Bae Joohyun

In the midst of cold weather which is one of the hideous times in all years, rather than going out to a freaking party which is right across my house, I would rather stay in my bed. Wrapping myself perfectly with my yellow chickens blanket and hugging my pillow like a little kid hugging their precious teddy bear. 

I never like the cold weather ever since I always caught flu during my childhood. Making me aren't allowed to go outside and play with random kids on the thick white snow. Ckck...Like I can actually make friends with random people. 

During these boring times of the years, mostly I spend my times indie my bedroom, hiding under my blanket to warm myself. Never step out from my room unless I'm hungry and when I thought my step sister is being so noisy with her friends. 

I choose to play with my console games rather than going outside with people around my ages. Well like I really have one. Oh! I do. But well, she's in the other side of the world. Going on a vacation with her family. 

Other than that is nothing. Nothing special and never hope to have one, really. Because even a beautiful wealthy family have their worst time in the years. So why bother to hope something special when money can't even give you the proper happiness?

Alright. Maybe you're confuse of who I am. Barging in and talking like I know everything about what you all called 'life'. Well maybe I do, maybe I don't. 

People called me a freak because I chose not to make friends because...I don't want to? Well, maybe it's because my mom send me to homeschooling for nearly seven years.

Why? You're going to laugh when you read this. She want me to stay at home because apparently after my dad left us and she remarry with someone else then they have kid who happened to be my step sister, Kim Yerim. 

YES! The answer is obvious! They want me to take care of her like a caregiver. my life. I only have one friend and you can address her as Park Sooyoung. She's one of my mom's friend daughter. They introduce us when we were five and ever since then we became best friend.

Oh man. That's sound cringe. Truthfully, sooyoung is quiet different than me. She is very lively, pretty, good social skills, smart, and tall...I don't know if it can be one of her strenght but soncidering that I'm short and she's tall, well everyone seems to notice something bigger than them and Sooyoung is one of them. 

So, how did I ended up in public school after almost seven years homeschool? This is going to be funny. The reasons behind it was because Sooyoung always bragging about her going to field trips every years. She told me it was really fun and as an introvert like me, I don't know why but I kind of want to experience the same thing.

You know, the typical 'try new things?" For a second I forget how I'm lack of social skills and being in crowds trigger my anxiety attack...sort of. Considering I'm always staying at home every years, even during school holiday, it's kind a make sense of why I'm having a anxiety attack when I'm around people.

Going on vacation? Hell yeah I've been through one and it was one of the worst experience I ever had. Did my mom knew about my anxiety attack before? Absolutely no. I knew it because of that family vacation. Don't forget how I sarcastically say 'family vacation' on those words. 

My mom and Hyun Bin who is my step dad and yes I address him by his name, suddenly came up with family vacation. Which never happened in my whole life. Even when my dad still around.  So they decided to go to the country side and that day they have a festival. 

For a moment I thought it will be fun. But the more I got in to the place and this is the perk of being short, okay. When you're among the crowd, you won't be able to see what's going on infront of you or behind you. Shortly I don't know what happen around me since I'm short and the people are so tall that times.

As a child who barely go outside, of course you get scared among those strangers. You don't know anyone beside you're family which happened to be gone the minutes you turn your head around. They...didn't really abandoned me...or maybe? I don't know. Short story, I can't breathe properly and the views become too blurry for me to see, and those noises keeps on ringing in my head. 

Distant chatters just like what happened infront of my house right now because there is a party across my house. So yeah. Shortly I woke up lying on my bed...alone...again. Yeri told me a stranger made an announcement of a missing child and currently unconcious. She told me mom and Hyun Bin were panic after they found out I went missing.

Sure. They need to get me on a leash or something so I don't get lost. After that accident, they make sure I'm not going into crowded places. More specifically they didn't want me to go outside of the house. 

Okay, back to the topic. So I got jealous of Sooyoung going on a field trip every years and I asked my mom to finally let me go to public school. Since I don't have that kind of good relationship mother-daughter have, she didn't really care what I want. So basically what Yeri told me was completely a lie.

Well, kid. You were just 5 years old when you said that. 

That's how I got in to public school. Weird right?

After all, I also found how boring it is to study at home with one teacher that can do every single subjects in the curriculum. Gosh I hate Mr. Bogum for being such a perfect teacher. My mom always complimenting him for being so smart and intelligent.

