The Moment My Heart Flinched

In what words should I express it?

Will you know it?

How should I put my heart into it?

So that it will be conveyed to you...

I’ve been staring all day

I’m spending the same everyday

He couldn’t help it, his eyes would always stray to his husky voiced hyung especially now that he was wearing that y choker.

Yesung in a choker would always be too much for him. That neck by itself was already tempting on days it was bare but put a choker on it and everytime Yesung spoke had Kyuhyun’s control tested.

‘Ah, what would I give to be the one to mark that neck…’

“And so I said- hey, Kyu? Is something wrong? You’ve been quiet. Am I boring you?” the quick-fire questions directed at him snapped Kyuhyun out of his slowly spiraling downward thoughts.

“And so you said what hyung? I was listening, don't worry” Kyuhyun smiled mischievously at the older, praising his genius brain for being able to multitask but also mentally berating himself for letting his thoughts (and eyes) wander. Again. Not like it’s the first time but - 

‘Cho Kyuhyun focus! Now is not the time to be distracted by hyung in a choker, you’re in  a concert dammit!’ Right now it was Ryeowook’s solo stage and the background music of The Little Prince and Ryeowook’s sweet voice drifted through air, making it feel more romantic somehow or was it just Kyuhyun?

Yesung’s concerned gaze turned into a mildly annoyed one when he somehow figured out that Kyuhyun wasn’t even listening to his ramble.

“Aish, you won’t even listen to me properly, you brat!” Yesung scolded pushing Kyuhyun lightly, making Kyuhyun laugh because a small pout appeared on the older’s lips as he huffed angrily.

Just then, a stylist decided to give Yesung his finishing touches, probably saving Kyuhyun from his hyung’s wrath.

The stylist's entrance made them lapse into silence and Kyuhyun used it as a chance to go back to staring at Yesung.

He’d never admit it but Cho Kyuhyun was always staring at his Yesung hyung.

Not just during those selcas where he’d tease Yesung by giving him side eye looks but whenever he felt like no one was watching him.

Everytime, every schedule he either stared at Yesung, glanced at him as much as unsuspiciously possible or did whatever he could to get an excuse to touch him. 

And honestly, if he had a choice he was fine with just staring at Yesung for the rest of his life, his beautiful hyung’s face and body and his antics were as interesting as a game for Kyuhyun.

Suddenly the stylist’s movement caught Kyuhyun’s eye. Seeing how Yesung closed his eyes like an angel as make up was applied and that girl even touching up Yesung’s neck and lips made Kyuhyun want to growl but he restrained himself. 

This is why he hated Yesung’s kindness at times. His hyung was too accepting of touches and was too touchy at the same time. He hated everyone who touched his hyung and was touched by his hyung. He hated it but he didn’t have a say after all. Yesung wasn’t his at all.

Instead of bursting however, he took a picture of Yesung, the snap of the camera shutter making Yesung open his eyes in surprise and even the stylist paused for a moment before shrugging and leaving after finishing touches.

“You’re taking pictures of me or is that a selca? At this time? Have you been infected by me,my dear roommate?” Yesung’s initial frown turned into a smile as he spotted Kyuhyun’s light blush at the loud sound of the shutter going off.

“I’m still not as bad as you hyung. And who says I don’t take a lot of selcas myself?” Kyuhyun’s traitorous heart flinched again due to the playful teasing but inside he was thankful that his burst camera option had only one shutter sound, otherwise his hyung would have found out how many pictures he took of him at that single moment. 

The small smile Yesung had that wasn’t wiped from his face told him that his Hyung didn’t believe him one bit though. 

🎶I am tamed by you...So I can’t see anyone else...🎶

Wow, was even Ryeowook’s song telling him how whipped he is? Unbelievable.

“Put away your phone Kyu-ah, Wookie’s ending soon.” Yesung twitched as the bratty maknae answered with an “I know” and barely missed the older’s small fist as he muttered a curse word at him.

