Not sleeping?

The Shadow of the Light

The next part of patrol was so normal that it was strange. They’d had a small dinner of roasted meat and vegetables. They’d been awake for a night and an entire day, but the fatigue had only now washed over Jinsoul now that she’d eaten. 

“Are we waiting until the battle passes, or do we have to be there?” 

“Spirits avoid larger groups, even if they aren’t with magic,” Jungeun said. “But they’re almost always around a battle.”

“So they attack the survivors?” 

“And anyone who tries to run,” she grimaced, “we have to patrol the edges.”

Jinsoul nodded. “So is this what you do? Look for people who were attacked, or could be attacked by spirits, and then track down the rest?”

“And other jobs Yeri, or another witch sends our way,” she replied. “You might even be on patrol when the full moon comes.”

“To hunt werewolves.”

Jungeun shook her head. “Catch them, at least any newly e, or really manic ones.” A pause. “If we have enough, the moonlight can contain them. We don’t kill them.”

“I didn’t think you did.” 

The fire elf looked away. She hadn’t believed her. She wasn’t hiding that either. 

They were quiet again. 

“I don’t know how long it’ll take tomorrow.” Jungeun got to her feet. “I’ll put in some runes.”

“The Astra use those too?” 

“Similar ones,” she said. “But these are from my people.” She got to her knees and started to carve into the ground with her knife. When she finished, it glowed red. Then it filled with light. “The wards get stronger if you use both.” 

“Like how you use it with fire?” Jinsoul remembered the bright streak of fire she’d used. 

She nodded once. “Might be useful to find out what it does to the water.” She moved on to the next one. She was more closed off than normal. 

“What does it do with you?” Jinsoul asked. 

“Gives me a better range, makes the fire brighter. Colder too.” She sighed. “Nothing huge.” 

“Can you also use it for repulsion? Like a barrier.” The spirits had leapt away from the fire, though it technically shouldn’t have burned them, but they’d sensed the light it held. 

The corner of Jungeun’s lip tugged up. “Yeah,” she nodded, “that too.”

She kept working on the runes. Her movements gave her away every now and then. Mostly, it was the way she stabbed into the earth. Her gaze was also harder than normal. 

“Jungeun,” Jinsoul called. 

She looked up, uncertain. Again. 

“Is the darkness from earlier still affecting you?” 

Jungeun’s eyes flickered away. 

So Jinsoul asked a simpler question. “How does it actually affect a person?” She’d seen victims before. The memory still made her shiver. She was almost grateful she’d never seen someone in the process of dying from it. 

At the very least, she’d be able to keep people from succumbing to that fate. 

But she didn’t want to become a healer for the Astra. They already had a group of them. And that was a duty that needed someone who cared. Jinsoul cared about a person’s wellbeing, but if she had no connection to the entire community, devoting her life to helping it wouldn’t work. 

“You already know it’s cold,” Jungeun said then. “But it depends on what feelings’re in the spirit. There’s more than one emotion. You could be affected by any one of them.”

“Emotion?” 

Jungeun nodded. “When I was last there, I asked a fairy if those colours had anything to do with emotions. They said it’s pretty much exactly that. Even the light’s made up of emotions.”

“You had to ask them?” Jinsoul frowned. “That wasn’t something the Astra taught you?” She had yet to hear anything close to that, but it made so much sense. She felt different things from different spirits. Sometimes the light of others made her feel a bit happier, oddly warm, or even excited. 

“I don’t think they bothered to find out.” 

And somehow, Jungeun had. 

“Probably because they always had it?” Jungeun shrugged. “I don’t know about you, but all I need to know about fire is that it needs air to burn.” She went back to drawing the runes. 

Jinsoul felt a bit of the former tension lessen. “I’ve looked into where the water tends to go. The weather too.” 

Jungeun smiled. It seemed to come easier than before. “Is it true it’s always in the air?”

“Mostly. We breathe it out too,” she said. “That’s why you can see your breath when it’s cold.” 

Interest flooded her expression. That was surprising. “Does our body make water?”

“We have to drink it still,” Jinsoul said. “But we do make it.”

