| CHAPTER TEN |

Touch Paralysis

THEN

Arm propped across her slender shoulders; head placed gently against another. Tipsy, lovesick laughter overlapped.

Baekhyun felt nothing but pure bliss and excitement. Was he drunk on alcohol or was he drunk on Jiwon? He couldn’t explain why she was glowing more than ever beside him. He couldn’t understand why he felt so so warm all over his body. She was beautiful. She was smart. She was caring. Ooh, she was so ing y.

He pressed his hand on her full, firm shoulder. “Thank you, you know, you’re actually very sweet. I must say.” She just told him how talented he was in photography and that all the plates and pots he had washed at Yeoreum Chicken and the packages he lifted at that online shop warehouse were all worth it. He liked what she said. No one had ever told him that in the exact way she did.

A sigh escaped her lips. “It’s already two, where is—why is he—hey, Chanyeol!” She turned over her shoulder to look at the man meters away from where they were.

Most pubs had closed including the one where they were. Chanyeol had brought them to one little area near the pubs, right at the alley where there was a flight of stairs that lead to small apartments and dorms – they were seated there. “You guys go ahead and keep talking, I’m fine here.” The man’s faint voice echoed easily, there weren’t much people anymore.

Baekhyun laughed. “He must be talking to his friends overseas, he’s on his phone.”

Jiwon looked at him, their faces dangerously closed. She couldn’t stop giggling; she couldn’t stop moving closer and closer against him. He felt so warm. She felt safe. His arms around her made her feel special and protected. “You know … I always tell myself, maybe if I hadn’t met my ex I wouldn’t be scared. Maybe, just maybe, I’d like you. Easily.” She whispered, her lips almost touching his jaw.

Baekhyun felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand. He chuckled before turning his head ever so slightly to her. Their lips carelessly brushed against each other; very lightly, very quick. Jiwon backed her head away and laughed. “Yah—wait—you … that was a kiss, wasn’t it?” She slapped his arm.

“Nu-uh, kiss is a mutual action. That was—I think—maybe that was more like an accident. Yes? You were in my way? That was barely a kiss, come on.” His answer was slurred and unsure but it was enough to make her giggle harder. “Mutual action—who the f—yah, who calls it like that? You’re funny.” Jiwon slapped him on the arm once again.

He liked how her light strength felt against his skin. He liked the sound of her laugh, especially when she’s laughing for him.

Out of nowhere, a tear escaped his eye. “Ugh, not again.” He wiped it right away before looking at her again, she looked back.

For a moment, he couldn’t say anything. All he could do was look in her eyes. Every little thing he had told her replayed in his head. Her reactions, her words of advice, her comfort – he needed them so badly.

He never knew he needed them from anyone, ever. “How long have you been in pain, Baekhyun?” Jiwon asked, her arm moving up behind him, a hand started rubbing his back.

He looked straight, up to the night sky. There were no stars at all but the lights all over the place made it bright enough. “Do people actually keep track of how long they’ve been in pain? I stopped … the moment I felt it. Most days, I just do things that help me not even feel it for a while. I’ve learned a couple things, they still work up to this—” He hesitated midsentence, a shy chuckle escaping his lips. “I take it back; I don’t think any of them ever worked at all. They’re bull.” He shook his head, embarrassed of changing his mind so quickly.

Jiwon remained silent, her eyes glued down to him. The pain in his eyes, the way his body weakened as soon as they started talking about his mother. She still couldn’t get over that one. She still couldn’t fathom how a wife and mother could do such things.

All this time, she believed only men could do that. It was sad and embarrassing that she hadn’t known anyone else who said the same things. Maybe a lot of them felt the same, experienced the same as Baekhyun but also chose to remain silent and not fight back.

Baekhyun’s mother won everyone’s heart, got everyone’s back for something she should have been held accountable for; the abuse, the neglection, the infidelity, the vices—because she was a woman and most people seem to think that only women suffer from those things because of men.