I know behind those compliments, my mom was trying to mock me for being such an idiot. Yes. Studying isn't really my favorite thing. Well what a perfect combination right?

Me being called a freak at school, the second lowest scores in school(at least I'm still second. There still one person below me so I'm not that stupid you know). Why people call me freak again?

Oh right. Because I can't do public speaking perfectly, don't have social skills, don't have any special talent. So yeah. I kind of stuck with that label. 

The first week of public school was worse. I barely managed to stay alive if it's not because of Sooyoung help. For example, when someone trying to get close to me physically, I almost fainted. I don't want people, mostly stranger to get near me. Because it literally freaks me out!

Only people that are close to me can get near me. Not because I have rare skin disease or something, it just...ah! You know what I mean.

Ever since then, people staring at me with those judging eyes everytime I walk in the corridors and I grew hating that stares. It happened everyday. They may notice me as the freak and I wish I'm the freak that no one notice at all. 

So that I can get away from that stares. 

Oh right. FYI, I went to public school in the second year of junior high. After a year holding up in that scary public school, I'm getting used with the stares though and finally in the third year of junior high, everyone seems busy with their own business. Finally, God listen to my wish. 

When I thought everyone are busy with their freaking extravagant life, I thought everyone had forgotten me. Being the freak who always sit in the corner of the classroom, never listen to the teacher, and ended up getting C in every subjects. 

I thought no one cares. Until one day. ONE FREAKING DAY! A letter slipped in my locker. It was a piece of memo with a really nice hand writting. The moment I read the memo, I was literally shock. WHO THE SENT THIS TO ME? 

You're beautiful when you smile. Smile more. I love to see you smiling

Okay. This is freak. No. This is a ing stalker. How can this person see me smiling? Oh, right. I forgot. A side from me being a hella anti-social, with the stare people are giving to me I decided to wear hoodie everytime I go to school. Well the teachers always ask me to take off the hoodie. I do it during in class.

When I should change classes, I wear back my hoodie and NO ONE ARE ABLE TO SEE ME SMILING FOR GOD SAKE! Also I rarely smile. It's not because I have disease, geeze. It just because I don't want to. After all, smiling all the time will make you look like an idiot and surely I don't want to get label as the freak who smile everytime in every situation.

That's the first memo and I don't know why but instead of throwing it away, I put it in my bag. Didn't even throw it away while I'm at home. Maybe it's because someone actually saw me smiling? Not counting Sooyoung and Yeri though. Why did I bother to even care about childish thing like that?

I mean did they still do that kind of style these days? Sending letter to someone? Even though I found it childish and I was thinking it was a freaking prank from someone. 

Until I realize the memo keep on coming with different messages everyday. It continues like saga. And I realize everyday I'm starting to get curious of what will the message be today. I always got the notes during break time which is around 11pm. Did Sooyoung know? Yes and she was freaking out the moment I told her.

She told me that maybe someone have a crush on me. I scouf in disbelief. Someone? Have a crush on me? Well I can count how many people that actually give their attention to me or give a about me. Only one and yes. It's Sooyoung. 

Okay. Enough with my life introduction. I'm going to end this with officially introducing myself.

Hi, everyone. My name is Bae Joohyun. You can call me Joohyun and welcome to my life full of anxiety attack.

So, how did I ended up have my first kiss? Well, it was during that time in winter, where I lying down on my bed, doing nothing but hearing the loud tud from the house across mine.

Yes. They have a freaking party at night and at the end of winter holiday. Who host it? None other than Kim Jennie herself. She's a party. Never forget her friends too. Kim Jisoo, Son Seunwan a.k.a Wendy, and Kang Seulgi. 

I can't go to sleep with the loud music from Jennie's house. Also my sister have her friends sleeping over and currently are playing a freaking monopoly downstairs. My mom and Hyun Bin?

Well, they are in a vacation! They never around the house during holiday. Yes they clearly left me to babysitting Yeri. indeed. 

Jennie and her gang always gather lots of her friends to come over and she hosted a party ever since junior high and Sooyoung been there once. Why winter though? Because apparently she's just the same as me. Her parent went on a vacation every winter. Leaving her alone in that freaking mansion. 

So rather than being alone, why not hosting a party? In winter...yes.

