Seo Aera, the revolutionist, the visionary, the founding member of L’Aura cosmetics, always thought that she was not right in her mind. She claimed to forget things; made plans that she never engaged in, organized appointments that she could never attend to, disregarded emails, lost important documents and started to appear disoriented, as if she was no longer herself. When this happened, Aera would bury her face in her hands, her slender fingers trembling as the afternoon sun reflected in her auburn hair, and almost naturally reached for her phone. He was just a single digit away, in this place. The landline rang almost too frequently than he preferred. And almost always, it happened to be her.

“Director Kim” She would start with a little tremor in her voice. “Do you think I’m running out of my mind?”

He would let out a heavy sigh, press a hand on his forehead and form the same response in his mind. It was what she wanted to hear, after all. What she deserved to hear, and he intended to tell her too.

“You’re perfectly fine, President Seo. But if you need a rest, you can leave it to me”

It’s been nearly eight years since Sunggyu initially joined the company. Sunggyu had just left college back then, newly qualified with a bachelor in Law and no intention to continue a career in the field. He had attended so many interviews, just as many as his several part time jobs and living expenses allowed him to. Not many companies wanted to hire someone who’s qualifications were not fitting for their job description. Why would he not practice law? They would ask him. He didn’t deem the fact that he’d had a change of heart would come off exactly as a good response in a job interview.  When L’aura and Co. hired him, for Sunggyu it was the last resort. It was just a startup, there wasn’t much he could expect in return. For that moment, he’d thought he’d stay as long as the contract lasted, and maybe look into other options at the same time. He had thought it wasn’t an opportunity to grow, build potential but only a place to gain experience and temporary means of living expenses. As years passed, however, Sunggyu couldn’t believe just how wrong he had been.

If he was to be completely honest, Seo Aera was the most exquisite woman he had ever seen. It wasn’t only her youthful aura, the wise glimmer in her eyes, or the way his heart pounded when she smiled. It was her passion, diligence, intelligence; it was the way she carried herself, light as feather, spreading her wings yet her feet, at times, heavy upon the ground, making the earth tremble underneath. She was driven and fierce, always holding her grounds and completely aware of what she needed and didn’t. Her vision was extraordinary, often leaving him baffled by how a small, quiet woman as herself could turn the world around. She was full of ideas, a constant supply of them, coming up with new incentives left, right and center; single handedly bringing an empire upon its feet. Sung Gyu admired her, there was nobody who had impacted him more as an entrepreneur, as a businesswoman, than she had in his life.  

Sung Gyu, who started off as an assistant legal advisor, had now elevated to the position of director seven years later in his service. When he started off, he never imagined himself to be in this place, to have his own apartment, drive a nice car, receive a nine figure salary and lounge in an office overlooking the vast Seoul city, seventeen floors above. His life took a complete turn ever since he decided to take up the sole job role that he got accepted for, and he couldn’t have made a better decision back then. Now, sitting in his vast expanse of an office, signing things off, building connections, he sometimes imagined he was living another life.

And he believed that he had achieved so much, all thanks to her.

Sung Gyu believed that he owed his whole life to her. If not for L’aura cosmetics, if not for Seo Aera who’s small business set his path, he wouldn’t be what he had become. Seo Aera changed so much with the recent events of her life. She was no longer the woman that he used to know. But there was one thing that Kim Sung Gyu was certain of; whatever happened from this point of time, the thoughts he had of her would never change.

Sung Gyu and Aera had gone through so much together as a team. In the beginning, it was only her and him and five other people, huddled in a small second storey apartment in Incheon, making plans and dreaming big, lagging behind as the world moved on. People came and people left, their initial team of seven became five, then nine, and slowly it grew. Through that time, Aera and Sung Gyu grew closer and closer until, without a verbal agreement, he became her right hand man. Being the director wasn’t so bad in that sense, although there were way too many things to tackle on his own. The point, as he thought, was to maintain the position that they’ve gained as a company, as entrepreneurs in the field, although Seo Aera, herself has begun to crumble apart.

Aera showed first signs of losing herself when her marriage broke apart. Aera and him were in Taiwan at that time, opening their first branch of L’aura cosmetics in Taipei. It was at the congratulatory after party that their PR company threw that she found out that her husband had left her. Aera didn’t take heart breaks too well, Sung Gyu knew. After having seen her fall in and fall apart so many times, after witnessing her finally finding happiness, Sung Gyu knew that Aera wasn’t going to handle it well on her own. Just as he expected, Aera did just what he’d have thought she would. She got drunk, she lost herself.

And that’s the night that their story began.

He could remember everything, as vividly as ever; the deep wine red of her dress, the color of her cheeks as she flushed drunk, the sweet vanilla scent of her hair, the warmth in her hands, a hint of champagne in her breath. It wasn’t that she drank a lot, if two glasses of champagne and one glass of wine could pass off as much. It was only that her heart was too frail to handle that pain. She’d been hurt enough times, thrown to the ground and trampled upon to the point that the slightest strain could break her apart. That’s what happened to her, that night. Sunggyu had to watch her crumble before his eyes, feeling utterly helpless than ever before.

