Dreams Are My Reality
Have you ever had a crush on someone and told no soul about it because one, you were embarrassed about it; two, you should not be crushing on the said person; and three, because you know it will never work out so you just wallow in self-pity until it dies out?
I was in the third category and my crush was a certain senior whose name I did not know, whose identity was a mystery to me, and who as heck did not know about my existence. And yet I was crushing on him and no one knew about it except for me. Not even my diary got a whiff of it because I know my friends read them.
It so happened that I saw him in the library once upon a time and this brooding boy with a deep frown on his otherwise poker face literally stole my heart and pocketed it. Since then, I have been stalking him with my eyes too afraid to even turn my whole face to his general direction.
He was perfection and so were his friends and probably their girlfriends. This guy seemingly talked to no one and looked at no one, except for his group of friends, and for some weird- reason gave a cookie point – a huge cookie at that. I don’t know why but I started fantasizing that I become the only person he starts to look at, starts to love… and I literally melted.
He was a lover I wanted, the kind who was mature and lovely and such a gentleman.
I mean I did not know him and the person on my mind was only a fantasized version so I knew that I had to put myself in my place and not step out of it if I did not want my fantasy to ever crumble or be an embarrassment in this huge college. Besides I liked my own peaceful life a little too much to even work on it. And most importantly, I was a lazy .
But that did not stop me from signing up for a college trek only because he was going, in the guise of aiding my friend. Trust me when I say I would never normally do this because I said once and I say it again – I am a lazy .
On that fateful day, armed with two bottles of water on my tiny sack I was ready to gain more knowledge about my crush and perhaps even a snap making it look like a photobomb but I was still in no way willing to even go talk to him nor was I willing to tell any of my friends. He was way out of my league and I would just laugh at myself for being delusional.
Besides, as sad as it sounded, I was satisfied with whatever fantasies I had generated for that nameless gorgeous guy. I did not actively try to seek out his name or what his blood type and name and everything was... simply because I was lazy but I was also not that crazy.
But on that day, I wanted to spend my time basking on his perfection.
My tiny friend hauled a sack unto her tiny back and I felt a tinge of guilt for carrying only two bottles of water but I simply shrugged knowing it was her who forced me to sign it. She was also from the same year and their department was going for a compulsory trek but others could come if they want. For sure a lazy like me would not go but since I was the only free one, I was the only option.
She had begged me to sign up for it and had already bribed me with so many things but it was only when I saw him signing it, I acted like I was giving it a thought and agreed with the bribes including three more. Needless to say, I killed several birds with just one stone.
And so that was the reason why she was carrying all the snacks as well as my jacket which was wrapped around her torso and my scarf which was in the huge- back bag.
My friend, her name was Jisoo by the way, was blabbering about something but I was too busy trying to get a glimpse of my crush.
He looked H.O.T. in the best way possible. The sun was beating down on us and we were all hot but he made me feel even hotter. This guy was impossibly good looking and you should believe me because I am the pickiest person when it comes to men.
He was tall and lean with the perfect eyebrows to his gorgeous set of eyes that were ever in a frown. He had a gorgeously straight nose and a pair of pink lips to seal the deal. And have you ever seen such a jawline? Goodness, gracious me. That man is an abomination to my heart.
He was in a simple get-up for the trek i.e. a hat, a loose tee, and jean with some expensive looking trekking shoes or whatever. There was also a sunglass hanging on his shirt and a jacket wrapped around his torso. As usual, he was standing behind his small friend who resembled a puppy and admittedly equally gorgeous but right now I was blinded by the taller man, so move aside puppy.
I nod my head to my friend, smoothly coming back to the one-sided conversation she was having, now that I was satisfied with what I saw. I hid my smile and my happiness and frowned at my friend who gave me a timid smile.
“Let’s have fun today,” I broke into a smile unable to keep it inside stunning my friend who gave me a weird look but in a second turn into a cherry smile, hugging me tightly. I felt a tiny bit of guilt but I was also doing this for her so might as well enjoy her gratitude.
The day started well. The bus ride was fun with us chattering like some wild parrots… well she chattering while I listened with a laugh or a nod or a gasp.
Jisoo was taking up botany so I was now sure that even my crush was taking up this course. She was actually taking an advanced class no wonder she was a classmate with my crush. I could easily ask her about him but that would mean exposing myself so I decided to keep it inside.
Wait. Was that guy even a senior? I am sure he is a senior because there was a guy in my department who is in his group and he is a senior to me by two years. I also take some advanced classes so I see him in class once or twice a week.
I hope he was a senior because if my crush was my age… ew… no way. I hated young guys and guys my age means babies.
