A/N: The last chapter surprised you guys, huh? Remember to drink water and stay healthy, that goes for your thoughts too! I cannot express how grateful I am for the support. I just want to let you guys know you're the best <3

It started like it usually did, at home alone with the marks on her neck fading slowly but surely. For a moment, she believed they looked deeper, but she took a closer look, and it was not as serious as she thought it would be. In fact, maybe in a few days or so, it would disappear. That was what she wanted.

Like Sooyoung’s mistake, she wished she could redo that day, but eventually she knew like the marks on her skin, her mistakes will fade with time and she will become a better person.

Dear Son Seungwan...

Seulgi formulated a letter inside her head, hoping to cram what she felt all in one fell swoop, to tell the truth and actually be a good friend for once. Seungwan deserved that at least, since she herself told Seulgi the truth after the party. 

When she finished, she bent down to get her bag and saw her bandana in the trash can, hesitating if she should take it and put it on. She didn’t. 

Going downstairs, she found no breakfast prepared for her, just a note on the table that said…

Had to run quickly to work so I’m sorry about breakfast. I met your friend yesterday. Sooyoung, I think her name was? You should’ve told me you made a new friend. What did we say? Seize the day! This year will be different and it already is!

Love, Mom.

Seulgi smiled softly at the note, taking it to heart for the first time every word that she wrote. The year was different, and it felt good. If only you knew what I did this summer, you’d think differently. 

That one bit in the note did catch her eye, though.

Sooyoung was a friend. 

Yeah she was, wasn’t she?

//

Seungwan nudged Seulgi, who said, “What?”

“Look,” Seungwan whispered as she pointed at Sooyoung, who was in the back of the classroom sleeping on her calculus textbook. Mr. Kim was talking about matrices and so Sooyoung probably wanted to be distracted from that devil language he was speaking.

“What about her?”

“She’s actually here? She never comes to calculus. You know that.”

“I do?” Seulgi pointed at herself. “I didn’t notice it.”

“We’re her frien—ahem...you’re her friend, how couldn’t you know?”

Friend.

“I’ve been...busy.”

“With what?”

Seulgi knew it would be hard. Just like the twitching when she tried not to stutter, it felt awfully difficult to tell the truth. She had to do it.

“Let’s talk on the hill. I’ll tell you then.”

Seungwan nodded and went back to her notes while Seulgi tried hard to quell the ever growing need to scream. It was hard to not lie, like a bad habit she needed to break. 

In the corner of her eye, she saw a glint and when she went to take a closer look, she found Sooyoung staring at her. Sooyoung wasn’t here for calculus, that much was obvious. Sooyoung was here for Seulgi as if to watch her, watch whether not she did something dumb, such as that warm summer day in that basement. 

Seulgi let her do what she wanted. She was a much better person now than then, much more outgoing and social. No more Friday nights staying in with just a computer in her lap and an ice cream settled off to the side. No more dreaming of who she wanted to be. She instead set herself on a journey to be what she wanted to be. 

Everyone needed a friend like Sooyoung. 

Seulgi merely gave her a wink a thumbs up. 

No more lying.

//

Dear Bae Joohyun,

You smell like peaches and whenever I eat one I imagine I’m eating...nevermind. ANYWAY, I’ve enjoyed writing these letters to you, but I think it’s time to stop. Now that you know it’s me, the magic is gone.

Sincerely, Me

Seulgi tucked the letter into The Visit from the Good Squad, the book she had seen her read just a week or so ago. She also had the note on the inside cover, of when she first saw her read it, and she hoped that Joohyun would be able to connect the dots. Joohyun was a smart girl. She’ll figure it out. 

It wasn’t her place to tell Joohyun the truth. It should be Seungwan, or at least she should be there. That much was enough at least. 

She had no hope for Joohyun to forgive her. Someone just couldn’t lie about something this big and be forgiven so easily. With lies came mistrust and distrust did not start a good relationship and it could end a stable one. 

It was why Seulgi decided to not hope for the best. Happy endings didn’t happen in real life. It was like the word maybe. Maybe as in yes and no, black and white, a grey area. Bittersweet. That was real life. Those were the endings we lived through. 

So when she told Seungwan, she crossed her fingers and shut her eyes, expecting to hear an earful, but the ending of it all came in the form of a tight, but soft hug. Seungwan was hugging her. 

“Thank god you told me. I was wondering when you would.”

“What? You knew?”

“Not right away. Someone…” Seungwan hesitated, but she went on with it. “...someone told me,” she meekly finished.

