Baekhyun lies upside down on the sofa in the living room, sweatpant-clad legs up the back and his head hanging backward over the edge as he holds his phone in both hands, tapping rapidly with his thumbs. He’s got two chats going on simultaneously, one with Sehun in Busan, and the other with Lu Han, who is picking Baekhyun up at 6 tonight so they can spend the evening together. That’s the main reason for Baekhyun’s current state of upside-downness; he’s excited about seeing Lu Han and sitting in a normal position is just too much to ask. He can’t believe there’s still two hours to go before Lu Han is going to pick him up, and he kicks his feet against the couch as he messages Lu Han to that effect, grinning like an idiot when Lu Han sends back a sticker of some cute Japanese anime bishounen, eyes b with tears. Chanyeol laughs at him as he wanders through on his way from the bedroom to the kitchen. It’s Saturday afternoon and neither of them are on shift, but Yeonseok is working until 6.

“It’s weird not having Sehun around anymore,” Baekhyun calls, hearing the sound of Chanyeol rummaging around in the freezer, doubtless for one of the multiple flavours of melona popsicles he keeps in there.

“I know,” Chanyeol says. “I miss that kid, but he’ll be happier in Busan with Mikyung. He really suffered without her this year. You want a melona?”

“Nah, I’m good. Oh, I’m going to Lu Han’s for dinner later, by the way,” Baekhyun says as he taps another encouraging message to Sehun, who has been messaging Baekhyun more in the few weeks since he’s moved down than he ever has before. It seems to Baekhyun that Sehun is having a bit of difficulty adjusting, but it’s early days yet, and like Chanyeol said, Sehun has Mikyung now. He reminds Sehun that they’ll all be coming down to see him in two weeks’ time for his beach party, and then Sehun will doubtless be whining that everyone is too much and wondering when they’ll get out of his hair, snickering to himself at the outraged look he can just picture on Sehun’s face.

The cushions puff up as Chanyeol drops down onto the couch beside him, making Baekhyun bounce a little on his back. His eyes leave the phone screen long enough to glance up at Chanyeol from below as he tears open his melona wrapper and takes a large chomp out of the top.

“I’ll never understand how you can do that,” Baekhyun says. If he bit into ice-cold stuff like that his teeth would scream at him. Chanyeol just grins at him and takes another bite, making Baekhyun wince.

“Dinner with Lu Han, huh?” he asks. “Seems like you spend more time with him than you do here, these days. I guess you really get on with him.”

“He’s great,” Baekhyun says, eyes going distant as he thinks of Lu Han, and how perfect he is in every way, and the special way his eyes go soft when he smiles at Baekhyun. “I really like him.”

Chanyeol looks at him carefully, the silence growing enough that Baekhyun comes out of his dreams and glances up at Chanyeol again.

“Baekhyun...” Chanyeol starts, cautiously. “I might be wrong about this, but the couple of times I met Lu Han, when he came to pick you up and drop you off...have you noticed the way he looks at you?”

Baekhyun’s heart swells. He knows exactly what Chanyeol is tiptoeing around, and the fact that Chanyeol has seen that Lu Han looks at him in a special way too makes a warm feeling unfurl in the middle of his chest and grow out to fill all his limbs. He wriggles himself around until his head is in Chanyeol’s lap and smiles up at him happily. 

“He likes me,” he says. “He told me so. He says I’m beautiful.” He feels oddly shy as he says the word, because before Lu Han, Baekhyun had never really thought of applying that word to himself. In the past, it’s always been him telling his girlfriend that she’s beautiful. He’s never been the one praised. “He didn’t mind that I’ve only been with girls before. He said we could try anyway.”

Chanyeol’s eyes are round with surprise, the forgotten half-eaten melona in his hand forming creamy pale green drips that start to descend slowly down its side. Baekhyun catches a drop on one finger before it can land on his face and the sweet melon flavour off it. 

“Are you saying Lu Han is dating you?” Chanyeol asks, gaping at him. “And you’re…”

“Yeah, I’m dating him right back,” Baekhyun says, and laughs. “You look like a stunned fish.”

