The tears started the moment Jongin let go of Jia’s little hand. Her shrieks were loud at first, mostly aggressive. It took all of Kyungsoo’s willpower to not jump forward and coddle his baby. But he knew better than that.

Jia was five already. Her entire life, she had been surrounded by her loving family, by him and Jongin, by her grandparents, by all their friends who treated her like their own little ray of sunshine.

“We’ll be back after lunchtime, princess,”  Jongin had crouched down to get on eye level with their daughter, her shrieks reluctantly turning into soft sobs as she rubbed at her tear-stained face. Kyungsoo pursed his lips as he watched his husband reaching out to pat Jia’s head, black hair gathered in two ponytails.

Her sobs seemed to increase for a few seconds as she tightened her hug around the scrawny teddy bear.

“Promise?” Jia’s voice was little and wobbly, and her eyes were so big and watery, Kyungsoo almost had another breakdown right there and then.

“We promise, love,” he said, going down on one knee. He reached out to erase the tear that was rolling down Jia’s face, and he gave her the best smile he could muster up. “But you have to promise to be patient too, alright? Can you do that?”

Jia sniffed, burying her wobbly lips in the teddy bear. The nod was hesitant, but it made Kyungsoo’s heart feel at east a little bit at ease.

“Alright, get in here,” Jongin stretched his arm out and before Kyungsoo knew it, Jia had almost knocked him back on the ground with the way she ran into their arms. He let out a soft sigh, feeling Jongin’s arms around himself and their daughter. The hug lasted a few very long moments, and Kyungsoo took his time appreciating it, before Jongin’s grip around them loosened and Jia stepped back. Jongin reached out towards her, finger playfully booping her nose, making her scrunch her little face. “Make a lot of new friends, alright? I want to hear all about it later.”

They stood up slowly when Jia finally took the hand of the kindergarten teacher. She would turn around to look at them past her shoulder every few steps, and Kyungsoo just held his breath. He raised his arm to wave at Jia one last time before the teacher brought her inside the building.

Then, he finally let the breath out, body going limp against Jongin’s. His husband’s fingers tightened around his waist.

“You okay there?”

“Five more seconds of this, and I would have started crying,” Kyungsoo mumbled against Jongin’s shoulder. He felt his husband’s breath on his skin when he let out a low laugh.

“Tell me about it.”

Kyungsoo just stared at the doors of the building, knowing that his little girl was in there, on her first day away from them. He just felt anxious. Antsy. Wondering if she would be alright.

“Don’t worry,” Jongin said, as if reading his mind. “It’s a great place, and she is going to be just fine. They have our numbers, she has our numbers. It’s going to be alright.”

Kyungsoo just breathed in deeply one last time, before finally tearing his gaze away from the gates of the kindergarten. He straightened up a little, and Jongin’s arm moved from his waist down to his hand. He tugged on his fingers lightly, as he tilted his head towards the parking lot.

“We need to go, love,” Jongin reminded softly. “The editors are probably waiting already.”

Kyungsoo nodded slowly.

“Right,” he mumbled, trying to give his husband an optimistic smile. He threw one last look towards the kindergarten, before squeezing Jongin’s hand. “Let’s go then.”

That night, after Jia's first day at kindergarten and away from them, they both sat on the ground by her bed in silence. She was ruefully sleeping, her clutch on the old teddy bear loose. She looked angelic with her calm face and dark air spilling on the sheets with Pororo prints. 

Kyungsoo reached out, removing a few strands of black hair from her face, while letting out a quiet sigh. He could still hear Jia's sobs from the morning. Her tear-stained face had been atched in his mind the entire day. 

“You don’t think we made a mistake?”

Jongin’s sudden question surprised him. Kyungsoo blinked towards his husband who was staring down at their daughter. He had been pretty composed the entire day. He had kept his cool in the office, giving out his orders and commands to the staff of VOGUE relentlessly, showing no sign of vulnerability.

Now, though, they were at home. They were alone. Just the two of them, with their sleeping angel between them. Jongin’s eyebrows were knitted together and he looked worried as he reached out to caress Jia’s head softly.

“No,” Kyungsoo ended up whispering softly, letting out the word despite the heave in his heart. “She needs to be around other kids. She needs to have friends.”

