We grew up like sisters, your family was a shelter from my own, a ed up one. We spent all day together, went to school and studied together and as the older one, you were always there to help me as I cried over my maths homework late at night.

We're like that now too, both adults who live on their own. Your family is still a shelter from my broken apart one, deep in misery and pain. We spend all day together, wait for the bus together to university and stay up late to study for exams, sleeping over large books and papers, and as the older one, you are always there to help me as I sink deep into the thoughts I've fought to get out of my head for years.

We grew up like sisters, your embrace was a shelter for my tired body. We spent all night together, cuddled up under the covers of your bed and listened to the cd's your father had bought and as my bestfriend, you were always there to take care of the scars painted on my body.

We're like that now too, your embrace larger and warmer than it used to be. We spend all night together, talking about love, pain and agony over dramatic movies you regularly add on your watch list and as my bestfriend, you are always there to wake me up during a bad dream.

“I haven't seen you in a while, Nay.” I told you one over facetime. Your face was pale and there were dark circles under your eyes, your hair was messy and your nose runny. It seemed like you were sleeping, laying down for days straight “Sana said she hasn't seen you at uni in a long time.”

We grew up like sisters, we had each other's backs. We spent hours texting, calling, talking about each other's feelings and as bestfriends we never kept secrets from each other other.

“Can't talk right now, Jihyo,” you coughed subtly, but I didn't pay much attention to it “Talk to you later. I love you, bye.”

We're not like that anymore, I can no longer have your back. I don't know where you are, I can't text or call you and as strangers we never talk to each other. 

“Any news from Nayeon?”

We grew up like sisters, pinky promising under the rainy starry night to always be together.

“No, sorry, Ji. Still missing.”

We're not like that anymore and I spend hours trying to reminisce the moments we spent together, trying to forget how much I love you and deny that I fell for you, slow yet hard. That I wanted to be more than just your childhood friend. And it hurts. So bad, I still cry, after years of your absence. 

“We'll have to declare her dead.”