Chanyeol closes his mouth, then absent-mindedly his melona again. “I mean...I am pretty surprised. You’ve never shown interest in guys before, as far as I know.”

Baekhyun grips his phone a little tighter, pulling his lower lip between his teeth as the self-doubt that is never far away these days rises to the surface. “I know,” he says. “I was a bit confused too, actually...but you know, I only had a couple of non-serious girlfriends in high school, and then it was all Nari.” His breath catches a little in his throat, and Chanyeol puts a gentle hand on his hair. Baekhyun closes his eyes, enjoying the caress. “When Lu Han told me he was biual - he’s out, by the way, he said I could tell you and Yeonseok if I wanted - and he told me I was gorgeous, and asked me if I’d consider trying, I just somehow thought that maybe I could. I think Lu Han is really beautiful, Chanyeol, ever since I first saw him I thought so. And he’s really nice to me. I like him so much. So I’ve been thinking...maybe it doesn’t matter to me what the gender is. I like the person, not their gender. It’s just happened so far that the people I’ve liked have been female.”

“If you have feelings for Lu Han, then you’re probably right,” Chanyeol says, and something tight in Baekhyun’s chest loosens a little. “But Baekhyun...you’ll be careful, right?”

Baekhyun looks up at him again, forehead wrinkling a little in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just...it’s just that Lu Han is the first person to have shown interest in you romantically since Nari,” Chanyeol says, very carefully. “I’m just a little worried, Baek. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“Are you saying Lu Han is - what, a rebound or something?” Baekhyun sits up to look at Chanyeol properly. It’s a surprisingly upsetting idea, and he hears how his voice betrays him, raising higher in pitch at the end. “It’s been more than half a year since Nari, Chanyeol!”

“I know,” Chanyeol says. “I’m not saying he’s a rebound, but you’ve told me what you and your therapist have been working on, about how emotionally dependent you’d gotten on Nari. If Lu Han is starting to give you the affection you lost again...it’s just that I can see how you might gravitate towards that. I just want you to be careful.”

Baekhyun’s breath is coming fast, tears prickling at his eyes. “No,” he says. “It’s not like that. Lu Han really likes me, and I like him too. It’s nothing messed up or anything. I don’t just like him because he’s showing me affection, I’m not - I’m not that ed up, Chanyeol.” Even the idea is making Baekhyun’s chest hurt.

“Okay,” Chanyeol says. He’s looking worried now. “Baekhyun, it’s okay, I believe you. Don’t get upset. I was just worried about you.”

Baekhyun feels like he’s going to cry. “I know I’ve messed up a lot,” he says. “But I’m better now. I’m not so dumb that I’d rebound on the first person that shows interest in me.” I’m not, he tells himself, furiously rubbing his eyes to try and stop the tears falling. I’m really not.

Chanyeol pulls him into a hug. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, Baekhyun. I hear you. I’m happy for you, that you’ve found Lu Han and things are going well, I really am.”

Baekhyun presses his face hard into Chanyeol’s shoulder, hating how he’s reacting so emotionally at the first indication of being challenged. 

“Sorry,” he says shakily. “It’s just that hearing you saying my feelings might not be valid just because I’ve been sick is really upsetting.”

“Oh no, Baekhyun, I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol says. “I didn’t mean to make you feel invalid. It’s because I care about you. You know that, right?”

Baekhyun sighs, his arms going around Chanyeol to hug him back. “Yeah, of course I know that,” he says. Chanyeol has proven that to him a thousand times over this past year. “You’ve been a better friend than I could ever deserve.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, pulling back to look at his face. “None of that. You deserve good friends just as much as anyone else does.”

Baekhyun nods, sniffing. He’s not really crying, really, just a little damp around the eyes and worked up. Chanyeol has put his melona down on the coffee table, where it’s melted into a sticky green puddle. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I made you waste your melona.”

Chanyeol laughs. “It’s okay. Plenty more where that came from.”

“I’ll clean it up,” Baekhyun says, scrubbing his eyes on his sleeve as he jumps up to go to the kitchen and get a cloth. He feels unstable and shaky inside. He needs to calm down. Chanyeol was just being a good friend, making sure things were okay. And things are okay. He’s all better now, and Baekhyun needs to prove that by acting like a mature adult who can discuss feelings rationally, not a moody teenager throwing a tantrum at the first sign of trouble.