Jungeun nodded. “I don’t really get it, but,” she paused, seemingly searching for a word, “well, it’s interesting.” Her smile was sheepish. 

“Plants do something like it too. They need the water, but any excess also comes out of their leaves.”

Her brow furrowed. “How?” 

Jinsoul shook her head. “I don’t know. I just know it goes through the bottom of the leave. Not the top.” 

“You probably already saw them, but with the maps the mortals keep making, the world’s more water than land.” She looked at her. “But the Arcsa probably knew that already, or?” 

Jinsoul could only shrug. “I can feel how vast the ocean is, but nothing exact. Just that it’s huge.” She combed through the many times she’d met with sea elves. “Most stay in the area they were born. They know the different places within it well enough, even the depths. That’s enough for them,” she explained. “Just like how people on the coast almost never want to go into open water. And that’s flipped for the ones well below the surface.” 

“So they’ve never been on land?” Jungeun glanced over, her brow having risen up again. 

Jinsoul almost replied, but she had another question. “Do you really want to know all this?” A pause. “Or do you just want to make everything less quiet?”

Jungeun laughed softly. “Both.” She looked down. “I don’t know much about the water at all. For obvious reasons.”

That left another silence. 

“There’re some who’ve never even breathed air.” 

“Wow,” she breathed out, looking stunned. “Could they if they wanted to?” 

Jinsoul nodded. “They’ve got everything we do, just an innate ability to breathe water. I had to learn that.”

Jungeun finished the next rune and faced her. “Learn it?” she repeated. Jinsoul couldn’t read that look. It was almost worried. 

“I’m not a sea elf,” she said. “I’m actually tied too freshwater.”

“And you were at the sea?” A small frown started to grow. 

“I have family there.” The thought gave her a pang of homesickness. It grew into an ache. 

Jungeun didn’t ask another question. “Tea?” Instead two glowing white cups appeared. The light reflected in her eyes, which were glittering gently. 

Jinsoul might’ve laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep.” 

One cup disappeared. She didn’t look disappointed, but rather as if she’d expected this. 

And if Jinsoul was honest, so had she. In fact, she’d expected the conversation to end with her and not Jungeun. Especially with her questions stopping, as if Jungeun knew they were veering into something more sensitive. 

Jinsoul wondered if she’d end up doing the same when the conversation went too close to something in Jungeun’s life. 

Then again, she’d admitted to having dreams she wanted no one seeing. She’d admitted being afraid of water, or at least not having wanted a lot to do with it. 

When Jinsoul laid down, she saw Jungeun settle down on the ground. Her large pack acted as a backrest. The fire was making small shapes. Its edges occasionally changed colour, ranging from purple to green. They were such precise changes, ones that needed a lot of skill. And practice. 

Jungeun had said she’d only trained to fight. This sort of thing needed time. It wasn’t useful to any type of combat. 

And now Jungeun did it absentmindedly, her fingers tracing the air. Was it just something that’d come over the years? Or something she’d learned when first grasping her magic, wanting to make fire beautiful and not simply a force to burn? 

Jinsoul pushed the thoughts away. She wouldn’t be asking any time soon. “Your tea?”

The colours and figures faded. Jungeun lifted her gaze. “Hm?” 

“You haven’t made tea. You’re just sitting there.” 

“I take my time,” she replied. “I have a lot of it.” 

“Not sleeping?” 

Jungeun just smiled and shook her head. “I’m not tired.” Then, after a long moment, she said, “the wards are working. You can sleep.” 

Jinsoul just nodded and turned around. 

“Goodnight.” 

For a good minute, Jinsoul debated saying it back. 

She didn’t. 

Sleeping was difficult. Again. And whenever she woke up, the fire was still burning, but it was a lot dimmer than before. 

And Jungeun still hadn’t gone to sleep. 

At least she’d made her tea. 

______

Patrols had become a common thing. Jinsoul had started to learn where and when certain problems—vampire fiascos, rogue witches, or new wolves—were the most frequent. She’d met two more witches, one of whom seemed to have a not-so-subtle interest in Jungeun. She was a sweet one, but Jungeun never seemed to entertain that interest. She wasn’t cold, but she didn’t seem oblivious to it either. 

