the satisfaction of putting joohyun in her place doesn’t last, sooyoung returns to the room as the triumphant feeling fades. the door being left ajar hints that the inhabitants of the room probably overheard her conversation with the senior as much as she tried to keep her voice down. sooyoung readies herself to receive some sort of reprimanding from the nerd and enters the room.

 

upon her entrance, she sees that the pair of best friends are seated on the floor beside each other. sooyoung makes the mistake of locking eyes with seungwan. and as expected, here comes the earful. 

 

"why'd you do that?" the introvert demands in a quiet voice, a tinge of anger still remains but she knows better than to direct it upon her friends.

 

"she hurt you." sooyoung replies simply, shrugging as she finds a seat on seulgi’s bed, just to the right of them. the actual reason is much deeper than she’ll ever allow herself to admit but seungwan didn’t need to know that.

 

"you didn't have to hurt her back."

 

"as if i had to," sooyoung counters, “you already did enough damage on your own.” 

 

seungwan glowers at her, with a tightened jaw, she snaps. “and you had to go and make things worse.”

 

sooyoung stiffens at the hostility, she doesn’t enjoy being on the receiving end of a glare, more often, she’s the one doing it. but seeing as seungwan is on the verge of kicking her out, she has to get on the older girl’s good side again. "look, unnie, all i did was let her know some things, if it upsets her then it's on her." the younger girl explains.

 

“it wasn’t necessary, sooyoung.”

 

“it’s not like you guys are going to talk soon, plus, i doubt your relationship is that fragile."

 

"what the hell do you know?” seungwan retorts with a bitter scoff, the tension in the room is getting heavy once again.

 

seulgi speaks up quickly, intervening before seungwan has to tell another person to off . "hey … let's not start anymore fights, okay?" she tosses sooyoung a warning look to knock it off, but naturally, her soulmate isn’t someone that listens. 

 

but she heeds the warning and backs off a little. sooyoung sighs, "all i'm saying is that this is all fixable. it's just a nasty fight where you don't quite understand where the other party’s coming from but it'll be okay."

 

“all you and seulgi ever fight about is the dumbest ing , what do you even know?”

 

“wannie …”

 

the highschooler narrows her eyes, but it’s directed at her soulmate instead of the introvert. “i’m guessing seulgi never told you about the time we fought about you then.” she mutters.

 

“what?” seungwan flits her gaze from sooyoung to her best friend, a new development draws her out of her rage, “you guys fought over me? why?”

 

seulgi nods slowly, mentally noting that she needs to have a proper word with sooyoung later before she starts to explain. “look, it happened when we’d just met. she thought we were too close to be just friends and got really jealous.”

 

the nerd droops her shoulders as she listens, “why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“what good would it do?” the design major mumbles with a slight pout, “besides, we worked it out and sooyoungie became nicer after that.”

 

seungwan remembers this clearly, it was when sooyoung transitioned from calling her with yah and hey to addressing her as unnie . it was a big step back in the day, but finding out the truth behind it after two years makes her feel slightly upset. more so of the fact that her best friend kept this from her.

 

deeming the matter not worthy of pursuit, she exhales through her nose and focuses on the matter at hand. “so how did you guys patch up?”

 

“i realised that you guys are literally the epitome of best friends and she concluded that i needed lots of attention and we adapted accordingly.” sooyoung shrugs, “point is, we both gave in a little.”

 

"what am i supposed to give in here? am i supposed to be miraculously okay with getting hate for something i have no control over?" seungwan grunts, running a hand through her hair in frustration.

 

"you’re missing the point.” sooyoung rolls her eyes, “you can slowly adapt. try to see the world from her shoes instead of being in your bubble."

 

seulgi raises a hand like a student in class before inquiring curiously. "you don't think she's at fault?"

 

"seul, baby, i know you wanna be a good friend but joohyun-unnie had good intentions too though it was poorly executed."

 

“oh.”

 

the trio lapses into silence, sooyoung doesn’t know what else she can say if her unnie hasn’t taken in what she’s just said. they could have all the time in the world to dissect this entire show but if seungwan didn’t even want to try to understand where she or joohyun is coming from, it’d be pointless.

 

lucky for them, seungwan still wants to fix things. her relationship with joohyun might be hanging by a thread but it doesn’t mean that things are over just yet. 

 

"we're both at fault, aren't we?" the little nerd murmurs after a prolonged silence.

 

sooyoung nods with a relieved smile, "glad you can see that, now are you ready to talk about the hard stuff?"

 

"sooyoung-ah … i told her to off … are you sure she'll ever want to talk to me again?"

 

"well, she confirmed all your insecurities out of spite. do you ever want to talk to her again?"

 

seungwan lets out a slow exhale before she bobs her head, "i do, but not right now."

 

"then we'll assume that she thinks the same."

 

"okay …"

 

"where do we start? how do you feel now?" seulgi looks at her best friend and her soulmate with a hopeful smile plastered on her lips. while she could be a great listener, she's better off providing comforting hugs. it’s easier to leave the hard feeling stuff to her big brained soulmate instead.

 

"like ."

 

"yeah, and?"

 

"and hurt. i don't want to be anyone's anything."

 

"not even my best friend?" seulgi nudges her lightly.

 

"i'll make an exception for you."

 

sooyoung snaps her fingers in rapid succession to get them back on track, huffing slightly, she continues speaking, "let's talk about why you think like this."

 

"like?"

 

"like why do you believe what others are saying?"

 

the little nerd pulls her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. she looks to the ground, focusing on a stain on the carpet rather than making eye contact with her makeshift therapists. confessing her true feelings is one thing, whether they’ll understand is another. she took a leap of faith with joohyun and look at them now. 

 

seulgi slinks an arm around seungwan’s shoulder and pulls her into a comforting hug. her best friend has really been here through her ups and downs, knowing exactly when she needed a hug instead of a listening ear.

