourself, Hyun." 

 

"But I have you?" 

 

Seungwan glances over her shoulder, "that's an awful reason--what if I'm not around?" 

 

"Hm, maybe I'll set reminders, but it wouldn't be the same?" 

 

"Hyun, I"m serious!"

 

Joohyun laughs and Seungwan can't help chuckling herself. "I know, Wannie, but I want to do well."

 

They walk in silence after. Seungwan takes in the clear sky and a light breeze that feels nice with the heat of late spring. "You'll always do well, Hyun. You always do." 

 

Joohyun squeezes her hand. 

 

Seungwan lays across Joohyuns lap, "Hyun!" She whines. "Hyun, I'm bored."

 

Joohyun shushes her and Seungwan stays sprawled across the couch and Joohyun. If Hyun won't pay attention, Seungwan will make her. It works, sort of. Joohyun runs her fingers through Seungwan's hair, her nails dragging along her scalp and lulling her into true relaxation. Seungwan closes her eyes and hums. "That feels really good, Hyun." 

 

"Ya?" 

 

Seungwan peeks up and Joohyun is watching her with a soft smile. "Ya…" 

 

Joohyuns eyes almost glaze over a few seconds and Seungwan can't quite place what the look is. "You okay, Hyun?"

 

"What?" Joohyun shakes herself out of her stupor. "Ya, ya I'm fine." 

 

"You doing okay?" 

 

"Of course, I'm with you," Seungwan flashes her biggest smile at Joohyun. Joohyun stiffens. Seungwan lays her head down and closes her eyes again, "You know I love you right?"

 

"E- excuse me?" Joohyuns cheeks are a bright red.

 

"You're my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you." 

 

"Y- ya, I- I- I love you too." 

 

Seungwan remembers the early days. The endless summers filled with laughs and mischief as she would drag Joohyun along on whatever crazy adventure she had thought up. The cooler fall that built up to Halloween and mountains of candy she would stash at the Bae's for later consumption. Winters where she would spend Thanksgiving and Christmas listening to tales about previous family gatherings, of running around in the snow while Joohyun would watch and ask when they could go back inside. Springs where the weather warmed up and rain became a daily occurrence that resulted in gutter dams, umbrella forts, and easter egg hunts. Seungwan remembers spending more time with Joohyun and the Baes than she does her own family. The safety they offered in the times where the Son’s household was filled with screaming or threats of divorce. Seungwan remembers the early days. 

 

Then Seungwan remembers the party. The proclamation that their "friendship" is a matter of circumstance. That Joohyun kept her around out of pity forced on her by her parents. Remembers vividly how Joohyun threw out the disastrous divorce like it made Seungwan all the more pathetic. An "ahahahaha, I heard it was a bad divorce. I could never imagine!" When Joohyun, in fact, knew exactly how messy it was. How her mother walked out and blamed the children, her father immediately picking up a girlfriend and being absent. The loss of their home and move into an apartment that couldn't even fit two, how Seungwan’s older sister left as soon as she graduated. 

 

Her tumultuous transition from middle school to high school became a gossip topic that put her on the outside before she even set foot on campus. Why her? She will never know. One student could rise up as a beacon of perseverance rallied by student support as their parents went through a divorce, another a persona-non-grata. There was no rhyme or reason to high school. 

 

It's a bitter aftertaste to fond childhood memories. Like the one bad apple that ruins the rest for the remainder of your life. The betrayal and the hollowing realization ruined any nostalgia she could have or hold. More than all, the phone number tucked away between her rows of books is a constant presence at the back of her mind. Out of sight and out of consciousness but never far enough away to not be an underlying discomfort to her post-high school routine.

 

Seungwan shuffles down the plane aisle behind the line of passengers. It's been six years since she graduated undergrad and traveled around the world. Six amazing years of adventure and hardship. She learned so much about other people, cultures, and herself. Some days and she had hard times, like job applications being rejected, but it taught her a lot and her past year spent in Paris for school at the Paris School of International Affairs has only strengthened those lessons. 

