Forbidden Sentiments Final Chapter: Zaijian, Siwon.

Forbidden Sentiments

AT LAST! THE FINAL CHAPTER! I can't believe I was able to finish the entire novel in one week! :) It's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! :)) 

 

EUN AE

 

I kept all those things in a safe place and I won't look at those things unless I moved on. I've already said goodbye several times and it's time to do something about it. He'll continue with his life and have a strong relationship with his girlfriend Hana and I will start over once college life starts. It won't be easy, but if I don't start right now, what do you think will happen to me?

 

I called the boys to help me before I go. I explained and told them the whole story and I asked them to give the CD on my behalf. Leeteuk oppa agreed and they hugged me and told me to take care. I'm going to miss the gang. The smart and student council vice president Ryeowook, Yesung the musician, Kibum the English boy and Changmin, my jock crush back when I was still 12. If you're wondering if I'm going to miss Siwon, yes I will. And the rest of Super Junior including Henry oppa and Zhoumi oppa

 

I'm going to give the CD to Travis not to reconsider my feelings for me, but to tell him it's time. It's time for us to end this. It's time for me to move on. And it's time for him to realize that he had just lost a girl who loved him the most.

 

I will let go of the bad memories. I must accept the fact that we're not meant to be, that someone out there is waiting for me. I just didn't find him yet. It's not yet the time. I know God will lead him to me someday, whoever he is. Unfortunately, it isn't Siwon.

 

Acceptance. That's the first stage of moving on. If you can't accept what happened, then no moving on will occur.

 

When Siwon and I met, it was unexpected. We were cat and dog, Tweety and Sylvester, Tom and Jerry and water and oil. We always tease each other. There was a time that he even made fun of me when he was pissed. I accept and let go.

 

When he was upset and asked him for advice, he said, "Why can't you just solve it yourself?! I'm not a counselor!" without regret. I accept and let go too.

 

During our prom, I wore the best gown, put make up on, styled my hair and wore high heeled shoes.It was a totally different me and I didn't even recognized myself. But hell, he didn't noticed it. He danced with almost all the girls except me. I wanted him to be my last dance. I cried for 48 hours and I ruined my make up. I let it go without explanations. He told me the reason, but it's not an excuse.

 

Whenever I text him "Good morning, Siwon! :)" and encouraging messages, he will just ignore it. He'll only text me when his girl friend isn't around. Eun Ae, let it go.

 

The times he made me cry are so many that I lost count already. Everything about me and him could've been great if it weren't for those things. Well, this is reality. No fairy-tale endings.

 

I slept and prayed to God that everything will be okay. Siwon, before I sleep, I want to sat THANK YOU, I'M SORRY, I LOVED YOU AND GOODBYE. Tomorrow will be a glimpse of a new dawn.People might expect me to say a lot of bad words about him, but I had enough. Nothing will change no matter how I do bad things. All the memories we left behind will be thrown away, but never our friendship. I will be fine.

 

The next day, my girls and I went to the airport. Tears ran down my cheeks as I open my passport and VISA. I waited for the plane as I cry and promise to myself that this will be the final teardrop for Travis. No one deserves my tears except for the one who loves me so much.

 

I shed my last teardrop and I won't let my heart suffer this much again. I will let it heal for a long time until I gather the courage to love again. I'm open for friendships with him, but not now. Maybe someday. 

 

A few minutes before boarding, I send him a "GOODBYE" text message. Afterwards, I switched my phone off, threw my old sim card and replaced it with my roaming number. I entered the plane, sat beside Sooyoung, wiped my tears and left.

 

That's it. Our story. It was full of drama. It's time to move on and accept everything. Sometimes, the person you wanted to be with, is the one you're best without. Loving a person is a challenge. You change and give your all, but it's up to the person whether he'll love you back or leave you broken. When you fall in love, listen to your heart, but don't abnegate your mind.Never make the same mistake again. I know it's painful to love someone who has someone else especially when you've tried to ignore the feelings. Worse, if that someone made you feels as if you're someone special but never be loved.

 

I AM STRONG AND I LEARNED MY LESSON. LISTEN TO YOUR HEART EUN AE, BUT DON'T ABNEGATE YOUR MIND. I am strong. I can do this. Time will come. Until we meet again.

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