The threat of dragging him to the hospital hadn’t been a joke to his dismay.  It was strange how long it took him to grasp the situation, like being told he had started screaming suddenly and had a seizure was a long-lost foreign concept. 

Yet he hadn’t protested as Junsu and Changmin had helped him about, and he had sat well behaved while his blood was drawn and he was poked and prodded with any and everything Changmin could think up.  

Afterwards he had several different bandaids on his arm, each one sporting a different Sanrio character that brightens his mood far more than he is willing to admit. Perhaps he shouldn’t feel so chipper, he and Junsu still have to talk and the way his friend had said it had made him a little nauseous.  

Either he’ll receive bad news or he is in trouble and the most likely scenario is that it is both somehow.  

He feels a little sleepy and a little sluggish as they step out of Junsu’s car and he is glad to find the other at his side as they make their way toward Junsu’s apartment. Maybe the change of scenery will make him feel better, but he doubts that.  

Mostly he is glad Changmin opted to stay behind, needed at work and planning something or other, because at that moment he feels needy and he doesn’t want to have to share Junsu’s attention.  

The sofa in Junsu’s living space is grey, large and the most comfortable thing he has ever been on, much better than the stiff leather sofa in his own flat. It is for that reason that he nearly squeals once the door opens as he runs toward the plush piece of furniture after kicking his tennis shoes off. 

The drama of the day is practically forgotten, from the ache in his head to his lingering fever as he snuggles up against one of the plush pillows.  

“Can’t we just trade furniture? You said you liked my sofa,” the blonde suggests hopefully as he curls himself into the fetal position. 

“If we did that I’m afraid you would never go outside again.” 

“I would not,” Jaejoong confirms, though he probably shouldn’t. 

Before long the scent of ginger and lemon filters through the cozy space, he can hear Junsu moving about by he doesn’t make the effort to get up and help, though he knows he should. He also knows the older man was shoo him away and tell him to sit down. 

He isn’t dizzy anymore, his head doesn’t ache too terribly either. If he could just shake the fever he would be good as new. 

When two mugs of tea are set on the coffee table he twists around to shoot Junsu a glance, “I would have helped you.” 

“It’s just tea, don’t be absurd.” 

This is the part he wishes his life was a drama for, so he could hit pause glance at one of the cameras and utter an ‘I told you so’.  

The sofa sinks a little bit as his friend clambers in close to him, a hand rests comfortably against his thigh.  

“I know Changmin was talking about me to you,” he addresses instead of waiting for it to come up, he wants to say it’ll be less awkward like this, but he isn’t sure. 

Jaejoong hates being treated like a child, or feeling like a burden but some things cannot be helped. What bothers him, a little, is the feeling that the pair have discussed his issues more thoroughly together than anything he has been informed of. That, he knows, is not what the doctor is supposed to do, and yet he isn’t particularly angry about it.  

Junsu is his person, the one he can trust, he just wishes Changmin would have mentioned bringing the other in first.  Besides, he knows he isn’t going to like what he hears. 

He already knows one of the things Changmin was going to say before. The inhibitors were starting the wreck his nervous system, so the doctor was either wanting him to take less of them, or worse, stop taking them entirely. Unfortunately he wasn’t sure which it was yet, because he had had a bit of an issue before he could find out. 

How important was the nervous system anyway? If only he could be that ignorant.  

Junsu hasn’t made a sound yet, and it sets the mood more than any words could. 

“Alright, so how bad is it? Am I dying? How long have I got left? Six months? A year?” 

The hand rubbing his thigh stills, and that prompts the blonde to actually look up.  

“Yikes, less than that? Three months?” 

“You think you could be dead in three months and you are this calm?” Junsu sounds angry even though he isn’t actually yelling. 

Slowly he shifts, just enough to sit up and twist around. When Jaejoong leans back his head finds Junsu’s lap so he can stare up at him, he smiles though he knows that isn’t actually making his friend feel better. 

“I’ve done a lot of things to myself that I should not have,” it is still a little difficult to admit aloud, but Junsu has been there for a bit of it anyway, it isn’t a secret, “I suppose I always kind of expected something to happen.” 

“If you know, why haven’t you slowed down?” 

That is something he wishes he had an answer to, or an answer that really made sense anywhere save for his head.  

He is quiet for too long, staring off at the ceiling as he loses himself in his thoughts. The other doesn’t rush him or pry, only leans over just a tiny bit to fetch his tea.  

“Someday my parents are going to show up,” he begins after what feels like an eternity, “They’re going to and... and if I can just hold on until then, I can show them I can do it. I can meet their expectations and they are going to be proud of me. I just... I need that, just once, just for a moment, and then I can move on.” 

Junsu doesn’t like the answer, he can see it without the beta having to say it. Junsu doesn’t think his parents deserve him not after... everything, and while the sane part of his brain grasps the losing battle, that if there was anything he could do it would have worked already, he has to keep trying. 

“Anyway, you didn’t tell me? How long? What’s the good doctor want from me?” 

“At the rate you’re going Jae? A year if you’re lucky,“ he appreciates that Junsu didn’t sugar coat it or drag it out, though he isn’t thrilled with the answer, “We need to start trying to wean you off the inhibitors, slowly. Slowly, because if we go too fast it’ll be worse. Changmin thinks it’d be a good idea if you spend some time near an alpha too, it might help sort you out.  Like... your body might do some of the thing’s it’s supposed to.” 

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