 

She kept in contact with a few friends from school but focused more on the friends she made throughout her travels. The one person she has kept closest is Yongsun, her third and fourth-year roommate. In the time Seungwan has been gone, Yongsun met Byul and Seungwan has come to value both of their chaos through their many calls and chats. So much so that they offered her the extra room they have in their house in Arlington while she attends Georgetown for her final years of her master's degree. Seungwan is only slightly afraid of being in the same house as them, relationship and inevitable awkward nights aside. 

 

The mid-December air is cold in Washington, the arrivals pickup of Dulles International offering little cover from the piercing winds that seem to never cease. Seungwan wraps herself tighter in her coat waiting for Yongsun to pick her up. She said her car is red but as Seungwan watches a good five red cars drive by in less than five minutes, she realizes that simply using color is futile and groans. It takes Yongsun thirty minutes to show up, spilling out of her car and enveloping Seungwan in a hug.

 

"It's so good to finally see you in person again! You look great! I know we talked but, gosh, you are just stunning in person. Those six years did you wonders."

 

 "Yong! I don't know if I should be insulted by that or not," Seungwan chuckles and returns the hug.

 

Yongsun steps back, "You know I'm right and that I don't mean it that way." Yongsun looks her over, "I never realized how long a short six years can be." 

 

Seungwan raises her brow, "that doesn't even make sense!" 

 

"Sure it does! Here, let's get these in the back and get on our way. Traffic will be a at this hour." 

 

Seungwan lets Yongsun drag her luggage around to the back while she tosses her carry-on over the passenger seat and settles into the warm interior of the car. 

 

Yongsun slides into the driver's seat, "So tell me everything!" 

 

Seungwan closes the door and kicks off her shoes. Her feet ache after a long day of running between her desk and the archives and back again to pull together enough data to build a negotiation strategy for the International law office of the Department of State. It's demanding work but rewarding, and required for her degree so she doesn't have much of an option. The prospect of working for a private firm or homeland security was simply unappealing. Not that she can afford to be picky, but she is fortunate.

 

Laughs echo from the kitchen-dining room causing her to jump. Byul had said an old colleague and friends were moving to the area and they had a planned reunion-sans-welcoming party planned but Seugnwan had figured that would be… not at their house. She sighs and makes her way through the foyer and living room and peaks around the door. Yongsun is leaning over the table trying to grapple a bottle from the person across while Byul tries to hold her back. The person next to the bottleholder keels over laughing along with the girl adjacent. The person sitting at the opposite end leans back with arms crossed, watching the chaos.

 

Seungwan coughs, "Hey!" She steps into the kitchen, "figured you guys would be out but I've got plenty of work to keep me busy while you all hang." She plays it casual, even as strangers still give her slight unease when in her own home. 

 

"Wannie!" Yongsun beames at her mid grapple. Byul peaks around the guest with a similar smile. 

 

"Seungwan! You're home early!" 

 

Seungwan rummages through the fridge for something to drink, "Eh, we got enough for the general outline for the negotiation that we were let off. Still plenty I need to sort through but that can wait. I have a defense to prepare for my human rights practical." Seungwan turns around from the fridge with orange juice in hand and freezes. Looking at her from the table is Joy, Katy, Seulgi, and Irene. Four people she had left far in her past and figured were an almost improbability in encountering ever again. Clearly, she was wrong.

 

"Wan, this is Seulgi. Ex-roommate and colleague." Byul gestures to Seulgi. "And these are Sooyoung, Yerim, and Joohyun. I met them through Seulgi during college!" Seungwan avoids looking at Joohyun and eyes the other three. Seungwan curses in her head. They’re all as surprised as she is which is a relief in some sense.

 

Seungwan is still processing when Sooyoung barrels into her. "oh!" she grunts.

 

"Do you… know each other." 

 

Seungwan looks between her old classmates. "We all... went to the same high school," Seulgi answers.

 

"That's great! What a small world!" Yongsun says, overjoyed that everyone present is familiar at least.

 

"I missed you, I should have kept trying," Sooyoung whispers. 

 

Seungwan extracts herself, "I- Uh. I should- work to do." She returns the orange juice and retreats to her room.

 

Yongsun slips into her room ten minutes after and sits on the bed behind Seungwan. "Take it you aren't friends?"

 

Seungwan sets her pen down and stares at her work. "Ya, something like that."

 

"We can have them leave? It's been hours already so really we wouldn't-"

 

Seungwan swings around in her chair, "It's fine, I'm busy so I won't be anywhere but my desk all evening." 

