SIWON

 

"Eun Ae, you have such a low self esteem. Do you think your umma will be happy if she knew everything about this?"

 

I've done a very bad thing to my best friend. I didn't know that she became bitter and insecure because of me. But what can I do right now? I'm confused with my feelings. How do I pretend that I don't miss you when I've never wanted anything or anyone as bad as I want you? I can't lose you. I don't want to. I can't.

 

Damn. Why didn't you tell me earlier that you're in love with me?! Is it really my fault? How should I know that you feel that way? I can't just fall in love with you, you know.

 

BUT I CAN. IF I WANTED TO. But it isn't right. I thought Eun Ae was still in love with Changmin back then. If it weren't for Tiffany and Jessica, I wouldn't know that she likes me.

 

"Eun Ae, let's start over. I'll be Eun Ae, you'll be Siwon. I will fill all the emptiness in you."

 

I don't know how, but I will do my best. I won't lose you, Eun Ae. If only you knew that I realized that whenever you stay away from me, the more value you are to me. I don't know, but I guess I can't be without you.

 

Eun Ae replied, "How can you do that when you can even love me?"

 

I was getting exasperated with her. But I can't complain. This is all my fault.

 

"Did I said that you're not important? You're the only one who's thinking that way."

 

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE IMPORTANT?!

 

She didn't respond so I typed another message.

 

"Sorry Eun Ae. Please understand me. Why didn't you tell me before those things? You told me the truth when it's too late. You even asked me those kind of questions knowing that I'm taken and in love with someone else. If you told me everything, then I must have reconsidered you."

 

DANG, CANCEL CANCEL! Oh darn it. Reconsider? That was too harsh of me.

 

"Maybe it's hard for you to love me, Siwon."

 

I LOVE YOU. But you want us to be more than friends. But I only want you to be my best friend for us to be happy. No strings attached.

 

"No. It's not hard. You're the only one who's making it difficult. You have a lot of conditions, you want a lot of assurances. If you want to be loved, then do your best and face every challenge. Don't be afraid to get hurt."

 

I don't want to lose my friends. How 'bout you Eun Ae? Do you want me to leave? :( If you leave, it'll hurt so much. No one will make me happy when I'm sad anymore. Even if you're like that, you never fail to make me smile. That's the reason why I wanted us to be friends because I will miss everything when you're gone. It's more fun when you have a friend like you. I want my cheerleader best friend. :(