“Director Kim” she addressed him, her slender fingers grasping the stem of her glass, her eyes glistening with tears. “Do you think I’m a handful? Am I a handful?”

Sunggyu wasn’t even sure what she was talking about. They were the guests of the night. If anything, Aera and he should be talking to people, building connections, networking. Who he resented right now was Aera’s ex husband who couldn’t decide a better time to tell her that.

“No, president Seo, you absolutely aren’t” Sunggyu replied as reassuringly as he could. He didn’t know what to say to a boss whose marriage has just ended. He knew, anything he said now could make things worse, so Sunggyu stuck to only responding to every single question she’d throw on his way.

She took a long slug of her wine and winced as if it was bitter as her life. “He says that I was a handful. Too much to handle, he said. He said I was...I was erratic and too emotional and-and that he couldn’t take it anymore” another long slug and she stared at her empty glass as if it held all her answers. “I...I never knew,  you know. I thought we were perfect…”

Sunggyu couldn’t find words to respond. If he was to be honest, he despised her husband from the very beginning. He was obnoxious and cruel, thought of himself above all. He was the only heir of a popular businessman who owned a large conglomerate, which somehow gave him a sense of entitlement. When Aera first introduced him to Sunggyu, when he first shook his hand and when Sunggyu saw that shadow of conceit and authority around him, Sunggyu despised him to the very core. Aera may appear strong, unyielding, and that itself may have been alluring to many. But the truth was, she was soft and gentle, her heart was as delicate as a flower. Sunggyu knew that he was going to hurt her at the end of it all. But what could he do? There was an impenetrable wall between them;  Aera and himself, a wall that kept them apart and should remain intact as long as they worked alongside each other. And that set them apart, that made him stand away and watch him destroying her, tightening his fists and holding back his words, for that was all that he was allowed to do.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” She drawled quietly, certainly intoxicated, and he finally turned to face her, hiding his resentment the best he could. 

“If I do, would it change anything?” He sighed.

Aera mulled it over for a moment and shrugged. “I think you’re right…” she put a hand around the base of her glass and her lips curved into a bitter smile. “It’s strange how you’re always right”

Sunggyu shrugged, not wording out his response and drank from his own glass himself.

It was when she said things like this that Sunggyu would always question their relationship. For years, both Aera and Sung Gyu had strongly maintained their colleague to colleague connection. She’d always been president Seo, him, director Kim; but there have been odd moments then and there where the shape of that acquaintance certainly changed. They were unhealthily dependent on each other, at times. He’d be a friend, a brother, a personal counselor; they shared the same mug of coffee on lazy mornings or the same cigarette in the fire exit when a crisis arose. Every time Seo Aera needed mental support, he was there for her on his own accord, and when he wanted someone to lean on in his difficult times, which was indeed a rarity, he’d always have her. Time and time again, that thin line which kept them away would invariably blur, become nothing. Sung Gyu had, myriad times, found himself questioning himself; his intentions, his desires. Perhaps, it was this strange connection that he was afraid to lose, would she ever know the truth. It was this dependence, this friendship, this comfort that he feared to sacrifice for the sake of receiving more.

Nonetheless, It was not the first time that Sung Gyu was seeing Seo Aera with a wounded heart, and if he was to be honest, it wasn’t the first time he strongly wished he could be so much more to her than a mere listening ear. 

The party was at full fling behind them. People were gathered in small crowds, circling cocktail tables with glasses of champagne and margaritas in hand. About an hour ago, the two of them were a part of the crowd too. Seo Aera had given a speech, a speech she needn’t write or practice before a mirror, for that’s the kind of woman she was. Dynamic, spontaneous, brilliant. They’ve spoken to the president of the PR company, an elegant man in an expensive suit, not many years older than Aera herself, eyeing her in a way that was noticeable to all but her. She could tackle many different languages, different situations, different people while being completely undeterred, gracefully as ever. Be it commentary or bad criticism, complaints or indirect judgements, underlying sarcasm in their tones. For her, all of this was light as feather as if she was bulletproof. Sung Gyu had watched her, at times mesmerized, how she’d dodged and defended, responding so well that she’d left so many completely speechless. It was strange how, a woman so resilient as her could be defeated by something as fleeting as love.

Perhaps, Seo Aera hadn’t been as strong as she seemed after all.

“Director Kim” Aera addressed him, yet again, in her gentle tone. He looked up at her, saw her gazing at him with warmth in her eyes and he tried, so much, to suppress the urge to hold her in his arms. 

“President Seo” He replied.

“If you were married, would you ever do what he did to me?”

Sung Gyu parted his lips to respond, but he couldn’t. He had no words to respond. If he were ever married, which he would never be, as he couldn’t win her heart, he would never, ever let it happen to her. Perhaps, she could be a handful, she had been numerous times and that was fine. She could be erratic and irrational at times, her emotions were over the top, sometimes a complete labyrinth on her own. She cried for puppies in commercials and hated crowded buses, couldn’t stand sugar and cream in her coffee and couldn’t do the wing on her left eye as nicely as the right. But would he mind? Sung Gyu didn’t think he ever would. Would they ever be a reason for him to leave her behind? Had they been so, it would have been years since he’d left. Indeed, they’ve never been in a marriage, and he couldn’t even imagine how it could even be. But he was certain that he’d seen more sides of her than her ex husband ever had, all the many little perks of her that had made him love her even more.