Jongin just Jia’s hair again, before eventually nodding.

“I know.”

Kyungsoo reached out then, resting a hand on his husband’s knee, as they both sat in the silence of the evening next to Jia. It was going to get better, he knew that. Jongin knew that as well. Jia was eventually going to get used to being away from them, and that was just how things were supposed to go. She was going to grow.

But right now, in this moment, she was still their little baby girl.

Jongin’s sigh was soft and his fingers were warm when he placed them on Kyungsoo’s.

It took a couple more days until Jia’s little tantrums at drop-off subdues. It took almost two weeks until she actually smiled when it was time for them to leave her.

Almost two weeks until she excitedly told them all about the kids she met in kindergarten, two weeks until she quickly gave her parents one last hug at the gate before running away to play with her new friends.

Kyungsoo’s smile was a little bittersweet, but there was only relief he felt in his heart at the sight of his baby girl smiling.

Kyungsoo kicked off his boots the moment he stepped through the door of their home.

It was snowing outside. It was not heavy yet, but it was enough to make him shiver as he hurried inside the house under the soft snowflakes clinging to his thin coat.

It was way past nine already, the darkness of the night setting in slowly. He felt his shoulders dropping when he tossed his briefcase to the side, the exhaustion from all those meetings at work finally catching on to him. He just wanted to take a shower and go to bed. He needed the rest.

What surprised him, though, were the lively voices he heard from the living room. His husband’s honey-like laughter and their baby girl’s excited shrieks.

Kyungsoo blinked, hand sliding on the wall as he dragged his feet towards the source of the sounds and the bright light. He threw one quick look towards the silver watch on his wrist. Yes. It was entirely too late.

Jongin and Jia were sitting on the massive couch. Jongin was lounging, the dark circles under his eyes almost invisible now as his dazzling smile was drawing Kyungsoo’s entire focus. Jia was sprawled on the couch next to him, lying on her tummy and holding a pencil. She was holding a paper, her excited grin immediately filling Kyungsoo with energy. He lingered at the corner, a warmth filling him up at the sight of his husband smiling at whatever Jia was writing, reaching out every now and then to point things on the paper.

“Right,” Kyungsoo said finally, his voice intruding the symphony of giggles. Immediately, two pairs of eyes that held his entire universe shot towards him. “What are you two doing here?”

“Daddy!” Jia chirped loudly, immediately snatching the paper and pushing herself up. By the time she sat down, Kyungsoo had already reached the couch. He leaned down, pressing a quick kiss to the top of Jia’s head, just like every evening, before throwing himself down on the couch with his family. Jongin shifted beside him, moving to wrap an arm around his waist almost instinctively. “We were writing letters for Santa at school today!”

“Letters?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows shot up for a brief moment. His mind processed this, helpfully supplying that at the tender age of five most of those kids were probably just writing words, probably wrong too. Still, the glint of that pure happiness in his daughter’s eye was enough to make him feel happy too. His eyes shot towards the scattered colourful pencils on the couch, then to the paper his daughter was so tightly holding in her little hands. He vaguely paid attention to Jongin’s fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt, his smile just as warm and loving. “What’s this, then? What are you writing now?”

“I gave my first letter to Dad and he sent it to Santa,” Jia started explaining with a rather matter-of-factly tone to her gentle voice. Kyungsoo shot a quick look towards Jongin, his eyebrow quirking. “I’m writing my letter again to show it to you, Daddy!”

Kyungsoo beamed at his daughter, that warmth inside his chest only spreading.

“So,” Kyungsoo blinked as he scooped up his daughter in his arms again. She had started scribbling on the paper again. “Dad sent the letter, huh?”

That was good. At least they knew now what Jia would want for Christmas. That would certainly make it easier, taking away from the stress of choosing presents and wondering whether she would like them or not.

“Yeah, well,” Jongin let out a little groan as he finally sat up slowly. His hair was messy, the glasses were riding low on the bridge of his nose. He looked so soft. “Dad lives in the 21st century, so he scanned the letter and sent it to Santa’s elves.”

Kyungsoo almost let out a scoff. He squinted his eyes towards Jongin for a fraction of a millisecond.

