SIWON

 

I've made her cry again and I hurt her feelings. How cruel of me. But Eun Ae, I know I'm not completely matured yet that's why I make mistakes and wrong things. But please don't label me or judge me or even write me off just for that. It's just that I make a few more mistakes than others. But how can I explain it to her if she only tells me to go to sleep? Eun Ae, I can't sleep when you're still mad at me. It's not right. I can't afford to lose my sister, my best friend, my cheerleader. She did everything for me to be happy. I appreciate all her efforts for me. The way she helped me propose to my girl friend, the way she cheers me up when I'm down, and when she helps me with my homework. I need her. But because of my words, I will lose her eventually.

 

"Eun Ae, nevermind. I won't interfere with you anymore. I just hope you would forgive me someday. I'm so sorry."

 

The reason why I can't love her is because I don't want to lose a friend like her. For example, once we broke up, it will take a long time for us to go back as best friends. And I am also confused with my feelings right now. I don't think I love her more than friends, but I can't stand being away from her. I love Hana, and I love her too.

 

I sent her another set of "sorry" and "please forgive me" text messages. Please don't go.

 

I don't know what to do. I want to be with my best friend. I don't want to lose her like the way I lost my lovers back then.

 

SIWON, ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH EUN AE? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! HAHAHA. :)) Just kidding. :p

 

I sent Eun Ae a long text message and it goes like this,

 

"Lee Eun Ae, I'm so sorry for all the bad things I've done to you. I know you won't be able to forgive me. I hope I was able to make you happy whenever you're sad even if I'm so corny and boring. I remember last time when we used to kick and push each other. I wanted those things to happen again, but I guess those are just part of my memories with you. I don't want to do this, but I need to. I will stay away from you because I don't want you to be hurt because of me. That's how important you are, Eun Ae. I won't annoy you anymore. I hope you would be able to bring with you our memories together. Thank you for everything especially for loving me and being a good girl inspite of hurting you. I will always treasure your words of wisdom as my sister, admirer and as my best friend. Sorry once again. Goodbye."

 

Your EX, Choi Siwon. Your happiness.

 

WILL CASEY FORGIVE HIM AFTER THIS? :((

 

BACK TO YOU, EUN AE! :DD

 

EUN AE

 

As I read that message, I cried. Yes, I cried. I burst into tears when I read that message. I didn't know how important am I to him. But is it really true? Or is it just a joke? But on the contrary, he won't waste his time typing those things if it weren't true, right?

 

"Before you go. Answer my questions."

 

Siwon answered quickly, "Sure, Eun Ae. :(("

 

I bursted all my emotions because I can't take it anymore.

 

"WHY DIDN'T YOU ACCEPTED MY GIFT DURING OUR GRADUATION?? WHY DIDN'T YOU DANCED WITH ME DURING OUR PROM? AND WHY WERE YOU MAD AT ME WHEN SOME RANDOM STRANGER ASKED IF YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND?! WHY SIWON?! YOU CAN'T ANSWER, CAN YOU? YOU HATE ME, YOU THINK I'M UGLY THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT MEE DIRECTLY! WHY DO YOU NEED TO MAKE ME MISERABLE??!"

 

Siwon doesn't love me, but I still have feelings for him. I tried to stay away, but everything reminds me of him. From the songs on the radio to my stuff. Why does it hurt so much?!

 

I get it. You won't love me no matter what I do. Just tell my heart to stop. I tried, but I can't. It hurts Siwon. It's killing me softly.