 

"We can not have them over in the evenings or-"

 

Seungwan appreciates the consideration, "Yong, it's fine. I just never thought I would see them again. I really don't mind, the past is in the past."

 

Yong walks to the door, "and Sooyoung?"

 

Seungwan sighs, "it's complicated." Yongsun leaves.

 

Things are quiet for the next week. If Byul or Yongsun meet up with any of them, it's never mentioned and never when Seungwan is home. Seungwan explains what happened to both over the weekend earning their sympathy but brushes it off because she's long moved on. It's between her and them and shouldn't affect their friendships. It's the middle of the following week when Sooyoung texts her.

 

hey

 

got ur number from byul

 

could we meet for lunch or smth

 

Seungwan stares at the messages for a long time and turns off her phone to focus on her work. She sits on the messages for hours, leaves them be until well in the evening when she's laying in bed and all she can think about is the question. 

 

Sure, I'd love to.

 

when r u free

 

The response is immediate and Seungwan chuckles.

 

Only on Saturdays really. Sometimes Sundays.

 

how bout this sat at busboys off 450 K 

 

does noon work

 

Sounds good to me. See you then, Soo.

 

Her messages are formal to an awkward degree, but Seungwan wants to keep a distance between them so as to not build up hopes. Whether hers or Sooyoung’s, she's not sure. 

 

Seungwans fingers tap the top of the small table as she waits for Sooyoung. She arrived a few minutes early but it has done little to alleviate the stress of the "reunion." She checks their messages a fourth time to make sure she got the right day, time, and place and then fiddles with her calendar for the week ahead. She takes a shaky breath and continues to wait. 

 

Sooyoung walks in ten minutes later, just long enough for Seungwan’s eyes to glaze over and her worries to drift away with her daydreaming. "Seungwan!?" Sooyoung bounds over to her table with Yerim in tow. 

 

Seungwan blinks a few times, "Joy, you brought Katy."

 

Sooyoung's brows furrow. "We share a place and she won't leave unless I make her." Yerim grumbles beside her.

 

"I see… please, sit." 

 

Sooyoung sits down, dragging Yerim with her, "it's been so long. I never thought I would see you again." 

 

Right, she should have figured it would come up. "That was the idea… leave it in the past. We were kids and stupid but-" she takes a deep breath, "leave it in the past." 

 

"We stopped talking to her!" Yerim blurts out.

 

"What?"

 

"We stopped talking to her after she graduated. I just thought you should know." 

 

Sooyoung speaks up, "But you didn't want to talk to us either… and the Seul-"

 

“Guys, please, it’s fine. You don’t- we don’t need to talk about it. It’s in the past. Let’s just leave it there,” Seungwan pleads. 

 

There’s a moment of awkward silence before Sooyoung speaks up again, “Of course… How have you been? What’ve you been up to?”

 

Seungwan clears , "I’m good, I guess. Busy with school and my externship, mostly." 

 

“So, what are you studying then?”

 

“International law at Georgetown.”

 

"Wow, that's great! I heard it’s a beautiful campus." Sooyoung states.

 

Yerim yelps when Sooyoung elbows her sulking friend, “Yes! That’s really cool Wan-” She frowns. “Wendy.”

 

"Thank you." Seungwan rubs the back of her neck, “It’s really nothing amazing. I’m sort of late compared to most people so it’s a little awkward.”

 

“Nonsense!” Sooyoung declares. “One is never late to something worthwhile.” 

 

Sooyoung's confidence brings back memories of high school when the younger girl was so sure of herself in everything even when wrong, it brings a small smile to Seungwans face. “Thanks,” She mumbles. “H- have you guys been good?”

 

“Eh, I work as a secretary because I couldn’t find a good job in the fashion industry,” Sooyoung shrugs.

 

“Because you’re picky and only wanted “the best”,” Yerim scoffs earning an elbow to her ribs.

 

"Yes, well, I still do some of my own stuff on the side and one day they’ll not just want but need me.”

 

"That sounds great, Joy."

 

Sooyoung's smile falters again, “You really don’t have to call me Joy. Please, it feels like we didn’t know each other when you do.”