 

“come on, wannie.” seulgi coaxes gently, “we won’t react like joohyun if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“how much did you guys actually hear?”

 

“not enough to know what exactly went down,” sooyoung responds, “you can tell us what’s bothering you or we’ll just leave you to your goddamn farming game, your choice.”

 

seulgi clicks her tongue at her soulmate before returning her attention to her fragile little friend. a downcast expression has settled on her face, the design major supposes it’s much better than the hollowness that she’s gotten used to over the last few days.

 

as much as seungwan wishes that joohyun could’ve offered her this kind of comfort, it’s just not possible right now. leaning into seulgi’s hold, the nerd opens up. "i don’t think they’re wrong, joohyun has way more to offer than i do. and she pretty much confirmed everything.”

 

"in what way?” sooyoung immediately questions.

 

"in what way what?"

 

"in what aspects does joohyun have more to offer than you?"

 

sooyoung’s words leave her pondering, she does a quick introspection and finds the answers with ease. it’s pretty much everything that she thought joohyun to be initially. just because seungwan got to see another side of her, doesn’t automatically mean she’s no longer all of seungwan’s first impressions.

 

"she's pretty, she's popular, she's smart. she's everything i'm not."

 

"yeah, she's an too but go on." sooyoung hums lazily as she proceeds to lie on seulgi’s bed, resting her head in her hand as she waits for seungwan to continue.

 

the nerd scrunches her face in a frown, "why are you so mean to her?" 

 

"when is she nice to anyone she's just met?" seulgi points out with puckered lips.

 

sooyoung snorts, "exactly."

 

"okay …"

 

the conversation stops momentarily, seungwan doesn’t know what else she could say. talking about this still hurts, bringing up all of joohyun’s good points only seem to amplify the feeling of inferiority within her. she still feels stupid for thinking she really belonged with someone like joohyun.

 

"is that all about joohyun?" the highschooler asks after an extended silence.

 

seungwan turns to face the younger girl and raises an eyebrow, "yeah … what else do you want?"

 

"i thought there'd be a lot more," sooyoung shrugs, "anyway, you're comparing yourself to her strengths. that's not very fair, right?"

 

with a frown, seungwan asks, “what’s unfair about not being able to match up to the best parts of her?"

 

"and can she match up to yours? your diamond rank or whatever it is in those games you play." sooyoung flops a hand in the air as she tries to get her point across.

 

"she beat me at smash, so yeah, she probably could if she wanted to."

 

the highschooler frowns before letting out a loud groan, she plops her head on seulgi’s soft bed in frustration. exhaling loudly, she starts the ted talk she’s been saving for the last few days.

 

" … unnie, what i'm trying to say is you can't be comparing her popularity to your popularity, her looks to your looks. what you lack, she might excel in, vice versa. it would be fair game if you were both ty instagram influencers or both nerds but there's a disparity between your personas from the start. you could be a total noob in her world and she'd be an actual noob in yours. you get where i'm coming from?"

 

seungwan takes in every word slowly, processing this new revelation while seulgi is just impressed that her soulmate managed to get it all out in one breath. sooyoung turns to face them with an expectant look, she totally did not just say all of that for them to keep silent.

 

"i get it! it's like when i ask you to draw while you get me to do make up." seulgi pipes up with her own analogy in an attempt to back her lover up, "it's okay to be bad at what somebody else is good at."

 

sooyoung snickers at her endearing soulmate and nods, "yeah and you shouldn’t be comparing yourself in the first place, she has her strengths and you have yours. but what’s happening right now is that the people in joohyun's world perceive her as the best of the best while you pretty much have nothing to offer. like she’s the queen and you’re nothing but a lowly peasant. if joohyun came into your world, what would people say?"

 

"they'd probably call her an egirl …" seungwan mumbles, “and then simp for her, because that’s what i would do.”

 

"no idea what you just said but whatever," sooyoung groans, "you understand what i'm getting at?"

 

seungwan raises her gaze to look at sooyoung, "i'm pretty much comparing my weaknesses to her strengths, that's why i feel inferior. and this difference between us is striking when joohyun is placed on a higher pedestal. hence the mean comments ..?"

 

a smile on sooyoung’s face isn’t rare, but there’s a tenderness to the one that’s plastered on her cheeks now. her tone takes a slight dip and she softens up, "people are just s, unnie. but yeah, they're focusing on this unfair difference because they think that being pretty and popular is all there is to having value as a person."

 

"why do they do that? don’t they have better things to do?"

 

"they’re just shallow or jealous maybe? drama?” the highschooler offers up plausible reasons with a hum, “joohyun is technically a public figure after all, people like to talk. it's almost human nature to gossip."

 

"just because you like drama doesn't mean it's human nature, sooyoungie …" seulgi mutters.

 

"it's human nature to want to enjoy a good story, gossip is just that." sooyoung rolls her eyes in retort.

 

seungwan bobs her head slowly, the gnawing anxiety that has been eating away has had its fill. while there is still some residual angst, she doesn’t feel quite as suffocated now that sooyoung has broken it all down for her. there’s still issues that need to be addressed, but a dissection of why she feels like this is more than enough for today.

 

"so what should i do now? i don't feel up for apologies yet."

 

"you could start crafting it, god knows how long it'll take you to formulate an apology."

 

the little nerd winces at the thought of making it up to joohyun, "i don't think sorry would be enough … would it?"

 

"probably not." seulgi agrees unhelpfully.

 

"then again, she's also at fault. so both of you being idiots might just even it out."

 

“ …” seungwan groans while resting her head on seulgi’s shoulder.

 

“don’t sweat it just yet, i’m just glad you’re not farming anymore.” seulgi sighs as she runs a hand down her nerd’s arm reassuringly.

 

seungwan chuckles for the first time in days, “i wasn’t farming, i was romancing the villagers.”

 

“why don’t you go and romance your soulmate?” sooyoung quips with a slight smirk.

 

“why don’t you leave me alone?”