He looked at her thoughtfully, he tried to give her a smile. But all before he could even say a word in response, which was nothing close to all that he’d had in mind, a familiar voice called her from behind them.

“There she is, Missus Seo herself!”

Aera hadn’t certainly expected an intrusion in an emotional moment. She moved so fast that she accidentally knocked over her wine, spilling it all over the mahogany counter and down by his feet. He naturally reached out for her and pressed a hand on her arm. When she looked at him, he saw it in her eyes. Seo Aera was no longer the Seo Aera they knew. And in a wordless plea, she begged him to take her place.

“Stay here, I’ll be back” He told her quietly, and that little glimpse of relief in her eyes was more than enough for him.

Sung Gyu had to make a complete hundred and eighty degree change in stance as he approached the businessmen himself. He had learned it all from her, when Aera was much stronger on her own. Business was all about impression, she’d said. As long as the impression you made in another remained the same or got better, your chances would grow.

“Gentlemen, please…” He told the two other businessmen that approached them, a pleasant smile on his lips as he ushered them away. “Let me get you a drink...Missus Seo is terribly sorry as she had a personal matter to attend to. But it’s a pleasure for me to finally meet you!”

It took Sung Gyu about thirty five minutes to walk about, meeting familiar and unfamiliar faces, talk and smile and make impressions, build rapport and basically sell themselves around before he could finally return to Seo Aera. He was exhausted at that point, and his face ached after smiling so much. He certainly hoped it worked and made up for his president’s sudden absence during the occasion. He did succeed in convincing a few, impressing a bunch of ladies and prompted them to try their products. It was great that he learned a thing or two about cosmetics through the few years he’d spent in the industry that he identified colors and contours so well. The party ended, somehow, with him hopefully leaving a positive outlook despite the unprecedented situation, and when he finally returned to where he’d left Aera behind, he found her lying across the bar, her face in her arms, her hair a complete mess and a bunch of glasses beside her, sound asleep.

“Oh no” Sung Gyu muttered to himself first as panic and remorse settled uncomfortably inside him. He had seen many phases of despair in Seo Aera before, but her drinking to the point of passing out on a working night has never been one of them. “No, Aera, no, no, no” He muttered to himself as he tried to shake her awake. “Wake up” He hissed as he gathered her in his arms, “Pull yourself together, Aera, for god’s sake”

There were a hundred ways to make an impression on a potential partner, she’d told him before. Smile, laugh with your head bowed, always speak with honorifics and don’t forget the perfect bow! Seo Aera had always been the epitome of professionalism. Smart, elegant, surreal, at times. She’d always been afraid to let her vulnerability show, unless it was before him. Yet, at this moment, having passed out among a crowd which had gathered to witness her success tonight, Seo Aera was about to lose it all.

Unless he acted fast.

He quickly beckoned one of the bartenders. It was their last resort before someone from their circle could find them in this predicament. The bartender understood his broken chinese, thankfully. ‘A safe way out’ He told him. ‘We’d very much like to avoid the hall, and the lobby’.

“Very well Sir” The bartender responded with a tight smile. “I’m afraid I can only allow you to the fire-exit. Would you take one floor up, you would find the VIP lounge”

“Will it be possible to book a room for tonight?” He inquired.

“I suppose so. But that need to be from the reception”

“Right” Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh and looked down at Aera once more. She had never been like this before. Firm and always steady Seo Aera. It was baffling what heartbreak could do to her.

Carefully as ever, Sung gyu gathered her in his arms. He was fairly surprised by how light she felt when he heaved her up against his chest; a gentle weight she was, quiet and so unlike herself. He moved her a little so that her head laid against his shoulder, her warm breath brushing past his neck. The bartender helped him out of the fire exit, and the flamboyant chatter of the fellow patrons died down as the large iron door closed behind him. His heart, which was so much a wild animal within his chest calmed down a notch at that moment. Exhausted, Sung Gyu leaned against the closed door and sighed.

“Things I do for you, Seo Aera” He muttered to himself.

The two of them were driven to the hotel by the host of the dinner tonight, therefore hauling a taxi in the given circumstances was not the best way forward for him. They could make it up for them later on, he hoped. Make up an entirely different tale, perhaps. But for tonight, he had to take drastic measures, assure Aera’s safety as well as maintaining her name. He finally gathered his courage and uttered a little prayer inside before he took the flight up the stairs in careful strides, As weightless as she was in his arms, he was afraid of losing his footing or taking the wrong step. After all, it was something so incredibly precious that he held in his arms.. 

The vip lounge was quiet and dark, it’s plush settees empty, their velvet cushions untouched. A sole chandelier lightened up the entire hall while a single nightly employee stood behind a hardwood counter. It was a young man with tired eyes yet a pleasant smile. Sunggyu was certain he was baffled by this unlikely encounter, although his smile remained unrestrained.