 

“Sorry, Sooyoung. Yerim.” Seungwan smiles.

 

“Do not call me Yerim!” 

 

“Right, right!” Seungwan raises her hands in surrender, “Yeri.”

 

“Better,” Yerim grumbles.

 

“And what have you been doing, Yeri?”

 

“Working, duh?”

 

Sooyoung shoves Yerim, “Don’t be a brat.”

 

“Fine, I work as a systems control engineer for a company in Canada. I basically write programs to control the air conditioning but I’m the newest employee so most of my work is basic and small.”

 

“Still, that sounds really cool!”

 

“Not really, I prefer to work on my game engine but the game industry is so…” Yerim shrugs. 

 

"O- of course.” 

 

Sooyoung decides to order food and offers to pay for all of them, something that Yerim takes full advantage of. It’s a nice break to their getting to know each other again. As they continue to talk and share stories of their past years they all relax, acquainted, and comfortable like no time has passed. Sooyoung insists they make a habit of meeting for lunch, something Yerim is forced to agree with but not for her lack of desire to talk to Seungwan. So, despite her reservations, Seungwan has enjoyed catching up and the idea of maintaining some level of friendship with the two juniors. It helps that both agreed and all three left with smiles and hugs and promises to talk often.

 

Seungwan collapses on the sofa after a long day. Her fingers hurt from writing and her is sore from sitting on the world's worst chair. She wants nothing more than to lay down in a hot bath and fall asleep. It's been two months since she ran into Joohyun. She and Sooyoung talk often, the younger taking on the role of a little sister. Yerim seldom talks to her but Sooyoung says that it's because she gets lost in her "cave." But Seungwam finds herself thinking about Joohyun often in her free time. Reliving the good days, the happy moments, and thinking about the what-could-be's and what-if's of reuniting with her childhood friend. 

 

A loud knock at the front door pulls Seungwan from her thoughts. Standing on the front porch is Seulgi, cheeks red and eyes teary, "Seungwan! I didn't think you would answer."

 

"Seulgi? What are you doing here?"

 

Seulgi falls into hugging Seungwan, "I missed you so much. I couldn't stop missing you because you were always so nice to me like Joohyun before she dated- dated that ."

 

Seungwan is taken aback, "I, well, I'm sorry Seulgi." 

 

"T-then I saw you that one time and you seemed so different and then again and you are so… so grown up and look so confident and it made me sad because I missed being there but maybe you didn't think about me as a friend because I knew Hyun first and that made me more sad," Seulgi hiccups her way through the ramble.

 

"Are you drunk?" 

 

"Y- ya, I can't talk to Joohyun about this stuff…"

 

Seungwan hesitates before she ushers Seulgi inside and lays her on the couch, "I'm going to get you some water and toast, then I'll be back."

 

She's had a lot of time to forget high school, move on. At this point, thinking about Joohyun talking behind her back feels like a broken record but one she can't stop revisiting. But she has had a lot of time and while she doesn't want to broach anything with Joohyun, seeing Seulgi, Sooyoung, and Yerim after so long and all three reaching out… maybe it's just nostalgia speaking but Seungwan missed them too.

 

Seulgi wakes up mid morning to an empty house and sticky-note stuck to a glass of water.

 

Had class, Byul and Yong are visiting Byul's family. Feel free to hang around, I'll be back around 8 to talk about last night. 

 

Seungwan drags herself inside around eight-thirty. Seulgi is on the sofa watching tv with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. "You look tired."

 

"It'll be worth it. I'm doing this for a good cause." 

 

"We don't-"

 

Seungwan squints, "oh yes we are." 

 

"Yes we are," Seulgi repeats back. 

 

Seungwan sits on the couch next to Seulgi, "listen, it's been years, this topic feels like a broken record and I've had time to understand we were kids in high school. I closed you out for nothing and maybe shouldn't have, but we graduated and moved on and I figured I wouldn't see anyone again… I'm not mad at you, I missed you too a lot. So let's just… put it in the past and move on?" 

 

Tears run down Seulgi's cheeks, "Thank you!" She wipes her eyes, "does this mean we can hang out? That I can message you?" 

 

Seungwan chuckles, "of course, any time but no guarantee I reply–my schedule is crazy packed." 