We reach before I could get bored of Jisoo’s chatter. She was sweet and everything but she could talk . I and Jisoo along with Lisa were roommates. We were all from different majors but we clicked really well.
“Okay. The place is on point.” I say with a snap of my finger as soon as I step out making Jisoo nod her head rapidly. Today I know for sure she was not going to say anything against me. I mean, it was a holiday and holidays are rare, rarer than Lisa’s steak in our college and she eats them almost raw. Yuck!
The place was enough to make me happy about my choice of coming, crush, or no crush. Greens were abundant in there and judging from the way the smooth valleys rolls, there will be streams somewhere in there and I was a crazy fan of pebbled streams much more than I loved sleep and that was saying something.
“I hope we come across a stream. Please.” We step away from the bus and came towards the professors along with the guides.
Jisoo nodded her head excitedly. “We’ll be studying some water-based plants as well so definitely.”
I silently gave a celebratory fist at that making Jisoo giggle, happy that I was getting into it. This momentary fangirling about streams made me forget about my crush but was soon reminded when he and his friend came to join the circle directly opposite of where I stood.
I froze involuntarily and tried my best to keep my focus on the moving mouth of the guide whose words made no sense to me. He was talking in some weird- science terms anyway. I was not a science fan although if I ever took up anything in the science field, I’d probably have gone for astronomy so botany or biology was even more way out of my league than that crush of mine was.
It was torture for me staying frozen in one spot for five minutes or eternity, under the blazing hot sun right in front of my salad, I mean crush. It was hard because I could not not look at him nor could I focus on anything else. It was the first time I had ever stood anywhere near his direct view so to say it was uncomfortable was an understatement. Okay, not like he was even looking at me, to be honest… just, you know… some things.
Anyhow after that torture was done away with, our trek finally begin.
It was boring. So boring I was yawning and wishing I never came. Right now I did not care about my crush anymore because all I could think of was my bed… my sweet bed. My darling. My one and only. And to think I ditched my gorgeous bed for someone with skin and bones. Ugh. I was a terrible cheater.
It was around mid-day when I just had to take a nap or I would collapse so Jisoo took me to a small shed built there with a small wooden bench. Taking off my rucksack, I slumped down and blanked out.
Remember how I said I was lazy? Yeah. A lazy person generally has low energy and so I was exhausted. I don’t remember how long I slept – 2 minutes? 2 hours? Only God knew and cared but then by the time I was up and yawning as I stretched my body, the only thing that greeted me was the chirping of birds.
The sun was still high up and I sigh a breath of relief. Perhaps they would come this way again later on so there was no problem at all. I could just wait and pass the time dreaming about a date with my crush on this very place or play with my phone.
Yeah, I rather play with my phone.
To my horror, my phone was nowhere with me. I slapped my forehead hard knowing that my phone was with Jisoo. She wanted my phone because it had a better camera to take pictures of the plants.
What on earth do I do then? Smiling a tired , tense smile at the ground, I wish it would just swallow me up for some hours before they come back. What on earth should I do? There was no sign of life for as long as I can see. There was only a small pathway from there and I know that maybe if I follow that path, I can go back and wait on the bus.
Maybe I could just do that.
However, before I could even move, a sound sends a shiver down my spine. It was a human-like, animal-like groan.
A rustling of leaves and something big approaching from the jungle just some feet from where I sat scared the out of me. I nearly screamed and stood up all ready to dash whichever direction as soon as I see whatever was coming.
However, the scream which was at the back of my throat constricted itself as soon as the ‘animal’ appeared panting and gasping for air.
It was my crush. And he was near me… with no one around. My heart thumped wildly in my chest from the previous scare that I had been in as well as because of the new feeling of nervousness.
Man. If this is not the ultimate fantasy, what is?
I watched him silently as he panted some more standing up and dusting his shirt and hands. He seemed puzzled as he looked around him and seemed glad that he had come to a path at least.
Was he lost?
Of course, it wouldn’t be long till he noticed me but when he did, he jumped a little raising his arms in a defensive mode which made me want to laugh but decided not to. This was the first time he had ever looked at me which obviously send my heard thudding like a wild animal on loose.
He was still panting a little, his arms back at his sides however, the slight sheen of sweat on his forehead and the deeper than usual frown on his forehead indicated that something was wrong.
“Are you lost too?” He asked me raising one of his perfect eyebrows.
Technically I was not. I know Jisoo was going to come back here but then this was a lifetime opportunity. Why the hell would I say no?
“Yes,” I said with an aggravatingly scared voice. “Yes, I am.”
I was a drama student for a reason.