 

the highschooler lets out a dramatic gasp before turning to face the ceiling, “and let you self-destruct? it’s been miserable to not be able to make fun of you, i can’t imagine going any longer without dissing you.”

 

the tension in the air is long gone. seungwan isn’t an angry goblin who just wants to dissociate from the world and seulgi and sooyoung no longer have to tread on eggshells around her now. this is her one good deed of the year, sooyoung declares mentally.

 

“you’re a good friend, sooyoung-ah,” seungwan beams, “i love you too.”

 

her declaration is met with an overexaggerated gag. “gross, save it for your joohyun please.” sooyoung groans with an exasperated sigh, "and for the record, i was on her side until she started yelling." 

 

"traitor!" seulgi sticks her tongue out in mock spite.

 

“thanks for calling me out on my . i appreciate it a lot more than i can express right now.” seungwan shoots her friends a genuine smile and seulgi embraces her a little tighter in response.

 

“honestly, i never want to do it again.” sooyoung starts with a grimace, “seeing you so withdrawn is terrifying, i don’t know how my baby deals with you.” she admits with a tinge of honesty, this is the most open she’ll ever be with seungwan.

 

seulgi deadpans, “i didn’t even deal with it. the first thing i did was text you in a panic.”

 

“true …” sooyoung bobs her head in agreement.

 

seungwan laughs silently before asking, “do you guys think i would’ve been fine after a few days?”

 

“probably,” seulgi shrugs, “if you weren’t, then we could’ve been forced to stage an intervention.”

 

“what would you do?”

 

“cut the wifi and have sooyoung talk to you.”

 

“oh, that could’ve worked, honestly.”

 

“thank god we didn’t have to resort to that.”

 

“thanks guys …”

 

the couple proceeds to force their little nerd to wash up so they could properly feed her, it’s been days since she’s had an actual meal that didn’t consist of potato chips or instant ramen which is absolutely abhorrent in sooyoung’s eyes but seulgi could only offer a nervous hehe . once they’re certain that seungwan’s gonna be just fine alone, they carry on with their usual couple things which seungwan has grown accustomed to tuning out to.

 

and as much as her ugly emotions have been dissected, learning to accept that there’s a disparity between her and joohyun that can’t exactly be bridged is still going to take some time. she needs to work on herself before she can even think of how she should start her apology to her soulmate. the person that she is right now isn’t going to cut it in joohyun’s world and she wants to change that, if not for herself, then for joohyun.

 

---

 

yerimie:

hey you good?

8:08 pm

 

joohyun:

yeah

8:15 pm

 

yerimie:

for real?

8:16 pm

 

joohyun:

what do you want?

8:16 pm

 

yerimie:

just checkin in on you

8:16 pm

 

azure logged on and we talked briefly

8:16 pm

 

she said you guys had a big fight

8:17 pm

 

joohyun:

yeah we did, i suppose

8:17 pm

 

she told me to off

8:17 pm

 

yerimie:

dude no way

8:17 pm

 

she literally does not cuss at anyone

8:18 pm

 

joohyun:

well, she didn’t exactly hold back 🙂

8:18 pm

 

yerimie:

oh boy, what happened?

8:18 pm

 

joohyun:

just a bad fight, i don’t wanna talk about it

8:18 pm

 

can you just make sure she's okay?

8:19 pm

 

yerimie:

she said she talked it out with her friends

8:19 pm

 

what about you?

8:19 pm

 

are you okay?

8:19 pm

 

joohyun:

yeah

8:20 pm

 

yerimie:

🤨🤨🤨

8:20 pm

 

well, i’m here if you wanna talk, okay?

8:20 pm

 

joohyun:

i’ll be fine

8:20 pm

 

---

 

joohyun is in fact, not fine at all. the fresh graduate is currently plopped on her couch with a tub of vanilla ice cream in hand, flicking through netflix titles with a despondent gaze. she didn’t even want to watch anything, everything on her home page is related to seungwan. all the titles and her list are filled with recommendations from her soulmate or shows they’ve yet to find time to finish.

 

grunting slightly, she throws on a documentary about the bermuda triangle for background noise while she scoops a mouthful of ice cream into . did she look sad? extremely. but did she care? not quite.

 

there’s a heavy weight on her chest that’s settled since her argument with seungwan in the afternoon. it’s mostly the fear of her losing her soulmate — she’s not sure if seungwan could be cruel enough to cut her off after this but it seemed like a very plausible outcome in her head.

 

she ed up, they ed up . but it’s more of her fault than seungwan’s.

 

focusing on the gentle drone of the narrator’s voice, she locks her thoughts away. it’s easy to not think about things if she tried.

 

yongsun returns home to find joohyun knocked out on the couch, not the sight she’s expecting after a night of casual drinks with her friends. normally, her roommate would be waiting for her with a glass of water, ready to chide her for returning home so late. kicking her shoes off clumsily, she stumbles over to her friend and pats her with slightly more force than she intended.

 

“go to bed, hyun-ah.” she mumbles with a slight slur. honestly, she’s not even that drunk, she’s just a bad drinker.

 

joohyun stirs awake with a slight groan, blinking slowly into consciousness. she looks up at yongsun with a sleepy gaze, “oh, you’re back.”

 

“yes i am,” yongsun affirms while she takes in the scene. half-melted ice cream tub on the coffee table, joohyun in seungwan’s unwashed hoodie again, a documentary playing on the tv? joohyun isn’t one to watch documentaries at her own will, something suspicious is going on.

 

the brunette exhales loudly as she plops down on the couch next to joohyun’s head and her roommate didn’t even bother shifting. “did something happen?” yongsun questions with a gentle pat on her head.

 

swatting her hand away, joohyun grumbles, “i’m fine.”

 

“my world is still spinning but you don’t sound fine, you certainly don’t look that way either,” yongsun looks down at her roommate with sympathy, “come on, just tell me what you’re willing to tell me.”

