I want to believe that you know nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Because you’re so innocent, so pure

You can’t know how hard you’ve made it for me.

☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯

For once, Jisoo is the first to arrive at the cliff.

No need for the cue of the wind chimes to coax her out of bed. She’s been preparing for this night three days in advance, packing whatever she can carry in her small bag: an extra pair of clothes, a toothbrush, a silver flask, some bandages, menstrual cotton pads, a pouch of dried jerky, and the compass. Hopefully, Jennie will have more supplies of her own. Albeit the lack of experience of embarked journeys, it’s not alchemy that her supplies aren’t sufficient.

Within those three days also came the debate about how to tell Joohyun about her journey. It’s a type of matter that couldn’t be casually brought up during dinner. Yes, Jisoo had considered that, her words along the lines of, “Hey. By the way, I’m going to go on an adventure to find a mythical tree and I might never come back.” In retrospect, that would’ve been a mistake because Joohyun would stop Jisoo before she could step foot out the door. “Don’t ask for permission, ask for forgiveness,” Sooyoung would say (although that girl is the last person to take advice from.) Nevertheless, Jisoo simply left a note on the table and left.

The whole decision may be impulsive — no, it is impulsive — but it’s too late to back out now. Truth be told, there is nothing stopping Jisoo from walking back home at this very instance. But sitting at this cliff with her legs dangling over the edge… is there really anywhere else she’d rather be? At least life is a bit more interesting this way.

Consequences be damned. What is she going to do, die? Jisoo scoffs; she’ll be back without a scratch. Her sister doesn’t have to worry.

The moonlight, in comparison to all those other nights before, is dim. The stars aren’t twinkling, the grass blades droop. The cliff is vacant save for herself, the waves tenfold louder in this emptiness. The ocean breeze snaps at her hair. Far off into the horizon, something hops. Fins like a fish, arched like a bow, and what seems like someone riding on its back. Their silhouettes trot across the skyline, disappearing into the thick fog.

Time crawls. Tide comes after tide. No Jennie. Jisoo scans the sky, hoping the girl will somehow appear out of thin air.

Nothing.

That’s okay. She’ll wait.

In the meantime, Jisoo sighs in frustration, her heavy breath snuffed by the wind like it was nothing at all. Ever since Spring’s End, everyone has been jumpy around her, save for Junmyeon who is characteristically clueless. Joohyun has been stricter about the medicine — to the point Jisoo has to consume twice the usual amount every day — but her gut tells her that there’s something wrong with the medicine. Not only do the black of the pills remind her of the shadows that day, but they’re made by the Elder. And it isn’t that Jisoo doesn’t trust him, it’s that she’s scared. Too scared to confront him, too scared to come to terms with what she saw. She has been trying to convince herself it was a nightmare — no one would believe her anyway — but the trauma lingers. The grip of his hands is burned into her skin. His words are etched into her brain. Everywhere she looks, red eyes stare back with that ominous whisper.

Tragedy. Brace yourself.

She shudders at the memory. The voice is unfamiliar and familiar. She has definitely heard it before. Yet any effort to remember brings the same pain that comes with remembering Jiwon’s accident. Are they connected? It’s only at night that Jisoo has time to ponder over the matter because Joohyun has assigned her as many chores as possible to keep her busy during the day. Perhaps it’s because she’s growing up, but having little to no time to play is rather draining.

But if she has to get one thing straight, it’s that everything has to do with the medicine. The answers lie in both the memories prior to taking them and the Elder himself. However, since Gong Yoo has no means of telling her, Jisoo is left to her own devices, but her own devices lead her nowhere. This journey to find the Tree of the Universe — to be away from the village — may be a ticket to finally relax her mind because all the village does is feed more and more questions as everyone pretends around her. The whole facade drives her crazy, having no choice but to pretend along.

Yes, Jisoo will consider it a mini getaway. A temporary vacation.

But being eternally stuck with no answers; that’s the most exasperating thing of all. She’d kill for one answer, just one…

A bush rustles from behind her, the breaking of the silence yanking Jisoo out of her thoughts. Her head snaps to the sound and she scrambles to her feet, hands out ready to defend herself. Watching the shaking thicket in anticipation, her heart hammers and her breath quickens.

