EUN AE 

 

I was speechless again. It hurts so much, I don't know what to say. My graduation gift for him was significant for me because I WORKED HARD FOR IT. It was a video compilation of what happened to us in the past few months. I even learned how to edit videos and stayed up all nigh just for that. Not minding the eyebags and stress. And that's what I'll get? I tried to understand, but it was unbearable.

 

I didn't text him back yet. I was waiting for him to answer all my questions just for me to stop looking like an idiot. But when he answered it, these are the only words that came out of my mouth.

 

"I'll back off so you can live better." Yes, it's a title of a song, but I can't think of anything. I'm numb and confused. It's a short sentence, but it tells him everything.

 

It's exasperating to think that ignoring the one you love will hurt you more than it will hurt him. It's hard, isn't it? Especially when you love him so much. Anyway, this is what he said in reply.

 

"Eun Ae, I'm sorry. Staying away from me is neither a choice nor an option. I recall when you said that you won't leave me. And whenever I'm down and angry, I think the same way. But you always tell me that IF IT'S NOT OKAY, IT'S STILL NOT THE END."

 

Seriously? He still remembered that? Well, what he said was true. But right now I want to gather the opportunity to know the truth before I leave.

 

"Am I important or just needed?"

 

He became mad afterwards. I maybe I was asking that question for like a hundred times.

 

"IF YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT, THEN WHY DO I SPEND TIME ASKING FOR YOUR TIPS AND ADVICE?! AND IF YOU'RE NOT IMPORTANT, WHY DO I STILL KEEP ON TEXTING YOU?!!!"

 

He was straight to the point even if he's mad.

 

"And please, stop being sad. I appreciate everything, okay? I'm not the type who would abnegate those things. That's effort and I can feel what you feel when you're being rejected. It hurts. You know how guys are. They aren't showy. Eun Ae, how many times do I have to tell you that you're important? I love you. As a friend, as a sister. And you're my best friend, right? Do you think it's possible for me to ignore and forget you?"

 

Well, to tell you the truth,I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid that you'll forget me more than I should forget you. What if in the future, our paths cross and you don't remember me anymore? Or much worse, you'll remember me only as the girl who was an idiot to love a guy like you. I don't want that to happen.

 

"You love me. It feels good to hear it from you, Siwon. But until when? Tomorrow, the next day, we'll fight again. It's not you, it's me. No love is enough for me, not even yours. I'm so insecure."

 

I used Kim Chiu's line in Paano na Kaya to tell him how I feel. All day I've been wanting to see your face. I can't seem to focus on anything. You're my best friend, but you can never be my boyfriend. I don't know what to do right now. Please forgive me for loving you this much. I can't help it. No matter how I try, I'll guess I'll always stay in love with you.

 

AWW, HOW SAD. :((( Is this the end?? :((

 

TO BE CONTINUED.. :p