“Someone? Who?”

“I did.” Sooyoung came strolling up the hill carrying three cans of sprite in her hand. Seungwan reached out and grabbed one, and Seulgi watched on as they seemed comfortable with each other. “You decided to follow through?”

Seulgi set aside her confusion and said, “Yeah I have. Thanks to you.”

Sooyoung held out a sprite and Seulgi took it. Sooyoung said, “I got to know Seungwan. She came by the house a lot when Joohyun took her home.”

Seulgi let them explain further. Seungwan continued with, “She told me you like Joohyun.”

Seulgi looked exasperatedly at Sooyoung, open in disbelief, and Sooyoung looked like a kid that was just caught with their hand in the cookie jar. 

“I am a bad liar,” Sooyoung conceded. “When I saw them together, I got really...angry. That’s the best word I could use. So I took Seungwan aside and told her about you.”

“I didn’t get a say in this?” Seulgi pointed at herself. 

“No.” Sooyoung shook her head, defiant. “I didn’t expect a lot from you to be honest. I thought you’d curl up and just let yourself become a martyr again, and well you did. Isn’t that right, Seungwan?”

Seungwan nodded. “We gave you a chance yesterday and it didn’t...you didn’t follow through.”

“B-But…” Seulgi was at a loss for words. “...what about Joohyun?”

“She doesn’t know. We thought if we pushed you hard enough, you would break,” Sooyoung said before she took a swig of her sprite.

Seungwan took hold of Seulgi's arm. “I didn’t know you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Seulgi looked away as she couldn't look at Seungwan's misty eyes. “I-I...wanted you to be h-happy,” she stammered.

“What about you?” Seungwan got closer, taking Seulgi’s hands in hers. “What about your happiness?”

Seulgi looked at Seungwan, finding hope in her eyes, then to Sooyoung, finding pride. 

“I-I tho...thought…” Seulgi sighed. No more excuses. “I hate myself. That’s...that was the reason.”

“You hate yourself?” Seungwan’s grip on her hands became tighter. “What? Why?”

“You said it before when we fought. You...you said that you’re glad you escaped me, that you could wake up every morning not hating yourself, that you could look forward to Friday nights rather than spending it with me,” Seulgi’s voice trembled as she spoke Seungwan’s words to her. They felt more real than they had ever been.

“Seul…”

“And I have to agree with you, it’s...that’s me. That’s the cold, hard truth. I mean…” Seulgi played with the balls of her feet. “...would anyone even notice if I was gone? If I fell in my basement, would anyone even come and get me? If I disappeared tomorrow, would anyone even care?”

Seulgi glanced at Sooyoung, and Sooyoung just nodded, as if encouraging her on. 

“So...so I felt lost. Words fail to even explain how I feel. It’s this...this sort of voice in my head telling me I'm good enough. That I didn’t matter. That I didn’t deserve Joohyun or even you. That the best thing I could do in my situation was let you two be happy. That’s...why.”

Seungwan instantly took her in her embrace, squeezing her tightly and saying, “You’re so selfish. You didn’t think I would do the same for you? Let you get your happy ending at my expense? You took that choice from me.”

“Wha-What?” Seulgi didn’t know what to say.

“You are my friend, the greatest friend I could ever have. If I ever made you unhappy, that would be torture for me. Joohyun is my girlfriend, but you are Kang Seulgi. Never forget that.”

Seulgi whimpered as tears threatened to spill from her eyes, as her whole self was validated with just one heartfelt conversation with a friend. Her jaw clenched and it was filled with tremors the harder she tried to fight it. But once that first tear broke free, the rest followed like a dam with a leak. 

She threw herself into Seungwan’s shoulder, sobbing incoherently as she finally let her feelings out. No more hiding, no more running, and no more lying. She had to face everyone. She had to face the truth. 

There they were. Three friends on top of the hill overlooking the school, trying to be what they can, and what they can was good enough for them. 

//

The moment Seulgi heard Seungwan broke up with Joohyun was the moment she knew everything was changing. It was crazy to think just a few weeks ago, they were in free period writing love letters to a girl that wouldn’t notice them. They just didn’t think she would actually notice them. It all felt surreal, the way the landscape changed, how the ups and the down of this whole situation completely transformed Seulgi into someone she never thought possible. 

“Four o’clock,” Joohyun said to Seulgi. “Be at the parking lot.”