“Hello, um, we’re in a bit of a situation here” Sunggyu muttered with an embarrassed smile. “My, uh, boss...she’s not in her best shape right now so will it be possible to keep her safe here for a second while I pop down to book her a room?”

“I see” the employee looked down at Aera and gave him a pleasant smile. “Well, I can try to book it for you”

“Oh nice” Sunggyu sighed in relief. “That would be a great help, please” 

In the end, with Sunggyu waiting stranded in the empty vip lounge, Aera soundly passed out in a sofa seat, he managed to get her an expensive VIP suite. It drained from his own pocket of course, which he’d keep for himself for the time being. He carried her to the room, feeling deeply embarrassed by having to go through this all along, and hoped the night had come to an end when he laid her down in bed.

Aera seemed at peace the most when she slept. Sunggyu probably hadn’t seen it before, or he probably had but tried not to notice, but she appeared heartbreakingly beautiful tonight. He’d never been as close as he was to her than tonight, before, carrying her, holding her in his arms, her breath against his skin, her sweet, intoxicating scent in his lungs. When he laid her carefully among white clouds of a quilt and blankets, he wished he couldn’t let go, he wished he could hold her like this forever and quietly promise her she wouldn’t have to be hurt again. He wished he could give her that, and his heart, and soft kisses on her flushed skin, upon the pink tint on her cheeks, the dark curls of her lashes, the frown between her brows and lastly that pout on her lips. Myriad times he’d wondered if he should ever test that boundary; tell her, ask her, love her, only to retreat in fear, knowing his place. He would never be good enough for her, nobody would be. She deserved everything and so much more, so much more than he could give.

And he would never compromise what he already had in a way he would lose her for once and for all. 

With a deep sigh, Sunggyu moved away from her. His arms felt empty without her weight, his skin was cold without her touch. As much as he wanted to stay behind and protect her, watch over her, he knew the best. It wasn’t right.

He hovered above her for a second still, just as he wanted to bask in that feeling of being close to her. When he finally willed himself to move away, however, the unexpected happened, the system collapsed. Sunggyu held his breath, his eyes widening as a pair of slender arms reached for his shoulders. Seo Aera soon greeted him with a lowly drunken hum, looking at him with hooded, sleepy eyes. 

“Beautiful” she whispered, her breath fanning his skin, and Sunggyu was flabbergasted that he couldn’t even find his strength to respond. 

“Beautiful” she said again, and her hand which was resting on his shoulder has now s down along his jaw, slowly dancing across his skin, tracing his lips. Sunggyu held his breath. They’ve been president and director for the past seven years, the closest that they have ever been were friends, sharing thoughts over a glass of beer or a smoke. But this, he hadn’t imagined, not even in his wildest dreams.

“Did-did I wake you?” Sunggyu finally brought himself to ask her, struggling to break free from her. 

“No” she widened her eyes at him, and sighed. “I was awake the whole time”

Sunggyu froze above her, his hands were numb, resting on either side of her.

“What?” He breathed, and she just smiled, a sad little curve on her lips.

“I just wanted to know”

“To know what?” He returned, his voice harder than he expected. He knew Aera to be many, many things. But not even a very drunk, very heartbroken Aera would let her guards down the way she had done tonight.

“If I was a handful, if I was too much to you too”

Sunggyu wasn’t sure how he should feel. 

“You…” he started, and soon started to retreat. Aera was not in the right state of mind. Anything she did or said right now, she would most certainly regret, and he didn’t want one of them to be him. “You’re drunk, Seo Aera”

To this, she sighed in response. “I know” she lied on her side. Her eyes were distant, hazy, even as he sat on the bed beside her, keeping his distance, trying to remain sane. 

“I just don’t understand…” she muttered and sat up rather groggily, laying a hand on his shoulder for support. “Why does everyone leave me? What have I done wrong?”

Sunggyu glanced at her, a mere side eye, and cleared his throat. “Not everyone” he muttered in response. He would have said this with more confidence, with much more fervour had he the courage to do so.

This made her let out a drunken chuckle in response. “Director Kim,” she said, facing him. “The only reason that you won’t leave is because it’s your job and you know you’re good at it”

Sunggyu could only shrug in response. He wanted to remind her that he also cleaned after her mess and played different roles in her life if he had to, which certainly didn’t include in his job description, but he knew the best to not to. It was the only way that he could love her from a far and show her that he did, although she never seemed to see it that way. It was fine, as long as he could be where he was, it’s all fine. 

“Do you happen to have a cigarette, Kim?” Aera perked out after a while. He usually had some at his dispense, but since the day his mother lashed out at him after she found him taking a smoke behind her house, he’d had to stick to alternatives. Besides, he didn’t think it’s what Aera needed right now.

“I don’t, and I think what you need right now is sleep,” he told her.

“Right” she nodded slowly and looked around herself, blinking dazedly. “Where are we anyway?”

“I booked you a suite” Sunggyu sighed.