The doorbell goes just as he’s wiping up the mess from the coffee table. Chanyeol stands up to get the door, wondering aloud who it could be. They’re not expecting visitors yet, Lu Han isn’t coming for another two hours, and Yeonseok isn’t due back until half past 6. Baekhyun gets distracted from his cleaning task when his messenger alert goes. It’s Sehun again, sending him a picture of the beach he’s about to go surfing at, golden sand and bright blue water reflecting the cloudless sky. Some of the shakiness fades from Baekhyun as he gazes at the photo. It feels like forever since he’s seen the ocean. He’s looking forward to going down to the beach, and also to seeing Sehun again. He wants to make sure the kid is really doing okay.

He hears Chanyeol’s voice from the doorway, then two sets of footfalls approaching. He finishes wiping up the melona and stands up just as Chanyeol re-enters the lounge area. Baekhyun nearly drops the cloth as he stares at the tall, broad-shouldered man following Chanyeol in. It’s Chanyeol’s father.

Baekhyun knows Chanyeol’s father, of course. He’s met both his parents many times over the years of their friendship, and he’d been simultaneously horrified, appalled and furious that they’d done such a cruel thing to Chanyeol, who had suffered so long in fear only to be rejected the moment he’d come out to them. He’d come home near-dead on his feet after the fight at his nephew’s birthday party, terrifying Baekhyun with how hollow his eyes had looked. Baekhyun could only thank God Yeonseok had been there. 

Baekhyun clenches both his fists, the one with the cloth oozing drops of sticky melon back down onto the table.

“Hello, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol’s father says, a little awkwardly, offering Baekhyun a hesitant smile. Baekhyun stares back at him wordlessly, practically feeling his hackles rise. He suddenly has no doubt that if Chanyeol’s dad says one bad thing to his best friend right now, Baekhyun will absolutely punch him in the face, no matter if he’s probably twice Baekhyun’s size. Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun and gives a sudden laugh. It’s too loud, booming in Chanyeol’s anxiety, but at least his friend stops looking like he’s about to pass out.

“It’s okay, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says. “Dad’s not…”

“I’m here to apologize,” Chanyeol’s father says. “And to tell my son that no matter what, I love him, and I’m here for him. Always.” He puts an arm around Chanyeol’s back, gripping his arm, and Baekhyun watches Chanyeol’s eyes fill with tears, even as the smile grows on his face.

Nodding slowly, Baekhyun backs out of the living room. He drops the cloth in the sink and rinses sticky green gunk from his hand, watching Chanyeol and his father sit on the living room couch from the corner of his eye. Baekhyun hears the more gravelly tone of the older male speaking, and when he looks again properly, Chanyeol is wrapped in his father’s arms, face hidden from sight as his father gently pats his back.

Baekhyun tiptoes past and goes into his room, closing the door behind him. He’s so relieved. His parents broke Chanyeol’s heart when they rejected him like that and even though Baekhyun thinks his father is rather late in coming to make things right, at least he’s come at all. It’s more important that Chanyeol knows that he’s supported and loved by at least one parent.

He passes the next hour or so playing Halo, then starts to get ready for his date with Lu Han. Anticipation tingles at him as he dresses in pale blue jeans and an oversized, long-sleeved collared shirt. It’s hot outside, but these days he feels more comfortable fully covered despite the heat, hiding his bony limbs and the messy tell-tale scar on his left wrist in comforting fabric. Lu Han is inviting him to his apartment for the first time, because he wants to cook dinner for Baekhyun, and if Lu Han’s fancy cars are anything to go by, his apartment is bound to be modern enough to have air-conditioning. He puts on some of the eyeliner Lu Han likes, quite expert at it by now. Then, when Lu Han messages him that he’s waiting outside, he slips out of his room and peeks into the lounge. Chanyeol and his father are still there, a couple of opened beers on the coffee table, and talking in low voices. The atmosphere feels comfortable, friendly, so when they look up at him Baekhyun gives them both a smile.

