[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXxMkLMr1c8]

Maybe I'm lookin' for a bit of suffering
Leave a little time to feel the cracks
Maybe it'll hit when we're all alone again
Thinkin' about what we used to have

I took my time walking towards the restaurant where the reunion is to take place. It's been five years since we disbanded but that was not the only thing that got broken since then. When Jihyo informed us that our time as Twice was ending, I was of course sad because I love being a Twice member and having to not live and be with my members would be a great adjustment but I was also excited because then we would be able to go out on dates without having to worry about Dispatch or any crazy fan following us. I never thought that on the last day you would also end things between us.

Flashback...
We just finished our final concert and we were preparing to go home and celebrate. We all decided to do the celebration at the dorm, something about making final memories to the place we called home for the last ten years. The food was ordered and the staff even set up a place in the living room with memorabilias through out our career as Twice. We gathered around the table and said our wishes as we end a great chapter in our lives. We sat together and although our relationship was not unknown to the others, we still prefer to do it lowkey. Jeongyeon then got the liquor out and out of habit, Jihyo scolded her but then we laughed it out. As the night grew deeper, some of the members were already passed out, leaving me, you, Jeongyeon, Jihyo and Momo who were still awake. When they also felt sleepy, we offered to clean up and so we did.  As soon as we dried our hands after washing the last dish you asked me if we could talk. And for some reason, I already felt that this talk would not be good. Classic break up starter right? "Can we talk?" And so we went out of the dorm and walked towards the nearest park. It was a chilly night so I made sure we wore our jackets and our masks. We sat by our favorite bench and you held my hand.

"Chaeng, remember when I was away because of my anxiety?” You started and I nodded. "All those months I kept thinking what if all of these were to stop. What would I do then if I'm no longer a Twice member? What would I do if I no longer have you?"

"You'd still have me Minari. You'll always have me"

"I know and that's what scares me the most. What if someday something happens and you're not with me anymore. So I kept telling myself that I should learn to stand on my own. That I should learn to depend on myself and not on anyone else."

"W…what are you saying Minari?" My voice trembled as I try to fight the tears.

You looked me in the eyes and said, "I want to break up Chaeng. Now that after today we are no longer Twice, you'd be able to enroll to the art school you'd always wanted, finish the degree, make a living out of it and travel. I don't want to be the reason who's going to hold you back from those dreams -"

"But you are a part of those dreams"

"No Chaeyoung. Those are yours and yours alone. I can't live my life thinking that I would just hinder you from achieving those. I...I need to find my own path... without you in it."

My vision was getting blurry now, my heart was breaking in a million pieces as I pleaded "Please don't do this Minari."

"I'm really sorry Chaeyoung" and you finally let go of my hand.

End of flashback…

I know what I say
To get you to stay the night
Sleepin' by your side like the old times
But it's better for me
If I set you free to decide
Either way, we're gonna be alright, alright, yeah

I was taken back from my train of thoughts when I heard my phone ringing. It was Jihyo asking me where I was and I just told her I was close by. Upon arriving, I took a deep breathe before pushing the door open. Hoping that when I see you again, I'd be able to look at you and be happy. But you weren't there yet. I greeted everyone and we started catching up.

"Mina's going to be a little late. Her flight got delayed" Sana announced and my ears perked as soon as I heard your name.

Tzuyu noticed it so she had to ask. "How are you coping smol?" I just shrugged. Not sure if she took that as a good thing or not.

We continued eating and catching up and when the drinks were served, everyone got excited. It has been a while since we last drank together, also due to everyone's busy schedule.

Nayeon and Jihyo continued to be solo artists under JYP and both just finished promoting their albums, Jeongyeon took over her father's restaurant which is where we are now, Momo started her own dance company, Sana focused on hosting and also ventured with some dramas, Dahyun stayed at JYP along with Nayeon and Jihyo but is now working behind the cameras (so she won't have to find them. hahaha) while Tzuyu focused on modeling and I focused on finishing my degree in arts. I was offered to go to Paris to showcase my work in one of the prestigious art museums and I was supposed to leave tomorrow but I asked them if I can have a few days to think about it and thankfully they allowed me to. I don't know why I didn't accept it right away cause it has been my dream to show off my paintings to the world, making my own mark. Maybe because this reunion happened and thought that maybe, just maybe, if we get the chance to talk we could continue where we left off. That's just my wishful thinking though.

Another hour passed by and I was getting anxious so I went out in the back alley to smoke (alcohol, tattoos and smoking, yeah I’m a bad like that) and Tzuyu followed and the others didn’t mind.

"So I heard you were offered to showcase your paintings in Paris. When are you leaving?" Tzuyu asked as she accepted the stick I offered.

I puffed out some smoke and answered. "The flight's supposed to be tomorrow"

Tzuyu looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "But you're hoping you'd be able to talk to her and ask her to join you" Tzuyu said as if she could read my mind or maybe I'm just too obvious. "Chaeng, it's been years. How can you possibly hold onto that hope that she'd still feel the same?"