Kyuhyun followed the command though, putting away his phone while his mind briefly thought about intending on sorting out the pictures later.

God, if anyone found out about Kyuhyun’s massive collection of candid Yesung pics he collected through the years, they’d call him an obsessive sasaeng. He practically had a couple of phones with a large folder dedicated to the older only. For every event he had with Yesung he had a couple of hand-picked pics saved in his phone. The pictures all conveying the same thing:

How Yesung looked like through Kyuhyun’s eyes.

The sudden silence signalled the end of The Little Prince and then having Ryeowook come into his position between Yesung and Kyuhyun for Dorothy made Kyuhyun mentally give himself a shake though.

‘Get a grip, idiot. You have a concert to do.’  Just then the music started and Kyuhyun let himself get lost in the music once more, opening his mouth to start singing Dorothy.

It’s becoming a burden in my heart

Thinking you’ll run away

Just being together right now,

I thought it was enough

But it’s growing even bigger

The feelings I have towards you

I want to tell you now 

If he had a chance and a choice, he would give in to his obsessive and possessive side completely. 

He’d sometimes have this weird urge to lock Yesung up and keep him far away from the grabby hands of other people who also wanted his hyung, keep him safe from the hurtful words and actions of antis, from his hyung’s own overthinking, insomniac mind. 

Sometimes the want was just too tempting to follow. 

The want to just completely own Yesung no matter what he’d have to do. 

But that’ll just make Yesung run away from him. And that’s the last thing he’d ever want.

He’d rather keep it all hidden than having Yesung run away from him and having  his small part of Yesung taken away from him completely. 

At first, he thought it was better to just keep Yesung at arms length away from him. To just accept his hyung’s affections freely and without malice.

That just being by Yesung’s side as Super Junior’s Maknae was enough.

He couldn’t be more wrong. 

Seeing how the other Hyungs’ interacted with Yesung, how he treated them all with the same brand of affection of kisses, hugs and philtrum attacks made Kyuhyun crave more.

Suddenly, just being a maknae didn’t feel right anymore. He didn’t want to be just one of Yesung’s beloved cute dongsaeng anymore. 

Of course with his genius brain, Kyuhyun knew he had to change tactics.

While he was in the army, he saw how Hyukjae kept on teasing Yesung and while he was loath to admit it, that teasing tactic was effective in keeping his hyung’s attention. So he decided to become Jerry number 2. 

At the same time, he also saw how Ryeowook and Donghae got his hyung’s affection by being cute and affectionate. That even Siwon being all touchy also made Yesung return the affection two-fold. He had to balance the teasing and the affection, otherwise he’d just end up as one of his hyung’s dongsaengs again.

The great Cho Kyuhyun reduced to this cowardly love-sick fool that couldn’t even express his feelings other than pushing and pulling one of the craziest, weirdest person in the world, how low have the mighty fallen.

He’d tease when he had the chance, back up Hyukjae when he was on his teasing agenda yet when he sensed Yesung was becoming annoyed for real, he’d change tactics and hold his Yesung hyung to prevent him from murdering anyone, bonus of even getting to hold those lovely small hands to prevent him from punching anyone namely Hyukjae.

Still it wasn’t enough.

The more he teased his hyung, hugged his hyung, stared at his hyung, the more the feeling seemed to grow more and even deeper. 

His heart kept on flinching with every move his Yesung made, his resolve growing weaker. 

His hyung who seemed to just grow even younger and more beautiful as time passed by. 

He wanted to be the one to always be with his hyung.

He wanted to be the one that woke up next to his hyung in the morning.

He wanted to be the one who was allowed to stay by his hyung’s side always

He wanted his Yesung hyung to be HIS.

I’m in love with you

Since a long time before

Ever since I first saw you until now

My heart flinched at you for a moment

Since then my world changed 

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t know when he fell in love with Yesung.

He had no doubt it was when he first set his eyes on him, the then young boy who was already legendary in the company for having an artistic voice that made you feel deep emotions.

Yesung. Artistic Voice.