“I’m going out now,” he says, waving a hand that’s almost completely covered by the cuff of his oversized shirt. Chanyeol tells him to have a good time, and Baekhyun almost skips his way out of the apartment and down the corridor to the elevator.

Lu Han is waiting outside the front of the building in his silver Audi convertible. Baekhyun is delighted. He loves this car. He slides in, beaming at Lu Han, who smiles back at him with that special softness in his eyes.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he says. Baekhyun wriggles a little with sheer happiness. 

“Hi,” he says, clipping himself in. “Can we -”

Lu Han is already pressing the button to open the convertible roof, laughing. Baekhyun loves it when Lu Han laughs. It turns the almost surreal beauty of his face into something much more human and accessible, smile wrinkles forming at the corners of his eyes.

“I know by now how much you love the roof down,” he says. “You’re like a puppy, wanting your nose in the flowing air.”

“I have been compared to a puppy before,” Baekhyun admits rather sheepishly, which just makes Lu Han laugh again. 

Lu Han drives in a very exciting way. At least when he’s not navigating flood waters in an SUV, he takes the roads with both style and unbridled joy, weaving between slower traffic on the freeway, spinning the wheel like they’re in a racing game. It thrills Baekhyun to feel the power of the engine shoot them forward when Lu Han accelerates, but he never feels unsafe. Lu Han has absolute control of his vehicle.

“Want to see me overtake a Ferrari?” Lu Han calls over the noise of the wind, eyes sparkling.

“Yes!” Baekhyun cries, and whoops as Lu Han presses his foot down. The Audi roars forward, smoothly passing the Ferrari and weaving in again in front.

“Look at him scowl! Didn’t know what hit him,” Lu Han says smugly, glancing in the rearview mirror at the rapidly receding Ferrari. Baekhyun laughs, feeling the wind tear through his hair, and thinks how wonderful it is to be able to feel this again. Happiness. Freedom.

Lu Han lives in a fancy apartment complex, as Baekhyun had rather expected, and he’s on the eighteenth floor. He parks his Audi in the basement next to the red SUV of their river rescue adventure and they take a high-speed elevator up to the eighteenth floor. There are only four doors in the eighteenth floor lobby, and given the size of the building in general Baekhyun knows that means the apartments are bound to be large and classy. Lu Han keys his code into the electronic lock and opens his door a little way, just enough to squeeze himself in as he crouches down. Puzzled, Baekhyun watches as Lu Han stands up again, a small grey cat in his arms.

“Sorry,” he says. “The cat is a total escape artist and she always waits right by the door for me to get home.”

Baekhyun nearly melts. He loves animals, and the cat is so adorable, and the fact that Lu Han owns a cat just makes him even more perfect in Baekhyun’s eyes. He steps forward to her head. She’s not shy at all, rubbing her head against his fingers eagerly. Seeing this, Lu Han shoves the cat into Baekhyun’s arms without a word of warning and turns to flick the lights on and open the door wider to let them in. Startled, Baekhyun holds the cat in his arms and giggles when she pokes a cold nose into the gap between the single undone button of his shirt, nosing the hollow of his throat. Like this, he steps into a cool, crisp internal atmosphere behind Lu Han, who closes the door behind him. 

“What’s the cat’s name?” Baekhyun asks.

“She doesn’t have one,” Lu Han says, picking up both of their shoes and putting them inside a cupboard recessed into the wall. “She’s too much of a snob to answer to a name, so I just call her cat. It’s revenge.”

Baekhyun laughs, the cat’s head with his fingers. “You’re not a snob, are you, gorgeous?” he asks her, draping her over his shoulder, where she goes floppy and relaxed. “You’d like a name, wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, you’ve done it now,” Lu Han says, turning back to him from the cupboard. “You’ll be her new favourite person. She loves shoulders.”

Baekhyun finds he can go hands-free now, with the cat on his shoulder. He flinches back a little in surprise when Lu Han steps right up to him, running his fingers over his hair.

“It’s all messed up from the drive,” he says, carefully rearranging the strands of Baekhyun’s hair, a focused look on his face. Being a little taller than Baekhyun, Baekhyun has a perfect view of his lips. They’re a delicate shade of pink and look incredibly soft, not even slightly chapped, slightly parted in concentration.