“Pretty sure that’s not the job of the elves,” he said quickly. He was entirely convinced though, that Jongin did not care. Even if Christmas shopping for the boss’ five-year-old daughter was not in their work contract, he doubted Mark and Haechan would have much of a choice. He didn’t know whether to laugh or to sigh again.  

“Santa does get quite busy around this time of year,” Jongin replied, eyes just as sharp when they met his. Kyungsoo almost rolled his eyes. He knew that. Hell, he knew that.  With the Christmas season coming up, there were so many things to take care of. So many collections coming out, so many shows. The benefit, the Christmas parties. All seasonal events and launches. VOGUE’s headquarters were on fire. He sure could not blame Jongin for asking his assistants to do one more thing on the ever-growing list of tasks.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo gave up with a little sigh, hugging Jia a little closer to his chest, before finally giving his full attention to the paper in her hands. “You done with that, princess?”

She gave a few enthusiastic nods, before handing the paper over to him. Kyungsoo took it from her gently, before throwing a quick look to his watch. He almost frowned before throwing one more accusatory glance in Jongin’s direction. His husband feigned innocence.

“You should go to bed, missy. You need to wake up early for school tomorrow. It’s way past your bedtime,” Kyungsoo poked Jia before she could protest. “Go get in your pyjamas. I’ll come help you in a minute.”

Jia let out another excited giggle when Jongin leaned down to attack her with tickles. Kyungsoo would have scolded both of them, but Jia’s smile was so infection, it made all his exhaustion just disappear.

Besides, she did break away from Jongin. He could hear the tapping of her bare feet against the floor as she ran upstairs to get ready for bed.

“You look tired, love,” Jongin asked when they were finally alone. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss against Kyungsoo’s lips. It felt soft, and welcoming. It felt like home. Kyungsoo just smiled weakly against his husband’s lips, nodding lightly. Jongin’s fingers brushed against his cheek soothingly. “I’ll make you a tea.”

“Thank you.”

Jongin stood up from the couch then, and Kyungsoo took the opportunity to occupy the space by sprawling himself out on the soft material. He could practically hear his body’s aches and sores. He was just so tired, he could fall asleep right here and now.

But he still had a daughter upstairs waiting for him and his good night kiss on her forehead, he still had several emails to reply to. The silver lining was, he still had his husband. The same husband who was now across the room, behind the counter tops, making a warm cup of tea for him. The husband whose arms would hold him later, his warmth all around him as they both went to sleep.

What a dream.

The paper rustled in Kyungsoo’s fingers, and he slowly lifted it up. Jia’s doodles were the first thing his eyes registered. Asymmetric flowers with blue petals and purple stems scattered on the paper. Then, in the middle, with childish and harsh lines, was a list of words. Some were written correctly. Some were misspelled. A few flipped B’s and R’s made his lips tug into a smirk.

However, as his eyes scanned the paper, he felt the smirk slowly giving way to the dumbfounded scowl that replaced it instead.

“Uh, Jongin?” he asked, slowly pushing himself up to lean on his elbow. He looked over the edge of the paper towards Jongin who had just added the teabag to the steaming cup. His husband looked so perfectly innocent, and Kyungsoo suddenly felt the urge to outright choke him. “What the hell is this?”

Jongin threw a quick look towards him, distracted.

“What? She told you, it’s her Christmas list.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Kyungsoo snapped, raising the paper again. He let out a harsh breath. “iPhone? Makeup, perfume, a bunny? A Chanel purse?!”

“Oh, yeah,” a hint of a smile danced on Jongin’s lips as he walked towards him, carrying the cup of tea. “She misspelled purse. I thought it was quite cute.”

“Kim Jongin!” Kyungsoo’s sigh was exasperated as he put the list down on the couch again. He had no strength in himself to argue. He just shook his head. “We can’t give her that stuff.”

“Why not?” Jongin retaliated. “It’s all quite useful, actually. It’s stuff we’re gonna get for her eventually anyways.”

“How in hell are Gucci slippers useful?” Kyungsoo fired, but at the confident look in Jongin’s eyes, he just raised a hand, fingers brushing over Jongin’s lips. Keeping them shut. He leaned into Jongin when his husband sat down next to him ag