 

joohyun weighs her words, calculating if she should bare her heart out to yongsun, the only person that might be on her side in a situation like this. everyone has been acting against her already, what’s another one to the list?

 

“i had a fight with seungwan.” she admits quietly, burying her face in the fabric of her hoodie. even after their whole post-seollal debacle, joohyun still finds it hard to be truthful about her feelings, though she’s been trying to be more vulnerable with seungwan.

 

a quiet hum escapes yongsun’s lips, “how bad is it?”

 

“if we didn’t have tattoos, she’d probably break up with me.”

 

yongsun is unable to resist a snort, probably not the best reaction but it’s the best she can do in her mildly drunken haze. “you’re overexaggerating, joohyun-ah. is it because of the comments?”

 

joohyun shifts to look at her roommate, “you’ve seen them too?”

 

“byul secretly reads them.” yongsun nods.

 

“oh.”

 

silence washes over them before yongsun sighs loudly, she gets up and ambles in the direction of her room. joohyun pushes herself up with one hand, frowning in confusion. she thought yongsun would try to talk to her, or lend a listening ear, but perhaps not. being left alone might be better instead.

 

“we’re still gonna talk about this,” yongsun declares, “i need to sober up before i spew some stupid bull like byul does.”

 

“i’m perfectly fine if you want to sleep.” joohyun retorts quickly.

 

yongsun whips her head around with a huff, “i really do but you look like .”

 

“thanks.”

 

“give me ten minutes.”

 

---

 

joohyun spends the next ten minutes trying to fall into a deep sleep so she could avoid talking to yongsun, maybe if she snores, it would be more convincing. but the brunette returns quickly, all freshened up, hair up in a bun and a bottle of soju in hand.

 

“are you sure you still want to drink?” joohyun mutters as she eyes her friend warily.

 

yongsun bobs her head, “we both could use some, now scooch.”

 

the model flops lamely to make some space for her roommate before resting her head on her lap. the brunette takes a large swig of the drink before handing it over to joohyun, who matches an equal gulp.

 

“okay, please start so we can go to bed before it’s 2 am.”

 

“you’re an actual boomer.”

 

“at least my bones don’t crack when i crawl out of bed, irenosaur .” yongsun hisses, “now start.”

 

stifling a chuckle, joohyun returns the bottle to her roommate. she folds her hands over her midsection and expels a slow breath. where does she even begin? maybe with how she thought that communication was the most important thing in a relationship? or how she was told to off by her soulmate who barely curses? or how they ended up like this in the first place? she doesn’t quite know, but she starts with the sole thought that’s been replaying in her head like a broken record.

 

“i ed up big time, yong.” joohyun confesses, shoulders rising in the process, “i don’t know how to fix things, or if it’s even fixable.”

 

yongsun takes in her words with a quiet hum, “you know, i’ve had plenty of arguments with byul and we always bounce back.”

 

the model nods, she knows it all too well. yongsun would come to her, sometimes a crying mess and then she would rant all her feelings over a few bottles of soju. maybe this is what yongsun is trying to achieve here — except joohyun isn’t the one to go off on a rant without prompts. lucky for her, yongsun is here to provide all the prodding she needs.

 

“you guys are different, you’ve been together for so long it’s only natural to want to patch up.” she mumbles weakly.

 

yongsun inquires with uncertainty lacing her tone, “are you saying that you don’t want to patch up?”

 

“i do, but it’s not like she wants to listen.” joohyun grunts and yongsun hands the bottle over. taking a quick swig, she s it back and continues talking, “, she didn’t even want to talk. i just made things worse by confronting her.”

 

“what did you do?”

 

“she thinks that we’re only together because of these tattoos, she doesn’t think she’s good enough for me. i've already said i don't care about what others think about us but she just seems so bent on listening to them. i don't know, yong. i felt so betrayed, so ing hurt that she thinks like this after the time we’ve spent together. ” joohyun doesn’t even try to hold back her anger anymore. she’s been trying to repress the bubbling fury for the entire day, with reasons like she has no right to be mad after how she has hurt seungwan. but she knows the longer she lets it fester, the worse the aftermath. so it’s better to get it out while she still can, before yongsun leaves her as well.

 

“your feelings are valid, you know?” yongsun hums quietly.

 

joohyun scoffs while glaring into the ceiling, as if they are the ones that wronged her. “yeah, as valid as they may be, i still did something stupid.”

 

the brunette takes a quick sip before asking cautiously, “did you physically hurt her?”

 

“no, , i would never.” joohyun responds quickly, turning to look at her roommate who looks more concerned than anything. “but emotionally, yes.” she adds in a quiet voice.

 

“did you say something bad ..?”

 

the model bobs her head slowly, recalling the intense spite that overwhelmed her. she tries to put it into words but it sounds like a bunch of excuses in her head, choosing to be honest is probably easier here. “, yong, i was so angry, i wanted her to have a taste of my pain. it’s like i wanted to intentionally hurt her back.”

 

the brunette looks down at her friend who’s a trembling ball of fury lying on her lap and exhales softly. arguments are never fun, especially with someone like joohyun — who, if given a chance to express her emotions, tends to let them get the better of her. nonetheless, she can feel joohyun's remorse under all the rage.

 

“let me get this straight first, she didn’t want to talk but you confronted her anyway. confrontation goes south and you said something mean to hurt her out of spite.”

 

“yeah, except i pretty much yelled at her.”

 

“i don’t even have to say it, do i?”

 

“i’m a ty ing person who should just die?” 

 

"it was a ty move, hyun-ah,” yongsun shakes her head in disapproval, “though, not one that's completely unreasonable."

 

joohyun lets out a harsh laugh and sneers, "how can intentionally hurting your soulmate be seen as reasonable? are you okay, yong?”

 

"it happened in a spur of a moment, i'm sure if you explained things, she'll understand and forgive you."

 

"that's the problem, yong." joohyun exhales sharply, waving her hands in the air as she rants, "she doesn't want to talk, or listen. all she's done is ghost me and push me away. i don't know how to talk to her or go about apologizing. she's probably better off without me."