Baekhyun swallows and stands very still until Lu Han steps back, eyes a little hooded, unreadable for a moment as he gazes at Baekhyun.

“All fixed,” he says, and smiles, breaking the moment.

Baekhyun follows Lu Han further into his apartment, the nameless cat still draped over his shoulder. Lu Han shows him around. It’s a beautiful place, immaculately clean, spacious and modern, with two large bedrooms and a study as well as the big lounge-kitchen area. The floors are polished honey-coloured wood, probably perfect for sliding on. Baekhyun experimentally slips in his socks a little, and yes, it would be great for a sliding game. If it was Chanyeol he’d immediately challenge him to see who could slide the farthest, but this is Lu Han, who he wants to impress, so he stops himself before he can make himself look like he has the mental age of a five-year-old. There are French doors that lead out onto a balcony, and they go over to look at the view. The sun is setting over the city, making the whole room glow golden-orange as the summer haze refracts the light, the wide Han River below reflecting like glass. Lu Han’s layered blonde hair catches the sunset glow as he turns to smile at Baekhyun, the light falling across his face, and Baekhyun loses his breath, captivated.

He feels like he’s in a dream as he follows Lu Han back to the modern kitchen area. He wants to help Lu Han cook - he can’t really cook, but he can at least chop vegetables - but Lu Han just points him to sit down on a swivel bar stool at the marble counter dividing the kitchen space from the wide lounge area and refuses to listen to Baekhyun’s protests. He gives up without too much guilt, watching Lu Han tie the strings of an apron around his slim waist. The cat makes its escape over Baekhyun’s shoulder and jumps down to pad away somewhere.

“Cooking is one of my hobbies,” Lu Han says as he starts to gather his ingredients.

Baekhyun leans his elbows on the counter, watching Lu Han put together what looks like it’s going to be some kind of Chinese dish. He’s using a wok, and the bottles of oils and pastes he has out are all written in Chinese characters too, no hangul in sight. Maybe it’s something from his hometown. Baekhyun feels a warmth at the idea of Lu Han cooking a dish from his own childhood for Baekhyun. “What do you like about cooking?” he asks. “I can do basic stuff if I follow a recipe, but I have no creativity at all.”

“I like the process,” Lu Han says. “It’s kind of like surgery for me. If you put everything together in the right order, with the right amounts, you always get the right result. I like that it’s predictable, and that I’m in control every step of the way. I find it calming.”

Baekhyun nods. “I can see the similarities between that and cosmetic surgery,” he agrees. “Maybe not so much for emergency surgery, though. Minseok - he’s the chief of our ED - is always dealing with the most crazy situations thrown at him out of the blue. I covered the ED one shift over Christmas and had a case of angioedema, and it nearly gave me a heart attack trying to deal with it. It was just me and a first-year neurosurgery resident, it was a total nightmare.”

Lu Han laughs, tossing the vegetables in the wok. “That’s one of the main reasons I chose to specialise in cosmetic surgery,” he says. “I really admire emergency specialists. I know I couldn’t handle it for long.”

Cosmetic surgery certainly pays well, too, Baekhyun thinks, admiring the beautiful apartment around him again, and thinking of the cars. He’s not sure if this is all from Lu Han’s salary as a private cosmetic surgeon. It’s a lucrative profession for sure, but Lu Han is only a couple of years older than Baekhyun, who has only recently paid off his massive student debt. Lu Han gives the impression of being extremely comfortable in these surroundings, which makes Baekhyun wonder if his family are wealthy too. It seems rude to ask, though. Instead he swings his legs on the bar stool and watches Lu Han expertly put together the meal. 

They discuss surgical techniques all the way through dinner, which is delicious and not at all ruined for either of them by the grisly topic of conversation. The sun sets and the sky grows dark outside, the lights in the apartment seeming to glow brighter in comparison. The cat makes her return and winds her way around Lu Han’s feet, begging for her own dinner. Lu Han collects their empty dishes from the table and carries them into the kitchen, dodging the cat’s attempts to trip him up expertly. Baekhyun giggles as Lu Han curses long and fluently at the cat, the irritation of the words doing nothing to hide the affection in his tone.

