─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

 

 

Lee Chaeyeon wakes up on the early morning of January 10, 2020. She sits up, rubbing at her face to shake away the sleepiness, the morning light peeking from the curtain hits her cheek as she tries to adjust to her surroundings.

 

 

 

Once she was able to fully open both of her eyes without trouble, scouring the familiar white walls, it registers that she is currently at home. She stretches her arms to her neck before she reaches towards the side table for her phone.

 

 

 

7:30 in the morning, it said. It was the first time in a while that Chaeyeon woke up this early, surprising, to say the least since she is usually an early riser. Nevertheless, she gets off the bed and makes her way to the bathroom to wake herself further by washing her face.

 

 

 

She looks at herself in the mirror and sighs. Before her thoughts could run wild again, she turns away, taking the towel to wipe her face dry.

 

 

 

“Another day, Chaeyeon ah,” she says to no one as she opens the door and makes her way outside.

 

 

 

Chaeri and Chaesoo run to her as soon as they heard the door open, she crouches down to pat them both, cooing at them before she could see a pair of feet in front of her. She raises her head and sees her mom smiling at her, holding a spatula.

 

 

 

“Good morning, Chaeyeon, ah,” says her mom.

 

 

 

Chaeyeon could see the concern beneath that smile, “Morning, Mom.” she answers back. Her mom watches her like she’s waiting for her to say something. But she keeps shut and her mom takes it as a sign and smiles again.

 

 

 

“Another day, Chaeyeon, ah.”

 

 

 

Chaeyeon nods as she stands up, “Another day.”

 

 

 

After breakfast, she spent the rest of the morning at home, playing with the dogs, talking to her mom and dad, face-timing Chaemin, before deciding to go out once the afternoon came. She has been doing this quite frequently the past few weeks because she saw how her family seems to be more careful, the subtle glances, the concerned smiles, just seeing them so worried and walking on eggshells whenever she’s around, it makes her feel extremely bad. So, in order to relieve them as well as herself from this uneasy predicament, she leaves the house and takes a walk.

 

 

 

She leaves wearing a simple jacket over a plain white shirt, jeans, baseball cap, and mask on, the usual disguise.

 

 

 

As she exits her house, she does not get that far before her phone vibrates in her pocket, she takes it out and looks down at it seeing a message, it’s the third one this day. She sighs as she finally opens it.

 

 

 

The first one was in the morning, she received it right after she washed her face,

 

 

 

Good Morning. I miss you.

 

 

 

Her eyes moves to the next one, and she sees it was sent around lunch,

 

 

 

Don’t skip meals. I miss you.

 

 

 

And now the most recent one, just sent a minute ago.

 

 

 

When are you coming back? Please talk to me. I miss you.

 

 

 

The message is left unanswered just like the other two before it, as she pockets her phone and continues her walk. She shakes her head in an attempt to make those thoughts disappear, but it doesn’t go so smoothly. It still comes like a persistent cough.

 

 

 

As she takes one step, as each foot takes turns over the other, she wonders. How long has it been since that day? The day where everything fell apart.

 

 

 

They were all gathered in the practice room, practicing as usual. Since their comeback is near, the girls have been focusing on practicing. During their break, the teaser pictures for their new album have just been posted which prompts the members to immediately grab their phones to see the fan reactions, feeling nervous and excited at the same time.

 

 

 

As they scrolled down, they could see that the fans like it and are as excited, if not more than they are. Adding that it’s their first full album, it feels more special not only because it’s their first full album but it also contained the member’s sweat and hard work. They are more participative and involved in making it this time around so they are eagerly looking forward to when the fans could listen to their songs.

 

 

 

“Waaah guys, our pictures came out really good!” says Yujin as she looks down at her phone, thumbs busy scrolling down.

 

 

 

“Yeah! The fans are going wild right now!” adds Yena beside her doing the same thing.

 

 

 

“Just five more days, unnies! And they’ll be able to hear Eunbi unnie and Yuri unnie’s songs,” Wonyoung adds excitedly, “And of course my favorite, Dreamlike!”

 

 

 

“Yah, Because you wrote that one!” Yujin says

 

 

 

“of course! You’d feel the same when you write yours in the future unnie.” Wonyoung retaliates

 

 

 

“Wow feeling so smug just because she wrote one. Why don’t you be like Eunbi unnie and Yuri unnie? They don’t always talk about the songs they write ALL THE TIME” Yujin says, sticking her tongue out.

 

 

 

“Yah!” Wonyoung glares at her.

 

 

 

The other members only laughs at the two maknae’s petty fight again. But, it doesn’t go on for long as always, their leader comes and sets them in place.

 

 

 

“Come on you two stop fighting”, Eunbi interrupts the two youngest, before turning to the rest of the group who were still busy looking at their phone, “And as for the rest, I know we like seeing their comments but we still need to practice so that we can show them the best of the best right?”

 

 

 

And just like always, Chaeyeon is the first one to answer their leader, “De! Who are we?” she suddenly starts the cheer she made that became a staple war shout whenever they do something as a group.

 

 

 

“I.. I.. IZone!”

 

 

 

They were so happy and excited then, feeling like nothing could go wrong. They were living their dream.

 

 

 

But of course, that is not how the story goes, how each good story goes…at least to Chaeyeon, it always results to this….

 

 

 

….., it just ends.

 

 

 

On the third show, when she thought it wouldn’t be the same this time ….this issue appearing from nowhere, just when they were steadily climbing up. It suddenly pops out and instantly puts everything to a stop.