 

bae joohyun being self-deprecating and negative is a side that yongsun has never dealt with before. her roommate is usually confident, at least, she has to be if she wants to stay in front of a camera. it doesn’t sit right to see her like this, it's the exact opposite of how she normally is.

 

"you didn't know her before she met you, how do you know that she'll be happier with you?"

 

“i’m the one that brought this upon her, the hate is because of me. without me, i can’t make her upset.” joohyun reasons. 

 

“without you, you can’t make her happy either, joohyun-ah.”

 

“she has many friends, including my own cousin, to enjoy the rest of her life with.”

 

the model’s forehead is met with a harsh flick from yongsun’s finger, the brunette’s brows are stitched in a frown and she grunts. joohyun steals the soju from yongsun and finishes it while she waits for an explanation. leaving the empty bottle next to the tub of half-melted ice cream on the coffee table, she muses, what a perfect mix of items for a sad soul.

 

"this doesn't mean it's entirely your fault, you know?” yongsun starts, “look, it takes some serious effort to get you mad, so there must have been a build-up of some sorts for you to react so explosively."

 

"whatever it is, it doesn’t absolve me of any fault.” joohyun smiles wryly and sits up. “i don't know how to love her. i don't know how to care for her when she's hurt. i just don't know her. "

 

sooyoung’s words sting, as if the younger girl knew all the right words to leave her questioning if she’s even suitable for seungwan. if her goal was to get back at joohyun, she’s clearly succeeded, perhaps a little too well at that.

 

yongsun wraps an arm around joohyun’s shoulders and inches a little closer. she could try to empathise with her friend but she knows it wouldn’t even come close to the despair that joohyun feels now.

 

"of course you wouldn't know her, not fully at least.” yongsun pats her roommate gently, “you've been together for a month, you'll probably know her favourite food rather than how she deals with upsetting issues. if this didn't happen, when would you have learnt?"

 

"some other time in the future? not when we're literally just starting out."

 

"well, the earlier you get this sorted, the better it is, isn't it?"

 

"i don't think it works like that in our case. i don't think she even needs me, yong.” joohyun buries her face in her hands, the urge to cry is beginning to build up and she resists it by grinding her teeth, “she's got plenty of understanding friends around her, why would she need me?"

 

she could understand why joohyun is acting the way she is now. with seulgi and sooyoung, seungwan didn’t seem like she’d actually need a soulmate.

 

soulmates are a funny thing, they could appear out of nowhere and with one look, you’d be attracted to them like it’s magic. speaking to each other only confirms the fact that you're soulmates. yet nobody seems to talk about the effort you have to put in to actually spend the rest of your lives together, nobody talks about the hard stuff, because who likes to air their dirty laundry?

 

"it's different. the love from her friends and the love from you is different. i can't put it into words, but you’ll understand when you feel it."

 

“and if i never feel it?"

 

"look, her friends can only be there to a certain extent. when it comes to you, her significant other, i'm sure you'll be treated differently."

 

"yeah right, she told me to off while she talked it out with her friends." joohyun mutters bitterly.

 

judging by the time that yerim had texted her, she could only speculate that they talked it out just after she left. this blatant act of seungwan choosing her friends over her wounds her a lot more than she likes to admit and it only cements the fact that her soulmate didn’t need her.  

 

yongsun nudges her lightly, "you've been more open with her than you have with me, haven't you?"

 

"what?"

 

"you're comfortable around her, yeah?"

 

"where are you going with this?"

 

"maybe she needs a little more time to get as comfortable as you. you may have let her in, but she hasn’t fully let you in. her friends have been around much longer, naturally she’d be more comfortable talking to them.” the brunette reasons gently.

 

joohyun blinks slowly, running a hand through her hair, she bites down on her lower lip. “so she has her friends, she doesn’t need me.” she repeats through gritted teeth.

 

“going with that logic, if you have me, why do you need her?” yongsun challenges.

 

balling her hands into fists, joohyun turns to face her roommate with tears in her eyes. “ i love her , yong. … meeting her might just be the best thing that’s happened to me and now i’m going to lose her.” she sniffs.

 

yongsun pulls joohyun into her chest and the model obliges frictionlessly. bae joohyun is usually a force of nature, but seeing her curled up and bawling her eyes out would make anyone think twice. it's rare to see joohyun breakdown like that, a sob sends her entire body trembling. not the easiest sight to behold but yongsun feels almost relieved that they're comfortable enough for her to do this. they would never be on the same level as seungwan and seulgi, but to offer some support is enough for yongsun.

 

“i think it is, but i don’t think you’ll lose her if you do something about it,” yongsun coos softly, running a hand down joohyun’s back comfortingly, “you’re still finding your rhythm with each other. all you need is some time to learn to love her in the way that she needs and then you’ll be okay.”

 

"what if she never wants to talk to me?"

 

"i doubt she'll go that far, she loves you too, you know."

 

"you're only saying this to make me feel better."

 

"am i supposed to make you sadder?" yongsun scoffs.

 

"no …"

 

"cry it out, then text your cousin to see if she can talk to seungwan. you're not going to walk away from your soulmate so easily, you hear me?"

 

her demand is met with a loud sniffle from joohyun which she interprets as a yes. yongsun is glad that they argued after seollal, otherwise, she doubts that her roommate would even say a single word. she holds her fragile friend despite how exhausted she is, keeping joohyun company and waiting for the smaller girl to tire herself out from crying. it takes much longer than she expected, so the pair ends up falling asleep on the couch, both too weary to shift to their respective rooms.

