Chapter five. "What the heck did I just hear on the phone? I mean, I can't believe you Sica, what is it that you want? What the do you really want?" Sooyoung asked vehemently before sinking onto one of the chairs next to Tiffany. Jessica in an audible breath and Tiffany raised a hand stopping her, when she opened to say something. "I don't get it either, first you said she was too young, the second time you couldn't, third time? You ing attempted to run off after a hot make out session by shoving a bundle of cash in her hands like she's some kind of a beggar. That's not cool, Sica." The chill in the air was palpable, and Jessica resisted the urge to look away from her friends intense gazes. She rubbed a hand briskly over her face and shook her head in exasperation. "I know. Alright, I ed up big time, but I really thought she was just after the money, that she wouldn't care less as long as I pay her." "Of course the money is important to her, but not like that, she must have been hurt by your action, I get that you are the one with the upper hand and she's the yes, but she's still human, and a woman. How could you toy with her like she's some kind of a disposable toy?" Sooyoung frowned at her. "I hate myself for that, even though I didn't mean to hurt her. I've tried calling the agency but every time I called I got cut off, I don't know how to contact her." "And who's fault is that?" Sooyoung asked quietly, Jessica withered under her gaze. "Hers obviously," Tiffany pointed towards Jessica. "Sunny has tolerated your unrealistically high expectations and pickiness already, I think you should try another organization." Tiffany suggested leaning back in her seat. "I can't," Jessica quickly said, this whole situation was giving her emotional whiplash. "I want...I don't know if I have the right but I only want Taeyeon." "And who's Taeyeon, now?" Sooyoung glanced at her. "Erika, the too young lady? The one we are discussing about right now." Jessica said a bit more sharply than she had intended then ran her hand across her scalp frustratedly. "I feel like we have some kind of connection, like she understands me and I feel somehow loose and comfortable around her." "Then why did you push her away?" Jessica leaned back and let out an exasperated sigh, she rubbed her face and then peeked up through her fingers. "I don't know." She admitted. "I thought I could do it, thinking it wasn't any big deal, I mean people do that all the time, but I just couldn't." "There must be something holding you back, what could it be?" Sooyoung asked, Jessica averted her gaze and stared down at the floor below them. "Are you worried that Tyler will find out?" Tiffany asked this time. Jessica shook her head lightly. "No. I don't think that's what's really holding me back. Tyler has been nothing but a cheating jerk himself, I know he's screwing his secretary, mine and everything in skirts in the office." "Then why are you hesitating?" Sooyoung asked not understanding her friend. "Maybe because I'm scared of falling for her." Jessica clutched the softness of her chair with both hands and bit her lip. Tiffany glanced at her piteously and the frown lines on Sooyoung's face straightened, almost immediately. She reached across the table between them and squeezed Jessica's arm. "Ever since our first encounter, she continued, carefully modulating her volume. "I couldn't get her out of my head no matter how much I tried. I thought my longing for her was actually a longing for an , but the truth is, I'm longing for her smile, her gaze and the way her lips felt on mine when we kissed." Jessica nibbled on her lip. "Sometimes it got me thinking, how could a few hours with a stranger affect me so much and throw my life completely off track? But after so much thought, I figured I might not be only in need of an , I'm also desperate for affection." This time Jessica shook her head slightly, fighting the impulse to give way to her brewing tears. "And Taeyeon was so kind and gentle and it freaks me out to find my heart beating when ever our eyes met or when our hands brushed." "But, isn't that a good thing? I mean this is the first time that you are experiencing love." Tiffany said. "No. It's not a good thing because I'm dying. What if she falls for me also only to find out that I'm dying?" "Oh Sica, Taeyeon is an , feelings are not in their agenda or dictionary to begin with." Tiffany grinned a little but she wiped the smile off her face when she saw the sad look in Jessica's eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, I was just... Okay, just give it another shot Sica. Call her, I can get you her number with a little bribe, I know what my cousin can't resist." She offered appeasingly. "Yeah, I think it’s time you call her Sica, and like Tiffany had said falling in love is indeed a good thing, so why would you restrain yourself from that experience? The doesn't need to love you back, you experimenting with her is enough." Sooyoung said smiling. Jessica slumped against the back of her chair and sighed. "Thanks Fany but I don't think I should call her. However, I will send her a letter. I just hope it will be enough to make her call me herself." "That's not a bad idea at all. I will make sure she gets your massage." Tiffany encouraged with a squeeze to Jessica's hand and a bright smile. ~~~ Hi, I hope you don’t feel this letter is harassment. I didn’t call you because I was afraid you’d think I am pestering you. If you don’t call, I won’t try to contact you again. The reason I’m writing you this letter is to ask for your understanding and forgiveness for the way I acted the other day. I want you to know that it's not your fault that I couldn't go on with our sessions, it has been me all the time. You seem to be a special woman Taeyeon, and it would be a great honor for me if you could meet me again just once. This is my number xxxxxxxxx. I would love to hear from you. Yours