Twenty Three

Goldie Locks and Papa Bear
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“You look great.”

 
Jaejoong’s eyes jerk in Junsu’s direction, slightly narrowed, extremely suspicious as he eyes his friend.  

 
It’s obligation, he thinks. Of course, Junsu will compliment him, Junsu feels like colours and butterflies and smiles and fresh herbal tea.

 
But he’s not, not always, the voice in his head whispers urgently.

 
Because Junsu isn’t, really.

 
He’s supportive and kind and just as understanding as he isn’t.
 

Because Junsu had appeared one day like a rainbow breaking through the foggy grey storm of his life, the same way Solar had been the sunlight reaching in to brighten his day. The beta hadn’t been able to chase the dark away, but there had been something there, the safe feeling of home and family he’d needed so badly.

 
And Junsu had stayed.
 

Junsu stayed because he was stubborn and mean and frightened and kind.

 
He’s pretty sure it could have been anyone, that there was nothing special that had drawn the beta in so they could be friends. It was probably pity, sympathy to meet someone so broke that caused Junsu to stay by his side.

 
But it didn’t really matter, did it?  Because he was there.

 
So even if Junsu is obligated to compliment him because they’re friends, it doesn’t matter.
 

“Should I...” he begins awkwardly, only to trail off.

 
His sister helped him put his clothes together, three different outfits while they were on a video call because ‘you’ll freak out and change more than once, I know you will’.  

 
He hadn’t wanted to tell her, but it was the only way he had managed to keep her from coming over to his apartment to see what the hell was wrong with him and he couldn’t do that, it would have been the last time he ever saw her once she realized what he was.

 
So he spilled instead, distracting her with gossip, carefully admitting that he had a date and that was why he was so jittery and distressed.  
 

He hadn’t even gotten so far as telling her it was a man before she was squealing the Yunho’s name excitedly.

 
Apparently, unfortunately, the woman hadn’t forgotten that they had spoken about him the last time she had been over. Of course, it had been a mistake telling her they’d met up at that time, and not denying the massive stalkerish crush he’s had on Jung Yunho for as long as he could remember. Not that it would have helped, because he did have a massive stalkerish crush on the alpha for as long as he could remember and Solar knew it before he had.  
 

“If I have to steal your phone and tell your sister you don’t trust her ability to put together an outfit,” Junsu threatens mildly with his hands resting on his hips.
 

“Oh... so you’re trying to end my life,” the omega huffs, attempting to scowl.

 
But his mouth twitches upwards slightly in betrayal all the same.

 
The black jeans are too tight for professional, but Solar seems to think the whole ‘college student date’ thing excuses him from putting a suit on, but that doesn’t stop him from putting a nice blouse on. It’s a pale lavender, almost white, he keeps tucked in and buttoned save for the two at the top.
 

It’s simple, he looks nice, his clothes are well pressed and nice.
 

The problem isn’t really the outfit though. The clothes are good, even if he feels the need to tear them off and put on something better.
 

It’s him, really.

 
He isn’t good enough and he knows it, so he needs to overcompensate. He needs the suit and silk ties and the fancy dress shoes instead of converse.

 
Jaejoong doesn’t actually own a suit though.  

 
“I can’t do this,” he murmurs out of nowhere, rubbing his lips together.

 
He’s not sure where the thought came from, just that it pops into his mind out of nowhere and feels like a bucket of ice water raining down over his head and shoulders. The sensation is painful and startling but it is so, so true.

 
The wakeup call nobody was going to be kind enough to give him.


“What?! Of course, you can! It’s not like you invited yourself or something, Yunho invited you,” Junsu exclaims, ever the peppy cheerleader.

 
Today it doesn’t help.

 
Jaejoong yelps like a wounded animal and practically trips over his own feet as he stumbles backwards, fleeing through the space of his apartment towards his bedroom where he slams the door shut behind him.  
 

“But! Jae! C’mon Yunho is probably on his way,” Junsu calls, alarmingly close sounding to the door.
 