 

---

 

joohyun:

say it with me

7:30 pm

 

you’re an idiot

7:30 pm

 

yerimie:

i am an idiot

7:30 pm

 

joohyun:

again

7:30 pm

 

yerimie:

i am an idiot …

7:31 pm

 

joohyun:

again

7:31 pm

 

yerimie:

how many times do you want me to say it

7:31 pm

 

joohyun:

until seungwan talks to me again

7:31 pm

 

which could be never, so forever in your case

7:32 pm

 

yerimie:

there’s no way she’ll never talk to you again

7:32 pm

 

joohyun:

that is the projected outcome

7:32 pm

 

why’d you even send those screenshots to her?

7:32 pm

 

yerimie:

shouldn’t she know if someone’s talking about her?

7:33 pm

 

joohyun:

what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her, idiot.

7:33 pm

 

i thought you knew her

7:33 pm

 

why would you send it to her if you know she’s going to react like this?

7:33 pm

 

yerimie:

i didn’t know she’d take it that badly 😔

7:34 pm

 

i’m suffering over here too!!! 

7:34 pm

 

she told our friends that she’s gonna take a break from our boss runs

7:34 pm

 

without her we’re kinda ed

7:34 pm

 

so now they’re pinning the blame on me

7:35 pm

 

joohyun:

i might lose my literal soulmate and all you can care about is your stupid run?

7:35 pm

 

yerimie:

sorry, now what?

7:35 pm

 

joohyun:

i don’t know

7:35 pm

 

yerimie:

should i try talking to her again?

7:36 pm

 

joohyun:

she might tell you to off too

7:36 pm

 

yerimie:

that’s harsh

7:36 pm

 

honestly i’ve never seen her react to anything like this

7:36 pm

 

joohyun:

when would she ever face criticisms from absolute strangers? 

7:37 pm

 

yerimie:

um … she’s pretty active on forums

7:37 pm

 

but that was downright hateful

7:37 pm

 

joohyun:

and you still sent it to her ..?

7:37 pm

 

yerimie:

i said i'm sorry!!! 😔😔😔

7:38 pm

 

i'm gonna talk to her

7:38 pm

 

i will update you in real-time

7:38 pm

 

joohyun:

are you sure you can talk to two people at once?

7:38 pm

 

yerimie:

don't worry unnie i have a typing speed of 150 words per minute

7:39 pm

 

joohyun:

🤨 okay …

7:39 pm

 

yerimie:

she said she's feeling better

7:39 pm

 

joohyun:

what else?

7:39 pm

 

yerimie:

i'm asking her about you now

7:40 pm

 

joohyun:

what did she say?

7:40 pm

 

yerimie:

she said thinking about you kinda big time

7:40 pm

 

so she's trying to avoid that now

7:40 pm

 

but she'll probably talk to you when she's ready

7:41 pm

 

joohyun:

oh …

7:41 pm

 

anything else?

7:41 pm

 

yerimie:

that's all

7:41 pm

 

i don't think she really wants to talk about it

7:42 pm

 

joohyun:

so there’s nothing i can do?

7:42 pm

 

yerimie:

i mean …

7:42 pm

 

i’ve got an idea if you want to try it

7:42 pm

 

joohyun:

🤨 what?

7:43 pm

 

yerimie:

come play with us

7:43 pm

 

joohyun:

like maplestory?

7:43 pm

 

yerimie:

yeah

7:43 pm

 

look you don’t even have to tell her your real name

7:44 pm

 

come up with some fake name

7:44 pm

 

joohyun:

are you sure?

7:44 pm

 

yerimie:

do you want to talk to her or not?

7:44 pm

 

joohyun:

fine ...

7:45 pm

 

---

 

the first thing yerim does is to get joohyun to download discord so she could better aid her dinosaur of a cousin who acts like she barely knows how to use a computer. they take an hour to get her all set up — which by yerim’s standards, is way too long.

 

“oh my god, finally!” yerim groans, “hurry up and get in. i already told everyone that my friend is coming to play.”

 

“why would you do that?” joohyun mutters as she goes through the character creation process, taking an extra long time to read each class’ abilities and perks, “what should i pick?”

 

yerim whines, “why didn’t you read up on it while you took an hour to download?”

 

“i did but i’m still not sure!” joohyun counters with a frown, her mouse hovers over a rogue and she skims through their abilities.

 

“just pick whatever you’re reading now and get in!” her younger cousin rushes once again.

 

she settles on a dual blade, one of the better thief classes in yerim’s opinion. not like it really matters, she’s just going in to check things out, check on seungwan maybe, and then get out. she knows she doesn’t quite belong in a world like that, this virtual space is seungwan’s territory and it almost feels like she’s a trespasser.

 

“okay, get through the tutorial and we’ll help you with the quests.”

 

“aren’t you going to let me explore on my own?”

 

“you’d get lost or sidetracked,” yeri explains easily, “besides, azure’s a bishop so she can provide buffs while you’re grinding.”

 

joohyun doesn’t think much of it and does the tutorials, the controls are easy and so are the skills. it’s not as complicated as the controls in smash bros, which she’s gotten pretty decent at after weeks of playing with seungwan.

 

“this is a boring game, how do you guys even spend so much time here?” joohyun remarks while she skips through yet another cutscene.

 

yerim grunts, “do you want to spend time with azure or not?”

 

“yes …” she mumbles, “i’m done with the tutorial.”

 

“okay, what’s your name?”

 

“ w-wee …”

 

“wee?”

 

“ w-wisteria …” joohyun admits lamely.

 

yerim snorts as she types away on her keyboard, “how’d you come up with that?”

 

the truth is, she had no idea for a proper in-game name. looking around for inspiration only gave her scented candle inspired nicknames, the closest one on her desk was a purple candle named wisteria. it had a lovely scent and yerim was rushing her, so she didn’t really think twice. but now, saying her brand new alias out loud makes her feel a little stupid.

 

“it’s the name of one of the candles on my desk.” joohyun sighs, “what do i do now?”

 

as if on cue, yerim’s character pops up on the screen, her sparkly cosmetics blinding joohyun momentarily. she can barely make sense of her cousin’s outfit, the younger girl looks like a fashion terrorist if anything.