What an understatement. 

Yesung wasn’t the most handsome man he’d ever seen but something attracted Kyuhyun’s eyes to him as soon as he set his eyes on him. 

The dark, mysterious eyes and the cute small hands made Kyuhyun more curious. 

But as soon as he heard that voice, his world changed and shifted. Kyuhyun knew he was gone. 

The moment the older sang and their eyes met ever so briefly, Kyuhyun’s traitorous heart actually flinched for a moment.

‘Ah. oh .’ Usually not one to curse, Kyuhyun could only formulate those words in his mind. Outwardly, he looked cool, maybe even cold; only his eyes betrayed his conflicting feelings, widened impossibly in that moment and then dazed the next, heart going into overdrive. 

The moment popped when the song came to an unfortunate end and Kyuhyun was forced to introduce himself to the rest of the members. 

It was awkward to say the least and worse, his angel seemed to not like him so much as well, looking at him apprehensively (Better than the outright distaste and aggression the others were showing him though).

But Kyuhyun wasn’t deterred. He knew what he wanted and Cho Kyuhyun wasn’t one to give up. What’s more, he was blessed to be roommates with Yesung of all people for his first night. Fate was really on his side.

‘So...you’re staying with me…” that low voice made Kyuhyun speechless and he could only nod. 

He only looked as the older flitted around the room to fix it, muttering somewhat angrily to himself that ‘his room wasn’t even prepared to have a second occupant, dammit Teuk-hyung..!

“Ah, Yesung-ssi, I can sleep on the floor…”  Those dark eyes turned to him and he suddenly forgot to breathe for a moment while his heart.... ‘Dammit, heart stop flinching!

“No, you should sleep with me.” He choked at those words and was about to start spluttering when those tiny hands suddenly reached out and Kyuhyun closed his eyes in reflex, only to open them in surprise when the older’s baby fingers touched his philtrum and began rubbing it in earnest.

“Um..Hyung?” He liked the attention and the feel of Yesung’s hands but this was kind of weird.’So the rumours saying he had a philtrum was true, huh.’ Kyuhyun deadpanned.

“Your philtrum is nice. C’mon let’s go to sleep already, we have to wake up early tomorrow.” Yesung gave Kyuhyun no room to protest as he pulled the younger onto the bed and placed the blanket over them. 

That night, sleep escaped Kyuhyun. I mean who could fall asleep right next to Yesung’s beautiful relaxed face? Kyuhyun wanted to stare at him all night and maybe just kiss those lips…

‘Kyuhyun get a hold of yourself. You will not attack your defenseless hyung and bandmate in his sleep dammit.’ The whole night Kyuhyun fought with himself, control tested to the limit.

Unforgettable night indeed.

You probably don’t know that I’ve been thinking about these things

Even my irregular heartbeat because I’m hiding them

I’m still afraid but I’m going to be brave now 

Over the years, Kyuhyun’s love for his weird hyung grew deeper and deeper. He was in too deep, there’d be no other than Yesung for him.

One would think that in the course of more or less 15 years, he’d slip up along the way or get caught. Fortunately, Yesung was the densest person he’d ever met. Plus he IS an actor and a pretty good one if he may say so himself, so no one suspected a thing. 

Maybe except one person though.

Kim freaking Heechul.

“Wow, you STILL haven’t confessed to Ye? It’s practically been 14 years, you brat.  Where’s the proud and confident Cho Kyuhyun I know?” The two of them were once again hanging out and drinking, even posing and taking pics for their Bubble update. 

And of course, with alcohol comes honest talks with no filter. Three hours into their drinking session, the two of them are drunk enough to talk about Kyuhyun’s stalemate of a love life.

“I admit you are really good at pretending that everything is fine and friendly whilst simultaneously getting multiple chances to touch and be touched by our oblivious Yesungie but don’t you think it’s time to finally confess? You even missed the chance when you guys were doing We Lived Together!” The older man scolded, scoffing when Kyuhyun dodged his hit to the shoulder but still firmly glaring at the younger in disapproval.