Jinsoul had come to learn that Jungeun’s actual interests in others fluctuated. She still didn’t know if the fire elf’s gaze strayed to Haseul out of interest, or for another reason. 

That was another thing. Sometimes, Jungeun was comically easy to read. Other times she was more complicated than a vampire. 

When there wasn’t patrol, Jinsoul was encouraged to take breaks, as well as train more with Haseul. Once she managed to summon something with a sharp edge, Sooyoung had started to train with her too. 

Sooyoung wasn’t as patient as Haseul, but for that she almost always kept things at a light and easy conversation. At least so far. There were the occasional, yet still vague, remarks about Jinsoul not knowing enough people. Sometimes she strayed a bit closer to the topic of Jungeun, either telling a short story, or mentioning how Jungeun compared to Jinsoul’s project. Apparently, she’d been much slower than Jinsoul. 

And every time her name came up, Jinsoul became more convinced that Sooyoung was doing that on purpose. She didn’t know why yet. She also didn’t comment on it. 

Where Jungeun went ‘on breaks’, that ranged from spending hours at the fire pit with the others to doing whatever ‘guard’ entailed. And then there were the patrols Jungeun did on her own. 

Jinsoul was at the fire pit during one of them. It wasn’t as though Jungeun actually ate with her, but she tended to leave the pot she’d used above a slowly burning fire. It usually had two portions left in it. 

One time, Jinsoul hadn’t eaten it. Then a very short girl had come by, accompanied with another Jinsoul had seen before. They’d gone ahead and eaten the food. The latter, Chaewon, had a very airy voice, while the other had a much deeper voice than should’ve probably been. She’d briefly introduced herself as Yeojin. 

And now Jinsoul was starting to prepare her own meal for the day—night. She still hadn’t adjusted to the schedule. She wasn’t sure if she was trying hard enough or not. She still didn’t know if she wanted to adjust or not. 

She also hadn’t asked Jungeun about the beginning of her time with the Astra. A lot of the time, it seemed she hadn’t adjusted. Jungeun barely had a proper sleep schedule, something that wasn’t exactly reassuring. 

Jinsoul finished cutting the vegetables. She’d not gotten to the point of being able to make utensils out of the moonlight, so she’d always used ice. 

One day, there’d been a cutting board, a plate, and cutlery, both made of iron, by the fire pit. Her suspicions were that it’d been Jungeun, but it hadn’t been a comforting realisation. 

Even though she’d not wanted anything to do with her, Jungeun was a part of her days more frequently than any of the Astra. She didn’t even have to be there. Sometimes it was a person talking about her, or some sort of thing she’d done around camp, be it a fire or an iron plate left by said fire. 

“Can we join?”

Jinsoul looked up. It was Sooyoung with Chaewon, as well as the two she’d seen before, but never met. There was the girl with dark eyes, though this time they had flickers of it, while the other one seemed to epitomise brightness, with sparkling peach-coloured eyes and a face already adorned with a smile. 

“We brought enough so we all have seconds,” the girl said. 

“Or some of us can have thirds,” the dark-eyed girl said. Her voice was surprisingly high. 

“You can join.” Jinsoul tipped the vegetables into the pot. 

The four girls sat down. 

Sooyoung gently nudged the cheerful one. Immediately, Jinsoul could see the tenderness in her eyes. 

“She doesn’t know you yet.” Sooyoung gave the dark-eyed one a look. “Or you.”

“I’m Jiwoo,” the peach-eyed girl said. “But most witches’ll only know me as Chuu.” 

“Hyejoo,” the other muttered. “Olivia outside of camp. So keep that in mind.” 

Chaewon shifted closer to Hyejoo then, but didn’t say anything else. 

Even so, Hyejoo’s gaze softened. 

Jinsoul felt a bit caught of guard. Were they so easy to read, or had they just left their guards down, not hiding anything about their group dynamic. 

“You don’t use your real names?”

Chaewon snorted once and Hyejoo rolled her eyes, while Jiwoo just shrugged. 

“Almost everyone uses their name,” Jiwoo said. “But Sooyoung had a few mixups.” She gave the person a wink. “We didn’t want to risk being tracked down.” 

