My throat constricts, my nose burning as the air in my lungs slowly diminishes. The dark blue water me in slowly, I’m not too far from the surface but I don’t feel like swimming anymore. I had been drowning my whole life and this time I think it was time I gave up.   I wanted to give up.   There’s a streak of light from the surface that barely reaches to where my body slowly sinks deeper. The streak of light disappears as a body jumps in swimming towards me.   My mouth opens, water pressing against my tongue as I cry out for him to not save me. But his hand reaches towards mine tugging me into his chest.   I had been here before, many times actually, drowning, the air from my lungs to the point it made me dizzy. And just like every time before Kim Jungwoo jumped in to save me before I can sink low enough into death.   My eyes fly open, air flowing through my nose into my lungs. Jungwoo sat desperately beside me on our shared bed. His eyes were red and I could see the remnants of the tears he must’ve been crying.   “I almost lost you again.” He murmurs, bringing my hand into his.   My heart in my chest used to swell at those words, but now I was just tired. Not of Jungwoo of course, he was the love of my life. I was just tired of living, tired of fighting to stay alive.   You see, I have been living with a respiratory disease for most of my life and the past year I’ve almost died six times. But the keyword was almost, for Jungwoo has saved me each time.   Kim Jungwoo, my childhood friend turned boyfriend. He since birth had this amazing ability to heal people. And for a while now he’s used it on me.   But I can’t escape death, for even though he heals me, he cannot cure me. What I have has no cure and therefore I will always end up back in the shallow depths of the water.   A tear drops down my cheek as I pull my hand from his to place it on his cheek caressing it. He nestles into my hand, “Thank you, Jungwoo.” Even though I don’t really mean it.   I have been confined to my room since the hospital released me, I had gotten to the point that they could do no more for me. Essentially they told me I only had days to weeks to live but Jungwoo wasn’t giving up that easily.   And well during the first few times he saved me I was grateful. I didn’t want to die then, I wanted to be alive, I wanted to live a full life next to him. I wanted to have kids with him, marry him, see our kids grow up.   But after the fourth time I gave up that foolish dream. My fate was to die young and if it weren’t for Jungwoo I would have already.   My eyes trail over to Jungwoo who slept beside me, his soft features causing my heart to clench. I was only holding him back.   He deserved so much more than me. The world deserved to see someone as humble and innocent as him. Someone who could share his healing ability to help the world.   But instead he was here wasting away his years with someone like me. I was so unworthy.   I sit up moving to the edge of the bed, I swallow thickly as I step onto the carpeted floor. Normally I wouldn’t be able to walk because it took too much out of me, that’s how weak I was. But right after Jungwoo heals me I’m my strongest.   I make it to the bathroom, not even switching the light on. I slip into the tub curling into a ball leaning against the tiles of the wall. That’s when my first sob comes from between my lips. I tried to keep them silent in order to not wake him up.   My hand moves to cover my mouth as my chest shakes, my lungs burning as I in a deep breath. My eyes trail down to my pale wrist, through my blurry vision I remember the last time I was in this tub for a reason other than showering. The scar is gone, actually it was never there, since Jungwoo healed the wound.   I lean my head back against the wall banging it slightly but the pain didn’t effect me near as much as the next sob coming out from between my lips. My throat clenches at the pain, hands moving to the skin of my throat because of it.   My eyes slam shut trying to calm myself but I can’t. My hands slip from my neck to lie lifeless at the sides of my body.   My mind reels back to the first time I came into this bathroom. Jungwoo and our real estate agent were behind me.   I remember the reason we picked this apartment was for this very bathroom. It was so spacious.   Jungwoo was so ecstatic for us to move in together since we had been together for years before then. It was always his dream to marry young and have kids. Another sob leaves my mouth at the thought. He would never fulfill that dream with me.   I could marry him, yes, but have kids? Impossible, I’d die trying.   I can’t even sleep with him without going into an asthma attack. The last time I was able to even think about doing something like that was over a year ago. Probably even longer than that.   Just thinking about it puts a massive pressure on my chest. My chest raises as I take in a long breath though only a small amount o