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four —

Someone stumbles out and collapses onto the ground.

“Jennie!” Jisoo exclaims, dashing to the fallen girl in pain and trying to pick herself up. She hooks an arm around Jennie’s and helps her sit. “What happened?” Jisoo lifts Jennie’s chin up with a finger and observes the damage upon her ivory complexion. Brushing over a swollen bottom lip with her thumb, Jisoo grimaces at the sight of nasty bruises and scratches blemishing the Air’s face.

“It’s nothing,” Jennie dismisses and pulls away from Jisoo’s touch. “Recent training had been more than I was prepared for. Mentor Chaerin has been pushing me harder these past couple of days.”

“That’s terrible,” Jisoo huffs. ”You should’ve stayed home tonight if you could barely come here in one piece. What if you didn’t make it? What if you fell miles over there instead of here? You could’ve been eaten by a bear —”

“I wanted to see you.” Jennie tilts her head innocently. “Isn’t that enough?”

The words are gentle, yet they jam Jisoo’s rambling with none of that gentleness and leave her speechless. Jisoo looks away, failing to ignore the sincerity in Jennie’s eyes and how her chest flutters from the gaze.

“You should take care of yourself first,” Jisoo chides, crossing her arms. Mirth simmers in that sincerity, flustering Jisoo once more. “Stop looking at me like that,” she whines. Her hand jerks to hit Jennie’s arm, but stops when she remembers the girl is injured. Jennie smiles victoriously and Jisoo can only sigh, “I know a place where you can rest. Let’s go.”

“But we have to go find the tree. Tonight is supposed to be the night.”

“Not in your state!” Jisoo rebukes and tugs the strap of Jennie’s bag off from over her head, slinging it over her own shoulders. “You can barely walk. We won’t make it out of the forest.”

Jennie grumbles something incoherent, nonetheless complying when Jisoo swings her arm around her shoulders and heaves her onto her feet. Into the forest they go, weaving through the shadowy oaks and webs of the forest floor. Jennie occasionally stumbles from a root or two, but Jisoo is there to steady her. Albeit not being the most ideal support considering she sways from Jennie’s weight, Jisoo tries her best, conjuring all her strength from her legs. Jisoo focuses ahead; the quicker they arrive, the sooner she can stop hearing Jennie’s heavy, strained breaths that twist a knife into her heart with each one. She doesn’t dare look over.

They break into a clearing.

It’s quiet.

Before them is a small lake. Moonlight spills onto the surface of the still cerulean water through trees and their overhanging foliage. Vines sway from thick branches, so long the stems touch the water ever so slightly. A stone protrudes at the lakeshore, a few lily pads floating around its base.

No birds, no crickets, no squirrels. No tides, no wind, no salt. If there was anything here, it’s now gone.

Just Jennie and Jisoo.

That notion is oddly comforting.

“Woah,” Jennie murmurs. “What is this place?”

“The lake I’ve mentioned before,” Jisoo explains as they stagger toward the stone. “I found this place when I was younger. Whenever I need to clear my head or play with Rabbit, I come here. But nowadays I haven’t been able to come here. Too busy during the day.”

“Rabbit?”

“My tortoise.”

“Ah.”

Jisoo carefully situates Jennie onto the stone’s edge. The Air dips her feet into the water, oscillating them to cast soft ripples throughout as Jisoo shrugs their bags off, piling them on the land behind them, and sits beside her. Conveniently, the stone is just large enough for the both of them to sit shoulder-to-shoulder.

“It feels nice,” Jennie comments with a small smile, staring at their reflections.

Jisoo beams. Her eyes trail down to Jennie’s legs that fashion the same pattern of bruises and scratches. Her knees seem to have suffered the most; they are practically reduced to black and purple blotches and raw skin.

“Does it hurt?” Jisoo asks, hushed because she’s afraid of making the pain more real if she asked any louder.

Jennie shakes her head. “I’m used to it. They train us to be soldiers after all. Fight with pride, not cruelly,” she imitates a deep voice with air quotes. “There’s no way to fight if not cruelly. They just want to think they’re the good guys. Isn’t that funny?”