“Oh wow” she mumbled almost dreamily. It wasn’t the first time that he’s seeing this side of her, and her childlike innocence made her appear a different person altogether. “Must have cost a lot”

“A grand, yes”

Aera was quiet for a while, a moment of contemplative silence and Sunggyu feared what could possibly follow. Sunggyu had known her long enough to know that her quietness was louder than words. She would let her emotions show only when she couldn’t take it anymore. And when she did, Aera didn’t fail to be blatantly honest, letting it out in the open, sincere and raw. 

“Sunggyu-ah” she called him all of a sudden. They were quietly transitioning from colleagues to friends in a matter of seconds, and Sunggyu couldn’t even protest when her hand reached out to him and wrapped around his arm. Her head laid against his shoulder, and to where he was he could see the graceful curves of her s, he could feel her scent in his breath. He remained frozen in his place, his hands fisted, closing his eyes. It wasn’t that they haven’t been physically close before. For a woman who was otherwise firm and steadfast in her game, Aera could be awfully clingy at times. She was utterly dependent; she craved to be pampered and cared for, and Sunggyu would always wordlessly comply if he had to. But as times changed and circumstances differed, the way he took to her need of comfort has begun to change. What he feared was when it would come to the point where he would comfort her with expectations in return.

There were people out there, he was certain, who could love without conditions. But Sunggyu was just not one of them.

He let out a heavy sigh as she nestled comfortably against him. “You know…” she started, her head tilted so that she could see him better. “Sometimes I wonder where I would be without you”

There she went, changing their arrangements as she well-pleased without even considering how he felt. Perhaps it was only him, it was only him who perceived her words this way, it was only him who had completely irrational expectations. Perhaps it was all that she meant; not her, but them as a pair, where would they be without her longest standing partner? It was only a completely innocent remark, nothing more, although her need to hold him this way as she said that was beyond him. 

“Running a company, I assume?” Sunggyu nonchalantly replied.

Aera let out a lowly laughter, and his shoulder reverberated along with her. “Ah no, I think I’d be homeless, unemployed, eating scraps off the street. The company would be flattened to ground”

“But you started without me” he reminded her.

Aera seemed to contemplate it for a moment, her fingers lazily playing with his sleeve. “I did” she finally replied, nodding to herself. “But you know what they say? It’s not the beginning that is hard. It’s surviving”

Sunggyu intook a deep breath and finally willed himself to glance at her. “Is it hard right now?”

“What is? Surviving?” She inquired, looking up at him.

“Hm”

Aera looked ahead of her, her arms tightened around his own. “Well, I don’t know….” a deep sigh followed, and her head pressed onto his shoulder even further. “It’s not that bad, I think, with you around”

Sunggyu didn’t follow up from that point; he didn’t want to, lest her words hurt him even more. Myriad times, he had found himself wondering what he was for her. She wouldn’t say it in so many words, her actions often misleading, at times utterly convincing. Perhaps, he was a little more than he thought he was. Perhaps she was a lot more than she thought she was for him and she never knew.

“When I come to think of it, I wouldn’t have come far without you; I had ideas, but you knew how to make them work” she let out a little laughter, still speaking mostly to herself. “Kim Sung Gyu carries L’Aura cosmetics on his shoulders, but he doesn’t even know what a blusher does” 

“It makes you look blushed, I know” he put in.

“He doesn’t even know what a blusher does” Aera continued as if she hadn’t even heard him, “And I don’t know what to do without him”

Sunggyu pressed his lips together and allowed his silence to answer in his stead. Aera too was quiet for a moment, holding onto him, her head still laying against his shoulder.

“You know what people would ask from someone like you?” Aera continued groggily, a tinge of amusement in her tone.

Sung gyu wasn’t meeting her eyes when he responded; “What?”

“Does it hurt?”

Sung Gyu frowned, unable to grasp the sense of her words.

“Carrying the company on your back, silly, nothing else” Aera laughed, a lowly cheerful sound, almost too cheerful for someone who’s husband had just left her. Sung Gyu remained quiet even then, deeming that it wasn’t something he had to reply to. Aera fell quiet herself, still laying against his shoulder, still staring ahead. The room was awfully silent that he could hear the sound of her slow, even breath. He wondered what was running in her mind right now, he wondered if he still were there in tiny fragments of her thoughts. He wondered if she could hear it too, the way his heart beat so hard for her even as he hoped that this night could come to an end.

“Sometimes I feel sorry for you” Aera voiced out all of a sudden. “You only wanted a job, an income, and perhaps leave when everyone else did. But I held you back, didn’t I? And now you have to be me when I couldn’t be me anymore….” She let out a heavy sigh, her hand grasping onto him even tighter. “It must be tough being me….i’m not someone fun to be with let alone to become”

Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh and turned to glance down at her. “You’re being too hard on yourself”

Aera lifted her gaze to him, somewhat curious, somewhat hopeful.. “Isn’t that how you felt, then?”

Sung Gyu wanted to promise her, reassure her then and there that it wasn’t, that he thought so highly of her, that he put her on an impossibly high pedestal, too high for her to do this to herself . But none of this came to him in words and remained only deep in his thoughts. Their relationship, as it was now, was too precious for him to compromise for his feelings. So he remained quiet and stared ahead. 

