“I know I promised to come and not to be late again…” Jamie started, but she could already hear her manager huff at the other side of the phone.

She bit her lip as she crossed the street, looking from left to right to make sure she wouldn’t get hit by any passing cars. It wasn’t busy at the moment, most people were still stuck at work for now.

Jamie were supposed to be one of those people. Her practice had been rescheduled to the early morning so she could prepare for her first world tour later today. If there was one thing Jamie hated then it was abandoning her work.

For many years she has pursue her career, from JYP to Warner Music, her singing career had always been the most important thing in her life and the rest always came second.

Until she had fall in love with her former JYP bestfriends, the leader of Stray Kids, Bang Chan and the two of them had started dating 2 month after Jamie left JYP, but before that they also has been bestfriends for more than 8 years, so for her he seemed to be just as important, if not more.

“this better be very important Jimin-ah.” Her manager said, and Jamie could tell he was trying to hold back his annoyance.

But he knew Jamie better than anyone else. He knew that Jamie wouldn’t just ditch her own work if it weren’t for a serious matter.

That didn’t mean that he wouldn’t rub it into her face later though.

“Oppa.. I never heard him being this down before. He wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone but…I’m worried. I think something’s wrong.” Jamie said, thinking back about the recent phone call she’d had with Chan. Her manager had known about their relationships since a year ago.

“Okay then... take care of Chan. Oh! Don’t forget to disguise yourself, I don’t want you to get caught by media”

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Jamie were glad to know that both of them were in Korea at the same time for once and that Stray Kids abroad schedules was done for the moment. Right now they were busy working on their next album.

Jamie been ready to leave, car keys in hand and completely dressed in her disguise outfit (bucket hat, mask, her oversized jacket), when all of a sudden her phone had started to blow up inside of her bag.

Seeing his name on the lock screen had immediately made her feel great. Chan knew that she was busy these days, having her first world tour coming up.

Unlike anyone he understood exactly what Jamie was going through and he never complained when she told him she didn’t have time to come over.

Both of Chan and Jamie are really passionate about their music. No one could understand Chan more than Jamie.

Since they’ve been bestfriends for a long time, Chan knows what Jamie has come through to pursue her dream as a singer. And so do Jamie.

From their midnight talks about their worries as an idol. And their 3 a.m talks anytime they make a songs, asking each other opinions about their music (yeah this is based on real thing. Jamie says on her instagram that Chan had called her at early morning to ask Jamie opinion about Stray Kids songs that he made).

Music is what makes them fall in love with each other.

Dating as idols could be hectic sometimes, having two packed agendas with different activities. But the two of them always worked their way around it.

Yet, this morning he had asked Jamie something he normally never asked her when he knew that she was busy.

He’d asked her to come over, he had to see her.

When Jamie asked him what was wrong Chan had simply replied that he really needed her there right now.

 “I’ll be there as soon as I can. I promise.” That’s the sentences that come out of Jamie mouth as soon as she heard Chan shaky voice.

Even though he didn’t tell her much, the sound of his voice had been enough to let Jamie know that something was off.

He hadn’t just sounded tired, there had been no sign of his if his normal cheerfulness.

--------------------------------------

Reaching the gate that closed off the apartment complex in front of her.

Typing in the code which Chan had given her since Jamie had started dating him. Quickly she opened her text conversation with Chan to let him know that she were almost at their dorm.

Jamie crossed several small streets before reaching a familial set of numbers and ringing the bell. Since the boys had been more popular, there’s a lot of case when stalker trying to get into their dorm or waiting for them to come out to follows them, so JYP choose to moved their dorm to a different and more secured dorm complex last year.

For the boys safety.

Jamie almost always getting lost in this big complex. She take a deep breath and tried to be calm. But the thought of her boyfriend being inside there and something possibly being wrong with him made Jamie feels very uneasy.

Finally arrived at Stray Kids apartment, she walk fast to their door and ringing the bell. She took a deep breath when she heard the locks open and tried to hold herself back in case it might not be Chan at the door.

