Chapter synopsis: Chorong’s attempt at controlling her feelings takes a turn for the worse. Bomi doesn’t like that Chorong is being secretive and it essentially drives a wedge between the two.

//

Chorong has been trying to go on about her life as per normal, trying to ignore the fact that she’s irrevocably in love with her best friend who has absolutely no clue. The next morning when she returned to her room, she had shrugged it off and told Bomi what Eunji told her. I got tired from studying and fell asleep there. And Bomi, albeit reluctantly, believed her best friend. What did Chorong have to lie for anyway?

Oh, if only Bomi knew.

Living with such a huge lie is hard. In an attempt to make it easier, Chorong tells herself that she technically isn’t lying to Bomi, only omitting the truth from her. It was a fair point; as much as she hasn’t told Bomi she was in love with her, Chorong hasn’t told Bomi she wasn’t in love with her either. Little loopholes like this made her feel better about herself but it was a needle in a haystack. The needle being her feeling better and the haystack being a huge load of stress.

“You’re only lying to yourself” Chorong remembers Eunji telling her before she left her room the morning after she stayed over. Eunji had been a great support, she validated what Chorong was experiencing and made sure the president knew she didn’t have to face whatever mess she was in, alone. Chorong has always been grateful for Eunji, as a friend and partner in leading the student council. Eunji has proven time and time again that Chorong could always depend on the girl, and that night was all the more another display of her reliability.

//

Chorong managed to quieten her feelings for a while, subduing any emotions that would bubble up if Bomi brushed Chorong’s hair behind her ear, or simply smiled at her. There were so many times Bomi pulled her heartstrings, but she had to control her feelings and thoughts, shutting them out as quick as she could. She’s been keeping up this facade with Changsub too, even though she feels a ton of guilt seep into her body every time she so much as smiles at him. The poor boy didn’t know anything, and Chorong just couldn’t bring herself to say the words. It’s not like she hasn’t tried, because she has, but they’re all very weak attempts.

/

“Did you hear what I said?” Changsub half-whispers.

“Hm what? Sorry,” Chorong gives a shake of her head and looks up from her worksheet to see Changsub looking curiously at her. They were in the library studying and she had gotten lost in her thoughts again. (Something that has been happening very often lately.) It was only a week to the start of what many students dread – the midterm exams. Chorong has been pretty distracted, which isn’t like her at all. Her mind keeps wandering off to places she rather not visit; like how she should break up with Changsub. Speaking of which, “I asked if you want dakbal for dinner,” Changsub kindly repeats himself.

“Oh, I’m pretty tired. I think I just wanna head back to my room, if that’s okay,” Chorong smiles apologetically as she makes an excuse because she can’t possibly go out for dakbal with a boy she has plans on possibly breaking up with, can she?

“Yeah, I understand, I’ll walk you back to the dorm,” Changsub’s smile is unsuspecting and warm, and Chorong wants to bang her head on the table right then and there.

He’s so kind and patient and understanding and Chorong is starting to hate it. All the qualities she once adored are now haunting her and making her already-difficult life situation even more difficult. Changsub didn’t deserve this, he’s always been good to her. Chorong can’t make up her mind and she’s getting frustrated and impatient with herself.

“I need to talk you,” Chorong blurts out and she’s suddenly thankful that the library isn’t that packed on a Tuesday because she’s sure the tables beside them would’ve heard her, had they been occupied. “I need to talk to you” is international code for something bad is about to happen, Changsub knows this much at least, which is why his smile evidently dies a little.

“Oh.. sure, what’s up?” There’s a sense of uncertainty in his voice, Chorong can hear it and she feels guilt crashes into her. She wasn’t even thinking straight (haha) when she said those words. Chorong didn’t wanna talk, not now. She wasn’t ready, she needed time to plan out what to say, how to say it, and so many other details. Chorong panics internally as she mentally curses her dumb mouth.

“Uhm- what’s your first paper?” God damn it, that was the fastest line she could come up it, really?

“Everyone’s first paper is Math, is it not?” Changsub creases his eyebrows, genuinely confused.

“Ahh right, just checking,” Chorong isn’t sure why but she nods her head like she was taking his answer very seriously and Changsub doesn’t know what to think of this. He’s still taken aback from the weird question, but he figures Chorong was just acting differently from cramping for the exam. Stress does things to people, right?

//

Chorong had wanted a snack for lunch - didn’t have enough appetite for a full meal, she briefly explained to her friends. Naturally, as they’ve always been attached at the hip, Bomi follows her to the vending machine.

As Chorong stood in front of the machine, eyes scanning her options through the clear glass, Bomi walks up to her and gently presses herself against Chorong’s back, hands on her waist and chin resting on her shoulder. Chorong stiffens in the spot she’s standing and gulps, her body heating up way too much and way too quick for her brain to process. All she feels now is Bomi against her and she can’t focus on the snacks in the machine anymore. Bomi’s low voice, dangerously close to her ear, startles Chorong.

“Have you decided what you want yet?”

Oh, Bomi, if only you knew what I wanted.

“Uhh, I don’t know, I’m not hungry,” Chorong says quickly as she tries to remove herself from Bomi’s hold, gently pushing the hands off he