“Do you like wine, Baekhyun?” Lu Han asks when he’s poured pet food for the cat and put the bowl down in a small nook in the hallway where he prefers her to eat it. 

“Well, yes,” Baekhyun says, a little embarrassed, “but I have to warn you I’m a total lightweight.”

Lu Han laughs. “Okay, no problem. We’ll just have a glass.”

Even one glass is probably going to make Baekhyun ridiculously tipsy, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to drive.

“The glasses are in the cupboard up there,” Lu Han nods at it. “I’ll go get a bottle from the cooler.” He leaves Baekhyun in the kitchen to go get it. Baekhyun opens the dishwasher and puts their plates and cutlery inside with the rest of the dishes used earlier, then reaches up to open the cupboard Lu Han indicated. He stands on tip-toe to get the stemmed glasses down, one in each hand, and looks at them. They're heavier than they look, catching the overhead light and sparkling, and even though Baekhyun knows nothing about glassware, he guesses this is expensive crystal. He turns around, a glass in each hand, to carry them over to the table.

There’s a strange, faint click all around him, and Baekhyun is plunged into darkness.

Baekhyun goes completely still. His heart stops beating. His lungs stop breathing. His muscles lock tight as a wave of terror washes through him, so powerful that he thinks it’s going to wash him away on it, wash him right out of himself and into oblivion. 

The crystal glasses slip from suddenly numb fingers and fall to the floor, where they shatter, ear-splittingly loud, around his feet.

“No,” he says faintly. Terror is seizing every part of his body, his mind, locking him tight. His heart starts up again, pounding like a jackhammer inside his chest. It’s dark. He cannot see. “No. No.”

“ing ,” someone curses. They sound very distant. “Damn it, cat, will you stop - Baekhyun, where are you? Are you okay? I heard something shatter -”

“It’s dark,” Baekhyun whimpers. He can hear Lu Han, but he can’t see him. He can only see darkness, and he can’t hear the voices, the hissing, but they must be coming, they must be soon. He gives a tiny sob, breath catching in his throat, as his whole body starts to shake. “I can’t see, I can’t....please, not again...please…”

“Baekhyun?” 

There’s a light. Baekhyun’s eyes, stretched wide and staring, turn to it. He sees Lu Han, faintly illumined in the bright white beam of a phone torch light. Lu Han shines the beam on Baekhyun’s face, and he would usually squint at the sudden dazzle, but his eyes are locked wide, staring with uncomprehending desperation at the light, afterimages crawling in bright floating bursts around his retinas. He’s lost, he doesn’t know what’s going on, and waves of panic are tearing through him, making him feel floaty, and he’s so, so dizzy.

“,” Lu Han says, shining the beam on the sea of glass surrounding Baekhyun. “I’ll go get you some shoes -”

“No!” Baekhyun cries, high and shaking with panic. “Don’t go!” He takes a step forward, just as Lu Han shouts, “Stop!” There’s a sharp sting in the sole of his foot, and his sock goes warm and wet.

“Don’t move,” Lu Han says urgently. “Baekhyun, do not move a single muscle, do you hear me? You’re surrounded by glass.”

Baekhyun is crying, tears pouring down his cheeks. “It’s dark,” he gasps. He’s so dizzy. He wants to sit down, but there’s glass, and Lu Han told him not to move.

“It’s a power cut,” Lu Han says. “It’s just a power cut, Baekhyun. , you’re crying. What’s wrong? Do you have a phobia of the dark or something?”

Baekhyun can’t reply. It’s all he can do to stand upright and not fall down onto the broken glass he’s surrounded by. A power cut, he tries to tell himself. It’s just a power cut, it’s dark for Lu Han too, it’s not just him. He’s not having an episode. He’s not, he’s not...but it’s so dark, the dark is everywhere, pushing over him, trying to push its way into him, and he’s so, so scared.