Soldiers? Why? Jisoo wonders, but Gong Yoo’s lesson resurfaces. Are they preparing for something? Will something bad happen soon? She hesitates to inquire. Perhaps it’s just the Air tribe’s culture.

“But you’re just a girl,” Jisoo says instead. “You’re not much younger than me. I can’t even imagine how it must be. What do your parents think?”

“My mother is my mentor. My father is a general. I was born to be a soldier. Everyone is.” Jennie simply hums, her cheek resting on her shoulder. “But what can I do? They’re my tribe, my people, my family. What would you do?”

What would Jisoo do? Knowing what she knows, believing what she believes — would she follow orders that mindlessly if it’s her own people? Joohyun, Sooyoung, Yeri — she loves them, but…

They failed you. They all failed you.

Wincing, she looks away from the distance to regard Jennie, and Jennie has her tunic halfway off, showcasing her toned abs and an inch away from revealing her bare chest.

“What are you doing?” Jisoo yelps, smacking her palms over her eyes. “What the —!”

“The water feels so nice. It would be a shame if I don’t go for a swim,” the girl chimes, slipping into the water.

“But — but —”

“Why are you covering your eyes?” Jennie laughs. She takes Jisoo’s wrists — her touch exponentially more icy and sensitive on Jisoo’s burning skin — and tries to gently pry her hands off her face. “You don’t like what you see?”

When Jennie successfully eases Jisoo’s hands down, constricting them by her sides, Jisoo squeezes her eyes shut with all her might. Jennie’s body is lithe between her legs and her face flushes tenfold.

“Jisoo, I’m in the water if that’ll help you open your eyes.”

A light squeeze on Jisoo’s hand relaxes her, a coax that cracks open one eye. Despite the limited view, discernible is Jennie in all her stark beauty: black and blonde locks tumbling over her bruised chest, pink lips in a tiny smirk, the backing of the moon on her fair skin, the magnetism in her hooded, cat-like eyes. Thankfully the rest of her ness is submerged in water, or else Jisoo would’ve passed out from lack of oxygen and a highly possible cardiac arrest.

“You’re very cute when you’re shy,” Jennie teases, grazing her nail along the back of Jisoo’s hand, the gesture sending goosebumps up her arm. “Swim with me.”

“B — but —”

“But…?”

“I —”

“Hm?”

“You’re .”

Jennie blinks, then throws her head back to laugh. Her body vibrates from the amusement. The surrounding woods absorb all the sound like a sponge. “We’re both girls. We have the same body. There’s nothing different between us.”

It’s different because it’s you.

The nail taps on her hand rhythmically, waiting for a response. Jisoo exhales deeply, calming her hyperactive nerves and palpitating heart. It works to some extent, but her heart still pounds so rapidly it may as well burst out of her chest.

“Don’t watch me,” Jisoo says timidly.

Jennie obeys and turns around, her back and straight shoulders as attractive as the front. Jisoo shakes her head to snap out of staring and pinches the hem of her shirt, taking a deep breath before pulling it off over her head. The ends of her hairs stand up when the cool air kisses her bare skin and sends shivers down her spine. She unfastens her bows and her fingers quickly brush through her tresses a few times over. After discarding her garments alongside Jennie’s clothes, she dips into the water.

Jennie is right. The water does feel nice.

“Okay, I’m in the water now,” Jisoo announces, prompting Jennie to turn back around. “Happy?”

Jennie grins and blindly reaches for Jisoo’s hand in the water, tugging them along once found. “Happy.”

They carefully wade toward the center until the floor deepens enough for the water to level with their necks. They stand face-to-face; Jisoo feels awkward, not too sure where to look so she settles for the middle of Jennie’s forehead.

“For what reasons would someone like you to come here to clear your head?” Jennie asks. “You seem like one with no troubles.”

Jisoo hums, “Sometimes I argue with my sister. I feel guilty afterward, so I come here to calm myself and reflect before apologizing. That’s really it. Like you said, I don’t have many troubles.”

That’s not true. I have one right now and it’s you.

Quite ironic how Jisoo has let trouble waltzed into the very place that is supposed to dispel all.