 

 

 

As Chaeyeon continues her walk, she can’t help but wonder if she hadn’t gone to the show in the first place, what would she be doing? She probably would not be wandering the streets by herself right now, ignoring messages and shutting the world out. She would’ve been in the practice room dancing to her heart’s content, practicing with her fellow trainees waiting to debut, and not being labeled as something she didn’t do.

 

 

 

Dancing.

 

 

 

Right.

 

 

 

Her favorite thing to do in the world.

 

 

 

Her feet halts in front of a familiar building. She stands there looking at the old dance studio where she and her sister would practice when they were younger. She didn’t know why she came to this place; her feet just somehow led her here without her noticing.

 

 

 

She takes a deep breath as her eyes scan that same door, which opens into a place filled with so much joy. She stares at it as each memory flashes in her eyes, how excited she was every time she steps in, how absolutely ecstatic she gets whenever she hears compliments about her dance— just memories of such a happy time in her life.

 

 

 

The time where nothing could wrong, the time where she wished she could go back to.

 

 

 

Now that she thinks about it, when was the last time she had danced? She racks her brain, trying to find that time, but she does not remember. How can she not remember? What has she been doing? She shakes her head, feeling the stinging sensation in her eyes again. She pulls her cap down as she hugs her jacket to herself and turns away from the door and continues her jaunt of no destination.

 

 

 

After the news, everyone was devastated. So devasted that they were rendered speechless, even as they went back to the dorms that day, no one spoke a word.

 

 

 

She could still remember how everyone just kept quiet after the managers left, avoiding looking at each other, just dealing with it by themselves to the best of their abilities. She could see how different each of them are handling it. Eunbi unnie was quiet but she ultimately was the first one to talk. Telling them that she asked their dance teacher to cancel today’s practice and that they go back to the dorms. Chaeyeon knew Eunbi unnie is strong, she could see how she’s still keeping it together and that truly makes her admire their leader more. She’s envious of her strength.

 

 

 

The others were like her, not knowing what to say just going with the flow, following instructions.

 

 

 

She remembered when she saw Wonyoung’s face back then, going back to their dorm with no one else around, just them in their safe place. Chaeyeon felt their maknae’s youth almost instantly. Because once she saw her come in her shared room with Hitomi, standing so anxiously before running towards her on the bed, flinging her long arms around her, burrowing her face on her shoulder, trying desperately to seek comfort. The first thought she had was, Wonyoung is indeed still a baby.

 

 

 

Chaeyeon honestly does not know if she had given comfort to the girl then. Because when Wonyoung had asked, “Are we going to be okay unnie?”

 

 

 

Chaeyeon’s automatic response was supposed to be, “Of course, we will”

 

 

 

But that night, she was unable to answer, she could not form words as Wonyoung cried into her arms with Hitomi watching on sporting her own tears.

 

 

 

She locks eyes with Sakura, who was standing beside Nako and Yuri who were huddled together by the door— they must’ve followed Wonyoung worriedly.

 

 

 

Seeing those brown orbs, Chaeyeon’s heart broke. Because she can see it, she saw it on Eunbi unnie’s too. The look of utter helplessness and fear.

 

 

 

And she knows Sakura could see it in her face too.

 

 

 

Chaeyeon proved to have felt it stronger than the rest. She was after all the first one to leave after their manager told them about the cancellation of their schedules. Although, Yuri may have been in her shoes too, being eliminated from a show just like her. The girl clearly knows where she is coming from, but somehow Chaeyeon does not see that. All she could process is that she may have to start another journey again.

 

 

 

……and it wrecks her that she might not be strong enough to do it.

 

 

 

She had walked for hours, only stopping to take few rests in between. Just wandering around the city, taking in the world as she lets her feet lead her anywhere. It calms her, doing this, she does not know why, even if she gets exhausted and her feet would ache, for some reason, rather than feeling the pain, it somehow helps her uneasiness instead.

 

 

 

And Chaeyeon takes what little relief she can get from it, no matter how meager it is.

 

 

 

It was late when she got back home, but she does not get in after realizing that she left her laptop at the dorm when she had visited maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago. Amidst their break, she had tried a lot of things to keep her occupied. She had gotten her driver’s license as well as started learning English. She did a lot of things to keep her mind off things and it worked, even just a little bit. It still did.

 

 

 

She stands outside her house, contemplating if she should get her laptop or not, after all she could always use the one at their house, like she always did. But, this time, for some unknown reason she decided to go, only focused about wanting to get her laptop after not using it for the last two lessons.

 

 

 

Choosing to drive this time, It doesn’t take her long before she arrives at the dorm, just a little past 11. As she steps in, she was greeted by darkness and silence.

 

 

 

The kids must be asleep. It is late.

 

 

 

She tiptoes her way to her room with Hitomi, opening it slowly. She could see the lump that must be Hitomi on the top bunk. Before she could make any more noise, she quickly grabs her laptop on the side table. Then as if she was never there in the first place, she departs. She stops

 

 

 

and glances over the closed door of the other room before turning away and walking across the living room to take her leave. A notification from her phone stops her escape. It was a message from her English teacher,

 

 

 

Let’s resume classes on the weekend you need rest too.

 

 

 

Chaeyeon frowns, this was the first time her teacher had cancelled on her. Maybe she has an emergency of some sort. Her frown deepens upon realizing that she came for nothing. S