 

“why do you look like a glitter bomb?” joohyun cackles loudly.

 

“i spent twenty dollars on this outfit.”

 

“yah! kim yerim! it doesn’t even look nice, what were you thinking?” she gasps in mock horror.

 

“this is you and azure’s fault honestly, i lost the bet and was forced to get this. i have to wear this rubbish for three months!”

 

she doesn’t hold back her laughter, if anything, her cousin is deserving of a plight like this. wiping the tears from her eyes, she looks at her screen only to see a new character. they’re much better looking compared to yerim’s disaster, a quick look at the name tag and — it’s seungwan.

 

azure looks adorably good in joohyun’s opinion, she’s seen some of the outfits this pixel game has to offer and seungwan definitely knows how to dress her character up.

 

in the chatbox to the side, azure has greeted her. she’d missed it while she was looking at their outfits.

 

azure: hello!! :D

 

“can you say hi back?” yerim urges.

 

wisteria: hello :)

 

“now what?” joohyun furrows her brows, moving her character from left to right uncertainly.

 

azure sends her a guild invite and she accepts. wisteria is now a member of reve, a quick look on the rankings showed that they are second place, amongst almost ten thousand guilds. and her soulmate is the leader.

 

“how good are you guys honestly?” joohyun can’t help but be in awe, two out of ten thousand is a pretty impressive feat in her opinion, “second top guild in this entire game?”

 

“it’s all because of azure honestly,” yerim replies, “we’re aiming for first though, second isn’t good enough.”

 

“competitive much?”

 

“like you aren’t?”

 

joohyun takes the retaliation with a hum and lets it slide.

 

she lets azure and yeri lead her around this virtual world, doing everything her bossy cousin says. she doesn’t quite get the game, but if it means that she could spend some time with her girlfriend, even at a distance, she’ll take it.

 

azure is pretty quiet, though yerim says it’s normal. the bishop follows them around, providing supportive buffs whenever necessary without interfering too much. yerim does most of the work considering that wisteria is her friend .

 

at some point, her two guides had to excuse themselves for a boss run — yerim grumbling about how she had to literally beg for azure to join them, though it’s probably an over-exaggeration. given seungwan’s tendencies, her girlfriend most likely agreed after yerim asked more than once.

 

she explores the world on her own, training her character as she goes along, managing to hit level 100. alas, she still manages to run into some who seem bent on killing the same monsters that she is.

 

“yah, kim yerim, someone’s killing my slimes!” joohyun frowns as she tries to outdo this unsolicited presence, spamming her keys as her character flies around the map.

 

yerim snorts, “unbelievable, you’re getting ksed already?” 

 

“what does that mean?”

 

“kill steal, usually means when another player barges in and starts killing your mobs.” the younger girl explains with a nonchalant hum, “you wanna see how cool azure is?”

 

“i just want this out of my map!”

 

yeri: AZURE

azure: ???

yeri: my friend’s getting ksed

yeri: can you help

azure: on my way

 

“why can’t you help me instead?” joohyun hisses.

 

yerim tuts quietly, “i’m showing you the power of my guild leader.”

 

it takes a minute but azure shows up, joohyun half expected her to out slaughter EEDJIOT but instead, all she does is type.

 

azure: hey 

azure: do you mind leaving this map?

azure: there’s plenty of other maps

eedjiot: lol

 

“she’s trying to talk to him and all he said was l-o-l ... is this supposed to happen?” joohyun mutters.

 

the invader showed no signs of stopping and she isn’t relenting either, something about giving up what is hers in the first place ticks her off.   

 

“um … just wait ...”

 

azure starts using her abilities as soon as yerim finishes her sentences, joohyun doesn’t know what’s going on anymore considering the multiple bright flashes that erupt from seungwan’s character. she stands there, watching as azure rains hellfire onto the poor guy. though they couldn’t take damage from other players, seungwan cleared the map so quickly that the invader could barely kill anything. eventually, the intruder gives up and leaves.

 

smirking slightly, she chuckles at the situation — seungwan chasing a kser away for her is something she never thought she’d experience.

 

azure: all’s good now :D

wisteria: thank you~

azure: i thought yeri was sticking with you

wisteria: she left me alone e_e

azure: well, i’m free now! i can help you out if you want

wisteria: sure :D

 

“is everything good?” yerim drawls after minutes of hearing silence.

 

grinning, joohyun responds with an upbeat yup!

 

azure ends up sticking around her for a few hours, guiding her much more patiently than yerim would. they end up talking a little as well, except that joohyun had to lie her way through some conversations to not reveal her true identity. it’s nice to see seungwan in another light, though it’s not entirely different from her actual self. if anything, she reckons that azure is more confident than the real seungwan. 

 

they stay up till joohyun declares that her body is too weak — it’s 4 am by then, joohyun has hit a whopping level of 145 and she’s spent several hours hanging out with azure and her friends.

 

they bid each other goodnight for the first time in days and it almost feels normal again but she can’t help but feel a little conflicted. she misses having seungwan’s constant presence around her. being unable to text her soulmate feels like a punishment meanwhile, masquerading as wisteria feels like she's evading said punishment. like she isn’t quite giving seungwan the space she needs.

 

maybe she’d talk to yongsun about it in the morning, but for now, she needs sleep.

 

---

 

joohyun rationalizes the thought over lunch with yongsun. her fellow friend deems that it's okay to want to talk to seungwan after they've spent the last few weeks stuck to each other. besides, it's not like she has bad intentions, this could be a step in understanding seungwan a little better.

 

the guilt in her heart doesn't feel quite as heavy after thinking about it from another angle. with that, she proceeds to spend the entire day hanging out and playing as wisteria . she also finally understands the appeal of in-game cosmetics after azure gave her character an adorable little outfit but swears that she’ll never spend a dime on the game.

 

she stops in the evening to eat, after struggling for a solid ten minutes, her thoughts of deciding what’s for dinner are interrupted by her phone ringing.