He lets out a huff but nodded his head as though glad that he was not the only one and walked towards me into the same shed.
My inner me was screaming, blaring red sirens inside however I remained calm on the outside. This was a stage and I was an actress. This crush of mine was simply a spectator I had to convince my story to.
He collapses down into the bench that I had been sleeping on just a moment back and relaxed into it looking as relieved as the word ‘relief’ was.
“Water. Give me water.” He suddenly commanded looking at me as one would look at a servant and I blinked at him.
“Are you deaf? I said water.”
Oh. Oh, dear.
Did I ever say I had a crush on this guy? Oh goodness, gracious me. What? Crush? Who? Me? Never. The word ‘crush’ no longer existed in my dictionary.
When I said I was picky in my choice of men… I meant it. One word or action from them could simply put a brake into my interest and now it had slammed into the brake.
I raised my eyebrows at him and folded my arms and began studying him now that my crush was over. He looked annoyed at me like I was the reason why he was lost. He was seated in such a cocky manner with his arms perched on the rim of the seat while he man-spread his legs. What the hell? If I knew he was such a cocky person, I wouldn't have wasted all those time fantasizing about him.
What a waste of precious time!
He scoffed at my action and rolled his perfect eyes. “Never seen someone this good-looking right? I understand. I’ll take a photo with you and you can brag about it with your friends so now give me water. I am thirsty.”
I did not react to that. No. I could not react to that. My brain was yet to wrap around the fact that there was a man such as this and that just a minute back I was raving over him.
Ah! Such a poor choice in men. E... You can do better.
"You dumb or something? Can't comprehend my words? God. This whole day is a disaster-"
I gave him a scary smile that creeps the heck out of Jisoo, the one I learn from one of my characters from a horror play. It made him frown and stop whatever he was about to say. “I don’t have a reason to give you my water.”
He seemed incredibly stunned for a full moment before he snapped back into reality. He frowns at me as though he couldn’t figure me out or that this was something out of ordinary.
“I am thirsty.” He glared at me when he says this as though it was a reason enough. I let out a haughty laugh, the one I learned from playing the role of a y mother-in-law.
“Yeah? Well… We are both lost and I only have a bottle of water. Who knows we might be out here for days… for months so why should I give you my water? I will need it a lot more than you.”
He gulps when I reminded him of the predicament and kept quiet. I gave a little smile to myself as a congratulation for winning against this .
Crush, my . More like crush him with my foot.
The only thing he had was his face and his body but now they were useless. Such a waste of good looks.
I furtively glanced at him as he whips out his phone, his permanent frown going deeper. His phone was most probably dead or there was no network. I wouldn’t be surprised.
“I’m E, what’s your name?” I decided to at least be decent towards this creature because he seemed so tense, like genuinely scared.
He however straight up ignored me and furiously tapped on his phone as though that could revive a dead being making me fume.
He’s an , alright.
Several more tapping, annoyed grunts and frenzy shakes of legs followed before with a loud sigh of defeat he curses out loud.
“For ’s sake!”
“Nice name. Suits you.” I decided to take a jab at him almost give myself another pat at the back for being so quick-tongued.
He scoffed and threw me a disgusted glance before rolling his eyes.
“Sehun. My name’s Sehun.”
I raised my eyebrows at that and nodded at him looking proud as though I couldn't believe he could be decent enough to spare his name. He obviously scoffed.
“And what’s with E. Who on earth has just E as a name?” He mocked me but he looked a little tense as though he was nervous.
I said nothing to aggravate him. He was clearly just trying to rile me up. A moment of silence pass and his foot tapping increased in tempo. His restlessness was bouncing off him making me hum in satisfaction. I had just woken up from a peaceful nap and I was not in the frenzy mode like him so I was perfectly alright.
“Can you please give me a sip of water?” He sounded forced like he was speaking with gritted teeth. He must have been really thirsty. I wanted to laugh but when I turn to look at him, he did seem tired and really thirsty. He was now sitting properly instead of the previous ‘cocky’ position that he had been in.
“I’ll share my water with you,” I said coming to sit down at the other corner of the bench. He turns to look at me hopefully as I said that, “…only if you will share your snacks with me.”
“Fine. Take it,” He threw me his entire bag which inelegantly hit me on the face.
“So-Sorry!” He squeaked and when my vision returned I could have laughed if not for the anger boiling inside of me. He had stood up and pushed himself to the corner of the shed as though he was now physically afraid of me. I raised an eyebrow at him and he tenses up even more.
What a man.
I huffed a little and patted the seat to indicate that it was alright and that he could sit. He does not sit but remained in his upright position as though he was afraid to breathe.