"I will wait as long as I need to Tzuyu. We broke up because she wants to find her own path but she never said it was because she didn't love me anymore" I answered. And yeah I know I sound stupid for waiting on something where there's no certainty, but I'd always wait for her to comeback just like I did back then.

"Don't you get it? If she wanted to come back she would have done so a long time ago. But it's been five ing years and you're still stuck up on her. She broke up with you and maybe it was for the better"

When she said that, my blood boiled. "Just shut up! You don't know what you're talking about! And you of all people should know how it is to wait for the person you love! You're such a hypocrite, dyou know that?"

"Oh yeah? If I'm a hypocrite fine, but at least Sana and I still get to talk when you couldn't even pick up the phone and ing call her! You weren't even there when she went back to Japan!"

My tears fell remembering that day I begged you on the phone asking if I could see you one more time before you went back home. "Because she ask me not to go"

Before Tzuyu could respond, Jeongyeon went out and told us you just arrived. I wiped my face and made sure there was not a hint of tears, ate some tic tac and put on a smile before coming back inside.

You were busy hugging the others and I was stuck where I was standing. When you saw me, it was like those in movies where everything moved in slow motion. You were right in front of me before I even began to process it and noticed that you have already been calling out my name for a few seconds now.

“Hi Chaengie” You greeted and man, how I missed hearing your voice.

I cleared my throat and responded. “Hi Minari”

You hugged me and I feel like I could already die. We stayed in each other’s arms and if not by the sound of snickering from the others, we would not let go (of the hug). I was bummed to realize that the empty seat was not beside mine but in between Sana and Momo. Of course, the J-Line would sit together.

The catching up continued and most of the time I would just listen to what everyone was saying. Just hearing your voice again was enough for me (but how I wish we could get to talk again…just the two of us) and maybe my luck just got boosted because then I heard Momo suggesting if you could stay at my place since it was closer as they all have work the next day. For a moment you refused and told us you’ll just check in a hotel but I insisted. So after we said goodbye to everyone, we went out of the restaurant and walked towards my apartment which was basically just three blocks away. We reached our destination and I ushered you inside.

We settled in the living room and I apologized for the messiness (since I was half heartedly packing my stuff). I offered some beer and you accepted.

It felt surreal that you are here with me that I didn’t know what to say. Asking you how you’ve been doing would be a great start, right?

“So how have you been Minari?” I asked as I sip on my beer.

You did the same. “I’m doing good Chaeng. How about you?”

“Same. I got my degree though”

“Yeah, I heard from Sana. That’s really great to know. I mean, I’ve always known you wanted to have that degree.” I just nodded.

Silence surrounded us and it feels weird because whenever we’re together, we never ran out of things to talk about. Maybe it’s because it has been years since we did talk let alone, just the two of us. (huh?)

“So what are all the boxes for? Are you moving somewhere?” Yes and I wish you would come with me.

I wasn’t expecting that we’d delve into that topic soon but here we are.

“Ugh. I was offered to go to Paris to showcase some of my paintings” I answered then took another sip.

Your eyes lit up and you showed me that gummy smile I missed. “Oh wow. So you finally living the dream huh? Getting into art school, having a degree and travelling. That’s really great Chaengie. I’m so proud of you. When are you going?”

I don’t why I was hoping to hear a slight hint of sadness when you mentioned those things. Maybe because I’m a weirdo for even thinking about it.

“I’m not sure I want to go though” I responded as I looked at the floor appreciating now just how beautiful the flooring is.

"Why would you not want to go? Is your girlfriend not allowing you to go? What’s her name and I’ll talk some sense into her”

My eyes widen at the mention of the word girlfriend. "W…what are you talking about? G…girlfriend? I d…don't even have one" Cause you're the only person I want to be with. Darn it why am I stuttering?

"Oh. I'm sorry. I j..just assumed that you have one." And there's the hint of sadness I was hoping for.

"Ever since we broke up, I just focused on my art." I responded and waited if you'll open up the door of talking about 'us'.

But you didn't.

"How about you Minari? I know you mentioned earlier that you've been teaching ballet back home. Are you on vacation now?"

You tucked some hair behind your ear and said, "I'm actually moving back here in Seoul. Momo offered me a position at her dance company"

"Oh wow. Is Sana joining too? It could now be called the MiSaMo dance company" I teased and maybe I'm not a no jam bro anymore cause I made you laugh.

A moment of silence once again and man, it was so awkward. We sat there in silence and the only sound we hear are the ticking of the clock. I don’t like this so I mustered some courage from the beer I was draining.

“Can I be honest with you Minari?" you nodded. "I missed you. Not a day went by that I didn't miss you. After all this time it's still you. I know you wanted to find your own path and you wanted me to do the same. But the only path I want to walk on is the one that would lead me to you. (Rascall Flatts reference? Maybe) I will wait for as long as you need and when you're ready, if you still feel the same, I will be with you."

No one knows about tomorrow
But I know that I'll be waitin' for you still
So I'll let you go to fill the void you're tryna fill
If you're meant to come back to me, you will
If you're meant to come back to me, you will

- to be contuinued