“Ah,” Jinsoul looked at her, “you’re that bad?” 

Sooyoung chuckled. “Actually, I’m that good. Until it’s over.” 

She saw Chaewon and Hyejoo cringe. Then the latter threw a pebble at Sooyoung. 

Jinsoul wrinkled her nose. “So you also fall to the sorceress’ charms.” 

Sooyoung poked her with her foot. “The other way round, thank you very much.”

She smiled. “I’m sure.” 

Chaewon laughed then, just as airy as her voice. “Good, we’ll be coming here more often.” She eyed the pot. “At least depending on how that tastes.”

“You say that like your cooking doesn’t come with a side of coal,” Hyejoo muttered. 

The fair-haired elf stared at her. Then she shoved her into the dirt. A short scuffle ensued, but the peals of giggles reassured Jinsoul that the two weren’t going to hurt each other. 

“Will you be okay with that?” Jiwoo asked then. “If we come here?” 

A no bubbled up into Jinsoul’s throat. She decided against saying it.

She stirred the pot. “That’s fine with me.” 

Sooyoung looked up at that. Her brow quirked up ever so slightly. “That was fast.” 

There it was again. Another remark. 

“Don’t make me take it back.” 

She laughed. “Wasn’t planning on it,” she raised her hands, “it’s a good thing.” 

Chaewon had disentangled herself from the scuffle with Hyejoo. She leaned over to Jinsoul then. 

“They stay annoying,” she whispered loudly, “but you learn how to throw it right back.” 

“Sometimes too well!” Sooyoung called. 

And that’s how it went for most of the night. Jinsoul’s cooking passed whatever standards Chaewon had put in place. 

Until they settled into the comfortable silence that usually followed a meal. 

“What’s the difference between healing with water and healing with spells?” It was Hyejoo asking. 

“I need both for the best effect,” Jinsoul said. “But the water helps, because so much of our body is made of it.” 

There was a slight shift in the atmosphere. 

Hyejoo finally broke the silence. “Can water-healers control that too?”  

She saw both Jiwoo and Sooyoung look at her then. They were on sensitive ground now. 

“Some,” Jinsoul said. “I can’t.” 

The dark-eyed girl nodded, looking satisfied with the answer. 

Then Jinsoul remembered. The Astra had had an encounter with the sea elves. A terrible one. Those elves had used the water to brutal effects, one of them being able to control blood. The Astra had then retaliated, but most hadn’t been killed. Instead, they’d been sentenced to banishment from the sea, as well as certain blocks put in place by the mental fae. Those were usually waves of terrible thoughts, memories, or even pain that triggered when the person tried to use their ability, had a specific thought, or tried to do something else. It was a frightening punishment. 

Time had passed since that day, but that didn’t mean anything. If one of the girls had lost someone, that grief could have easily clung to them. The fear of a person with that magic could also prevail. 

“If they’re able to,” Jinsoul began, choosing her words carefully, “we do everything we can to keep actions like that from happening again.” 

Hyejoo smiled slightly. “It’s magic,” she said. “Either a weapon or a tool. Just like light, fire, or iron,” she looked at the fork in her hand, “you can kill someone with it, or help them.” 

Around her, the three other elves were looking at her with very tender expressions. Each of them had a strong bond with the other. That had become so clear tonight. It was a nice change. 

Jinsoul nodded once. “That’s why we try to find a balance. Alienating someone can only lead to resentment. And to add to that, Brieth and his followers were cruel.” Her eye caught on the fire then. She thought of someone whose actions could very easily be considered heartless and cruel. So easily that Jinsoul was sure they had been. 

But with that came doubt. 

“She killed him,” Sooyoung said then. She was looking at the fire too. 

“He’d been sent to the mountains,” Jinsoul frowned, “she found him there?” Violence wasn’t forbidden there, but it wasn’t accepted either. For good reason. Those who’d been sent there had already gotten a sentence. 

“He didn’t just take the lives of our people,” she replied, her gaze a bit sharper. 

