#12DaysofWRistmas : Snow Angel

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***

"Leave."

"No."

She bit her tongue against the urge to lash out. The ensuing silence was deafening and only served to fuel her irritation. Why did she have to be so stubborn? Joohyun clenched her jaw, teeth gritted in anger as she swivelled around on the cold floor turning her back to the woman that quietly watched her.

When did she even get in here?

The sky was dark and the only source of luminance came from the full moon that eclipsed the room in an eerie white glow. The curtains had been ripped from their hinges, dangling precariously where the hooks had snagged onto the tattered fabric and a quick sweep of one's eyes saw the rest of the room in a similar state. Empty bottles laid scattered along the stained floor; crumpled items of clothing littered in between upturned furniture as though the place had been ransacked, but none of it appeared to have fazed Seungwan who silently stood in the centre of it all.

A part of Joohyun suddenly wished she hadn't torn down those curtains because the moonlight was glaring so brightly through the bare windows and she hated it. Hated how she easily made out the creases of worry marked between Seungwan's brows, the downward pull of her soft lips and the sadness encapsulated in those glossy eyes that pierced through her and nailed her to the floor.

Jagged breaths tainted by the pungent stench of liquor escaped her lips. The notion did little to assuage the agitation that clawed inside her chest or the thrumming sensation that pounded in her head. And it was only after a few shaky breaths that she began to grasp any semblance of control, fingers no longer trembling when they clasped the neck of the glass bottle.

Joohyun drank. She was fine, was what she told herself. It was nothing she couldn't handle and the liquor would soon enough numb her thoughts until nothing would matter anymore.

"Joohyun."

But it was just like that with such a simple utterance, her fragile control slipped and the tension snapped.

"What do you want from me!"

Shattering glass echoed in the small room when Joohyun fiercely whirled around, face flushed from the alcohol and the surge of blinding anger that tunnelled through her. She stood up, paying no heed to the shards of glass strewn by her feet and closed the distance until they were but a hair's breadth apart.

Never mind the pain that pricked through her skin or the blood that stained the floor with each step. The burning rage was all that consumed her in that moment and rationale was nowhere to be found.

But in the face of the woman that calmly stared back at her, a woman whose presence she could no longer sense, Joohyun faltered for the briefest of moments and that anger melted into something of an inexplicable ache.

Seungwan's eyes had never looked so empty before.

So hollow, so tired. Had it always been like this? Where were the twinkling galaxies that had once gleamed with life? The hazelnut glazed irises that would turn a million shades of gold whenever they were excited? She didn't know or maybe she did, but the longer she stared at them the more disconcerting they became. It wasn't right. This solemness, vacantness, it was all wrong.

It wasn't Seungwan.

"I just want you to be happy."

But the melodic lilt of her voice as she softly implored, begging for Joohyun to understand something that could not be understood –or perhaps chose not to– was unmistakably Seungwan's.

Bloodshot eyes flitted away from the latter's heavy gaze and Joohyun hesitantly stepped back to put some space between them. She slowly shook her head.

"Happiness starts with you Seungwan. How can I be happy alone?" She whispered brokenly, and it upset her that a small smile had emerged on Seungwan's face. Because what was there to smile about. When she was crippled under the weight of her inner demons that relentlessly tormented her mind.

"You've never been alone, Joohyun. Never have. I've been by your side all this time remember?"

Ah.

She had forgotten Seungwan weren't like the others. Had always been kind-hearted to a fault. Always saw the best in people, found good in every situation regardless how bad it was and it was this quality that made Joohyun so angry again.

Because even though Joohyun had done her wrong, not once did the younger woman's gaze change towards her.

"As an apparition Seungwan! A ing spirit that I can only see once every year on this damn night! Do you know how much it hurts me to see you like that? Knowing that I am the sole reason you're like this! Knowing that you'll never be able live the life you deserve to have?"

"Then perhaps it would be better if you never saw me again."

"What?" Joohyun choked out, stilling in place when Seungwan avoided her gaze. The small smile on her face never vanished but there was no mistaking the sudden resoluteness in her eyes.

"My presence hurts you Joohyun; I see it every year. The guilt, the suffering, the memories of everything that went wrong. You inflict it upon yourself whenever you see me."

"Wait, no Seungwan, that's not what I meant–"

Her vision swayed as she hastily closed the distance once more, galvanised by the dread of panic and foreboding that seeped through her bones. Hands instinctively reached out to grasp the woman in front of her but halted mid-air when she realised what she had attempted to do. What she couldn't do. They limply dropped by her side.

"Seungwan," Joohyun sobbed, "please don't go away, please don't leave me."

And she couldn't help it when she started to cry, silently, tears streaked down her face and feeling so lost. Suffocating as she oscillated between grief and despair and guilt that internalised this chaotic dissonance, plunging her down into a spiral of insanity.

"It hurts me to see you like this Joohyun. Hurting yourself, blaming yourself for something–"

"–Then don't leave me," she cut in eyes wide, frantic. "Stay with me like you always have, like you promised to. I'll...I'll be happy! I'll live well, I'll do anything you ask me to Seungwan! Just...just please, please, don't go."

The older woman whimpered and slumped to her knees, whatever little strength left dissipating her body.

"Joohyun..."

Seungwan gently knelt down until they were at each other's eye level, a rueful expression on her delicate face. A tentative hand stretched outwards and placed it beside Joohyun's cheek but not quite touching her as fingers curled like they would have, had she been able to cup the latter's cheek. But she couldn't. Not as a spirit devoid of physical flesh and blood.

"Merry Christmas, Joohyun."

The last thing Joohyun saw, was a tender smile of affection on Seungwan's face and in a blink, she had disappeared.

Outside, as if on cue, delicate white flakes began to fall aimlessly from the clear sky, glittering under the moonlight as it blanketed the world in a white canvas. A dark chuckle left Joohyun's lips as she gazed at the sight of the first snow; the Gods were laughing at her.

***

"Joohyun, do you know what it means when two people watch the first snow together?"

She tilted her head curiously, catching the playful glint in Seungwan's eyes. Joohyun shook her head, "No, what does it mean?"

"It means that they'll stay together for a very long time."

She didn't know if it was the cold, or the trick of light from the crackling fireplace, or the pounding that echoed in her chest, but something in Seungwan's intense gaze compelled Joohyun to move. And it felt right. In that moment, when she delicately cupped the warm cheek in her palm and closed the gap, gazes never leaving one another's.

"Then let's stay together for eternity," she whispered, lips grazing against warm ones.

"And I'll be your snow angel."

***

The next year, a lonely silhouette sat by an empty fireplace whose embers had long died many hours ago. The sky was no longer dark, now replaced by a soft glow that peeked above the horizon.

It was Christmas; Seungwan hadn't come.

And somewhere in the back of Joohyun's mind, it slowly dawned upon her that the latter would no longer be coming anymore.

Merry Christmas folks :D