Dinner with Sooyoung and Joohyun was something she never imagined doing. Most likely it was because she never imagined Joohyun noticing her in the first place. It was one of those things that she could only dream of, like when she was a kid and her dream job was to become an astronaut.  (only then she realized she hated math and being an astronaut required an astronomical amount of math)

Sooyoung had invited her over to a restaurant near the orchard, one that used peaches as their main ingredient. Their biggest seller, of course, was Joohyun and Sooyoung’s family. Seulgi had no clue what Sooyoung was up to, and frankly, she was exhausted, physically and emotionally from crying, from having all this built up angst within her just dissipating with but one mere conversation. It was a huge burden on her small, lithe body, and she was glad that it was over.

“What about Sooyoung?” 

“Yeri wanted a date,” Joohyun said, a bit annoyed. “I was gonna have her pay,” she muttered.

“I’m sorry what was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh…” Seulgi bit her lip. “Is it...are you okay?” she asked, referring to Seungwan.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Joohyun asked, confused.

It was Seulgi’s turn to be puzzled. Should she be affected by this whole thing? She didn’t get it. 

“Oh you mean Seungwan?” Joohyun continued before a slight giggle played out. “She didn’t tell you anything did she?”

“Tell me what?” Seulgi got nervous.

“She was afraid to talk to me. She didn’t say why, but I had that feeling, you know? Like she was walking on eggshells and I had to be the one to initiate every single thing, like even talking to you. She was like this obedient little pet that tried her best to please their owner. I was planning to break up with her sooner or later,” Joohyun confessed. 

“Ah ok…” Seulgi didn’t say anything further than that. She was a bit surprised to hear Seungwan follow in her stead. Seungwan being a blubbering fool was kind of strange now that she thought about it. Between the two of them, Seungwan was the one who could hold a conversation. 

“Anyway, I have an idea on where to eat,” Joohyun continued on. 

“I thought we were eating at the restaurant?”

Joohyun shook her head and said, “You’ll see when we get there. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

//

Peach orchards had to be Seulgi’s new favorite place in the world. The way the air smelled, the vastness of the open field, and the view all served to make her breathless in sweet delight. There was a grassy knoll on the other side of the field, and an oak tree that adorned the top of it. 

Joohyun said on the car ride to the orchard that when they were younger, they used to have a tree house there, but Sooyoung managed to bring it down with nothing but a few well placed rocks with a slingshot. Classic Sooyoung. What else did Seulgi expect?

“Come with me to the kitchen. I’ll prepare the food,” Joohyun instructed.

Sooyoung said not to tell Joohyun about the letters, and Seulgi found it a bit contradictory to what Sooyoung had been telling her this whole time, but Seulgi guessed that withholding some things was not lying. Still, it felt weird, but she tried to go along with it. In the end, Sooyoung had the master plan, the blueprint, and Seulgi wished she had access to it so she could find what that girl was thinking.

“Can you get the basket from the cabinet up there?” Joohyun pointed. “You’re taller than me,” she reasoned to which Seulgi found absolutely cute. 

When Seulgi tiptoed and retrieved the basket from the cabinet, she asked what Joohyun was making and Joohyun said a simple, “Pasta. Red sauce or white sauce?”

“White sauce,” Seulgi said immediately, knowing it was what Joohyun preferred.

“We’re like two peas in a pod!” Joohyun laughed before asking, “Dogs or cats?”

“I’m afraid of animals. I had a sheep bully me so I have a bit of trauma with that.”

“A SHEEP?” Joohyun howled with laughter to which Seulgi scrunched her nose in mild annoyance. 

“It was kicking me!”

“WHY?” Joohyun kept on laughing, getting distracted from preparing their pasta. 

“I don’t know! It had a grudge against me or something!”

Joohyun doubled over and clutched her stomach, finding it absolutely hilarious that Seulgi would be bullied by a sheep of all things. 

“Okay okay I’ll stop laughing, but you can’t deny that that’s hilarious.”

Seulgi scoffed with a smile on her face. “Please do. I’d rather not have my traumatic sheep experience become something to laugh at,” she said with a playful tone. She moved closer to Joohyun and situated herself where she was right next to her in front of the boiling pot of water. 

“I wanna help,” Seulgi said. “Tell me what to do.”

Seulgi knew how to cook since her mom didn’t cook for her. It was as if she had the college experience early, and she was forced to cook to survive, and she had learned all sorts of cheap foods she could cook to sustain herself, like pasta for one. 

“Okay…well let’s have you start with the vegetables.”

Seulgi saluted Joohyun and said the cutest, “You got it, chef!”