“They’d taken that into account,” Jinsoul countered. “Banishment was what they’d decided for.” There was a lot to be said for the hypocrisy she was seeing now. Jungeun was the cause of many deaths. Brieth had also been responsible for his own massacres. He’d had a following too. “There’re many people who want others dead, so how does that make this specific execution justified?” 

But it seemed that the biggest difference was that they knew Jungeun and would defend her. 

Then Jiwoo straightened. Her eyes widened ever so slightly. 

Jinsoul realised that the air had warmed. It was getting warmer now. 

“That smells good,” the slightly nasally voice said. “There still something for me?” Jungeun sat down beside Jiwoo. 

She’d definitely heard that. Jinsoul didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed, but something else she couldn’t put her finger on. It might’ve been somewhere in between that. 

Sooyoung glanced at Jinsoul then, her gaze now unreadable. Chaewon and Hyejoo were having a silent conversation, looking more than a bit awkward. 

Jungeun filled a bowl of moonlight with food. “I’d wanted him gone for a long time,” she said, not looking at any of them. “But it doesn’t make it any different to the people that want me gone,” she met Jinsoul’s eyes then, “it just means that some people can keep that fate from themselves. Others can’t.” 

“Or they get it brought to them,” Jinsoul said. “Because people think they can carry out judgement by themselves,” she held the fire elf’s gaze, “or get their revenge.” 

It was almost a shock when Jungeun’s expression didn’t change. She didn’t look hurt, or defensive. 

“How was patrol?” Chaewon asked. “Did you find the bastard?” 

Jungeun nodded, before the conversation went into a particular vampire they all seemed to hate. He’d not done anything terrible, but he continuously pestered them, especially Chaewon and Jiwoo. 

Jinsoul let the lightness of the girls wash away the tension from before. She wondered what had been going through all of their heads. She didn’t know what to make of Jungeun’s reaction. She hadn’t been defensive. Almost the opposite. 

But the others had been. Jinsoul almost expected them to treat her differently, but they hadn’t. 

There’d been some cautionary looks when she hadn’t been looking, but their eyes had flickered between Jinsoul and Jungeun. 

Jinsoul wondered if that meant they’d separate the things she said and thought about Jungeun from everything else. 

She hoped they would. 

And when the day was starting to near, Jinsoul caught Jungeun’s eyes fluttering shut. 

“You better sleep today.” Jiwoo elbowed her before getting to her feet. “Even with everything, you need it.” 

Even with everything. What was that supposed to mean?

Jungeun just nodded. When she caught Jinsoul’s eye, the corner of tugged up. 

Sooyoung came to Jinsoul’s side just before she started to leave. 

“Wake her if it’s a nightmare,” she whispered. It was so quiet that no one else would’ve heard it, barely above a breath. 

Then she was gone without a look back. 

“You okay?” Jungeun was frowning after Sooyoung. 

“Just tired too.” 

She nodded and started shuffling in the direction of their tent. 

“Was it a lot this time?” Jinsoul asked. Sometimes she didn’t like having too long a silence. 

Jungeun shrugged. “You could say that,” she said. “I think the past few days have just gotten to me.” 

Jinsoul was pretty sure it’d been the past few weeks. Even if moonlight could energise you, a lack of sleep affected your body too. Whatever was keeping Jungeun up probably had a limit. 

“I can sleep in another tent if you want,” she said quietly. She was looking at the ground again. 

“It’s fine, Jungeun,” Jinsoul went into the tent, “unless you snore.” 

She smiled and shook her head. She was looking exhausted now. 

Jinsoul nearly asked her if something else had happened. She didn’t. 

______

Jungeun whimpered. Her fingers curled around a bunch of fur. Then they tightened. The furrow in her brow deepened. 

Jinsoul almost wanted to wake her, but when she went near her, she felt the warmth from her body. No, not warmth. Heat. Even the air she breathed felt oddly hot. 

Wake her if it’s a nightmare. Sooyoung’s words came to her mind. 

This wasn’t unusual. Jungeun was haunted by something in her dreams. Jinsoul didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. 

“Jungeun,” she called. 

No response. Not even when she called again, louder this time. 

Jinsoul reached out to shake her, but pulled her hand away immediately. Her skin felt like hot ash. 