“You shouldn’t brush your troubles off like that. No matter how big or small, trouble is trouble. Don’t be afraid to tell me anything.”

“Okay.”

Flashing a toothless smile, Jennie cups her hands to collect water, splashes it onto her face, and revels in the droplets. “Wow, even the water feels rich. I’m sure it’d be really good for these scratches —”

“Jennie.”

“Hm?”

Jisoo pauses in face of Jennie’s slight head tilt and soft smile. Her skin is smooth despite the scratches and there’s an urge to run her fingers across the cheek to said scratches, maybe even kiss them goodbye. Unfortunately, she isn’t blessed with the power to heal, only the power to destroy. She can destroy the very person in front of her; the thought is absolutely terrifying. Terrifying in the aspect that Jisoo has no clue what she is capable of, the risk is daunting and very much there.

No — it isn’t worth asking or worrying about what may lay ahead.

“Nothing,” Jisoo chirps and swipes the tip of Jennie’s nose with her thumb. “There was a spot of dirt on you.”

“Oh! Would you do the honors and help me bathe? This is embarrassing; I didn’t realize how dirty I was.”

“Don’t worry, it was just that speck. Here, turn around…”

Truth be told, Jennie’s back is spotless. Regardless, Jisoo rubs the dip between her shoulder blades because she needs a recess from the weight of Jennie’s gaze and the nervousness it evokes. A long moment passes before Jennie speaks.

“You know I like you, right?”

“Of course. We wouldn’t be friends if you didn’t like me. Or if I didn’t like you.”

Jennie turns around and holds the wrist of the hand hovering over her shoulder. “Jisoo, I like you.”

Jisoo blinks. “I know. You already told me that.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“You want to keep being my friend?”

Jennie chuckles, “Yes and no. It means don’t do anything stupid.”

“Why would I do anything stupid? You’re undermining me.”

“Because I feel like if things go awry, you’ll do something stupid that you’ll regret. I want you to know that I like you so much that when the time comes, I’m willing to let you go. That… that it’s okay to let each other go. Okay?”

Jisoo swallows thickly. “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

“It’s not.”
 

“Jennie, I know more than you think. I’m not some child you can tell riddles to.”

Jennie purses her lips, eyes sad. This is the first time seeing her sad. It’s uncharacteristic on someone so valiant. “I guess I don’t need to say anything more.”

Jisoo smiles. In face of the inevitable, she can’t help smiling. “No, you don’t.”

“Let’s leave on the next full moon. This time, I’ll be healthy.”

“Alright,” Jisoo chuckles and rotates Jennie around by her shoulders. “You better keep your word. I don’t want to see a single scratch on you the next time I see you.”

“By the way, why do you want to go? You and I know it’ll be a long journey. It’s not like these nights where we’ll be back by morning.”

Jisoo’s palm hovers over the skin of the girl’s shoulder blade. She hums in thought, then says, “I’m curious.”

“That’s it?”

Jisoo holds Jennie’s head forward when the question heralds her to spin around. “Yes. I’ve lived in this forest my whole life, I think it’d be cool to see something else for once. Remember, a few months ago was my first time seeing the ocean and feeling sand.”

And I need to get away from my tribe.

“Good point.”

“How about you? You seem to hold your tribe close to your heart, it’s hard to understand why you’re doing the same thing.”

Jennie hums and tilts her head in a way that makes her hair fall back onto her shoulders. Jisoo brushes the locks back over. “Frankly, I’m curious too. Moreso, I,” she pauses, “am afraid of having to do something I don’t want to do.”

“So you’re running away?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Jennie gasps in faux shock. “Let’s say: it’s a vacation.”

Jisoo snorts and murmurs, “From your problems.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing. Now stop moving so I can clean you.”

Jennie flashes Jisoo that sunny gummy smile over her shoulder, quickly turning back forward to avoid a scolding but there is no need because Jisoo is too stunned to formulate words. To see that smile isn’t worth worrying about the consequences that’ll come with trying to see it forever. Even though they both know how this story ends, Jisoo will bet against the odds for that smile.

☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯⚏☯

Yet I keep coming back.

Maybe I'm the one who knows nothing.

How did we get this far?