“Hyung! That was in front of the cameras! I couldn't do anything inappropriate!” Kyuhyun protested, wanting to defend himself. Plus admittedly he was just too happy at getting his hyung as his partner to have even entertained the thought of using it as a chance to confess.

“Aish, just admit that your genius brain malfunctioned the moment you saw that he was your partner. And haven’t you done almost everything borderline inappropriate possible to Yesung already? You even made a condition to feed each other and sing to each other, just to take advantage of Yesung’s inability to say no to you. Not to mention, your jealousy of him bringing up Hyukjae. Don't make the cameras an excuse, you were stupidly obvious, brat!” This time, Kyuhyun wasn’t able to escape Heechul’s hits.

“Ow! Stop it hyung, is it my fault that he’s so oblivious? I also want him to give me a sign that he likes me too, you know!” His outburst made Heechul pause and stare at him in disbelief. The sudden stop of Heechul’s assault made Kyuhyun open his eyes to stare at his hyung only to find him suddenly laughing like a hyena.  

“Are you serious? Ah, this is crazy. You know what? Leeteuk was actually right, the two of you really are meant to be! I give up on the two of you!” Heechul laughed at Kyuhyun before resuming his drinking, making the maknae feel a little stupid. Was he missing something here? Why was this psycho suddenly laughing and drinking like an old man who remembered a joke?

Kyuhyun wanted to interrogate his hyung to speak more clearly but the older’s brain was already clearly addled by alcohol. Knowing he’d get nothing of coherence from his hyung, Kyuhyun decided to let it go but filed the conversation in his mind for future reference.

He still really wants to get this flinching over with and just confess to his Yesung hyung though... 

I’m in love with you

Since a long time before

Ever since I first saw you until now

My heart flinched at you for a moment

Since then my world changed 

It was now his Yesung hyung’s turn to have a solo stage. They’d change into their black suits and Kyuhyun felt like the time when Yesung wore that choker was too short. That choker deserved to be on his hyung’s neck longer...Still, his hyung really outdid himself with his performance of Parallel lines. He still had goosebumps listening to that beautiful deep voice.

From his place backstage, he looks around his surrounding to ensure that no one was looking before whipping out his phone and takes new photos for his Yesung hyung collection, nevermind that he really seemed like a creep, standing near the stage just to get the best angle of Yesung performing and pouring his heart out

‘Ah...He looks and sounds so beautiful…That high note was amazing, how can anyone be this perfect... How would he sound when...” His heart once again flinched at each beautiful sound that beautiful mouth releases. His Yesung-filled thoughts preoccupied his genius mind so much that he didn’t notice Ryeowook come up next to him.

“….Being a Yesung akgae again, Kyuhyun?” The sudden appearance of another person made Kyuhyun jump in surprise, messing up his taking of an important picture of Yesung and making Kyuhyun quickly hide his phone behind him.

“Ryeowook! Did you sneak up on me? When did you get here?” Kyuhyun cursed his senses for being too overloaded of Yesung that he actually forgot the rest of his surroundings. He had gotten too immersed in Yesung’s visuals and singing that he actually forgot that he wasn’t alone at the moment

“Excuse me, I was looking for you since the stylist told me to give this to you but I couldn’t contact you. Most likely because you activated the Do Not disturb Mode in your phone in your effort to collect your new Yesung pictures. So, I decided to look around only to find you here near the stage stalking Yesung hyung again for your collection.” Ryeowook’s nonchalant speech and gestures made Kyuhyun open his mouth in protest to maybe try to defend himself but Ryeowook continued, not giving him a chance to speak.

“Also, why are you even hiding your phone from me? We all know you take pictures of Yesung hyung like a fansite when he isn’t paying attention. You’re too obvious. You do it so much that we all know what you’re doing with your phone isn't even playing games but more of taking pictures of hyung whenever you can. I can’t believe you so much for taking so much selcas when you yourself take so many pictures of him, you weirdo.” Ryeowook scoffs and teases, enjoying the rare flustered look the maknae gives at his declaration. 