“Wake up,” she said it a bit louder. 

No response. Jungeun just shifted, curling in on herself. 

She didn’t want to do it, still feeling the heat on her fingers, but she had to. The last thing people trapped in a dream needed was to stay in it. 

Jinsoul shook her again, before pinching her arm. 

Jungeun started, eyes snapping open. They were a blazing red, the look in them was trapped. They met Jinsoul’s. 

And in that moment, Jinsoul saw a flash of a memory. She heard screaming. She felt the heat of fire. She saw carnage around her. And she heard sobbing. Her own. 

No, it was Jungeun’s.

She blinked and it all faded. 

Jungeun wasn’t looking at her. She was just staring at her hands. 

“Thank you,” she muttered, her voice thick. 

Jinsoul didn’t respond. She couldn’t.

“W-we can,” Jungeun coughed, “I’ll build a new tent.” She got to her feet. She was unsteady. Her hands were in fists at her side. 

And then Jinsoul felt the tears building in Jungeun’s eyes. 

“It’s fine,” Jinsoul said. “I’m not tired anyway.” She stood and walked to the exit. 

The air around Jungeun wasn’t warm anymore. She’d taken it back. 

Now that she was closer, she saw that the furrow in Jungeun’s brow hadn’t gone. She saw how shaken she was. 

That was beneath the smiles and gentle gazes. 

Jinsoul didn’t want to look at it any longer. 

“You should stay,” Jinsoul told her, looking away. 

“I’m still going to build another tent.” Jungeun pushed past her. “There’ll be no fire hazard then.” 

“You told me you’d never set anything on fire in your sleep.”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t mean it can’t happen now.” She made to leave. 

Jinsoul caught her arm. “If you don’t want me to know you’ve got nightmares, then at least say that instead of an excuse.” 

Jungeun didn’t respond. She just looked at Jinsoul’s hand. 

“I don’t want anyone seeing me like that,” she said quietly. “And you don’t want that either.” She gently pulled her arm away, before leaving. 

Jinsoul waited. She forced her gaze into that space of light. She saw Jungeun quickly moving away. The light around her had a shadow there. How had she not seen that before? 

She left the tent then and walked in the same direction. 

She didn’t know what she was expecting. She didn’t want to talk to Jungeun. She didn’t want to see that look again. 

But she felt wrong staying where she was. 

The sun was setting. The Astra’s day—night, would be starting in a few hours. 

Jinsoul went in the direction Jungeun had gone. 

If she closed her eyes, she could still see the site of the destruction. Caused by Jungeun. She could even remember the smell of the burnt flesh. It made her sick. 

Had that been her dream? Or just a memory? 

And how had Jinsoul even seen it in the first place? Moonlight didn’t let her see anything like that. Water definitely had no connection to the mind. 

Maybe if she followed now, she could find out why she’d seen it. 

Jungeun had started running at one point. The camp was relatively high up. She’d gone even higher. 

Now Jinsoul knew why.

She watched as large plumes of fire rose into the air. They dissipated quickly, as if Jungeun was pulling them out of the air there too. 

They didn’t stop. Jinsoul had no idea how much energy Jungeun used for that, if she could even run out. 

Then a swathe of blue flames soared through the air. 

Jinsoul watched it. She knew the air around it would be boiling. 

She knew how good unrestrained magic could feel. If you controlled a force of nature like fire or water, the feeling of that being under your control was unmatched. 

And now Jungeun was using it to escape her own head. 

Jinsoul thought it would stop at the blue flames. It didn’t. 

She stood there, watching bursts of flame arc through the air. They either spun or wove around each other. It was supposed to be a dance. It looked like the flames were fighting each other. 

And she couldn’t look away. 

Sometimes two flames met. Pieces broke away, almost as if the fire had solidified. Jinsoul had to scramble out of the way at one point. 

Then the flames stopped. She’d heard that. 

Jinsoul bit back a curse. 

She had two options now. Leave and never talk about tonight again. 

Or stay, see if Jungeun would come to her or not, and then go on with the night as if nothing had happened. 