 

Seulgi wipes away her tears again, "Thank you… I should go, Hyun is probably worried because I forgot my phone but, but thank you."

 

Seungwan pulls Seulgi into a hug, "you don't need to keep saying that."

 

Seungwan shows Seulgi out and makes her promise to not drink and show up sad and drunk on her doorstep again.

 

*****

 

"Does Wendy like you?" Becka asks.

 

"What?" Joohyun has to shout over the loud music.

 

"Does Wendy like you? Like, like-like?"

 

"Ya! You've gotta know? I mean, why else would you keep her around? She's not pretty and she's a huge geek and not the cute kind," Jessica says.

 

Josh saunter up carrying two red cups, ", you talking about the dyke?" 

 

"Ya, Wendy who sticks around Irene like a pest." Jessica turns to look at Joohyun, "I heard she that one theater girl… what’s her name? Taylor?" 

 

"ing gross, my parents said that people like that are mental." 

 

Their conversations swirl around Joohyun’s head. Seungwan? Liking her? They have it all wrong, but the things they're saying… it scares her. Makes her shrink inside and feel wrong because she is, her feelings are. They're wrong, all wrong. She likes Seungwan, maybe more than just liking. She can’t say that, she can’t tell anyone, and Seungwan? Seungwan will hate her, despise her even, and that they think she's the one with feelings. Seungwan deserves better. 

 

Joohyun shrugs, "I'll be back!" She retreats to grab another drink. She has to do something to protect her best friend…

 

"Isn't her real name like Song something?" Becka is still talking about Seungwan when Joohyun returns.

 

"Ya, Sing-song or whatever?"

 

"You mean Seungwan?"

 

"Seungwan? Is that her name? Doesn't she go by, like, Wendy or something?" Carly asks joining the conversation after finishing a round of beer pong with her boyfriend.

 

"Don't you hang out with her?" Carly's friend Stephanie asks, handing Carly a joint.

 

Carly takes a hit, "She's so weird!" Becka and the other girls agree.

 

Joohyun panics. “Oh god no, and yes. I only keep her around because I basically have to. Family thing,” Joohyun says. The girls all laugh.

 

"Hey, isn't that-" Becka points over Joohyun’s shoulder. There, in the doorway is Seungwan, wide-eyed as she overheard more than enough of the conversation. Joohyun crumbles on the inside but she can hear the girls cackling as she runs away. 

 

"!" 

 

", she's gonna tell on Rene," Carly snickers ask Joohyun charges after.

 

"Seungwan!" Joohyun catches her outside the house but there’s a gathering of students watching them after the scene she caused chasing Seungwan down.

 

Joohyun sits up gasping for air. Again, another nightmare. Another night reliving mistakes that haunt her. It had gone away in the past few years, she was able to accept that she messed up and move on after Seungwan never text or called, but seeing her again? Having her waltz back into her life looking so put together, so sure of herself… Joohyun believes this is her punishment. 

 

She's wanted to talk to someone about it but Sooyoung and Yerim have refused since high school and made their thoughts very clear on the matter, and Seulgi… Seulgi has cried about missing what she felt like was her best friend and soulmate even though they were just getting to really know each other. That would leave Yong and her girlfriend, but they don't know how horrible she was and she doesn't want to relive the shame again--more so than she already is. 

 

Joohyun curls her knees up to her chest and groans. She knows that they all are talking to Seungwan again too, even if they try to hide it. She needs to talk to Seungwan, even if it's the last time. One more chance.

 

*****

 

Seungwan hears the faint ding of the doorbell through her door. Yong and Byul didn't say anything about guests but it must be a surprise visit which is not an uncommon occurrence. Seungwan shrugs it off and returns to her homework, set to finish her prosecution for trade violations. 

 

"Wanda!" Yong’s shrill voice pierces even the door and Seungwan winces. It sounds urgent and Seungwan has no clue who or what would need her at this time of night. She rolls her eyes, assuming it may just be food Yong assumed she could force upon her and trudges down the stairs.

 

"What did you need?"

 

"You have a guest." 