“I have to get shoes,” Lu Han says. “I’m going to get shoes real quick so I can get you out of this glass, okay? I’m going to leave the phone right here so there’s still light.” He puts his phone on the bench, torch beam pointing up at the ceiling, and runs down the hall towards the door. Baekhyun sobs, tears dripping down his face as he’s left on his own in the dark. He crouches down into a squat, hugging his knees. He can feel his left foot bleeding from the glass he’s stepped on, his sock growing wetter and wetter, but he’s too scared to care. “Too dark,” he whimpers. “Too dark, too dark, too dark…”

There’s a loud crunching noise. Luhan is stepping towards him, walking on the broken glass with his feet shoved into hard-soled dress shoes, the laces left untied. He crouches down in front of Baekhyun, half-lit by the torch beam still on the bench, and puts his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders. 

“I’m going to carry you out of all this,” he tells him. “Can you stand up?”

Baekhyun nods, letting Lu Han grip his shoulders and help him stand up again. Once they’re both standing, Lu Han gets Baekhyun’s arm over his shoulder and lifts him right off the floor, one hand around his back and the other under his knees, as if he barely weighs anything. He carries Baekhyun back across the crunching glass-covered kitchen floor. Baekhyun clings to him, both arms around his neck. He knows now he’s not having an episode, which was his initial terror, but the dark is so all-encompassing, and it’s just so similar to his worst episodes that the fear is uncontrollable. He hadn’t even known he was scared of the dark now, because he’s never slept in the dark since he’s been living at Chanyeol’s, always with the warm glow of the beside light on, probably subconsciously keeping his fears at bay. 

Lu Han bends down to put him down on the couch and tries to stand back up. Baekhyun hangs on desperately, unwilling to let go of his neck.

“No!” he cries. “Don’t leave me alone!”

Lu Han crouches again, putting his hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m going to get the light,” he says firmly. “I want to make it lighter here so it won’t be so scary for you. I’ll be right back.”

Baekhyun trembles as Lu Han gently but firmly unwinds his arms from around his neck and stands up. He hugs himself tightly, watching Lu Han’s silhouette move quickly to the kitchen, where he picks up his phone again, then takes a glass tumbler and goes to the sink. He fills it with water, then comes back over to the couch. Baekhyun vaguely expects Lu Han to make him drink the water, but instead Lu Han places his phone down on the coffee table and then puts the glass of water on top of the torch light. The torch beams diffuse through the water, creating a makeshift lamp that throws dim light around the room. It’s not exactly bright, but it’s much, much better than all-encompassing dark. Baekhyun can see the shapes of everything clearly now, and he can see Lu Han as he kneels back down in front of Baekhyun.

“Where’s your phone?” Lu Han asks.

“M-my pocket,” Baekhyun manages. Lu Han finds Baekhyun’s phone in the pocket of his jeans. 

“Unlock it,” he says.

Baekhyun presses a shaking finger to the sensor, unlocking the phone, and Lu Han immediately finds the torch app. He shines the light on Baekhyun’s feet.

“Your left foot is bleeding quite a lot,” he says. “I don’t think your right foot is.”

“No, i-it’s just my left,” Baekhyun whispers. “I’m sorry - I didn’t mean to move, I just…”

“It’s okay,” Lu Han says. “Wait here just a moment, I’ve got a first aid kit in the bathroom.”

Baekhyun is left alone again, for less than a minute, but it seems like eternity in the dimly lit room. He sits still, whole body still shaking, but he’s getting calmer now, and with the advance of the calm comes the first creeping hints of shame. He huddles in on himself, feeling faintly sick.

“Hey,” Lu Han says gently, somehow back in front of him without Baekhyun noticing. He waits until Baekhyun’s eyes focus on his before he speaks again. “I’m going to check if there’s any glass in your foot and stop the bleeding, then we’ll see if we need to go to the after-hours clinic or the ED.”

Baekhyun nods, lets Lu Han manhandle him until he’s lying with his head on a couple of cushions, foot in Lu Han’s lap as he sits on the couch. Lu Han peels his bloody sock off and quickly replaces it with a towel pressed against Baekhyun’s foot.

“I’m so sorry,” Baekhyun says faintly. “I broke your nice wine glasses...and I probably got blood everywhere…”

“Glasses can be replaced,” Lu Han says reassuringly. “Blood washes out. I don’t mind, Baekhyun. I know you didn’t mean to.”