It took several minutes until Jinsoul saw Jungeun. She saw her from far away. She was glowing. Her hair was almost gold, her skin slowly reaching the glow of the moon. 

Even from afar, Jinsoul’s magic let her know that Jungeun was drenched in sweat. How much effort had it taken for her to make those flames? Could she overdo it? 

Jinsoul had once needed to heal a younger boy who’d tried to stop a wave. The effort had overwhelmed him, going as far as breaking his ribs and arms. He’d also had a headache for a week. 

Jungeun had confusion etched across her face. Thankfully, that look from earlier was gone. 

But she still looked drained. 

“Yes?” Jungeun‘s eyes had turned partially orange and blue. Those colours fought with the red. Was that the effect of her magic? 

Jinsoul said the first thing that came into her head. “What happened to the tent you wanted to build?” 

“I have the whole night,” she replied. 

“Right,” Jinsoul rolled her eyes, “I’m starting to think you’re doing this so you can get your usual company back.” 

To her surprise, Jungeun laughed. Her brow furrowed as she did so. It almost didn’t seem like a real laugh. 

But Jinsoul had heard her cackle before when she was talking to Sooyoung and the rest. It was an unexpected laugh, to say the least, but genuine. 

“If that’s your biggest problem, then I’ll get right to making the new tent.” She started to walk past her. She radiated warmth. And she seemed a lot more calm. 

Could Jinsoul ask her now? 

“Wait,” she said. 

Jungeun stopped immediately. The corner of her lip tugged up in a half smile, her gaze expectant. 

The words of the others echoed in her ears. This wasn’t a facade. Not in the sense Jinsoul had expected, at least. 

“Earlier,” Jinsoul started. “I saw something, after you woke up.” 

The look in her eyes was replaced by dread. Her smile disappeared. 

“What?” Jungeun’s voice was quiet. She sounded small. 

Jinsoul almost felt guilty for what she’d seen. “I saw a massacre.”

What she saw next nearly scared her. 

Jungeun’s expression shattered. Shame covered her face. 

Jinsoul knew then that she’d seen flickers of this, but never in its full form. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungeun said quietly. “You shouldn’t have seen that.” She took a step back. “T-that was,” she stammered. Her expression had shuttered, closing off before whatever panic she was feeling betrayed her. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jinsoul spoke as though she was talking to a patient. She could already sense the tears Jungeun was fighting. 

She shook her head. “That was my fault.” Her voice sounded thick. “I didn’t have control over it.” Then she straightened, the panic and the shame slowly receding. It didn’t leave her eyes. 

“Was it the first time you’d fought?” 

“No,” Jungeun said. “But the first time I killed anyone.” Something cracked in her expression again. “And it was four people.”

Jinsoul didn’t want to, but she thought of what she’d seen. The four people burning and screaming. Two others crying. One person backing away. 

“Did you know them?” 

“No,” she said again. “And I’d hurt more after that.” A pause. “I knew them.” Her eyes caught on Jinsoul’s hand. 

Jinsoul covered it with her other one, ignoring the way it stung. “That wasn’t your fault,” she said. “And I don’t think the others were either.” She’d seen people lose control. The same had happened to her. She’d just been lucky that the person she’d trapped in the whirlpool had been able to survive the water. 

“Well,” Jungeun laughed, but it was harsh, “that was probably the last time anyone said that.” 

She had no idea what to say to that. The look on Jungeun’s face was something fragile, even if there was frustration there. 

“I’ll start building the tent.” Jungeun took a step back. “You won’t see anything like that again.” 

Jinsoul shook her head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I do,” she said. “The last thing you wanted was to share one with me. This’s better.” She started to walk away. 

“Wait.” Jinsoul moved into her path.

Jungeun’s expression softened. “It’s okay,” she told her, “I know what you think of me and that’s fine.” She stepped to the side. “Just,” she let out a long breath, “it’s okay.” 

“It’s fine with me,” Jinsoul said. “And it might be better for you if someone’s there.” It made sense that Jungeun hadn’t been sharing a tent with anyone before. She’d not let them. 

“I can sleep alone you know,” she gave a laugh, “I couldn’t a few hundred years ago, but I’ve changed.”