Jamie once made the mistake of tackling Changbin in a bear hug, thinking it was Chan. The guy had been so shocked, he hadn’t been able to stop blushing at her for the first few days after and rather than upet or jealous, Chan had about it constantly.

But when the door finally opened Jamie found an exhausted and gloomy Chan standing in front of her.

His hair was a mess, curling up at the sides and standing in different kinds and weird directions as if he had pulled his hands through the strands several times.

Usually he looked just fine without make up on, now there were several red spot and pimples covering his skin which indicated stress.

But the most scary part were his eyes.

There was something lost inside of them, mingled with so much sadness and hurt that it took Jamie breath away.

Not saying anything Chan moved aside to let Jamie in the apartment, yet as soon as the door closed behind her, he pulled Jamie towards him and wrapped his arms around her.

To say that Jamie was shocked was an understatement. He crushed her against his chest, as if he were holding onto her for dear life.

“Chan, what’s wrong?” Jamie asked, her voice muffled by the fabric of his shirt.

But he simply held her tighter and hid his face inside the crook of her neck. Jamie realized that he didn’t want to talk at the moment but that he just needed her proximity.

Eventually he would start talking, but she didn’t want to push him.

“Let’s just stay like this for a while.” He muttered with a mumbled voice, and Jamie shivered when she felt something wet roll down the side of her neck towards her collarbone.

He was crying.

Jamie had never seen him crying around her before.

He wasn’t someone who liked showing his feelings around others, he usually bottled everything up and spilled his worries out to her during lazy nights they spend on Jamie apartment together.

Whatever was going on, it affected him enough to let himself go completely. Since Jamie had never been in this situation before, she weren’t quite sure what to do.

What did he need from her?

The last thing she wanted was to make things worse.

Slowly she brought her hands up, trying not to startle Chan by her movements.

She wrapped one of her arms around Chan while the back of his head with the other one, letting his hair slip in between her slender fingers.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. Let it out.”

Having him show his true colors like this and being so vulnerable in front of her was a rare but precious thing.

Chan has been know to be an emotionally strong leader, with all the responsibilities on his shoulders, he has always been someone who always comfort and cheering up others. But now, he’s the one who needs to be comforted.

Jamie didn’t want Chan to think that she thought he wasn’t allowed to show his feelings around her or to be ashamed for crying.

She wanted Chan to let it all out, and pour all his emotions to her. To let all the tough wall that he build because of his self-sacrificing nature crumble down.

Jamie heart seemed to break inside of her chest when a sob leaved his body and his fingers fisted into her shirt, clinging onto her.

She can’t help but let her own tears fall to, crying along with Chan.

It hurts her seeing him hurts so much like this. She noticed how quiet it was inside of the house, how the only thing she could hear through out the apartment was Chan sobs.

Not knowing what else to say to him she simply stood there, holding him tightly against her tiny body to let him know that he wasn’t alone, to let him know that she weren’t planning on letting go of him until he was ready.

She rubbed her cheek against his head and pressed kisses on his head, letting her fingers soothingly the skin of his neck.

Eventually Chan seemed to calm down enough to rediscover his voice, but it cracked when he tried to push the words out.

“I’m…sorry.” He mumbled, catching his breath in between the two short syllables.

Hearing him apologize to her for being sad around her made this whole thing even worse.

“What for… Chan?” Jamie said and while she spoke Chan finally lifted his head from her shoulder so she was able to look at his face.

The sight of his tear strained face made Jamie feel terrible and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out for him and wiping the last traces of those tears that were still rolling down away from his cheeks.

His eyes locked with hers and he tried to produce a smile for her, but it never reached his eyes and it was painful to watch him trying so hard.

Jamie grabbed a hold of Chan hand and squeezed his fingers when he laced them with hers, letting Jamie pull him towards the living room.

It was strange to see it completely empty as she entered, there were no signs of the other members being here. The boys didn’t separate a lot, so Jamie had no idea where they could have gone off to without their leader.

Besides, they would never leave their leader by himself if they knew that he was in this kind of state.

Whatever happened, s mustn’t have been aware of it.