Luckily, he’d slid to the floor, rather bodily blocking it to keep the beta out of the room.
 

“My- my phone. Yeah it’s... Tell Yunho I can’t make it for me?”

 
Idly he wonders if Junsu will refuse him, if the other will really force him to suffer with telling Jung Yunho to his face that he isn’t going. It’ll come off horribly, the lowly omega practically telling the alpha he isn’t good enough.
 

At least over text he can just avoid the man for the rest of his life afterwards.
 

“Fine... I, Kim Junsu, will text Jung Yunho about this...situation,” the beta drawls slowly.
 

Jaejoong makes a tiny, grateful noise in the back of his throat, and then at least attempts to breathe his way through his impending panic attack.
 

-----
 

He moved, at some point, he just doesn’t remember when.

 
But Junsu had returned to the door at some point to inform him that Yunho had been texted and the beta promised he would be in the living space watching a movie when Jaejoong was ready for company.
 

Which made his room feel that much safer.  
 

Nobody was coming in and if someone actually broke into the space they had to get through Junsu first.
 

Junsu wasn’t much of a practical body guard, but the thought eas soothing all the same.

 
Which is why the omega is perched on the edge of his bed, bent forward to keep his head between his knees as he attempts to talk himself down from certain death. It feels like certain death, at least.

 
Because at the end of the day, not having to face Yunho is a ing blessing... but he’s kind of crushed by the reality of it.
 

Yunho is one of those things that he wants so badly but can’t quite have.
 

Like his desperation to be something else- anything other than an omega, it just isn’t possible.  
 

His breaths are still hitchy and gasping, failing to draw in enough air but they’re drawing in something at least which is better than he was a while ago.  

 
The sound of his bedroom door opening slowly and clicking shut has him scoffing, which is not a good idea before he rasps a second later, ridding himself of a breath he’d needed.
 

“Tr--tra-traitor,” he rasps, chuckling despite the difficulty of it, “the-- the movie?”

 
He’d look up, glare and all of it, but there are dark spots swimming in and out of the corner of his vision and he shivers violently. The choice to keep his head down isn’t so much a choice as a requirement.
 

And Junsu- the beautiful bastard he is, doesn’t push at him.
 

A warm hand settles between his shoulder blades feather light at first before morphing into a steady pressure that massages at his spine. He has no idea when Junsu learned to do that, but he moans softly in relief because for a moment there he might have thought he was going to die or pass out.
 

“Oh, oh you’ve ed up now,” Jaejoong huffs, leaning forward until the top of his head can rest against Junsu’s hip, he smells like heaven and he wonders how he had missed it earlier, “You’ll be stuck with me forever because of your stupid magic hands.”
 

“That means I get to keep you forever, then? I think I can handle that.”
 

For a second, just a millisecond he thinks Woah, when did Junsu’s voice get so deep and y?

 
And then he is both disgusted, confused and scandalized because really, that sound is familiar.  

 
The blonde’s head jerks upwards so fast he is actually dizzy for a moment, and he worries he might have given himself whiplash but once the horrible feeling settles he still feels a bit like he might be sick.
 

Of course, it isn't Junsu at all. Junsu’s voice isn’t deep or y, and his hands aren’t magic and he doesn’t smell like heaven, these are all things he knows, because Yunho is all of those things and perhaps traits like those aren’t supposed to be a one and done type of deal- but whatever god forged Yunho had decided not to share and Jaejoong doesn’t actually mind.
 

Except for the part where he feels like he’d been caught with his pants down by the alpha... and he’s fully clothed.
 

“I--I,” he stammers stupidly, eyes wide as he tries to think of something, anything, “sorry? I asked Junsu to-- I can’t...”

 
“Junsu messaged me from your phone,” the alpha informs softly, and belatedly Jaejoong realizes the hand is still there, rubbing his back, “said you needed me? Something about nerves... Are you alright?”

 
The omega glares, because what else is he going to do? Tell the truth? It’s preposterous and he doesn’t need to, because surely they know- they both know the issue.
 