Baekhyun watches him, blonde head reflecting white in the white light of the makeshift lamp, face focused as he bends over Baekhyun’s foot in his lap. He wonders if this is what Lu Han looks like in surgery, that calm, intense focus. He uses Baekhyun’s phone torch to examine the cut.

“I don’t see any glass in here,” he says, “and the cut isn’t too bad, it just bled a lot. I think we won’t have to go to after-hours.”

“That’s good,” Baekhyun says, relieved that he’s not going to be any more trouble than he already has been. He also knows that getting stitches in the sole of his foot would be very unpleasant. Emergency staff often don’t even bother with local anaesthetic for this kind of thing, because getting the injection in the sole of the foot to administer the lidocaine often hurts just as much as getting the stitches themselves.

Lu Han puts a gauze pad over the cut and wraps his foot firmly in a bandage. When it’s all tied off, Lu Han helps him to sit upright, and finally, finally pulls Baekhyun in his arms. Baekhyun presses into him with a shaky sigh, closing his eyes as the physical contact chases away the skittering terror crawling around his edges.

“So,” Lu Han says, Baekhyun’s hair. “Not so good with the dark, huh?”

Baekhyun nods. “I guess not,” he says, for a moment actually glad that it’s dark now, because Lu Han can’t see the way his cheeks are burning with shame. “It didn’t use to be a problem, but...well, you know how I was away from work, when you were filling in for me?”

“I was told you were ill,” Lu Han says, sounding, for the first time ever since Baekhyun has met him, a little uncertain.

“I was,” Baekhyun says. “I developed severe depression after my ex broke up with me. It was very sudden, very shocking. I had no idea she was going to...she actually did it when I proposed to her, so I really...I really didn’t see it coming.” He swallows. “I knew I was depressed, but I didn’t realise it was getting so bad. I just kept on slipping, and I couldn’t see out of it enough to realise I needed help. Eventually I had a couple of episodes of affective psychosis. My hallucinations were always that it was dark, completely dark, and I couldn’t see. I’d hear voices in the dark whispering awful things to me, feel these….things coming for me, brushing against my skin...” He shudders, and feels Lu Han hold him a little tighter. “I’m better now, I don’t get them any more, but I guess the suddenness of the power cut...it scared the out of me. I thought I was having another episode, and they’re the most terrifying things that have ever happened to me.”

“I can understand that,” Lu Han says. “Thank you for explaining it to me. I’m really sorry you had to go through such a horrible thing.”

“It feels so stupid, being scared of the dark,” Baekhyun whispers. “Like I’m a little kid. It’s so irrational.”

“Hey,” Lu Han says. There’s a smile in his voice. “Want to know something? I’m afraid of heights.”

“Oh, yeah,” Baekhyun says. “You told me in the ambulance.”

“Did I?” He feels Lu Han’s body shake as he laughs. “I must have been pretty out of it. I don’t even remember telling you. But yeah, I am really, really scared of heights. You know what’s stupid? I can’t even go out on my own balcony. I’ve literally never stepped out of those French doors in the three years I’ve lived in this apartment.”

Baekhyun finds himself giving a tiny giggle. “Why on earth did you buy an apartment on the eighteenth floor?”

Lu Han groans. “I told myself I was facing my fears. Exposure therapy and all that. You have no idea how long it took me to be able to even keep the blinds open. I had to crawl up to the windows every time I wanted to open or close them, I couldn’t even stand.” They’re both laughing now, still holding each other in the dark. “Honestly, it was one of the most ing stupid ideas I’ve ever had, but I’m finally used to the windows now, and I don’t need a balcony anyway. But anyway, what I’m saying is, you’re in good company here with the phobias.”

“Great minds...have great phobias?” Baekhyun asks, which makes Lu Han snort and ruffle his hair. 

At that moment the lights go on, blazing against their dark-accustomed eyes, and they both squint, Baekhyun giving a gasp of relief as the last of the shadows are chased away. He sits up, pulling away from Lu Han to survey the damage he’s done to his beautiful apartment.

“Oh no, I’ve dripped blood everywhere,” he says, horrified at the red trail leading from the kit