 

Yong’s voice is tense and has Seungwan looking into the living room where Yong is wrapping a towel around someone sitting on the couch. It feels like all the air has been out of her when the guest glances over her shoulder and turns out to be Joohyun. Her Joohyun. A tired, weary-looking Joohyun who hasn't slept in days and is soaked to the bone from the downpour outside. Yong gives Seungwan a pointed look that has her stumbling into the living room. 

 

"J- Joohyun, what are you doing here?" She stops by the arm of the couch and hovers. Joohyun’s eyes are glassy and distant.

 

"I wanted to see you." Her voice is small and coupled with her pathetic state, makes Seungwan’s heartache. "I wanted to know if you are doing well?" 

 

If she's doing well? Seungwan’s mind is racing to understand why Joohyun would want to know or care. She looks everywhere but at Joohyun, "Ya, I'm- I'm doing well," She sees Joohyun nod out of the corner of her eye and they lapse into an uncomfortable silence. Seungwan fidgets in place under the watchful eyes of Joohyun.

 

"Are you cold? You must be cold. Let me get you dry clothes. Come with me." Seungwan turns on heel and makes her way to her room assuming Joohyun has complied and followed without question.

 

Seungwan finds old sweats that should fit and hands them to Joohyun who stands just inside her room looking out of place and unsure if she is allowed to be there. Seungwan walks across the room and opens the door along the left wall, "you can use my bathroom."

 

Joohyun nods again and stumbles into the small bathroom clutching the clothes leaving Seungwan to stew on her confusion while she waits. It takes longer than expected and Joohyun almost trips stepping back out. "Thank you," she says with a slight slur Seungwan hadn't noticed before.

 

"Hyun, are you drunk?"

 

Joohyun looks up with wide eyes, "y- you called me Hyun!" 

 

"I- that's not the point!" Seungwan guides Joohyun over to the bed and helps her sit down. 

 

Joohyun’s brows furrow in what looks like frustration, "it's the only way I could talk to you without being 'fraid." 

 

Seungwan kneels down on the floor, "what do you mean afraid?"

 

"That you wouldn't talk to me." 

 

"Why do you want to talk to me?"

 

"Because you're my best friend. I miss you."

 

"You miss me?"

 

"Yes…" Joohyun lays down and closes her eyes. "I love my Seungwannie, like in 'way Becka said," Joohyun mumbles. 

 

"What?" Seungwan is more confused but Joohyun is snoring into her pillow. She sighs and finds her phone on her desk. It rings a few times, "Seul?"

 

"Wan? Why are you calling so late?" 

 

"Joohyun is passed out on my bed drunk?"

 

"What!? She said she was hanging out with friends?"

 

"She showed up looking like a kicked puppy, soaked through and sad. Can you pick her up?" 

 

"I'm spending the night at Soo's though." 

 

"," Seungwan mutters under her breath. "That's- that's fine. I'll sleep on the couch-"

 

"No, Wan, if you really need me to-"

 

"No, no. It's fine, I need to talk to her about some things she said when she is sober anyways."

 

Seulgi is silent for a few seconds, "Sober Hyun misses you more than drunk Hyun."

 

"This has happened before?" 

 

"Yes, a few." 

 

"Seul, I can't-"

 

"Just listen to her, one more time. She's a big girl and can handle whatever but just let her talk before you cut her out for good, okay?" 

 

Seungwan huffs, "okay, fine, but I have questions for you too, then." Seungwan groans after she hangs up. She peeks back in her room to check on Joohyun who is curled up and sound asleep on the bed, then steps back out. She needs to make another call. 

 

"Wan? Why are you calling me so late? Her sister asks.

 

"I need help." She hears the sound of rustling sheets. 

 

"What's wrong?"

 

Seungwan walks down the steps and steps outside onto the front porch. She watches the rainfall on the sidewalk. "If someone who burned a friendship with you way back in high school came back and wanted to talk, would you let them?" Her sister is silent, "hello?"

 

"No? Why would I? They burned me and that's that, they didn't value our friendship before so what changed?" Seungwan takes in her sister's words, understands them, but it feels wrong, "Wan?" 

 

"W- what if they have though? What if they know they were wrong?" 

 

"That's up to you then. You can hear them out if you want but if they only say something like "I didn't mean it," then walk away. I wouldn't give them the time of the day though, but you do you."

 

"Thank you, Seunghee…"

 

"You should call more."

 

"I'll try."