And yet there is Yunho, suddenly kneeling on his bedroom floor in front of him and the alpha’s hands are resting softly on his thighs.

 
“Oh god, get up. You can’t-- Yunho, get up you can’t do that,” the blonde whispers, frantic, grabbing for the alpha in an attempt to guide him upwards, it doesn’t work at all.  

 
“Jaejoong,” there is something mildly scolding to the alpha’s voice that causes him to stiffen, to pause, brows furrowing slightly as he stares at the older man, “talk to me, what’s going on?”
 

Suddenly he’s not sure he can do it, not sure he can open his mouth to point out how hurt he is, how afraid. He isn’t going to survive the evening in front of the Jungs, and if it goes really bad? He has no doubt they’ll be on the phone with his parents, telling them off for allowing their filthy omega near their son.
 

“Your family, I don’t think I should...” and yet he can’t even bring himself to say it, grimacing too hard to choke out anymore words.

 
“I’ve told my mother a little bit about you, you know,” Yunho points out, he doesn’t even pause or hesitate when Jaejoong’s head jerks upwards so sharply that the sound of his spine popping in painfully audible, “She knows you’re twelve years younger than I am, which means she’s more likely to skin me alive while Jihye helps if I upset you. She knows you are an omega, that doesn’t matter to my parents they just... they just want my sister and I to be happy.”
 

If he didn’t know better, it almost sounded like Yunho wanted to date him. But that...
 

Well, there is just no way, really.  
 

Even in his wildest dreams, he’s pretty sure it could maybe, maybe be the occasional thing if Yunho felt bad enough for him. But something else? Something that mattered?
 

He probably hesitates too long, unable to think up anything to say, but the alpha sighs.
 

“I’d really l

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JaeBeloved
#1
Chapter 30: That brief moment, a glimpse of what could be, the potential for their future, it was wonderful!
Though it was short lived, it was really nice to see Jae seemingly content in his own skin.

Though I have to say I am terrified to find that Jae is back on the pills. Habits are difficult to break out of, that “normal ” he craves is what keeps him going back no matter how toxic it may be.
He survived in the chaos and to find himself in a new environment where people aren’t cruel like his parents and sister, it must be jarring and feel like any minute the masks are coming off and it was all just some sick joke.

It must be equally frustrating and devastating trying to get out of the dark hole he’s lived in, while at the same time sabotaging his progress. To him, who believes he doesn’t deserve happiness, he’s always preparing for the worst possible outcome.
It’s cruel what most of his family has done to Jae, he’s so convinced that they’re right about being worthless and undeserving of happiness.
As always thanks for sharing, I was very happy to see this story again!
NinePlusOne #2
Chapter 30: YH you’re so sweet to JJ!
jheana #3
Chapter 30: Yunho is really the sweetest alpha. He is so considerate of Jaejoong's needs. Please let them get married! 😊
justwanttoread #4
Chapter 30: its really sweet how yunho take notice of jaejoong little fantasy..
Nancy_boy
#5
Chapter 30: OMG this was the sweeetest thing ever!!! So glad to see you back btw
with all the bits Yunho is getting from Jaejoong and his family dynamics, I wonder how things with the Kims will go
jjbrownsugga #6
Chapter 30: That was sweet. Yunho knows just how to take care of his Jaejoong.
Thank you for the update.
kirochka #7
Chapter 30: Thanks for the new chapter! Yunho is amazing and Jaejoong is so cute.
They should be happy. <3
Fladahh #8
Chapter 30: They are all kinds of wonderful 😊
Lovely date
NinePlusOne #9
Chapter 29: Sooo sassy JJ is! Yunjae are meant to be!
Nancy_boy
#10
Chapter 29: have I mentioned how much I love your updates?
How long until Yunho knows something is Up with JJ?
Will JJ health be able to take him being back on supressents?
It is really difficult to move from toxic things that we have got so used to them but also we have constructed our lifes around them we can no longer function without them...\oh JJ