“Taehyung definitely felt that way” Aera went on, now recalling to her lying, cheating ex spouse. “I can remember his face, still; he looked unhappy when he’d see me. His face was blank… indifferent…” She trailed away for a moment, and then, as if it suddenly occurred to her, she moved away from him and he felt it strongly when her warmth left his side. “You know, director Kim. I think i’ve known this would happen all along. I’ve always known it...I just refused to accept it”

Sung Gyu met her eyes. “Known what?”

“Known that Taehyun would leave me” She sighed, her eyes distant, perhaps lost somewhere in her past. “You know how birds and elephants know when something bad is about to happen? How birds fly back to their nests before a storm, how elephants go to their hideouts before a landslide. It was like that...the signs were everywhere….it’s just that I refused to see them”

Perhaps Sung Gyu knew this too, although he wouldn’t admit to her himself. When Taehyun didn’t pick up her calls more often, when she was frequently screened by him, when he stopped sending flowers to her office on their significant days with those sappy little hand written notes on scented cards as if he hadn’t anything better to do in his life. He had noticed them a little too vividly than he intended; and now that he thought back to these little signs, little easter eggs to the end of their relationship, he felt increasingly guilty, guilty to an extent that was hard to ignore. And he understood why he’d turned a blind eye to them, pretended not to notice, convinced himself that it wasn’t his place to intervene. He had wanted them to happen, he had wanted their relationship to fall apart, and from the sidelines he’d watched them doing so, hoping that one day, he’d have the chance to comfort her and take the place that Taehyun had always had in her life.

And truthfully, Sung Gyu didn’t hate himself for feeling that way. Seo Aera deserved so much more than a man who didn’t see value in her, and more than anything else, Seo Aera deserved a man who wouldn’t make her feel or become anything lesser than she was. Although Sung Gyu had allowed it to happen, it wasn’t him who made it happen. And right now, as her life appeared blurry and uncertain before her, it was him that she had ultimately turned to.

“Why do you think you did that?” Sung Gyu asked her simply as he was curious to know himself. “Refused to see them I mean”

“The signs?”

“Hm”

Aera sighed, pouting her lips, her eyes glassy in wonderment. “Honestly, I was just holding onto that tiny string of hope you know...I know I’ve been all this. I have the company, highest sales per year; youngest woman entrepreneur. But what to they all mean if they hadn’t a purpose? And wouldn’t the purpose be...life? Love? Children? Family?”

Sung Gyu could swear he felt his heart skip a beat. He swallowed hard, everything that he wanted to tell her, whisper in her ears. “Is that...what you wanted?”

Aera looked up at him and smiled, albeit sadly; the curve on her lips didn’t quite reach her eyes like they usually did. “All I wanted” She sighed, looked down and chewed her lips. “I was thinking...I wasn’t getting any younger. And I’ve done so much...but ultimately, if  I wasn’t happy, what’s the point? I hoped, when I got married, that I’d finally be able to slow down, settle, make a family...be happy” She pursed her lips into a thin line and gestured with her hand, waving them away as her dreams dissolved in thin air. “And there they went...all gone”

Sung Gyu took a deep breath and nodded in response. How could he tell her that she wasn’t too late? How could he tell her that she still could have it all, and that it didn’t have to be Taehyun who’d share her dreams with her?

“Some things just aren’t meant to be” Sung Gyu told her, compacting all his words into a single phrase in hopes it carried the message to her. “Sometimes things don’t happen the way we want them to”

Aera seemed to mull it over for a second, then nodded to herself. “I guess you’re right...sometimes they aren’t”

Sung Gyu nodded again, glad that his answer satisfied her, and not so much, as it was all that she’d perceived. A second passed, and then another. Aera looked up at him yet again. “How come you’re always right, director Kim?”

It wasn’t something that he was hearing for the first time. Sung Gyu gave her a brief chuckle. “I don’t think I am...not always, at least”

This made her move further away from him and sit cross legged in front of him on the bed. She was child-like at times, despite being older than him. And the glimmer in her eyes, that little excited smile on her lips didn’t make it any better. 

“No, listen” She said, clasping her hands. “Remember that time when we were about to sign the contract with triple A communications? Remember how you had one look at the sales rep and declined?”

He remembered that instance quite vividly. Although he was unsure how that incident was suddenly related to their conversation, he had to admit, the sales rep appeared to have a different game planned underneath his sleeves. He couldn’t help but notice his rigid posture, that strange twitch in his eyes.

“The sales rep was a bluffer” Sung Gyu replied, confident of his intuition. “It was all over his face. We’d have lost millions if that contract went through”

“Right!” Aera laughed, clapping her hands as if that piece of information excited her. “He’s serving in jail for money laundering, isn’t he?”

“I believe so” Sung Gyu agreed.

“And...and do you remember that girl who sued us for an allergic reaction?” Aera recalled yet another memory, her eyes lost in their past.