Letting go of Chan hand, Jamie settled onto the couch, and he didn’t even ask anything before crawling on there with her.

Jamie laid down on her back, feeling him settle his head on top of her s and cuddling against her. She wrapped her arms around him again.

Hands on his back, soothingly rubbing it. Chan heaved a deep sigh and closed his eyes as he pressed his face into her neck, taking in Jamie scents.

His arms wrapped around her tiny waist, and for a moment it became completely quiet inside of the dorm as he was trying to get himself back together.

Deciding that it was time to try again, Jamie cleared and lowered her voice while asking her first question.

“Chan.. what’s wrong?” For a while it seemed as if he wasn’t about to answer, but then she heard his soft words being spilled against her neck, as he continued to hide his face.

“Woojin kicked out of the group” He whispered and Jamie stayed silent as she took in this information. She’s shocked but she doesn’t know what to say. There’s a lot of question running through her head, but she gonna save it for later.

The guys were close, and Jamie knew how much STRAY KIDS cared for each other, they’re like a family.

They grew attached to each other. Having Woojin left the group mean that they lost one of their family. Now that he had finally started, he kept throwing out his thoughts, and she was glad that he opened up like this.

“He was kicked out of the group because PD-nim afraid that his past scandal could ruin our groups. Even though i already expect this. It’s so terrible to see the members so sad. I feel so useless. I’m a worst leader. I hate seeing the members go through such rough times, but there is nothing I can do, nothing I can say. I want to help them, but I can’t. I don’t know what to do” All of a sudden it all made sense, and Jamie felt a sad smile forming around her lips as she progressed his thoughts.

Her sweet and strong Bang Chan, always wanting the best for the people he cared for the most.

Suffering harder because of other people’s hardships than because of his own.

Always putting his own needs last.

Sacrificing himself because of other happiness.

And blaming himself if thing goes wrong.

Taking a deep breath. Letting her arms loosen around him Jamie hands searched for his face.

“Chan, look at me.” Jamie said, and she had to wait for a few seconds before he finally obeyed and lifted his head from her body to look her in the eye.

He still looked miserable, but obviously lighter now that he had been able to spill out the feelings and thoughts that had been burdening him.

She placed both of her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs caressing his skin as she looked him in the eye.

“Sometimes it isn’t necessary to do or say anything. Even though it's past, things that Woojin does is horrible and the boys knew that. Theres nothing to do. And the boys also knows how much you care for them, how bad you feel for them and how much you love them. Sometimes being there and giving a silent support means much more than any words combined in this world.” Jamie mumbled, and she could see that she had Chan full attention, as if he was desperate to hear this from her.

“That you’re by their side now despite all of the things that they have been through is something that the boys will never forget. They love you, and sure you may feels like you have to be responsible for anything that happened.. but once in a while rather than be the one who people are depending on, you are deserve to depend on someone at the moment like this” Somehow Chan eyes seemed to clear a little as he took that in and he nodded.

The tears that had threaten to spill from his eyes again dried as he blinked them away.

Getting reminded of the silent apartment Jamie decided to asked as she brushed his tears from his face.

“Where are the others anyway?” She asked, and he seemed to think about that before he answered her.

“JYP gave us a long break. They all went to home to see their family.” He said, his hand grabbing a hold of Jamie wrist so that he could tug her hand towards his lips.

He pressed a kiss on the inside of her palm and Jamie smiled up at him. It was a sign that he was feeling better, and a way for him to show her that he was grateful.

“Then why are you here?” Jamie asked, confused, knowing that Chan’s parents and sister did live in Australia, but he usually didn’t miss the chance it he could go home and see them.

Yet, he frowned, as if puzzled by Jamie question.

“You are my home.”

It made Jamie heart flutter inside of her chest and she knew Chan had no idea what those words he just said meant to her.

He never seemed to know how much he meant to people, completely clueless about how much space he had captured inside of everyone heart.

“Thank you baby.. I don’t know what will happen if you’re not here… I love you.”

Chan continued and smiled softly before crawling up until his head was on Jamie level, so he could lower his head and collide his lips with hers.

“I love you too, more than words can say.”