Jiwon was appalled by that realization, especially as a woman who had actually suffered from the same things. His mother was able to get full custody of the young Baekhyun and most of their family’s business and assets, all for herself. Jiwon remembered how Baekhyun cried like a child reminiscing the times where his father’s only business left in his name went into bankruptcy after the divorce. He had to live in the only car he was left with for a while. He had to hide that from everyone including his own parents for a long time until he found a decent job again.

All those times, Baekhyun was too young to do anything and up until now, he blamed himself for not being able to help.

Jiwon pulled him close for a hug. “How about this? Does this work?” She asked. Baekhyun chuckled in between tears before wrapping his arms tightly around her. He buried his face on the crook of her neck to make his sobs as quiet as possible. “You’re … not okay but that’s totally okay, Baekhyun. I’m not either.” She faintly muffled and seconds later, only heavy breathings could be heard behind him. He kept her in his arms as she fell into a deep drunken somber.

Slowly, he felt himself losing consciousness.

NOW

Lying and pretending should have been the easiest thing to do.

He was a hustler. He was good at it. He never had a hard time doing so until now. Keeping his mouth shut about everything he had found out about her, he wanted to keep it for his own sake, right? Maybe keeping it to himself was easy, darn easy, but to pretend not to know about it was completely different. It was going to affect everything, including the way he saw her. He ate in silence as Jiwon and Hara talked about the girliest of topics – he’s so not about that right now, not ever. His eyes shifted to Kyungsoo who was slicing the steak on Hara’s plate. Pathetic. He never understood the things that this man does for love. It almost reminded him of his father except Hara wasn’t really an evil monster like his mother was. Baekhyun never had to do for women. He never felt the need to do anything. He never fell in love before.

He planned to never ever fall in love. For him, it was a waste of time.

He also never had to fear love the way he did now. It all started last night, he almost lost his . Or maybe, he really did.

Jiwon’s hearty laughter interrupted his train of thoughts. “Really? You never wash the dishes? Wow, uh, Kyungsoo’s so sweet to do that for you all the time. So lucky.” He observed her dissatisfied look. She was lying. She didn’t like that. She didn’t think it was reasonable. She didn’t see it as sweet. She didn’t think Hara was lucky. “I mean, I do it sometimes but he knows how disgusted I am with those food stuff that get stuck on the drain? I just—I can’t.” Hara replied, shaking her body as if she was having a seizure just by talking about it.

Baekhyun cleared his throat. For someone who did that for almost two years when he was younger, it wasn’t a big deal at all. “You wear gloves, that’s all you got to do, girl. Also, you have a dishwasher too. Don’t tell me you don’t do that either? Cause that ’s easy.” He joined the chat. He took a big bite of his sandwich before leaning back on his chair comfortably. He shot a look at Jiwon with a sly grin. “I’d do dishes for you, I’m good at it. Everything for you, beautiful.”

She gave him a disgruntled look. “Oh sure, is minimum wage still okay with you though? Should be, right?”

Anger boiled inside of him. While he was keeping everything to himself safely, she was there taking advantage of everything in the most subtle ways that only the two of them would have understood. “No, you don’t have to pay me money. Although … I have a problem with my windows recently, the screens keep popping out and I don’t know what to do. Can you help me with it instead?” He asked back with a sweet smile. He watched in satisfaction as her lips stretch in a firm straight line. “I think minimum wage would be good too, right?”

Hara and Kyungsoo looked at them in confusion, not knowing where the argument came from at all.

“That’s too much.” Jiwon grabbed her coffee to drink. Baekhyun burst out of laughter while pointing at her. “HA~ now it’s too much because you’re affected? You’re so cute. Women are so cute.” He took a sip of his strawberry milkshake before pushing it across the table, towards her. “It tastes like your pink drink but slushy with milk.” He attempted to cool things off. He didn’t know why he did but he did. He couldn’t control it. He hated the frown on her face. He hated the fact that he caused it.

Washing the dishes in a small chicken restaurant where he actually enjoyed working part-time at because he was friends with everyone