//

It was nearing sunset when they finished cooking and they loaded the food up into little Tupperware containers and put them inside the picnic basket. After Joohyun went into the breaker and turned off the electrical fence of the orchard, they leisurely strolled through the peach orchard to the grassy knoll across the field.

“I love this place,” Seulgi said, her voice in awe. “It’s just so beautiful.”

Joohyun nodded. “I used to play hide and seek with Sooyoung here. I’d always find her every time planking under a peach tree.”

Seulgi laughed. “Planking, huh? I thought she would be smarter than that.”

“She is. I think she just wanted to let me win. She saw how happy I was.”

“I know,” Seulgi couldn’t contain herself, knowing what Sooyoung was like. “You’re the most competitive person I know. I remember you crying when you didn’t get the answer to who was the propaganda chief in the Nazi regime. You bawled your eyes out and we just watched you with a weird, what do we do now look.” 

Payback for the Sheep!

“I had a brain fart, okay? A big, lengthy, smelly brain fart.”

“That…” Seulgi laughed. “That sounds absolutely disgusting. My opinion of you changed now.”

Joohyun frowned. “WHAT! WHY?”

“I thought you were the cool, calm, and collected Bae Joohyun who stole a girl's heart and didn’t even say sorry. The Bae Joohyun who in freshman year became the first person in our school’s history to join the quiz bowl team with a perfect score in your tryout. The Bae Joohyun that—”

“Okay okay! I get it!” Joohyun giggled, which sounded heavenly. “I’m a bit different to how I usually act when I’m in school.”

“I’m not saying I don’t like it,” Seulgi confessed. “I love yo...I love the duality.” Nice save, Seulgi. Pat yourself on the back.

Joohyun looked down, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “Thanks,” she simply said.

They came upon the grassy knoll and they went up the mound. The oak tree was massive, much bigger than Seulgi expected, but even from a mile away it looked fairly large, so she shouldn’t have been surprised it was this big. On one of the branches was a swing set, no doubt put there by the family. It seemed like the perfect place to picnic. 

With the orchard air smelling like peaches, the vast field for them to see, the sun setting in the background, Seulgi couldn’t find a place she would rather be and with company she would rather have. This feeling of being free felt so refreshing, so new, and she wouldn’t trade it for the world, except if her world was Joohyun, then maybe. 

They set down the picnic basket and took out the polka-dotted picnic blanket of red and white. Joohyun said Sooyoung’s favorite cake was red velvet, hence the colors.. 

With Seulgi’s first bite into the pasta, which Joohyun named a complicated beschamél pasta with dried olives and truffles and blah blah blah blah blah. It was lost in translation to Seulgi. Sure, she could cook, but she could cook cheap eggs and ramen noodles designed for her to stay alive for another day like a struggling college student, not a three star Michelin meal.

Even so, the thought of her incapability to name the dish was lost to the taste of it. Seulgi joked that Joohyun was a chef, but when she finally ate one bite, Joohyun should seriously consider becoming one. It was amazingly delicious, and Seulgi’s mouth watered at the mere thought of taking another bite. 

“Is it that good?” Joohyun giggled as she saw Seulgi wolf it down like it was nobody’s business. 

“Yshsh isssrss giidds,” Seulgi spoke with cheeks protruding full of beschamél pasta. 

“I’ll just assume that you said it’s good. Careful not to choke. Wouldn’t want you dying on me.” Joohyun took her own serving and started eating. They talked about everything under the sun, from music to sports to even fun facts about whatever Joohyun and Seulgi thought about. It was like they were old friends, and Seulgi wouldn’t have it any other way. 

As the sun set and their meals finished, they sat next to each other, watching as the sun slowly drifted to the horizon. Seulgi wished this day would never end. She wished she could stay with Joohyun for who knows how long. All she knew was that whatever this feeling was, it was addictive. 

Suddenly, Seulgi felt a hand creep up on her own and a head that rested on her shoulder. Three weeks ago, Seulgi would’ve thought about her hand sweating which would make her own mind scream THEY’RE NOT SWEATING. Then her hands would sweat at the mere thought of her hands sweating, and it was a cruel cycle of disappointment. 

This time, Seulgi stuck it up, and cleared her mind. 

She took Joohyun’s hand in hers. She didn’t know what this meant, but she would deal with that later. All she cared about at the moment was now, not the past or the future, just the two of them on this grassy knoll watching the sunset together.

Whatever it was, Seulgi was going to try to make it last, and she was going to try as hard as she can to make that happen.

Because as Seungwan said, she was Kang Seulgi. That had to count for something, right?