 

"hello?"

 

"hello, joohyun."

 

the person on the other end of the line isn't who she thought would be calling her at all.

 

"halmoni, is something the matter?" joohyun responds curtly.

 

the residual feelings from seollal still linger even though she's found her soulmate. although most of that ire has been buried, a call like this is equivalent to digging it back up.

 

“there’s an important matter that requires your presence back home.” the aged woman informs stiffly, “you are on a break now, yes?”

 

straight to the point, as always, joohyun scoffs mentally. “yes, i am. how soon do you need me back?” she hides a scowl behind a neutral tone.

 

“this saturday.” her grandmother replies, “will you be able to make it?”

 

it’s a thursday night, a day to pack and prepare is more than enough, but it doesn’t feel like an appropriate time to leave. honestly, it feels horrible to leave in the middle of an argument with her soulmate. but she knows that question isn’t a request, but rather a statement. and maybe, a small break would help. so she agrees.

 

“i will be there tomorrow.”

 

“good, i will see you then.”

 

“take care.”

 

---

 

joohyun returns to daegu the next day, she hadn’t expected to return so soon. usually, she only comes back for seollal and chuseok and the rest of the year she's in seoul. but things could change now that she's graduating.

 

the house is much quieter without all her relatives bustling about, the majordomo is the only one around to greet her at the door. she’s informed that all the inhabitants are still at work, after all, she did arrive in the afternoon. she lets the chef fix her a snack before retreating to her old room.

 

a quiet emptiness envelopes her and she can’t help but miss seungwan, her adorable little soulmate who she wishes could be here. if they didn’t have such a horrible fight, perhaps joohyun would consider bringing her along, though she doesn’t quite like the idea of her family casting their judgements upon her. after this whole incident, it’s probably a safer bet to not bring up seungwan’s existence in front of her family.

 

joohyun ends up taking a nap till it’s time for dinner — when her parents, along with her grandmother, have all returned from work. she greets them with a small smile and settles down at the dining table with them.

 

dinners outside of festive seasons are usually quiet, but since she’s officially graduating next month, her parents disguise their concern as interest. they question her choices regarding her future and joohyun replies with ease — she has a plan, a recommendation from her professor, if all goes well, she’ll start her new job in the foreseeable future.

 

“and if it doesn’t work out, you’ll come home?” her grandmother chimes in from the head of the table, she’s been quietly listening to the conversation without interference. 

 

joohyun doesn’t exactly agree, instead she replies with slight hostility, “it’ll work out.”

 

“having a backup is always good, joohyun.” the aged woman's tone is stern and joohyun finds it hard to look her in the eyes — part of her is still afraid of defying her grandmother.

 

her mother clears to ease the unwanted tension that’s begun to settle — at least someone in this family is on her side. “anyway,” her mother starts, “are you excited about the dinner tomorrow?”

 

joohyun raises an eyebrow, this is the first time she’s heard about a dinner. she turns to her grandmother almost accusingly, “is this the important matter you spoke about on the phone?”

 

the elderly woman nods expressionlessly, “it’s the company’s anniversary dinner. since you’re on a break, you might as well join us.”

 

“you didn’t think to inform me over the phone?” joohyun inquires calmly.

 

her grandmother lets a wry smile slip, “would you have come otherwise?”

 

this isn’t going to be some ordinary corporate dinner, it’s going to be a matchmaking session — she can feel it in her bones.

 

“besides, you do have an important part in the event. you’re going to be presenting an item in our auction fundraiser.” the elderly woman continues to speak and joohyun swears her voice has never sounded more distasteful.

 

she lets the head of the house prattle on about the details, only nodding occasionally to acknowledge her and nothing more. she spends the rest of the night silently wishing she’d stayed in seoul, or that she’d make up some dumb excuse instead of coming home. the fact that she had fallen for her grandmother’s ploy so easily irks her the most, but she’s not about to declare that she’s found her soulmate, especially when they’re still in the middle of a nasty fight. spilling all of that might just lead her grandmother to think that joohyun is better off with someone of her choosing instead.

 

there’s no way her grandmother can antagonize her within a day, she just has to get through tomorrow and then the day after she’ll be back in seoul, away from her antics.

 

---

 

despite her annoyance, it would be awfully impolite to not show her face at the event, so joohyun shoves all her emotions into a tiny box and locks them away for the day. she’s attended some of these company events before, so she isn’t necessarily a stranger, but an anniversary dinner spells a different kind of trouble. 

 

her parents and grandmother had left much earlier to ensure that all the necessary preparations were settled, so she arrived alone at 7 o’clock sharp. the venue radiates with energy of the elite and powerful, it is indeed a grand event albeit one filled with snobbish s. joohyun wrinkles her nose at their smug attitudes, never quite liking them because their aura seems to scream philandering cheaters.

 

the lobby is filled with people and joohyun tries her damndest to avoid all of them, locking her gaze straight ahead. she’s used to having eyes on her, but tonight, there’s a lot more attention than she wants to deal with. on top of that, her outfit did not help one bit. her grandmother had hired a stylist and pretty much pressured her into getting all dolled up, forcing her into a dark navy gown that exposed her shoulders to the cold air. of all things that she’s going to have to deal with tonight, she just wished she wouldn’t be freezing throughout.

 

she focuses on her goal, check in, get seated and try her best to stop existing for the next three hours.

 

but perhaps an oversight on the lovely host’s part — joohyun isn’t on the guest list. hearing there’s no bae joohyun on this list, ma’am, suggests her night is only going to go downhill from here. she shoots the receptionist a tight-lipped smile and excuses herself to the side to figure something out.

 

but before she even moves from the reception table, a voice speaks up, drawing her attention.

 

“she’s with me.”

 

joohyun detects some hint of familiarity in the voice but she didn’t want to get her hopes up. there’s no way, she thinks quietly as she looks up. but her eyes widen when she takes in the person before her.

 

“seungwan?”