 

"Mom too."

 

"I don't want to talk to her."

 

"I can't force you. Just, she really loves you and would love to talk." 

 

Seungwan’s brows furrow, "isn't this the same as the thing I just asked? Why should I talk to her when you said not to yourself!?" 

 

"She's family!" 

 

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

 

"So you're Christian now?"

 

"No! But families can be made and stronger than those you're born to."

 

Seunghee sighs, "Wan, it's your choice, just trust your instincts, go with your gut." 

 

"Ya, okay, thanks."

 

"I love you."

 

"Ya… I love you too, sis." Seungwan lets her head fall back against the wall of the house. Her sister answered her question but it didn't make her choice any less difficult or confusing; her gut is confused on what to do so how should she trust that? She watches the rain for a little longer to clear her head then checks on Joohyun one last time before collapsing on the couch. 

 

Seungwan has a hard time falling asleep, the choice between hearing Joohyun out and not pulling her mind in every direction. The sofa is also lumpy and hard and no position she tries is comfortable. She falls asleep at some point though because she wakes up to the sound of cooking in the kitchen and the smell of bacon. 

 

Yongsun is busy frying bacon on the stove while Byul flips pancakes, both in comfortable silence when Seungwan walks in. "Why're you making breakfast?"

 

Yongsun turns and looks past Byul, "why were you passed out on the sofa?"

 

Seungwan frowns, "I asked first."

 

"You were on the sofa and obviously something happened last night so…" 

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Byul chimes in.

 

"Are you- you're bribing me with food in the morning!" 

 

Byul looks to Yong and then back, "no…" 

 

"You are and I don't want to talk about it." Seungwan seats herself at the island and watches the two work. Yong hands her a cup of coffee at some point and then a plate of bacon and pancakes before joining her while Byul stood on the other side with her own plate of food. 

 

"Whatever it is, as your friends, we care and if you need help, just ask," Yong says. Seungwan hums back and focuses on her food.

 

Joohyun enters the kitchen as Seungwan sits down with a second plate of food, "Oh, I uh," she blinks a few times, "morning I guess." Joohyun looks a little worse for wear and hovers by the door connecting the front room and kitchen.

 

"Come in Hyun, we made breakfast." Yong waves her in. Joohyun looks to Seungwan first and is given a small nod.

 

"That's- thank you," she accepts a plate from Yong who went about serving her guest and sat next to Seungwan. No one brought up her sudden appearance or the elephant in the room for which Seungwan is grateful. She assumes Joohyun is as well and that she is also hesitant about the fact they do need to talk about "it." 

 

The talk comes sooner rather than later. Yong drags Byul out of the house for shopping and leaves the two alone to have whatever it could be called. Seungwan offers to let Joohyun shower and to clean her still damp clothes from last night but even the small stall delays the talk for a short time and Joohyun sits on the couch while Seungwan perches herself on the edge of their large swivel chair. 

 

"So… last night?"

 

"I'm sorry," Joohyun blurts out. "It was wrong, I was drunk and shouldn't have done that."  She looks everywhere but Seungwan.

 

"Do you really miss me?" 

 

"Of course, of course I miss you. Seungwan--What I did was wrong. It's been years but I was wrong. I think about it a lot. You don't need to hear it now that it's been almost ten years, but I was stupid and selfish… I- I-"

 

"I get it. We were- we were young and dumb. I was angry and held it against you for so long. I've missed you too but I've felt guilty for it because I shouldn't. I shouldn't but I do and I guess now it all seems stupid in hindsight. I just… we obviously have mutual friends so we will see each other so I just want to put it in the past and move on." Joohyun looks sad when Seungwan focuses on her at the end of her diatribe. Wistful and like she has something to say.

 

"I would like that too," she says instead and Seungwan can't help but feel like she's missing something.

 

"Good." Seungwan stands up and walks over to Joohyun with her arms open. Joohyun stands up to accept the hug, "I missed you, Hyun." 

---

This ended up longer than planned... but the words do as they desire and I just follow. LHC is nearing its own completion months later but getting it right matters most to me. In the meantime, I have a few more pieces I've written as practice or test forms for LHC that will be going up at some point.

As per usual, thank you to J for being my beta and suffering through screenshots of at least five versions of this story.