 Sung Gyu could remember that incident as well, because it was him, together with the team leader responsible for that particular product as well as Aera who attended the court. The hearing was a mess, because it wasn’t an easy feat to prove that a skin care product did not cause such side effects. But for him, the girl’s demeanour had rubbed off the wrong way. There was something about her that didn’t sit right with him; and that was the reason why he had their lawyer to check her background. His intuition, yet again, proved him right when it turned out that she was using them, a reputed company, for compensation.

“She was drowning in debt,” Sung Gyu reminded her.

Aera nodded in response, rearranging herself on the bed. “What I’m trying to tell you, director Kim, is that your instincts are no match to any other. How you can see things, how you can see right through things...how you’re always right…”

Sung Gyu wasn’t made to take compliments well. He became shy, reserved, for he believed that what he could do, in his profession, was something that anyone was capable of doing. He merely gave her a smile, a lopsided little smirk, one that he usually did when he was uncomfortable and attempted to pass off as nothing. Aera gazed at him as he did this, and somehow he earned a reaction that he didn’t imagine. 

“Don’t smile like that, so conceited” She exclaimed, shoving lightly at his arm.

“What?” He laughed.

They fell quiet at that, Sung Gyu awkwardly looking away. Beyond the parted curtain, the city of Taipei was still bright and alive. It was somewhere past midnight by then, the time that the entire world would fall asleep. Far in the horizon, he could see light hues of yellow and lavender outlining the high, uneven peaks. Had they stayed longer in the city, he would have taken Aera out on adventures, given her the time of her life so she could forget all about this, all about her pain, her past and he’d paint her a new beginning, take her to the mountain tops and kiss her under the hazy twilight while the world fell away.

But things never worked in his favour. They were scheduled for their flights early next afternoon, and right now Seo Aera appeared as if she’d lost ten years of her life. Sung Gyu was there to comfort her, he was comforting her; and as someone who could be as affectionate as a brick wall, all Sung Gyu could do was listen to her, let her lean on him and be the outlet that she desired.

“Director Kim” Aera called him all of a sudden. They had moved places by then. Aera sat against the upholstery, her head pressed to the cushion, eyes straining at the roof above. He was up on his feet, gazing down the window at the city below. 

“President Seo” He responded, stealing a glance at her.

“Since you have good intuition...tell me, why did he do that? Why did Taehyun do that to me?”

Because he was an would have been the appropriate response. Sung Gyu stood still by the window, his hands clenched in his pockets, organising his thoughts. It wasn’t a question that he could get away with a vague answer. He had to be honest. Not brutally, but completely.

“Do you want me to bluff? Or do you want me to tell the truth?” He asked her.

Aera laughed. “What’s the bluff?”

“He thought you were too good for him” 

Sung Gyu always thought she was too good for him, too good for the world, for anyone. If he was bluffing, in all honesty, it was still the truth.

Aera, who certainly believed otherwise, snorted in response. “The truth then”

Sung Gyu took a second to put his thoughts into words in his mind and let out a heavy sigh. “Nam Taehyun didn’t need a woman. He needed a business deal and you were the perfect candidate” 

“Is that what you think?”

“Isn’t that what it was?”

Aera took a sharp breath. “Carry on”

Sung Gyu returned to the side of her bed, retrieved his hands from his pockets and sat down before her. “He told you that he loved an independent woman, didn’t he?”

“How do you know?” She perked up, and he smiled. 

“They always do”

“Who’s they?”

“Men like Taehyun”

Aera shrugged. “Who are men like Taehyun? Liars? Conceits?”

“No, just the men who think they’re too good for the world” Sung Gyu disagreed. “Conceits, Yes, I guess?”

Aera seemed to mull over his words, leaning against the headboard, deep in thought. “I feel...sometimes I feel I was more like a jewel for him, like a crown, a trophy that he could carry around and show off...you know how people flaunt something they’ve won in others' faces? That’s how I felt. Used, I think, is the right way to put it”

“I think I understand” He sighed, nodding more to himself. And he did, he understood her; although he was unable to put himself in her shoes, he’d seen her, known her, and witnessed how little value that she was given and how that, in turn, started to peel her shine away.  

“I don’t think he ever really loved me” Aera continued in her same quiet, distant voice. “Maybe he did, but not the parts that I wanted to be loved. He loved my success, he loved my wealth, he loved the place that I held in this world and he loved how that made him feel…” She looked up at him. “Do you get what I mean?”
 

He nodded, allowing her to continue. 

“I don’t think that’s what I wanted” Aera ventured out with a sigh. “I didn’t want to be labeled and valued for my achievements. Sometimes...sometimes I really wanted to be vulnerable. Being strong is really exhausting, you see. Sometimes I wanted to break apart, to be hugged and told that I did well. But Taehyung didn’t want to see that side of me. I think he didn't believe that that side existed in me. The moment he realised that he was wrong...he despised me”

Sung Gyu played with the edge of the sheet, his eyes downcast. He never imagined that he’d have to sit and listen to her side of the tale, to actually see her so broken, so vulnerable. And now that he was, Sung Gyu could swear, there was something rigid and relentless struggling to break through in his heart. 