Sooyoung told me they serve sweet hot chocolate. Right...you don't have to tell me that Sooyoung because I think everyone in this town have one. 

It's in the end of winter vacation when those famous kids hosting a party in Jennie's house. Unlike other years, today they seem to have more guests coming to Jennie's house. Cars and cars keep on coming. The loud tud coming from the music inside the mordern architecture mansion can't get me to sleep. 

We're legal enough to drive cars so don't worry about it. 

Since playing games getting so boring and doing nothing in bed since I can't get myself to sleep, I decided to stroll around the neighborhood. Yes at night. Don't worry. I can take care of myself. 

Short, as I want to keep it as simple as possible, while I'm strolling around the neighborhood and on my way back to my house, the famous Kang Seulgi sitting under one of the tree 5 meters away from my house is. I'm asking why the hell this girl ended up here when obviously the party is right inside the house.

From the way I look at her, she's drunk. She have her head hanging down, legs spread wide open and she so smelly. Never like the smell of alcohol and I really though of leaving the girl be. We aren't close and clearly she's famous and I'm famous for being the school freak. So yeah. Considering our status, we aren't a perfect combination. 

I was walking pass her when all of a sudden she called my name.

"Bae Joohyun"

She said it loud and clear. I thought I was halucinating because there is no way this freaking famous girl knows my name. Believing this is only my delusion, I continue to walk to my house but stop the moment she called my name again.

"Bae Joohyun!" 

This time she's screaming my name in the middle of the night. . I really need to go back to my house because the weather is about to eat me alive. But I can't. Why? Because Kang Seulgi called my name. How come? How did she know my name? I turn myself around only to get surprise by Seulgi who is standing with her feet.

How can a drunk girl like her manage to stand straight up like that? Well her eyes barely open so, how the hell she knows it was me walking pass through her? Maybe she have some kind of super power or something, I don't know and don't ing care.

Still the mystery of how she ended up on the side of the street like this remain as a mystery. Like, where the hell is her friends? What kind of friends they are, huh? 

"Bae Joohyun" she called me once again. 

But I remain quiet. Why? Well I don't know. Maybe I just don't want to. Maybe I don't want her to know that it is me standing infront of her. We were 5 feet away when all of a sudden she walk closer to me. 

. Dont' get closer you . As she step one step closer, I found myself moving backwards. It continues until my back touches one of the street light pole. Holding me from getting away. Not that I can't run but this anxiety attack about to fill my lungs. 

She stop when she's about three feet away from me. Hand coming up, pointing her finger to nowhere. Maybe she was aiming to me but since she's drunk, she can't look clearly. 

"You're.........pretty"

.

.

.

WHAT?

"WHAT?" I didn't know I was literally screaming what's inside mind. Rather than shock to hear me screaming, Seulgi smirk and chuckles.

Did I heard it right? She called me pretty? How come? Man. She really is drunk.

"You're pretty....makes me....want...." 

When she trying to close the gap between me and her, with her wobbly steps, I can feel my breathe getting shorter and shorter. I really don't want her to get close to me but it seems she didn't notice it at all. Well, she's drunk, Joohyun. What do you expect her to do?

I really want to run but because of this anxiety attack, I can't get myself out from this freaking situation. Yes bless me God for being such an anxiety attack freak. Once she close the gap between us, she have her hands touch my shoulder and her head leaning closer, with both eyes barely open. 

I'm trying to breathe normally, saying that she's just drunk and I shouldn't be freak out like this. As my chest going up and down uncontrollably, I stop breathing the moment I felt something touching my lips.

Lips.

Lips.

Lips.

MY LIPS! 

SHE ING KISS ME ON THE LIPS! ! SHE TOOK MY FIRST KISS AWAY! No. Cross that. SHE FREAKING STOLE MY FIRST KISS!!!

I don't know how but I get myself pull her away, harshly. Didn't even care she fell down to the ground, groaning due to the sudden impact. I stood where I am, trying to understand the situation. 

Clearly I have my eyes wide open and my lungs seems to stop working for a moment. When I can finally breathe properly and the axiety attack seems to get a lot worse than it should be, I ran away from the scene, leaving Seulgi lying on the ground unconcious. 

And that's how I got my first kiss stolen. BY SOMEONE WHO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM ME!