“Wait does EVERYONE know? Was I too obvious? Does Yesung hyung know? Does he think I’m being creepy? I mean he could think that I was just being cute, I could get away with just that but I thought I wasn’t being too weird…” Kyuhyun rambled, shaken by Ryeowook’s revelation. He thought he was being cool and smooth, does Yesung know yet he just kept quiet because he found Kyuhyun cute? or was it just to retain their status quo and not let it become awkward between them?

“Calm down, Yesung hyung doesn’t notice, especially with you being extra careful to do your picture taking when he isn’t paying attention and when he does notice you when you slip up once in a blue moon,  I always hear you make bull excuses that somehow fits into hyung’s logic so you’re safe. You should really just confess though. The sooner you confess, the faster you can get to hold and kiss hyung and be able to actually take pictures of him at a boyfriend angle rather than the stalker level your pics have now.” Ryeowook looked at Kyuhyun seriously but the maknae was back to taking pictures of his hyung’s performance that was ending in a bit.

“Have you been talking to Heechul hyung? You’re both saying the same thing!” Kyuhyun shot back, before quietly adding, “I’m not even sure about hyung’s feelings. I don’t want to ruin what we have now. I’d rather be his dongsaeng and makane rather than pushed away and be reduced to acquaintance should things not go according to plan.”

The same look Heechul had drifted onto Ryeowook’s face as the eternal maknae looked at Kyuhyun with an expression filled with exasperation and disbelief. 

“Are you serious? I was commenting about it because Siwon said he’s had enough of you looking like you want to murder each of us whenever we do fanservice with Yesungie-hyung, but do you seriously think Hyung is gonna reject you? You’re his favorite dongsaeng and maknae, Kyu-ah!” Ryeowook wanted to facepalm, how can someone with a genius IQ act this way?

Kyuhyun guffawed, “What are you talking about, I do not stare!” before he quieted down again in realization. “...do I? I mean I do have the tendency to stare whenever you guys do skinship with hyung but I don’t do it that much right?” He usually just blatantly stared when his hyung was taking a selca, that was the only time he was honest with his want to just stare at his hyung especially when he was smiling. 

“Wow, out of all the things I said, that was the only thing that registered. I give up, Leetuek hyung was right, you two are HOPELESS. I’m almost tempted to just lock the two of you into a room until the tension pushes the two of you to move.” Ryeowook facepalmed and even pinched his forehead. Honestly, he should be given some sort of emotional compensation for dealing with these two in KRY, that poster of their Beyond Live says it all. “You really just see Yesungie-hyung, don’t you?” The older looked at Kyuhyun with faux pity, shaking his head at how whipped he is.

“Wait, LEETEUK HYUNG again? What does he know that he’s connected to you and Heechul hyung talking to me about confessing? Yah-! ” Kyuhyun was cut off when the person they were talking about suddenly appeared, having finished his solo and was making his way towards them to change his clothes. Not even given a chance to talk to Yesung or to continue his talk with Ryeowook though, the director then pushed Ryeowook and Kyuhyun back onto the stage to continue the concert, much to Kyuhyun’s frustration at not being able to fully clarify everything AGAIN.

‘What timing. The show must go on though, I’ll just have to ask later. Hopefully, I won’t get distracted with Yesung-hyung’s antics this time.’ Kyuhyun mentally shook himself once again to resume the role of teasing maknae yet professional singer, convincing himself that all the moments he and Yesung faced and sang to each other in each song was mere coincidence.

Kyuhyun breezed through the ments joking naturally around his two hyungs and even getting their “rivals” D&E riled up by dancing part of their choreo as a spoiler after the two joked around pretending to sing When Were Us as their supposed spoiler.  Though admittedly, his Yesung hyung was cute dancing after him, following his dance spoiler amidst the protest of Donghae and Eunhyuk

.

That questi