“So why...why did you stay?” He asked her. He couldn’t believe himself at first, that he had the sheer audacity to voice out that question. Now that it was out in the open, however, Sung Gyu hadn’t much choice.

Aera gave him a sad little smile. “Why did I stay with him?” She asked.

Sung Gyu merely nodded, and watched her as she appeared to contemplate his question. Her hand lifted to her hair then, and in a swift movement, she let it off its restraints; it cascaded down like a gust of wind, a waterfall. When she ran her slender fingers through the silken brown waves, Sung Gyu found himself wondering what it would feel like, tangled in his own hands.

He closed his eyes and turned away. These were the thoughts that he had to hold back, shake away. He was not in the right place to feel these things. 

“Well” She started quietly, now gazing out the large paneled windows overhead. “I haven’t thought about it, to be honest. For a long time I’ve felt unloved. Like I said, the signs were right there...but I held on to the hope that he’d turn right around, you see”

“But he wasn’t going to,” Sung Gyu reminded her.

“Right?” Aera gave him a sorrowful laughter. “Perhaps I was delusional. I don’t know….” She breathed out soundly and lowered her head. “Now that I think back, director Kim, i feel the whole reason why I stayed was because I couldn’t think of anything better to do. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be kissed and held and made love to, I wanted to be weak and vulnerable, put down this mask in front of someone; and whom else did I have? I had only him”

It was at that moment, Sung gyu was certain, that he lost his will to hold himself back. If he ever had the chance, if he ever was in Taehyun’s place, he would have gone above and beyond to simply love her all that she deserved. There was nothing more he would have wanted, even then, nothing more he would do. If he could hold her in his arms just once, comfort her with a little more than mere words and a lended ear, he would give anything to take that chance. And Sung gyu wanted to tell her that, he wanted to show her too. As the night prolonged and Taipei city slowly fell asleep, he wanted to allow their dynamics to change, no matter how long it would take. But still, there was a large part of him that feared the transitions, to go from friends to lovers, feared all that he would lose.

So all that he could do at that moment was call her her name.

Aera shook her head, the same little sorrowful smile on her lips. “When women call themselves strong and independent, it’s just a facade they put up, a face, a mask; have you ever realised that, Director Kim?”

Sung Gyu hadn’t met many women to clarify that. But with Aera, he could tell that he had. 

She, of course, didn’t wait for him to respond as she continued. “We’re not strong or independent, you know. We’re just terrified. We’re terrified of being abandoned, hurt and betrayed, because the moment we find comfort in someone’s heart, we keep craving for it; and its absence will rip us apart. It hurt so much, and that is why we call ourselves strong, independent, so we wouldn’t have to put ourselves there again…” She pressed har palms to her face and exhaled hard. “But it sure does get exhausting”

“Then why-,” Sung Gyu started, and she understood what he meant before he could word it out.

“Because we need it” She told him, not meeting his eyes.  “We need it so much, to not feel lonely, to cry and find comfort when we need it the most. So sometimes, when we don’t find it, we settle for what we get…” She looked ahead, appearing so weak, so broken, so unlike herself.  “That’s what I did. I knew Taehyun wouldn’t give what I wanted. But I wouldn’t have found it in any other way”

Sunggyu but his bottom lip, unable to work out what he could say in response. If he wasn’t a coward, if he had the sheer courage, the confidence to do so, he’d let go of every little shred of doubt he had and confess to her; how much he wished and desired to be that person for her, how much he wished he could hold her and comfort her, how much that vulnerable side of Seo Aera meant to him. But Kim Sunggyu was a coward. He hadn’t the audacity to pour his heart out to her. He remained quiet, his heart breaking as he watched her crumble apart.

“But what’s the point now? It's gone, it's over….I’m back to square one” Aera said in a note of finality before she looked over at him, now a strange, undecodable smile on her lips. “Is there a point in dwelling over it, director Kim?”

He shrugged. “Guess not” Because it was all he could tell her.

“Right” She agreed and threw her hands in the air in frustration.. “Yes, it, him, marriage, Nam Taehyun” 

She then, much to his amazement, climbed off the bed. Appearing as graceful and elegant as she’d ever been, Seo Aera traversed the hallway, moved across to the vast living area of the suit. As its dull yellow lights lit up the room, Aera’s presence seemed to breathe life into the dark sombre ambiance. She’d always had that effect on things, on people, wherever she went. 

There was an expensive bottle of Chardonnay accompanied by two tall glasses kept invitingly beside the plush sofa seat. Without a word, she comfortably arranged herself there and wordlessly served herself with the wine. Sung Gyu, of course, had wordlessly accepted her quiet invitation. After all, it wasn’t his first time, sharing a glass with her. It sure wouldn’t be the last. 

“Come, let's toast for the end of my love life, Director Kim”

Sung Gyu did not, at all, appreciate the sound of it. But what could he say? He accepted the glass that she held out to him and sat on the sofa beside her. As if Aera wasn’t already quite drunk enough. But if it was what she wanted…

Sung Gyu could tell that it was going to be a very long night.