“It’s not for that,” Jinsoul told her. “Is it always like that?”

Jungeun frowned. After a long moment, she said, “no.” 

“Then it’s okay,” she moved out of the way, “I’ll just wake you if it comes up again.” 

Jungeun didn’t reply. 

“I’ve done a lot of night watches,” she said. “I can get creative with waking you up too. Maybe splash you with water or something.” 

She gave a soft chuckle. 

“I’ll make my own tent if I need to,” Jinsoul continued. “I’m a pretty good judge at what my limits are.”

She saw the moment Jungeun gave in. Or gave up. 

The walk back to camp was spent in silence. Jungeun was still vibrant from the magic she’d used. 

When they reached the tent, Jungeun hesitated. 

“I mean it,” Jinsoul said. “You should sleep here normally too,” she added. “Or do you sleep in the forest every day?” 

Jungeun only shook her head. Then she went inside, laying down immediately. 

Drop it was the message. 

So Jinsoul did. 

She didn’t fall asleep that day. 

And if what she heard was anything to go by, neither did Jungeun. 

______

Author's Note

This chapter wasn't exactly rushed, but today was a day I made free almost purely for writing. 

Jinsoul's slowly getting adjusted to the Astra, but that has its own obstacles. She's also learning a little bit more about Jungeun, but what she'll do with that information is still a little bit up in the air. Do you think she's right to still think of Jungeun the way she does? 

If you have any thoughts so far, or overall remarks on how the story's going, I'd love to hear them! 

See you next chapter. 

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hblake44
I have no idea what the problem is, but I get the same error whenever I try to update this story. I've actually got Ch. 20 finished, but I can't upload it on here yet.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26800525/chapters/74154324

Comments

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_boom_ #1
Chapter 23: As expected. The love and hate of roller-coaster emotions. The push and pull...family death is hard and accepting it is even harder. And we go through a series of stages of grief and we sometimes, no, most of the times we jump stages,some are stuck, some moved on eventually at different rate tho.❤❤❤
Yebinx #2
Chapter 23: Omg this chapter was a rollercoaster pf emotions!!! Can't believe she went away without kissing her... I'm crying, thanks for the update!!!!
Sui-Generis
#3
Chapter 23: Mixed feelings about this chapter: happy Jinsol and Jungeun are getting closer (love the "you're like the ocean to me") and sad Jungeun had to go but well, we have to do what we have to do
locksmith-soshi #4
Chapter 23: you’re like the ocean to me 🥺 i reread that scene while listening to wendy’s like water and their embrace literally happened at the same time wendy sang i need you to hold me and i- 😭
tinajaque
#5
Chapter 23: I love love love this chapter! I love how the other 10 tried to help Jungeun with her grief, I love the literal shipping adventure part lol and I love how Jinsoul helped relieve some of Jungeun's grief. Kinda sad that Jungeun has to go but I bet if Jinsoul asked her to stay she would've, however it's not the best for her right? Also, did Jiwoo used her sight to gently nudge Jungeun into going? Just wondering. Again, I love this chapter, keep up the good work!
Sozoojo #6
Chapter 23: UGHHHH IM CRYING.
I love the long chapters and this would be my favorite (ir second favorite?) now. Also the fact that the time is odd is perfect, i think. It goes well with the immortality thingy, and is not often that one can see time expressed diferently for that. I love it, i love this, thank you so much for writing
StarEz1 #7
Chapter 22: This was such a good chapter!! I loved the closeness of oec and their travels. My favorite part is seeing the amount character growth Jinsoul had from beginning to now in dealing with Jungeun, it's a complete 180! The care and concern jinsoul gives Jungeun's aftermatch is wholesome to see overall🥺
tinajaque
#8
Chapter 22: The lightness of the first part and the heaviness of the 2nd part are chef's kiss! Very well balanced! Love this chapter!
Yebinx #9
Chapter 22: This is one of my favorite chapters! Thanks!!!
tinajaque
#10
Chapter 21: Yay oec travel stories! I just love their dynamics! And wow I envy them, I wanna see the northern lights too... Excited to see how Jinsoul will react to the desert