He should be.
I took out the smaller bottle of water and took a large sip. Ah! That was refreshing.
“Here,” I turn to give it to him and he looks at it greedily. He gulps and looks at me again as though trying to gauge if I was really not angry.
“I am not offering again.” I warned and this time he catches it in a flash and before I can say ‘snacks’… he had finished the entire bottle of water. Darn. He was thirsty.
I quietly took his bag and opened the zip.
Of course. Men. Guys. Boys. Of course. These s were good for nothing.
I rolled my eyes looking at the single packet of salty, spicy potato chips inside it along with some stupid male things like a Rubix's cube and fidget spinner and even a ing piece of a yoyo. Who even? What even? In this generation and age, a college boy carrying a yoyo… What even?
I look up at him much like a disappointed and angered mother would do to a son and he visibly flinches.
“I-I-I,” He cleared his throat, his face starting to redden, “I did not bring much snacks.”
I gave him another questioning look and held up the chip packet with my thumb and my index finger.
“I am sorry, okay.” He huffs as though I had scolded him. “I know it’s not much… but that’s the only thing I have.”
In all honesty, I was hungry but I wanted to hurl this thing down the mountain. If we eat this thing, the bottle of water I had would not be enough. Letting out an annoyed, angry huff making him flinch in the process, I put down the chips again, zipped up his bag, and threw his bag back to him.
He catches it though and pouted like a baby. It made me even more annoyed. How dare he look so cute when he is as stupid as ?
“Now what?” I asked and he jumped a little. Honestly, I was not even that scary.
“Do you have a phone?” He asks me after some moments of hesitation.
“My friend took it.”
I tapped my feet, our roles reversed. He brings his thumb to his lips and started to most possibly think.
“Shall we try walking around? I think we can follow the path and it might lead somewhere.” He asked me looking wary and scared.
I huffed and looked around the pathway. My heart suddenly rolled over in my chest and my stomach got attacked with a swarm of butterflies at that. What the ing ? I was in hate with this guy right here and my heart and stomach had the nerves to be happy about going around with this piece of ?
“Are you sure that is a good idea? I mean we might both just get tired and be too weak to fight off any animals that may or may not tear us apart with a single bite. Besides we don’t have water or food to sustain us. Might as well stay put so that if they come looking for us, we could still be on the path.”
I reasoned and I thought I was being reasonable but he had the nerve to scoff at my reasoning.
“Scaredy-cat,” He had the audacity to call me that when I was being the logical one.
My stomach’s butterflies halfway flying through dropped dead at that and my heart lurched forward like what happens when you slam down on the brake at a cruising speed.
I gave him a glare that shut him up because he was about to open his mouth for something more.
“Okay…” He says putting his hands up in surrender. “Okay…”
A moment of tense silence followed.
“You don’t take up botany, do you?” He finally asked when the silence became suffocating.
I shook my head, too annoyed to talk. I can’t believe this person actually pocketed my heart. Ugh. Thank god it came back to me.
“Then why…?” He asks when I did not give any explanation.
“My friend,” I replied curtly.
“Ah…” He nods his head and pulled his lips in a straight line not knowing what to continue this conversation with.
Why am I even being angry with him though? It was not his fault that I liked him. He did not even know my existence till now anyway.
Oh wait, I was not angry because of my crushing over him. I was angry because he was a piece of human . But come on… be the better person here.
Sighing out my anger, I stood up and turn towards him. He looked up at me like I was going to beat him up and actually shielded his face with his arms.
“Let’s try walking around.” Sitting with him here in this suffocating silence was slowly killing me. Might as well just walk around and let out my anger.
At my announcement, he stands up enthusiastically and with bright eyes started stomping out of the shed… towards the lower part of the mountain. I sighed again at the hopeless human.
“We came down this morning, remember?”
He turns back immediately, passes me by as though it was his original goal to trek upwards, and continued with his stomps.
He had loud steps and by loud I am sure if we were hiding there was no way people won’t find us. It echoed in my head and I hissed silently, annoyed at the way he was stomping on the ground.
I grumpily followed him hoping he will quieten down.
Just some minutes into walking we come into a fork and I watched him struggle. He was hopeless with direction, was he not?
I knew exactly which path I came even though I was half asleep. The direction was not an issue for me.
And as I had expected, he chooses the wrong path making me slap my forehead. This guy will be the death of me. However, confident that I could lead him back later on I followed.
A part of me smiled at his hopelessness and another part of me giggled at this situation. My stomach managed to bring back some of the dead butterflies. How annoying.
I followed him merely but from the way his shoulders wer